Do you ever look around your peers and think "where do you all get your money from??

[lovelydaffodils]

This is in chat not aibu so could do without a massive pile on

Feeling a bit blue and frankly a big dose of the green eyed monster as I look round my peers.

We earn well enough between me and oh but so many ppl in our peers have second homes and massive new cars frequently and big holidays and kids at private school
Where on earth does it all come from?
What do they know that i don't?!

I can generally account for it:

• money from parents / in-laws, particularly towards school fees and property
• own business so a lot of things go through that e.g. mobile phones, cars, home internet, as a company expense, take as much annual leave as they want etc.
• 2 good salaries and no kids
• people who are just a few years older than me and got on the property ladder earlier before it went crazy so had a lot of equity when they came to move, and also those where both partners in the couple had a property before they met so selling two to move into one gave them a big boost.

And there's the ones who live off credit cards and don't have savings but consider holidays and cars more important!

Lol yes. One friend in particular, I went to school and uni with, we are both 27 and were born in the same month. When we were 23, 2 years after we left uni, she bought a house with her bf, throughout those 2 years she had also bought 2 designer handbags at £1000 each, and gone on holiday to Vegas, then a year after buying the house, she dumped him and moved out, and instantly bought a flat, she buys designer stuff, has posh cars, spontaneously goes on holiday to Cyprus and Dubai etc... sometimes I wonder if money grows on trees for her lol. Although, she has told me before that she saves absolutely nothing

Many BNBs (born and bred) are skint, the DFLs (down from London), OFBs (over from Brighton), on the other hand, seem fairly well loaded. I use the saying "He/ she was so poor, all he/ she had was money".

Just seems about consuming, and having 10 dogs and taking them to the cafe, bar, pub, restaurant, for brunch, roasts and bullshit, I'm more interested in real people. Gentrification, embourgeoisement, social engineering and social exclusion can go fuck itself.

Among my friends (early-mid 40s age group)pretty much all have had considerable help from family. Houses bought, weddings paid for, deposits gifted, cars bought, holidays, free childcare etc. It makes a big difference!

I honestly wonder the same thing but then people probably wonder how I bought my house. Dp and I are young with a small child on low income. We inherited enough for a deposit when a family member died. We bought a decent sized house with shared equity. The mortgage is the same as our rent was before (in our much smaller house) so we could afford it. We recently went 6 months without a car because our old one broke down and it took a while to get the money together for another cheap one. We can’t afford holidays either. Maybe a weekend away in the U.K. once or twice a year. People probably don’t believe we have a low income because of our house though.

A lot of people earn more than they let on or have investments. Private school for example is easily paid for if you are a mid earner (£100k household) only have a couple of children and plan for it from when you first have a child. We are pretty comfortable - but I didn't do a gap year and bought a flat at the first opportunity, I couldn't afford my current house on my salary if I was just starting out (but I didn't start out with this house!). I don't get a spray tan or my eyebrows done though or spend vast amounts of money on clothes.

Jealousy is the worst. I tend to look at what I need to do to afford things rather than asking why my friends can.

I think you are wrong to assume your wealthier peers have inherited the money or been helped by parents. Looking at my own family and close friends there's a huge disparity and it isn't due to parental help.

People who are well off got on the property ladder early, saved a lot, avoided debt (other than mortgage), moved in with a partner and rented a place out, moved to London or another big city to find work.

People who aren't well off spent a long time renting, took long periods off work and didn't keep their skills up, got into debt and borrowed money for expensive weddings or home renovations.

I'm in the age group where buying your own place was possible if you worked hard and saved hard. I know that for many people younger than me it isn't possible at all, so not suggesting it's their fault.

I have a friend who is a single mum, living in a housing association property, works 12 hours a week in a minimum wage job. She has 3 holidays abroad booked for this year, she spends £250 per month on a personal trainer, hair and nails always done. I know she doesn't have any help from her parents (none contact) and minimum payment from ex.

Do ye, aye?

Among my friends (early-mid 40s age group)pretty much all have had considerable help from family. Houses bought, weddings paid for, deposits gifted, cars bought, holidays, free childcare etc. It makes a big difference!

Among my friends, not a single person had any of that.

@andi62
Hastings?

I have recently retired and been browsing the retirement part of the Money Saving Expert site.

I also looked at other parts of the site - there is one called Debt Free diaries, where people list their debts and what they are doing to pay them off. Some of them are eye watering, like 100s of K, with multiple cars or campers on HP, kids in private school - I would never sleep with that debt, but each to their own.

I have had a few digs from friends about taking early retirement (58) but…we were lucky to buy houses young, individually, so were mortgage free early in married life.

We have also had an inheritance and some share windfalls and are relatively frugal.

No one knows the finances of others, so what is the point in commenting, or making digs.

Do ye, aye?
Quite.

Timing matters. Getting into property when prices are dipped, or at a young age can get you a long way compared to peers. A well-timed leg up either from gifts or inheritance.

Some careers can be slow-starters then have a big jump as you work up towards your 40s.

Timing of children/ childcare costs and how they fit with career progression. Sometimes it's worth continuing a career as a loss leader through childcare costs for the long game.

Then there's choices on spending money. Frequency/ economy/ luxury. DIY over paying trades.
Most people will make some either/ or choices somewhere along the way.

When we got married and had a full white wedding, it cost half the average of the time because I DIYed a lot of things like stationery, jewellery and cake decoration, and chose cheaper local suppliers over some more prestige options, e.g. florist on the market over a boutique offering pretty much the same product. The day was no less enjoyable for it. Scrimping further to a self-catered venue wasn't practical and worth the stress, but a pleasant relatively modest hotel in a lovely location was better than paying double for a more fashionable place.

Most of the people I went to school with had wealthy parents who were encouraging. Selective grammar that I only scrapped into habit just passed 12+ as my mum had died the previous year and they cut me slack - they thought I only borderline passed as I was upset, when actually, i just wasn’t bright enough and we didn’t have a pot to piss in, so I just wasn’t a good fit.

They were encouraged to think about careers, to think about uni.

My dad just expected me to leave school at 16 and get a little supermarket job until I found a husband and had a child. Which is sort of what I did as I never had a thought about any career and uni was for other people.

All the ones I kept in touch with were supported emotionally and financially through uni so ended up with high paying careers and most of them were gifted huge house deposits by parents.

My dad as an older parent did save and save, to the detriment of our lives sometimes (I had the same school uniform from the age of 12-16 for example, it was far too small by the end), so he could leave me an inheritance.

Only down fall with that is he’s got dementia and it’s just enough for two years self funding the care home he’s in, so there will be nothing left anyway.

Saw the husband out once and ended up chatting for ages and he mentioned that he'd been out at the bank to discuss their mortgage arrears, it was in the 10s of thousands...

Well that sounds like a crock of poo too. They wouldn't be able to accrue that much mortgage arears would they? Why would he tell you that even if it was true?

People just LOVE to think that others are steeped in debt ready to implode in on themselves or have won the lottery (!) when the reality is probably more boring, higher paid jobs, more prudent with their income etc

@NothingIsWrong

I used to have a lot of this feeling. And then I realised that it was a lot of debt, a lot of family money that came with emotional strings attached, and conditions, plus the uncertainty of "non compliance" affecting kids educations and often an unhealthy work life balance.

I have three kids, we both work full time and have enough money for the things we need and some of the things we want. That's good enough for me. My kids are healthy, sociable and academic so really I've won the lottery there, I'm generally happy at work and have a few really good friends.

This is interesting What do you mean non compliance? And agree about emotional strings of money

@Fairyliz

Yes. I live in a very ordinary Midlands town where people generally earn average salaries, no investment bankers here. I keep reading on MN about everyone living in poverty, having to choose between heating and eating etc. Then I look around at the extensions, new cars holidays etc and think how?

Yes i think this is what I mean

I am currently retraining but not sure my new salary will ever be £££££

We did have a windfall from a company I worked at once but my dh was out of work and so we couldn't use it as a deposit but instead had to live off it

@DogsAndGin

Personally, I think the money should trickle down to the newer generations far before it does. It makes no sense that the oldest generations hoard so much cash and large empty houses, whilst the rest of us squeeze our families into what’s left: previous family homes that have been carved up into 4 separate flats with no gardens, or crappy new-builds.

if you no longer need 5 bedrooms and don’t/can’t even set foot in your huge garden… sell it to someone who desperately needs it! We need to a big National house swap!

Yes would nt this be nice?

@HerRoyalNotness

No idea. On paper we should have a very good life but I don’t know what we’re missing. However o had a financial adviser come around to set up uni funds and he was surprised we only had a mortgage and no credit card debt. He said we were in a very good position so I should be grateful that even though life is dull, we aren’t in debt, apart from the house and these days a car. Still feel frustrated over nothing to look forward tô though.

This is how I feel, too. Not much to look forward to.

@OppsUpsSide

Only Fans

I would be game but not sure there's much of a market for overweight perimenopausal women is there?!

@Rodedooda

It's the sudden changes of acquaintances school mums that always intrigue me - moving to from a modest house to expensive, luxury holidays, mum gives up work, without any obvious change in salaried jobs... gotta be lottery/inheritance!

Our income has trebled in the last 8 years, and combined with no longer having nursery costs we are in a much better position. I think those that don't have to pay childcare have no idea of the tens and tens of thousands it costs, so there can be quite a discrepancy on families seemingly in similar wage bracket.

I've also mainly come on this thread for the posts asking why is anyone curious about this/just be happy with what you've got

Wow. Interested in how you have trebled in such a short space of time if you can tell without outing yourself

@Orchidsonthetable

It’s a bit unusual for your peers, and I assume you mean work colleagues doing the same job as you, with husbands also in the same financial bracket, to be having second homes, expensive cars, privately educating kids if you know they don’t earn that, they also wouldn’t all have inheritance.

Do you maybe not mean your peers as such. Just people who together earn a lot more than you both?

I mean the people I know who are approximately the same age as us, who have children the same age as ours, who are by and large "professionals" teachers, it consultants, lawyers, financial services, estate agent, I live In commuter belt land (not that we need to any more as now wfh)

I often wonder about this, because I’m nosy

DS has started reception at a private school and from what I can gather:

-most didn’t become parents until their early 40s, so had been working FT for 20 years

-bought property pre 2005 with a 95/100% mortgage and London prices have skyrocketed since then

-inheritance

-some grandparents paying fees

I’m 30 and we can afford it because DH earns 150k a year, we have one child and drive a 10 year old Peugeot 207.

@Fairylizfai I too live in a midlands town, it’s not a great place here though, huge deprivation.

There are people far worse off than me, yet at the school gates it’s all talk of x boxes for Christmas, 2k spent on children on presents etc while my 3 dc have £75 limit each and I mostly scour charity shops for their gifts (which have been awesome, I seem to have a lucky gene for finding things!) and we don’t buy for each other or anyone else for xmas/birthdays.

Some of the parents in dds class wouldn’t dream of sending their children to school in supermarket trainers for PE like dd, it’s all the newest branded ones.

A couple of them have told me it’s all catalogues. And their cars that are far newer than my one that’s on its last legs are all in finance.

I sometimes wonder, but then I remember that most of them have two incomes, whereas I am a single parent, so obviously they have more cash.

I think it is common to wonder, because I have had numerous people subtly probing to find out whether I own my house, and then how I can afford it on one salary. The answer is that I am older than them and bought early, and I am happy to clarify this, rather than have them speculate.