Do you ever look around your peers and think "where do you all get your money from??

[lovelydaffodils]

This is in chat not aibu so could do without a massive pile on

Feeling a bit blue and frankly a big dose of the green eyed monster as I look round my peers.

We earn well enough between me and oh but so many ppl in our peers have second homes and massive new cars frequently and big holidays and kids at private school
Where on earth does it all come from?
What do they know that i don't?!

@Dreamstate over 400k a year from crypto investments?! And you even give your mum money to top up her pension, surely that is the least you can do with that kind of money coming in.

@lovelydaffodils

This is in chat not aibu so could do without a massive pile on

Feeling a bit blue and frankly a big dose of the green eyed monster as I look round my peers.

We earn well enough between me and oh but so many ppl in our peers have second homes and massive new cars frequently and big holidays and kids at private school
Where on earth does it all come from?
What do they know that i don't?!

Cars are paid for by the company they work for or are on lease and renewed every 3 years. Grandparents paying school fees. The child's school is chosen on the basis of bursaries available or scholarships

No idea. On paper we should have a very good life but I don’t know what we’re missing. However o had a financial adviser come around to set up uni funds and he was surprised we only had a mortgage and no credit card debt. He said we were in a very good position so I should be grateful that even though life is dull, we aren’t in debt, apart from the house and these days a car. Still feel frustrated over nothing to look forward tô though.

We have friends who look like they have the perfect life. Nice cars, holidays every year, meals out, designer clothes etc. But it's all paid for with debt and they are really struggling now with prices rising.

Someone asks this very question every week. Nobody knows who is telling the truth online, and it is pointless to speculate or compare.

I often wonder why such threads are so popular. And why do so many posters feel the need to get stuck in and declare how well off they are? Essential stuff missing that money can't buy?

And then there's the old favourite "all of the rich people i know....roll in dog turds and let their children pee in the garden"

As for the OP question : I am insanely wealthy, I'm richer than a fucking oligarch me. My peers are standin' in the shade!

@MadameDragon

Unless you know their current salaries, you might be guessing too low. I’ve long had the impression that family and friends underestimate what I make, and their surprise when we sent the children to private school has increased that impression. Close friends and family obviously know that my parents aren’t in the position to have given us anything so can’t explain it.

This. I constantly have people surprised when I say I’m the main earner and not DP who is in the emergency services, so not a bad wage but publicly funded so not great.

I’ve had family and friends (untastefully) try to guess my salary before and they are always way, way off. None of them know I get quite a large cash bonus each year either.

Obviously there could be other factors such as inheritance, family etc but IMO unless you know what someone is earning then it’s very easily guessed wrong. I also found that when the majority of my colleagues hit around the 50k mark they started to play down how much they earn.

My son will probably have people thinking this about him shortly
He works as a security guard mainly doing loss prevention
He earns around 30k - lives at home at the moment
No real debt and about £500 on a credit card

But he’s just inherited from my late parents house and once it’s sold he will have a very large amount of money
His plans are a new car and a big deposit on a flat or house - he will have enough to pay all the fees & furnish it And he will still have loads left over and a very small mortgage . We live in an expensive city

We have just found out a few weeks ago that he is also in line for another substantial inheritance from his other grandparents by the end of this year

If I don’t go need a care home 😂 then most likely he will also get my house when I die as he’s my only child .

So 2 potentially 3 inheritance - 2 off them worth around 700 - 800k by the time he 28 years old

Most people we know seem to have got a lump sum at one time or another from either parents or granny. We know because they talk freely about it.
Others are in a lot of debt and do everything on finance.
We've never had help, but people might wonder how we're in such a big house, and one friend said something which suggested he thinks we have massive monthly mortgage payments. We don't - our payments are very low - because we made a life-changing sum of money refurbishing a terraced house in a gentrifying area of a popular city.
So in short OP, you never know whats gone on behind the scenes.

@TheChronicalTales @MadameDragon Same with me. I dress like a student, make my own packed lunch, drive a crappy little car and take budget holidays - because I want to - so I often feel people might assume I earn only half of what I do. My own parents included.

For those who don’t earn much:
Company cars
Rented cars
Maxxed out mortgage
Debt debt and more debt!

But, sorry to rub it in, but they possibly earn a lot more than you think they do. At age 40, one person earning £100k+ is not unusual (I worked in recruitment for a long time, and know the salaries of a lot of people!).

Salaries can be really over-inflated in some industries/companies, we just don’t hear about those ones in the media.

@70kid

My son will probably have people thinking this about him shortly He works as a security guard mainly doing loss prevention He earns around 30k - lives at home at the moment No real debt and about £500 on a credit card

But he’s just inherited from my late parents house and once it’s sold he will have a very large amount of money
His plans are a new car and a big deposit on a flat or house - he will have enough to pay all the fees & furnish it And he will still have loads left over and a very small mortgage . We live in an expensive city

We have just found out a few weeks ago that he is also in line for another substantial inheritance from his other grandparents by the end of this year

If I don’t go need a care home 😂 then most likely he will also get my house when I die as he’s my only child .

So 2 potentially 3 inheritance - 2 off them worth around 700 - 800k by the time he 28 years old

Yes this! Inheritance is life changing.

Both of my paternal grandparents died before I was born, and I didn’t see a penny of their inheritance - it all went to my dad who spent it on himself. My maternal grandfather died and left it all to his kids - again, I won’t see any of that. My parents have another 40 years ahead of them, so for lots of people, like me, we won’t get any inheritance until we’re 70 ourselves - at which point it will probably all be left to the newest generation.

The lottery of life!

I find this hard to understand too. I know what kind both partners do, but compared to Dh's and mine, I can't grasp the huge variance in lifestyles.

Personally, I think the money should trickle down to the newer generations far before it does. It makes no sense that the oldest generations hoard so much cash and large empty houses, whilst the rest of us squeeze our families into what’s left: previous family homes that have been carved up into 4 separate flats with no gardens, or crappy new-builds.

if you no longer need 5 bedrooms and don’t/can’t even set foot in your huge garden… sell it to someone who desperately needs it! We need to a big National house swap!

Inheritance, lottery win, extra income you don't know about even some jobs just pay more than you'd expect. It could of course all be debt but I find that's not always the case.

It’s a bit unusual for your peers, and I assume you mean work colleagues doing the same job as you, with husbands also in the same financial bracket, to be having second homes, expensive cars, privately educating kids if you know they don’t earn that, they also wouldn’t all have inheritance.

Do you maybe not mean your peers as such. Just people who together earn a lot more than you both?

@NurseBernard

I’m always surprised by the number of posts on threads like this (which pop up with regularity) indicating that it can’t possibly be people genuinely able to afford what they have - it’s all on credit / smoke and mirrors, etc.

It can’t possibly be the boring, most likely answer - which is having a decent job, working their way up, and being well-paid.

It’s really interesting.

The reality of how unfair life is is pretty unpalatable to everyone, whichever end of the wealth spectrum you’re on.

I think my friends with the greenhouse fall into the 'put on a good show' camp, not much money, but priorize a few things and don't draw attention to the gaps. It does fool other friends who think they are minted. The sad bit is they don't feel rich, hanging out with wealthier types, comparison being the thief of joy,

@Kanaloa

I used to but the older I got the more I realised that everyone spends or borrows differently. I have a friend where both she and her DH have cars that they upgrade all the time and I used to think I’d love that how do they manage.

Then one day I found out her dd wanted to do ballet like mine and my friend explained that it’s just too expensive when she can go to a local dance club cheaply. I remember thinking wtf it’s not too expensive but then I realised if I cut down on kids clubs/days out/my own clothes and makeup - so all the little daily things - I probably could afford a hp car on upgrade. My friend doesn’t actually do many of those things, but tends to spend more on her cars because they’re a priority to her.

Also you have no idea how things go in other people’s houses. You might see someone who’s booked to go to Disney world but not realise that they booked it on credit cards and are cutting back on everything else in the future to pay for it. Or maybe they haven’t been on holiday anywhere in five years whereas you’ve gone on a ‘cheaper’ holiday every year plus a mini break in another city. But obviously you don’t know all the ins and outs so wouldn’t know.

So it’s just that really. People spend differently or prioritise differently. Also some people might have been lucky with inheritances or earn more or whatever. You never know.

Yes, I think this is it to an extent, it's where people prioritise their money.

For example I get jealous that loads of people I know have been skiing this winter, where we havent had a holiday since 2018 and only have a mobile home trip to Europe booked for this summer.

But we do spend quite a lot on the kids extracurricular activities, and also on things like going to the theatre or concerts, we probably go to about four or five shows, we get cheapish seats but for four of us it's still £200 or so, and my husband will go to a few concerts costing £50-£100 a time.

I sometimes think if we didn't do this we could save up towards a holiday but I wouldn't want to give it up.

Yes. I live in a very ordinary Midlands town where people generally earn average salaries, no investment bankers here.
I keep reading on MN about everyone living in poverty, having to choose between heating and eating etc.
Then I look around at the extensions, new cars holidays etc and think how?

Buying right time, right place, helps. Brother bought just 3 years before me in London, a flat. In the three years where I was saving to buy too, flats soared out of my reach. He made a packet and took that packet to Manchester just before the BBC got there, and boom: his house is now worth more than double what he paid, on a tiny mortgage thanks to the London flat. We’re on the same salary but I missed the property boat.

Among friends, the wealth seems to be largely: luck like the above, inheritance, higher salaries than you’d think, frugality. My most glam and high-falutin’ friend gets everything off eBay or makes her own clothes, sells her clutter constantly, scrimps and saves, never buys new, and is quietly amassing a fortune.

@DogsAndGin

My sons inheritance should have been mine but I knew my son would have no chance of getting a property until I died if I die at 80 years old, he would be almost 60
So my parents changed their will to leave the house to my son .
I was perfectly happy with this as I am mortgage free - due to an inheritance 😂
His other grandparent’s passed away recently but they had a business along with some property and this was left to the 2 grandkids but this will take a while to be sorted
He’s been extremely lucky and he knows this

People often don't notice what people don't spend money on.

We get comments about our (pre-covid) multiple holidays a year, but what they miss is that we spend almost nothing on any sort of grooming, which some people spend tens if not hundreds of pounds a month on, we also don't go out drinking very much, which some people do multiple times a week, we don't spend much on clothes, tech or stuff for the house etc etc.

I'm also generally frugal and will shop around, buy on special offer, cook naturally cheaper meals instead of convenience food etc etc. That can save a good chunk compared with just buying things from the first place you see when you want it.

Plus our holidays are in term time as no DC so we can have probably three or four separate weeks in Europe for the cost of taking a family to Center Parcs or even a week in a mid range European AI hotel in the school summer holidays.

If they are earning similar salaries to you then it's likely to be either inheritance or living on credit. Some people make savvy financial investments early in life. Some people live frugally behind closed doors

I have 2 close friends who are really well off, one made a good financial decision early in life and has worked in the same job since her teens, plus has wealthy parents, the other married a man who had a huge inheritance.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I think it’s a combination of factors. The usual ones like inheritance/parental support or being up to ears in debt are obvious. Priorities and not noticing what people don’t spend are also true. I have a friend who goes on multiple holidays per year, but they are all short city breaks and she is as whizz at bargain hunting (and has zero interest in beaches or skiing). Another friend lives in a beautiful house and is mortgage free and cheerfully admits that it’s because she has no kids.

However I do think comments about not understanding what people earn are closer to the truth sometimes, particularly in for women in senior professional roles. One of my friends was asked if she would move for her DHs job and said no because she outearned him by 3 times so it would be ridiculous. There was genuinely a stunned silence until someone stuttered that she worked part time…. Yes, but she is a finance director and he is an electrician.

I used to have a lot of this feeling. And then I realised that it was a lot of debt, a lot of family money that came with emotional strings attached, and conditions, plus the uncertainty of "non compliance" affecting kids educations and often an unhealthy work life balance.

I have three kids, we both work full time and have enough money for the things we need and some of the things we want. That's good enough for me. My kids are healthy, sociable and academic so really I've won the lottery there, I'm generally happy at work and have a few really good friends.