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Original poster

Today I felt the judgement of other shoppers

132 replies

bloodywhitecat · 17/03/2022 15:50

My little one, not quite 2, had a bit of a meltdown today as we popped into a local store, he threw himself on the floor, prostrate and screaming so I picked him up and gave him a cuddle. Some fellow shoppers let me know that he was a "naughty boy" and that he would "...never learn to behave" if I dealt with him that way. I wanted to tell those shoppers that this little boy has lost the only man he knew as a father figure just two weeks ago, we are both grieving. What he needs now is love and reassurance not rejection or anger. I wanted to tell them to go away and wind their necks in but I didn't. He's not yet two and the world is a confusing place for him right now, every day he asks for my husband and every day I have to say "

OP posts:

Echobelly · 17/03/2022 16:46

I'm so sorry for you getting that attitude on top of what you've been through - I always try to give a kind look to mums in your position because so many are ready to judge. I was very lucky, neither of mine were tantrumers, but it really was sheer luck, not because I was a better parent or my children were angels. You can be an absolute super-parent and still have a LO given to meltdowns.

JuteWeaver · 17/03/2022 16:51

I'm so sorry for the sad loss of your husband.
You have every right to tell these people to mind their own business. No need to get wound up. Just tell them they don't know what they're talking about.

guestusername · 17/03/2022 16:52

I wouldn’t have judged you, my nephew was barely 3 when he lost his daddy. I’m sorry to you both for your loss

Rinatinabina · 17/03/2022 16:54

I am just so sorry xx 💐

People are always judging, ignore it.

QuiltedHippo · 17/03/2022 16:57

I'm so sorry, you cuddle your boy as much as possible.

And if youre not feeling too emotional then feel free to reply to any stupid comments, might make them think twice before judging

Looubylou · 17/03/2022 17:04

So sorry for your loss OP, ignore the ignorant, opinionated people. 💐

Imissmoominmama · 17/03/2022 17:08

I cried reading your post. I’m so sorry for your loss, and you did absolutely the right thing.

Ignore them please- they don’t deserve your explanation.

5zeds · 17/03/2022 17:11

You did so well. I’m so sorry for your loss.

TicTac80 · 17/03/2022 17:14

Oh god, you poor thing! I can’t imagine how you and your DS must be feeling. And to have people passing judgement like that is just bloody awful. I honestly would have said something (to them). I don’t judge parents whose kids are having tantrums. Been there, done it, got the t-shirt. It’s bloody awful. I think you handled things just fine and sod those people who gave such unhelpful comments!

I would always do a sympathetic smile or offer help.

Sunnymummy8 · 17/03/2022 17:15

So sorry for your loss.. you give you child as much love as you want.. I absolutely detest miserable usually ‘older generation’ passing comments like this.. parenting has evolved.. and they really should keep their opinions to themselves.. sending love

haversfjord · 17/03/2022 17:16

Ah dear , Cat, I have no wise words but just wanted to add my condolences.
You and your son are going through the worst of times, and I’m so very sorry for your bereavement . My only advice is to please focus on looking after yourself , use all the emotional and practical support you have or is available and ignore where you can comments such as you describe.
Feel free to vent here where I’m sure you’ll find a lot of support.
I’m so terribly sorry for the loss of your husband.

CheshireChat · 17/03/2022 17:18

Honestly, if a cuddle is what it takes to stop a tantrum, then how is that worse than telling a toddler off.

I'm really sorry for your loss .

Incidentally, I also sometimes help my son snap out of autistic meltdowns in the same way and no professional has ever said anything negative, they all felt that the gentlest method is the best.

Okaaaay · 17/03/2022 17:19

Your post made me cry. It was the right thing to do to give him a cuddle and connect back with him REGARDLESS of anything else. The fact that he’s just lost someone so important is heartbreaking and makes it even more important. You sound like you handled it beautifully. People are horribly judgemental. My children are ‘well-raised’ but my son is absolutely not above having a major meltdown on the floor if he’s tired / scared / hungry etc. love to you OP.

Also this @SockFluffInTheBath

Saucery · 17/03/2022 17:21

Jeez, some people Fuck what they think

spiderlight · 17/03/2022 17:21

So sorry. I've followed your other threads and I am livid that you were made to feel judged like that. People just don't think about what might be going on beyond the snapshot that they see

WonderfulYou · 17/03/2022 17:22

I think it’s hilarious when people look dork their nose at things like this - like their children were absolute angels who would never do anything like it.

It’s usually the ones who judge the most are the ones who were shit parents and I would absolutely not take any advice from them.

I would not judge anyone in this situation and I would try and ignore it or ask if they needed help if they looked like they were struggling.

wearingtheT · 17/03/2022 17:24

You should have called them out on it. honestly it's the only way people learn.
"He's struggling with bereavement, his dad just died"

Sorry for your loss. x

GreenFingeredNell15 · 17/03/2022 17:25

You shouldn't have to tell them the circumstances but I certainly would have. Shame on them for judging and not offering support or at least a smile and an understanding look.

Allthegoodusernamesareused · 17/03/2022 17:29

I'm so sorry for your loss 💐

Ignore the stuck up judgemental idiots. He's just a baby.

namechangeanonymous · 17/03/2022 17:29

Oh the Rosey glasses crew ... the my child won't ever be like that . . Or my child always behaved impeccable.
Your doing an awesome job of keeping it together don't forget that.

Moonface123 · 17/03/2022 17:34

Op l am so sorry for your loss, it's such a difficult time. My sons lost their dad young and they had a few days of school, he died very suddenly, it was a massive shock, and yet strangers felt they had to come and ask me why my sons were not at school whilst l was running around like a headless chicken trying to sort 101 things out. The look on their faces when l said " Their Dad just died " l really hope they think twice now before poking their big noses in.
I hope you have much support in RL, Widowed and Young is a helpful forum, sadly a lot of other folk in same boat, and there are quite a few young widows on here.
There is also a charity called Winstons Wish that is specifically for bereaved children.
Sending kindest, and peaceful wishes to you and your son.

Squiff70 · 17/03/2022 17:35

I'm so sorry you went through this, especially so soon after losing your husband. Your tiny fosterling is just a baby and yes, he's every right to be confused and angry. Everything he's known in his most recent life has changed but YOU - the one constant - are still there, loving him, nurturing him, protecting him.

I thought you might like this pic I found the other day too.

Today I felt the judgement of other shoppers

aylis · 17/03/2022 17:36

That is so sad, my sincere condolences. What an awful time. Give your wee barra all the love and cuddles you want and can and never mind anyone else xx

godmum56 · 17/03/2022 17:37

I am so sorry for you loss. I too would have told the judgy cow that your husband, his dad, had just died to make her feel bad. I have to confess that in similar circs (not involving children, I have none) I did tell rude unhelpful people that i was recently widowed and took pleasure in seeing their embarassment.

ThePontiacBandit · 17/03/2022 17:39

God how awful for you. There were times just after my Mum died when I was in such a state and could barely function. It made me wish we still wore all black to symbolise when we’re grieving..or even just to have a badge!
DD once had a meltdown in Lidl about the age of 3…nothing of any significance. She wanted to be carried. I couldn’t carry her and push the trolley, she wouldn’t sit in the trolley or walk. So she laid on the floor til she calmed down. Fortunately the people passing either said they remembered that stage or they had a grandchild who did that. If I ever see someone in a situation I will say the same or offer to help.
Again I’m so sorry for your loss.

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