Today I felt the judgement of other shoppers

[bloodywhitecat]

My little one, not quite 2, had a bit of a meltdown today as we popped into a local store, he threw himself on the floor, prostrate and screaming so I picked him up and gave him a cuddle. Some fellow shoppers let me know that he was a "naughty boy" and that he would "...never learn to behave" if I dealt with him that way. I wanted to tell those shoppers that this little boy has lost the only man he knew as a father figure just two weeks ago, we are both grieving. What he needs now is love and reassurance not rejection or anger. I wanted to tell them to go away and wind their necks in but I didn't. He's not yet two and the world is a confusing place for him right now, every day he asks for my husband and every day I have to say "

I’m so sorry for your loss. How devastating for you both. Wishing you peace in the days ahead. It’s awful when that happens for all of us, but to be compounded by grief and a huge loss is very difficult .

Bless you both, what a terrible sadness for you both. If this happens again, tell them the truth, and revel in their shame !! Sending love to you both

I'm so sorry for your loss. Well done for showing your little one the love they need, I hope you get that support for yourself too.
Just explain to people that unfortunately not everyone is born perfect like them. They've clearly never had one tantrum or a child who had a tantrum. Sometimes big feelings in a little body can hurt and we want everyone to know. I HATE people like this!

People are twats. You are doing brilliantly.
Sorry for your loss ❤️

I've had this. I told her to fuck off and it took every ounce of my strength not to smack the smug expression off her face. They have no right to judge you OP. They don't know what you're going through and even if they did its none of their business. They should be ashamed of themselves. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry for your families loss.

I had a similar incident the day after my mum died. Ds (10) cried in a public place and a man commented he was too old to be behaving like that in public. I did react to it and sent the twat off looking mortified.

I then cried.

Some people are just awful and can't imagine there must be more than their assumptions.

@Turningpurple

I am so sorry for your families loss.

I had a similar incident the day after my mum died. Ds (10) cried in a public place and a man commented he was too old to be behaving like that in public. I did react to it and sent the twat off looking mortified.

I then cried.

Some people are just awful and can't imagine there must be more than their assumptions.

That's so mean. If it's an older child it is usually for something significant, rather than just bad behaviour. How horrible for her!

@Turningpurple

I am so sorry for your families loss.

I had a similar incident the day after my mum died. Ds (10) cried in a public place and a man commented he was too old to be behaving like that in public. I did react to it and sent the twat off looking mortified.

I then cried.

Some people are just awful and can't imagine there must be more than their assumptions.

Him sorry

Sorry if this is inappropriate but if there has ever been a time in my life when I haven’t had the opportunity to say what I really think and it plays on my mind when I get home I get over any negative feelings by imagining what I really could’ve said!

I’m imaging you giving the interfering twit a slow clap and then announcing loudly to everyone, “It’s ok everyone, Super Nanny has arrived!” and pointing at the idiot person. Then with a big eye roll at them, walking off with your precious child in your arms.

Oh cat, I have read your threads and am sending a hug. Honestly, if you feel strong enough; it would be doing the world a service if you were able to say to people like that ‘his father died last week’. They might think again and you would be saving someone else from such stupid judgey comments. It’s them who should be judged, not you xxx

I am so sorry.

People are dicks. Especially people that pass judgment on a small child throwing a tantrum, that’s what small children do.

25 years ago I was right where you are. Another mum insisted on DD (just turned 3) being removed from soft play because she was misbehaving - not terribly - days after her DF died.

Hugs. It gets better, eventually. I wish I’d had counselling now.

How horrendous I'm so sorry for your loss💐

Some people are such judgemental fuckers - honestly try not to give them your head space. They will always be unkind

Oh, incidentally I did tell the mum, staff and everyone around. Made no difference at all. People are extremely self-centred.

As I am a total bitch, I usually give nosy people the finger then they deflect to me!

Connection before rejection is my motto

@bloodywhitecat
That’s just so so poignant.
I’m so sorry.

He is very young to know such a monumental loss, and this can be a bad thing, as such young children don’t understand the finality of death, they want their Dad ( Or Mum) and all they know is that he or she isn’t there.

Also you will be grieving, and this too will feel different to him.
Your story has made tears come to my eyes-
At 2 I lost my Mum ( Illness) and Dad was grief stricken from what Iheard.

It will be a hard road, as you know.
So sorry
Of course your son will be distraught.

Mean, judgemental customers should wind their necks in.

So sorry for your loss OP. I have never understood complete strangers thinking it’s ok to comment on anything,not just tantrumming toddlers. I might think something but I would never dream of saying it! Unbelievably rude & ignorant.

I’m so sorry for your loss. You sound so lovely and a really good mum.

We had so much judgement when one of mine was small, he’s autistic and the meltdowns were explosive. I remember a lady coming up to me and telling me that I wasn’t teaching him how to behave by hugging him and that he just needed a good telling off. I melted into a ball of tears, I had had enough. She absolutely shocked me by sitting on the floor with me and hugging me! She said that she was sorry and that she had forgotten how her dc used to be at times and how hard it was.I was too shocked to say anything

My daughter did this years ago and I felt embarrassed at the time, what a waste, just normal toddler behaviour. Today I say her daughter do the same, too wise now to care. Those people are not worth a second thought. Sorry for your loss. Your child can thrive and be happy with one good caring parent and he seems to have that. He will be so precious for you. Losing a father so young is so sad, but hard as it seems you and he will get through one step at a time. Hold him close

Terrible. You should have told them OP they would have felt so ashamed. You shouldn't have to explain but sometimes it's the only way. Sorry for your loss

I'm sorry for your loss. I'd of told them all to feck off. Some people have nothing better to do in their lifes.

Wow, that's unusual circumstances.
I would say "rite of passage" but OP is not in that situation, either.

My reaction to someone's toddler kicking off in public is

1. thank god it's not my child/problem

2. thank god my child didn't do something to make that other child start screaming

You did the right thing. And please do the same thing again next time if/when this happens again.

Actually no, do the same thing again next time but tell the noisy person next to you, to mind their own business.

Nosy *