Do you ever look around your peers and think "where do you all get your money from??

[lovelydaffodils]

This is in chat not aibu so could do without a massive pile on

Feeling a bit blue and frankly a big dose of the green eyed monster as I look round my peers.

We earn well enough between me and oh but so many ppl in our peers have second homes and massive new cars frequently and big holidays and kids at private school
Where on earth does it all come from?
What do they know that i don't?!

Years ago I worked as a band 7 in the NHS so (30-40k) salary range. I lived in a shared house with mates, and had about half my salary again in debt, some of which had been spent on education. I concentrated really hard on paying off my debt and trying to build my savings. I lived quite frugally.

My peers on the same pay all seemed to have massive mortgages

You make it sound as though they made bad/spendthrift choices - but if they had saved up the deposit and bought a house, they were almost certainly managing their money pretty well and building assets for the future. A £30-40k salary is enough to be able to buy a home in many areas of the UK.

Yes, often but then I really think about and it becomes clear. Some must have massive credit card debts or inheritances.

I have friends who earn the same as us but seem to have a more lavish lifestyle and have bigger houses and it's because they've inherited money.

I know others who earn similar to me and spend spend spend so they either have very generous family members who treat them a lot or they are putting it on credit cards as I couldn't afford to for e.g eat take away three times a week.

Gosh @bumpytrumpy I would love to know what you do!!

It's interesting that this is apparently a repetitive thread, I've been around under various guises for years here and haven't noticed it particularly
And I know that the grass isn't always greener. Definitely I know that.

But even when I was in my 20s (and clearly from this thread not doing enough to work my way into a lucrative career but instead moving from poxy admin graduate assistant type to another trying to get something with more teeth and more salary.... I feel sure a male graduate would have been paid better and promoted more but that's a whole other thread and counselling session) 🤣

But when I was in my 20s I knew what I was paying for my rent in my shared flat and on bills and some my colleagues were buying designer bags etc.

I am starting to wonder ... is the reason our kids aren't at private school because i spent too much money on pret in my 20s ?!

A lot of people are in massive debt. You'd be surprised! Not all of them, but many. My job involves scrutinising people's finances in detail.
Cars are often leased, holidays are on credit cards, and second properties are often mortgaged to the hilt. It's quite common for me to see households with combined income of £100k but debts of £50k to £70k excluding mortgage.
I also personally know someone who drives a very expensive car, holidays in the Caribbean and wears designer gear. No one really understood how until she was entered into an IVA (a relative of hers told someone indiscreet) and her Mum remortgaged to bail them out. She then had a clean slate and started it all again, upgrading her car again. Their combined income could only be £50k per year max which is decent but not if you want to drive a Land Rover and holiday in the Caribbean.
Obviously some people are just well off, but a lot are living a champagne lifestyle on lemonade budgets.

@TooMuchToblerone

A lot of people are in massive debt. You'd be surprised! Not all of them, but many. My job involves scrutinising people's finances in detail. Cars are often leased, holidays are on credit cards, and second properties are often mortgaged to the hilt. It's quite common for me to see households with combined income of £100k but debts of £50k to £70k excluding mortgage. I also personally know someone who drives a very expensive car, holidays in the Caribbean and wears designer gear. No one really understood how until she was entered into an IVA (a relative of hers told someone indiscreet) and her Mum remortgaged to bail them out. She then had a clean slate and started it all again, upgrading her car again. Their combined income could only be £50k per year max which is decent but not if you want to drive a Land Rover and holiday in the Caribbean. Obviously some people are just well off, but a lot are living a champagne lifestyle on lemonade budgets.

Maybe your job is skewing your opinion? I know many people with incomes over this level and no one has the kind of debt you’re refering to. That’s a huge amount proportionate to income.and it’s not the majority as yoire pretending.

People who work in the public sector find it hard to believe how much private sector workers can earn.
DP is a university lecturer, a decent professional salary somewhere equivalent to an experienced teacher but not high for London where we live. Probably pretty average in fact. Most of our friends in this area have a main family income from working in the City - where the pay and bonuses can be eye-watering - completely off the scale to any other office job. That's how you afford school fees and second homes without blinking. Smart new cars and big houses are often bought on credit though; not everyone owns them outright.

@lovelydaffodils

Gosh *@bumpytrumpy* I would love to know what you do!!

It's interesting that this is apparently a repetitive thread, I've been around under various guises for years here and haven't noticed it particularly
And I know that the grass isn't always greener. Definitely I know that.

But even when I was in my 20s (and clearly from this thread not doing enough to work my way into a lucrative career but instead moving from poxy admin graduate assistant type to another trying to get something with more teeth and more salary.... I feel sure a male graduate would have been paid better and promoted more but that's a whole other thread and counselling session) 🤣

But when I was in my 20s I knew what I was paying for my rent in my shared flat and on bills and some my colleagues were buying designer bags etc.

I am starting to wonder ... is the reason our kids aren't at private school because i spent too much money on pret in my 20s ?!

Honestly it's nothing that flash. Private sector salaries are often far higher than people think. I probably missed "be lucky enough to be a quick learner and able to communicate well" off my original list. Being able to pick up new skills/tasks and also communicate how good you are at it in interviews etc really helps. Also means I can rattle through my work, blag presentations etc and then slack off / do errands etc which all helps with work-life balance. Hybrid working is fantastic for me. I toy with the idea of retraining as a paramedic or similar and then look at the salaries in horror. They work faaaaar harder than I do. It's not fair.

The housing market is a big factor. My neighbours own an identical house to mine but bought 5 years earlier, their mortgage is £100k less than ours as a result. That means they have a bit more cash to go out, buy cars etc.

"Orchidsonthetable
Maybe your job is skewing your opinion? I know many people with incomes over this level and no one has the kind of debt you’re refering to. That’s a huge amount proportionate to income.and it’s not the majority as yoire pretending."
Not sure where I pretended anything. I said many not a majority - that's a word you've added, not me.
I can only speak from what I see, which is factual from my experience, and I have 10-15 clients a year. It's not the majority at all.

Just to add - if that seems a small sample, I work in a team of 40 and we discuss trends. People often aren't too bothered where they have equity - they're not bankrupt.

I know someone who is a SAHM, and her husband works as an electrician for a firm that does domestic work, so he can't be earning that much working for someone else.

They have six kids, and are planning on another two, and just seem to have absolutely vast amounts of money; two long haul holidays per year, massive orders of Zara clothes for her and the kids, I'm talking orders of £500+ per time, huge amounts of clothes from Primark bought at a time (I've seen her in town with six big Primark bags once!). She also has every beauty treatment possible; lash extensions, brows done, spray tans, hair extensions, fillers.

I honestly don't know where they get the money. Possibly family I guess!?

As PP have said, if there is no obvious reason like highly paid jobs etc it is often down to family assistance or property ladder.
One friend I know her parents always take them abroad every year for 2 weeks and she also pays for things like new bathroom new kitchen etc.
Even small bits of help add up, one family friend used to always give their very good car on to the son when they got the next new one so they never had to buy a car.
Sometimes it's very careful budgeting too or saving well when others might prioritise take away life and gym membership etc.
My own DM used to buy the grandchildren their school shoes for many years and that was such a help when kids good shoes were 40 quid a pop.
You aren't alone in wondering, we all do it and it's human to get a bit jealous as long as you don't become unhappy. I'm just nosey and will admit that! Someone my DD is friends with went from a nice terrace house recently to a massive detached job about 700k and I've no idea how.

Society rewards the risk takers too. So buy the house that you can't really afford leverage yourself up as far as possible and if you don't go bankrupt you'll end up rich.

Society rewards the risk takers too. So buy the house that you can't really afford leverage yourself up as far as possible and if you don't go bankrupt you'll end up rich.

Definitely this(!) And this is a lot easier to do as a couple pre children, with both of you working full time. You can afford to take these risks. We’ve done this on two properties. Completely pushed ourselves to the upper lending limits. It’s worked for us.

None of my peers are wealthy. I'm the only one who is a home owner, everyone else rents. I don't move in circles that have second homes and kids at private school, that's an alien concept to me and my friends!

No. I don't.

I do work in accountancy though and see behind some of the stories. Self employed may earn more than you'd expect, Inheritances (sometimes from tragedies), overspending (and borrowings), extending mortgages or normal loan arrangements suxh as buy to let for homes or lease/PCP contracts for cars.

It's interesting that people get green eyed over those with more but, rarely, look at those with less.

I've never been money motivated beyond what I need (oddly, given my work) but I was in partnership with someone who I could never have competed with anyway (due to inheritances) but he would have given it all up for the return of a child who died and another born with serious life affecting illness.

I know a lot of people who seem to be able to afford incredible lifestyles and it is something I waste time thinking about.

In most cases, it's down to family support. I have friends who have never paid for childcare Vs us spending more than our mortgage every month,.sometimes more than I earned to keep working. The difference financially over 2-3 DC is enormous. I try not to dwell on how much better off we could have been in this regard.

Some friends go on regular holidays and UK breaks paid for by grandparents. We know families who ski every year - all funded by grandad.

Some friends kept on a flat or house when meeting their partner/getting married and so have rental incomes from mortgages that are now paid off. Some have used that to finance multiple btl.

Some people it just makes no sense. I can only assume that debt and credit cards must feature. I know a lone parent who only works v PT but who eats out all the time - brunches, lunches, dinners - all instagrammed. I couldn't afford it in a million years!

Bank of mum and dad
Inheritance
Living on credit
Mortgage free
Living thrifty in some areas thus enabling to live really well in other areas

There are many people with children these days living on the bank of mum and dad

Society rewards the risk takers too. So buy the house that you can't really afford leverage yourself up as far as possible and if you don't go bankrupt you'll end up rich.

Definitely this. When we bought our first house we borrowed the absolute maximum the bank would lend us (had to go to a 40 year term to get them to agree to it), we used up every last penny we had and had to put our living expenses on credit cards for a couple of months as we had absolutely nothing left.

If I'd posted for advice on MN I'm pretty sure I'd have been told I was completely mad and not to do it. However, it has worked out really well for us and with hindsight it was the right decision. It could have all gone very wrong though!

Living thrifty in some areas thus enabling to live really well in other areas

I only realised fairly recently just how much other people value and spend on holidays. We haven't been abroad since 2015 and I don't miss it at all. If I have time off work I'm more than happy just staying at home! So that's a big saving without even having to try, because it just doesn't really occur to me to spend much on holidays in the first place.

There is also the possibility that some of these families do something bent along the side eg skunk dealing to fund their four holidays a year. I had neighbours next door to me who did this. Or some other kind of shady dealings eg bent benefit claims or selling stolen goods down the pub for example.

I think people wonder this about us. When people ask I am truthful to them. We are very lucky. But we have also made good decisions with our money which has made us more. Getting a modest mortgage and house and extending it rather than maxing ourselves out with a big mortgage. Putting money in investments, savings, pensions rather than spending it on fancy cars, exotic holidays, stuff. Paying off our mortgage with some inheritance rather than moving to a flashy big house has given us a good standard of living. Using SpLD of it to study so I can have a career change has increased my earning potential. We don't stretch ourselves and overspend. But from the outside with have a lovely house, holidays and a fair amount of disposable income. We live within our means though.

I have a friend who's husband earns the same as mine and she's on minimum wage. She constantly complains about how they can't afford xyz. When she has no mortgage and her parents help out loads with childcare and financially with dc. I could never understand it. But over the years I realised that they used all their inheritance to buy a big house they don't need, leaving them with no savings/investments. They are in a lot of debt as they spend big on everyday items. He has a ridiculously expensive car on HP and she has double the amount of disposable cash to spend a month than I do. But they hardly afford holidays.

Another friend is buying a second property and has just moved to a bigger one. She wants decent money and so does her DH. She gets bonuses in her job. He had another property before they met which he sold recently to get the bigger house. She got inheritance so is using it to buy another property. They go on modest annual holidays and lots of mini breaks throughout the year. Have strict budgets for going out and food.

People spend their money in different ways and I try not to think too much about it now as you never know. It's annoying when people moan they can't afford xyz though when they spend big on other ways.

I have a big house, a new car, and 2 DCs in private school. Mostly modest holidays, but that's a choice not dictated by affordability:

1. Trained for a profession in my 20s - 50h weeks at work and accounting college at the weekend.
2. Got quite lucky/ sensible with

I see middle income described as 100k by upthread. That would actually put people in the top 5% of earners in the Uk

Taken from the Office of National Statistics

Median household disposable income in the UK was £31,400 in financial year ending (FYE) 2021, which covered the first year of the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic; this was an annual increase of 2%, based on estimates from the Office for National Statistics' (ONS) Household Finances Survey.

But regardless of individual income level now we are in our fifties one of the biggest indicators of income and comfort are the outcome of friends romantic relationships and also health issues.

The friend who divorced is now in a financially precarious situation, another friend found himself remarrying and becoming a first time Father at almost 50. I have a friend and a relative who have both decided to partner up with financially incontinent men.

Too many people do heart over head.

@Waxonwaxoff0 you have more insight than most, it is completely the circles people move in and actually a bit obvious. There will always be outliers. DH and I move in solidly decent level income circles. But we do have a few friends who are really very wealthy, one was a corporate lawyer and the others are wankers sorry I mean bankers, DH friends from University.

Yes to all the things that everyone else has said.
Also, our own government is trying to normalise living way way beyond our means. It's the culture now. Spend spend spend and kick thinking about the consequences down the road.