Do you ever look around your peers and think "where do you all get your money from??

[lovelydaffodils]

This is in chat not aibu so could do without a massive pile on

Feeling a bit blue and frankly a big dose of the green eyed monster as I look round my peers.

We earn well enough between me and oh but so many ppl in our peers have second homes and massive new cars frequently and big holidays and kids at private school
Where on earth does it all come from?
What do they know that i don't?!

Only Fans

I used to but the older I got the more I realised that everyone spends or borrows differently. I have a friend where both she and her DH have cars that they upgrade all the time and I used to think I’d love that how do they manage.

Then one day I found out her dd wanted to do ballet like mine and my friend explained that it’s just too expensive when she can go to a local dance club cheaply. I remember thinking wtf it’s not too expensive but then I realised if I cut down on kids clubs/days out/my own clothes and makeup - so all the little daily things - I probably could afford a hp car on upgrade. My friend doesn’t actually do many of those things, but tends to spend more on her cars because they’re a priority to her.

Also you have no idea how things go in other people’s houses. You might see someone who’s booked to go to Disney world but not realise that they booked it on credit cards and are cutting back on everything else in the future to pay for it. Or maybe they haven’t been on holiday anywhere in five years whereas you’ve gone on a ‘cheaper’ holiday every year plus a mini break in another city. But obviously you don’t know all the ins and outs so wouldn’t know.

So it’s just that really. People spend differently or prioritise differently. Also some people might have been lucky with inheritances or earn more or whatever. You never know.

Our first home, a Victorian terrace in a nice bit of South London cost us £163k. It was 1999 and we were late 20s/early 30s. We had reasonable jobs and only needed £8k for our 5% deposit. 95% mortgages were easy to get. That same house sold recently for £1.1m. We no longer owned it but we have climbed the housing ladder on the back of that original house. We were just lucky that the economy we were inhabiting was so very different from today.
Everything else we have, we worked for but that original bit of happenstance represents a lot of our security.

You would probably wonder the same about me. Earning £40k single, own house. But I am renovating my garden, bathroom and kitchen this yr plus several holidays planned. All paid for through my crypto investments which have been providing me with on average £8k a week. I even give my mum money every month to top up her pension.

I’ve learned that you just don’t know their situations. You don’t know their bank accounts, debts or family involvement. My best friend bought a £1.5m house. Dresses in Joules, Boden, Barbour, Fairfax and Favour. Two car household. Private school for their child. Won’t step foot in Aldi or Lidl. Expensive nights away (£250+ per night), Hello Fresh, eating out, daily Costa, smokes.

She constantly lives at the max of her overdraft

I get that obviously the stuff I mentioned is a bit different than second homes and private school (which can feel a lot if it seems it’s everyone who has it but you) but I was just making the point that you can never really know unless you ask - which is rude obviously!

I mean it can be something as simple as ‘oh gran left us the money for the house so we’ve no mortgage!’ In which case that explains how someone can afford a second home to pay a mortgage on when you have to pay it on your first. As I say you’ll never know.

And really it just robs your joy of what you have to look always at what others have more of. I feel happy I can afford one house and my little old car because 10 years ago I didn’t think I’d ever have my own actual house belonging to me! I find thinking like that is better for my mental health too.

Family’s the biggest life lottery of all - but no one gets the chance to save your money and skip getting a ticket.

Older gen and housing unearned wins fund the lucky - for the rest of us, a few earn well. Most don’t. Social mobility is shit in the UK - you can’t do well unless you get help.

@FindingMeno

I always wonder if people like that are up to their eyeballs in debt. I'd far rather be living a less flamboyant life with no debt personally.

My ex husband is a self employed accountant. He works for several people you would think were very,very comfortably off. He said there is an awful lot of smoke and mirrors. If one payment were to be missed the whole lot would collapse like dominoes.They appear chilled and successful but the men ( in the case of the businesses he works for) are under enormous strain.

I have a high salary, but I never tell people that, and my job “title” wouldn’t make you think I’d be particularly well paid. But I’ve engineered my skill set to be highly marketable.
I never tell my friends how much I earn because I’d be embarrassed to as I know most earn considerably less, but they must wonder how we can afford certain things

We play this game.
In one case they sold a house and bought in a cheaper part of the country. That £60k profit has been spent on luxury bell tent, lots of new mid price clothes, lots & lots of gear for hobbies, 12k greenhouse, fancy garden furniture, probably 2k on board games!
They are savvy shoppers and OCD about looking after things so it will all last. But the kids do no out of school activities, one camping holiday a year, no local days out unless free. Entertain at home. Run old cars. The illusion of wealth is there but there's no pension, probably lots goes through company books and the odd 10k legacy has topped up the pot.

Other friends see the garden furniture and think they are much more successful but they are just very careful not to spread too thin.

...there's also very selective bragging, so it's all about the greenhouse and not about the lack of savings.

I think a lot of our friends wonder this about us.

The truth is that we don’t go into details about our jobs or finances. They know broadly what we do, but don’t know the salaries attached. We have a household income that’s close to £300k.

Close friends know that we live between two properties and we have luxury cars which raise a few eyebrows. We never discuss details of holidays outside of saying we’re going to eg Italy, but don’t mention the business class flights or suites in 5* hotels. We have a lot of luxuries at home.

We have a mortgage, but no other debt at all.

I’d imagine peers look at us an assume we’re in massive debt

@DelurkingAJ I can completely imagine. A colleague had to travel to different locations as part of her role. Her mother in law was horrified “can they make you do that”? My colleague said that her MIL assumes that she is just earning pin money, when in fact she earns twice what her husband does.

A friend once suggested to me that maybe I’d be better off just doing some Avon rather than working. I don’t think she realised that I earn a decent salary (not loads) and outearn DH

I had a colleague who was 4 or 5 years older than me. I was newly married and we had bought a starter size home in an okay area with a 95% mortgage. She was married to a older man who was an artist. They had a large flat in Ladbroke Grove London and a tall Victorian house in Tewkesbury(paid for from inherited money). She sent her children to private school. I drove past one Sunday and she had a table outside with some of her children's old toys on. She basically lived on her overdraft. When she was paid it went down. After a fortnight it was back up to no money from the cashpoint type levels. She needed tampons and was selling their toys to get cash to buy some. She was constantly stressed that her husband , who lived in London in the week, was sleeping with his life models. He was from Lithuania and arranged a nanny who was cheap. She didn't speak any English and my friend spoke 4 words of Lithuanian.She used to worry herself silly that one of the children would have an accident and die because the nanny couldn't summon emergency help. The first time I met her she had just come back from the Notting Hill carnival which went past her flat. She was showing photos of it all . It all seemed fabulously bohemian and glamorous. She came to my house one day and actually said 'I don't understand how people live in such small houses". My house was indeed small. But I could get money out of the cashpoint and buy tampons when I needed them. From the outside it all looked amazing but most of it was smoke and mirrors

If you're happy with your own life what does it matter? Lots of our friends live in big detached houses, kids at private schools, 5* holidays, but that's because they placed more emphasis on education and training in their 20s than we did.

It doesn't mean they're not good friends, and DP and I are perfectly happy with our small flat and our modest lifestyle. We've still got much more than others not so fortunate have.

The obvious answer answer is that they’re in well paying jobs.

I’m always surprised by the number of posts on threads like this (which pop up with regularity) indicating that it can’t possibly be people genuinely able to afford what they have - it’s all on credit / smoke and mirrors, etc.

It can’t possibly be the boring, most likely answer - which is having a decent job, working their way up, and being well-paid.

It’s really interesting.

@NurseBernard yes!

It's the sudden changes of acquaintances school mums that always intrigue me - moving to from a modest house to expensive, luxury holidays, mum gives up work, without any obvious change in salaried jobs... gotta be lottery/inheritance!

Our income has trebled in the last 8 years, and combined with no longer having nursery costs we are in a much better position. I think those that don't have to pay childcare have no idea of the tens and tens of thousands it costs, so there can be quite a discrepancy on families seemingly in similar wage bracket.

I've also mainly come on this thread for the posts asking why is anyone curious about this/just be happy with what you've got

Yes but in my case I’m looking at friends and acquaintances who don’t seem to have any actual jobs or means of income, or who in some cases have some self employment that doesn’t seem possible to bring in much cash (think doing nails for a few hours a week, knitting baby clothes, fixing washing machines but without any official company name or van etc)

With a well paying job each you can get multiple credit cards with large credit limits.Spend to the limit on each one whilst spending the salary in your bank account gives you huge disposable income for showy stuff.Add a huge mortgage, which you work yourself to death to afford, parents who die and leave you enough to invest (especially if you were their only child and they didn't go into a care home) children who are bright enough/ tutored enough to get scholarships, cars on finance with a deal that replaces new for old every 3 years. That gives you an amazing looking lifestyle.Swimming serenely like a Swan but paddling frantically below the surface to stop it all going tits up.

Yup. I know people who earn similar as us but have very wealthy parents so have the expensive house in sought after area and set to inherit millions.
We meanwhile are stuck with a pre crash house that's too small to swing a cat let alone our kids with little to no chance of moving any time soon as now we are finally just about out of negative equity that also means everywhere else is sky high again!
That's the way the cookie crumbles. We focus on gratitude for our health and ability to enjoy the simple things.

@NurseBernard

I’m always surprised by the number of posts on threads like this (which pop up with regularity) indicating that it can’t possibly be people genuinely able to afford what they have - it’s all on credit / smoke and mirrors, etc.

It can’t possibly be the boring, most likely answer - which is having a decent job, working their way up, and being well-paid.

It’s really interesting.

That scenario applies to many people ...and good for them. I only have experience of people who walked the walk and talked the talk but the bailiffs were never that far away.

Unrealistic ideas of what people earn?

I think my dad still hasn't got his head around the fact that DH out earns me, despite the fact I'm a qualified solicitor.

I know the vast majority have it on credit.
Thats not necessarily a bad thing if they can afford the credit, and of course they're still doing better than I am.
It doesn't bother me, I don't own my home or my car, but (HA and Motability), but everything else it mine, even if it's a bit rubbish, I've saved for it.
O won't even have a Sky TV contract, I pay monthly and can cancel at any time.

It works for me, and as I'm on a low income I know I'll never be kept awake at night worrying about bills.