Do you ever look around your peers and think "where do you all get your money from??

[lovelydaffodils]

This is in chat not aibu so could do without a massive pile on

Feeling a bit blue and frankly a big dose of the green eyed monster as I look round my peers.

We earn well enough between me and oh but so many ppl in our peers have second homes and massive new cars frequently and big holidays and kids at private school
Where on earth does it all come from?
What do they know that i don't?!

Among my friends (early-mid 40s age group)pretty much all have had considerable help from family. Houses bought, weddings paid for, deposits gifted, cars bought, holidays, free childcare etc. It makes a big difference!

I must say this doesn't reflect my friends' or my experience (same age). I wish it did because it sounds great!

No. I know where my peers get their money from. High paying tech jobs! As a public servant I’m the poor friend. But computing bores me to tears, so I don’t mind.

I am probably the ‘rich’ friend. We have the big house, brand new electric Audi, many holidays. It’s because my DH earns a lot of money. Our DC went to the local state school and then onto good unis.
We don’t talk about money with friends or family so I have no idea if anyone knows what he earns. If you met us you wouldn’t think we were rich or posh and try not to show off to friends.
We didn’t receive any help when we bought our first house or got married but have been able to help our eldest but a flat and have money put by for our younger two DC.

People underestimate other peoples salaries because a lot of jobs are very underpaid in the UK.

I know people are surprised by the income my friends make in our 20s (I'm the lowest paid). Most of my mates are assistants in London. They make £40-50k a year. I also have a friend on £65k a year here - she's a nanny. And friends in tech and financial analysis are on anywhere from £65k to £120k.

None of them are even 30 yet so I expect this to climb by the time they're 40.

but because many industries are underpaid (mine included) like the NHS, teachers, journalism, councils etc people don't realise how much the private sector will pay.

From my experience it’s usually a lot of family help, I have friends who are given money left right and centre, weddings paid for, house deposits gifted, given thousands of pounds every Christmas etc.

Or they earn much more than you think or they are on some kind of tax fiddle, my FIL earns a decent salary (around 50k), but his wife doesn’t work and they live like they earn about 150k. Turns out he’s getting paid cash in hand and she’s supported by her rich parents.

I think some of it can be down to attitudes to monet and debt. Years ago I worked as a band 7 in the NHS so (30-40k) salary range. I lived in a shared house with mates, and had about half my salary again in debt, some of which had been spent on education. I concentrated really hard on paying off my debt and trying to build my savings. I lived quite frugally.

My peers on the same pay all seemed to have massive mortgages and nice cars, couldn't fathom it for the life of me.

We did talk about it once, one had wealthy parents who kept paying off her credit card bill. They shouted at her for it, but still paid it off, so she racked it up again. She was privately educated.

Another had no pension and a live for the day attitude, which he knew full well would bite him in the ass one day (and it did).

I knew I had no financial safety net, so I worked really hard to make my own.

We also had a 10k inheritance which when invested against our property allowed us to buy a much nicer one, which went up in value. That 10k has easily turned into 50k in less than 8 years, so I can see how its done.

I hate having any kind of debt, I've seen how it can turn the other way and it scares me. So we are comfortable but not flashy, with nothing at all on tick

@BoredZelda

I have a friend who is a single mum, living in a housing association property, works 12 hours a week in a minimum wage job. She has 3 holidays abroad booked for this year, she spends £250 per month on a personal trainer, hair and nails always done. I know she doesn't have any help from her parents (none contact) and minimum payment from ex.

Do ye, aye?

There are multiple reasons but buying property young can really help.

My brother and I bought and sold property at roughly the same time. He bought a new build 5 bed house in a cheap part of the country for 180k. I bought what my family called a "shitty old little city flat" for 135k. My flat was in the city center. My dad actually told people he was ashamed when he heard that they wanted to visit me. DB later sold his beautiful home for 200k. A lovely profit. I sold my "shitty little flat" (that I loved btw) the same year for over 255k. And because it was cheap to begin with I had massively overpayed on the mortgage.

I then moved in with dh who also had a city flat, better, newer and larger than mine was but in a really bad part of the city (and I mean baaaad). When he wanted to sell it SIL inquired about the price because her cousin was looking for a city apartment but couldn't find anything. Apparantly his budget was around 150k. I told her to forget it. She though that maybe DH's flat would be cheap enough. DH sold his apartment for 465k..... she had no idea that some small apartments can fetch a lot of money if the city or location is really desirable.

So we now live in a 750k detached house in a nice village, I'm a SAHM and DH works 4 days a week. He earns more than people think he does plus that our mortgage is well below 300k.

Age as well.
We are pushing 50 (rather than early 40s like most of the other parents at dd's school) so have a few more years earnings between us. That's why we're mortgage free (they're in equally well paid jobs).
No inheritance/parental help.

Oh and we stopped at one child. Sure fire way to save money but not why we did it!

Its probably they earn more than you think.

Also I read on a thread on here a while ago that you see what people spend, not what they don't spend. (Eg you might not see they buy cheaper ranges of food or only do free days out with dcs, just see them spending a lot on a holiday)

To look at the other side of the coin I have a friend who had just started a part time job at TK Max and whose MIL gives them supermarket vouchers because they are skint. She's 50. Used to have a high profile job, which she left. Makes me wonder how you can go from one to the other so drastically

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I dunno who "my peers" are. How do you identify yours?

@lljkk

. I dunno who "my peers" are. How do you identify yours?

I mean the people I know who are approximately the same age as us, who have children the same age as ours, who are by and large "professionals" (my dh is in financial services) teachers, it consultants, lawyers, accountants estate agent, I live In commuter belt land (not that we need to any more as now wfh)

Jobs can be funny things. I've heard of people making thousands and getting huge bonuses from a job that seems quite ordinary, but they are in a particular corner of it. People own a company in something quite niche that only they are good at.

I know at least three people who made a ton of money in financial markets years ago, haven't worked since and live off investments/property.

People don't really talk about how much or little they earn.

I have the opposite: I know people who earn well over £150k but always say they don't have money to do some things ( for example they are redoing their bathroom after 12 years, she won't replace the tile even though she doesn't like it because it's still in good shape, so are just doing the floor and new sink). They have one car, their three kids went to state school and usually holiday at friends' family homes abroad. They do not plan on gifting property deposits or anything to their kids - in fact are pretty adamant their kids must do it all themselves like they did.
Another who must earn a fair whack and his wife at one point took a second minimum wage job to get more money coming in. No dependents, no elderly parents needing help, house with mortgage bought on his salary about 20 years ago (so must have paid much of it off and he definitely earns way more than back then). One car. No fancy trips (usually weekend breaks to family near the sea, maybe once every other year go abroad). What are they spending it on??

I often think the same OP, I think salary is sometimes only one factor ( and of course they maybe earning more than you think)

In my circle private school fees are paid for whole or partly by grandparents and sometimes with a bursary or scholarships as well.

Houses- help with deposit, inheritance or selling upon London and moving to the countryside. Or a combination of all 3.

Cars- often leased but occasional parental gift or loan.

Holidays again sometimes parents pay ( but then come too!)
Also may use credit card or savings or get a bonus.

Home improvements- family gift of money, bonus , loan or remortgage.

If self employed or own a business, they can limit the tax they pay by offsetting expenses, dividend payments etc

2 x 60k salaries will net more that one 120k salary etc

There will be loads of people worse off than you and loads who have more, but it's much harder being the "poorer" friend than it is if you are all same financial position. Comparison is the thief of joy. Find poorer friends!

people ... who are approximately the same age as us
have children the same age as ours, who are by and large [ same professions]

from that description.... Guess our 'peers' could be

DH's boss & wife - live near us, very similar age kids. They themselves went to private schools, Oxbridge. Huge income from company they own. Deep roots in local families. So not really like us. Suspect they had huge debts getting company off ground. I'm debt-averse.

Colleague K was child of a big company executive. K went to school with (not UK) royalty so not really like us at all. My house is nicer than K's, although his is worth more (desirable neighbourhood). His wife went to private schools not like us.

Colleague D, her kids attended same school as mine. Colleague X is from Africa, has an adult child and another with autism. Y is from middle east, has impressive work history, has 4 children very similar age to mine, husband works 6months/yr in Saudi. Colleague Z could be like me, similar age kids, similar training, has mystery illness that is very disabling. So grateful not to have Z's challenges. Dunno what DXYZ drive, what their homes are like, where they go on hols. Think Y might drive an old banger, actually. X&Y probably come from family money or they never would have got into UK.

Maybe solution is not to know so much about other people or to know more about challenges people faced & risks they took, not sure which.

I wonder it too. I also wonder how the hell they can get these huge mortgages and pay them off.

I earn a very good salary but because it's just me I'm limited in what I can afford.

I was amazed during lockdown at the numerous things people I knew couldn't afford but bought; hot tubs, outdoor bars, cars and hair, nails etc. I assume that they are more comfortable with debt than I am.

I think we really don’t know that much about others finances. We probably assume we do. I know a friend who can be a bit sad about not getting on the property ladder and can’t understand why others are on the ladder: the assumption being that parents / inheritance paid for everyones houses.

we are in quite a decent large house . We have never recieved any inheritance, But we are older (so benefited from lower housing prices and then the big rise in prices) we’ve both worked since the age of 18: so no student loans, earn a decent salary (not loads).

My friend spends money on things that we just wouldn’t spend money on (nice cars, lots of redecorating, beauty treatments, designer clothes). But I bet she thinks we waste lots of money too (takeaways,meals out, days out, weekends away).

My friend is well off. Not a millionaire but comfortable.

Mortgage paid, bought a house (family member died and bought it) and its now a stunning holiday cottage. Both work, new car every 3 years, inheritance after her dad died but that's not touched. Still in the bank.

But they’ve been through marriage problems. On both sides, 2 beautiful adult children but both with mental health issues. Constant worry. Id rather be as i am (car leaking water and a mortgage) with no major issues.

I often wonder looking at Instagram on these new build houses, white and clean and crisp, perfectly set up (and the owners well groomed) and a couple of Range Rovers on the drive.

Gotta be drugs eh?!😂

@NurseBernard

I’m always surprised by the number of posts on threads like this (which pop up with regularity) indicating that it can’t possibly be people genuinely able to afford what they have - it’s all on credit / smoke and mirrors, etc.

It can’t possibly be the boring, most likely answer - which is having a decent job, working their way up, and being well-paid.

It’s really interesting.

This.

Get a good education and spend your 20s working on a career. Be lucky enough to not be distracted by drugs, poor choices or ill health. Marrying a sensible person in say late 20s, pooling your assets and salaries for a few years. Have kids early 30s when you're already earning well - more likely to be able to go back PT but still earn plenty (I earn more than the average yearly salary in 2 days). Continue to work a professional role while kids are small, even if only 2-3 days/week. Then increase back to 3-4 when they're all at schoool.

Don't get divorced and have to halve your family's assets. This is most likely achieved by marrying a kind and sensible person in the first place. Have good health & life insurance in case of other tragedy.

The above is basically how we've got to a very comfortable position with zero financial support / inheritance / debt problems.

Are you me @bumpytrumpy?! 😮

@bumpytrumpy that's me too

No! I’m @bumpytrumpy!

Well we do have some car debt at the minute because I can’t convince DH to stop spunking his money on them but it’s ‘serviceable’. I’ll add that not being afraid of people thinking you are poor for not keeping up with the Jones’s or buying second hand. We bought a lovely cabin bed for DS off marketplace whereas a low income friend bought a whole new bedroom suite on a guarantor loan at a ridiculous APR in case she was judged

Yeah, sorry. What @bumpytrumpy said is out situation to a t. Not that attempting that works out for everyone. But it did for us.