Do you ever look around your peers and think "where do you all get your money from??

[lovelydaffodils]

This is in chat not aibu so could do without a massive pile on

Feeling a bit blue and frankly a big dose of the green eyed monster as I look round my peers.

We earn well enough between me and oh but so many ppl in our peers have second homes and massive new cars frequently and big holidays and kids at private school
Where on earth does it all come from?
What do they know that i don't?!

If they're not in especially well-paid jobs, they might have inherited money; or possibly been lucky in their timing with property purchases; or had a Premium Bonds win. You'll never know. But for everyone better off than you, there'll be someone worse off. If you are comfortable, focus on enjoying what you have.

People usually respond to say inheritance or money given by parents

Job wise are you can never really be sure what someone earns. They may be earning far more than you would initially think because they dont talk about things like this socially and not that way inclined.

Private school- I have a friend whose parents pay for her dc school fees and this was decided when the grandparents paid off their mortgage but felt too young to retire- risky buisness as parents can pull it at any time/decide they need the money but their choice!!

Equity in homes- released to buy cars or second homes?

Last year we released equity and had our bathrooms and garden all renovated- we had family members ask us to our face where we got the money for this and we honestly said remortgage equity release.

Cars on finance/lease these are all options but could be as straightforward as earnjng power

They clearly:
Are high earners
Have received an inheritance
Are mortgage free
Parents offer financial assistance

I find friends rarely discuss their finances. However it is obvious they must be financially comfortable if living in large house, take luxury holidays, have more than one child in private school.

I see owning a second home as a reserve for the wealthy. It is way out of my reach.

Some people care a lot less about being in debt too (massive mortage, car on finance, no savings)

People have become very used to cheap credit/ loans

Unless you know their current salaries, you might be guessing too low. I’ve long had the impression that family and friends underestimate what I make, and their surprise when we sent the children to private school has increased that impression. Close friends and family obviously know that my parents aren’t in the position to have given us anything so can’t explain it.

I always wonder if people like that are up to their eyeballs in debt.
I'd far rather be living a less flamboyant life with no debt personally.

I think my friend must be a secret high class drug dealer. They are lovely though.

Yes! I look around where I live and think how? How? 😂 I know people work hard and even in well paid roles but it just doesn't add up.
My one friend is a nurse and her husband a police officer. They have two houses one worth 600k.
I suspect an inheritance played a part in their wealth. Which is very sad of course but people lose loved ones all the time without a wad of cash to soften the blow.

Yes, to some extent. But then thinking more practically, and learning a bit more about people, it tends to make sense.
For example:
Friend 1 works part time and I couldn't understand how she could afford her lifestyle but actually later found out she'd lived in her current house over 20 years (so basically is mortgage free) and no kids, etc so has saved a fair bit.
Ex is more than happy to live month to month. He earns a decent amount and his partner works. They're both happy to have stuff on finance/credit card, no savings, etc.
Friend 2 had an inheritance which made it possible for her to buy a house. She then got married to someone who owned a house so that now provides a rental income.
Colleague absolutely admits he doesn't like spending money so has been able to pay off mortgage by just being frugal.

I'm most shocked by the ones who have told me how much they earn (roughly), often complain about having no money then spending vast amounts on holidays/stuff. I assume its either on credit or family have paid

Yes I know some of my friends have paid off their mortgages, and some have big final salary pensions and will get inheritances from both sides, or have trust funds for their kids education. Others are in debt but really like having nice cars and holidays, so have prioritised that. I like having savings so I have an ordinary second hand car and go on affordable UK holidays, a 20+ year old kitchen etc.

Do you and your OH do the same type of jobs as the people you’re envious of?

Career choices and timing of house purchases make a huge difference to wealth generation.

Then there’s inheritances/bank of mum & dad/ grandparents paying school fees, new ‘company’ cars written off via business expenses (self-employed) etc.

And you can never know what level of debt people are comfortable with.

Oh so what OP. Why do you care what they've got?

I had friends who's parents regularly used to give them ten grand for some kind of tax dodge. Others who get holidays and DC hobbies paid for, free childcare etc. from grandparents, it seems quite common.

I'd just settle for a reliable babysitter once in a while!

Me and DH tall about this constantly.

We have acquaintances who are younger than us, live in massive houses. Not sure what they do for work.

I've come to the conclusion that they :

Have wealthy families
Bought property early
Did not have gap years wasting their time in Australia or wherever
Don't contribute to pensions / save much money

Oh yeah and family help, especially babysitting and paying for hols. This helps massively

Sometimes a job title can cover a huge salary range too. I have had people suggest, with real genuine kind intent, that we’d be much better off if I didn’t work so we didn’t pay for childcare. Or suggest term time jobs as a nice earner. I just laugh them off because there isn’t in the U.K. a polite way to say ‘I earn £xxx’. Occasionally when it is pushed I point out that I outearn DH and there is then shocked silence.

Or inheritance, dodge dealings, credit cards or dumb luck on the property market (some of my peers just managed to buy London property on 100% mortgages as new graduates 20 years ago…others still haven’t bought having missed a window that closed when we were all about 24).

Yes I do! But then I suspect people look at us and think the same actually, as we bought a big house in an expensive area at a relatively young age. The answer is we worked overseas in our twenties (very cheap living expenses as employer paid rent, so we saved a lot) then got very lucky on our first couple of property purchases and made a profit.

My friend lives in a £1m+ house and both children go to private school, it's all paid for by her in laws. It wouldn't be for me but she's happy with the arrangement!

It's not the big houses or fancy cars that puzzle me it's the regular smallish expenditure, especially things like hair, nails, lashes, eyebrows, spray tan that seem to be almost necessities for lots of women in pretty ordinary jobs round here. It must add up to what , a couple of hundred per month, more if the haircut and colour is a good one? I do wonder how that's possible.

The majority of adults we know have been given big cash handouts from their parents, or had grandparents providing childcare when DC were little so no childcare fees, or parents gave them their barely used car etc etc. We've not had any of that. We earn ok and were comfortable but we've had to do it on our own both from quite bleak beginnings. Grandparents paying private school fees is a big thing round here.

God yes, a recent topic of conversation in our house. We couldn't understand why, when we're slogging away all the time, our friends - with far less slog - seem to be moving into a different financial category. Turns out most have inherited recently, something that just isn't in our future. So, well continue to slog away...... (cry....)

Nope, I never think that. Maybe I’m not paying enough attention (or maybe I’ve just got no interest in other peoples finances).

@DetailMouse

It's not the big houses or fancy cars that puzzle me it's the regular smallish expenditure, especially things like hair, nails, lashes, eyebrows, spray tan that seem to be almost necessities for lots of women in pretty ordinary jobs round here. It must add up to what , a couple of hundred per month, more if the haircut and colour is a good one? I do wonder how that's possible.

I have friends like this who then can't understand how I can afford two (modest-think caravan in Wales and a week's package) holidays a year.

I do. But when I think of specific close friends I can generally work it out. I know lots have had significant help from parents in various ways, especially buying houses at a young age which have massively increased in price (in some cases a couple had a house each, and managed to keep the second home when they got together)

I’ve definitely wondered, not particularly in a jealous way, just genuinely been surprised at some things.

People I know fall into one of two categories:

1. People with no mortgage who inherited a lot and bought outright, and now have good jobs
2. People who invested in buy to let at the right time and now get income from one or two rentals

Yes! Our closest friends are like this. First they spent around $80,000 renovating the main floor, kitchen etc, then a year later another $80,000 on the basement.

This year they are doing all the bathrooms and upstairs (another $50,000).

They own two new (expensive cars). Last year they brought a second home too (tbf I think they re-mortaged their main home for this). Also expensive holidays and endless eating out.

I know they both earn a good salary (tech), but they seem to be made of money!

They are good friends and lovely people but it can be hard being friends with people who are in a different money bracket!

I am pretty sure they get cash from parents/early inheritance deal.