Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

She took my bloody co-op card

627 replies

HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 01:18

I’ve had a friend staying with me for the last few days, she due to go home tomorrow. As a thank you for letting her stay she offered to cook us a meal this evening which I gratefully accepted. She needed to go up to Co-Op to get the ingredients so I said to her to take my membership card if she hasn’t got one.

She went up and bought all the ingredients and cooked a really lovely meal. We had a bottle of wine with the meal but fancied another so I popped up to Co-Op again to buy another. I scan my member card like always and she’s spent all my points! There was about £30 on there that I have saved up for months. I like to know that I’ve always got a bit on there in case I’m short one month, it’s just a bit of reassurance.

If someone asked you to take their loyalty card to a shop when you had offered to cook them a meal would you assume that meant the person was offering to pay for the meal with their points? Or would you think they just wanted you to scan their card at checkout so you have a few more points?

Apologies if I’m rambling but it’s 1am, I’ve drunk a bottle of wine and I’m disproportionately pissed off that she’s spent my points!

OP posts:
Ellopet · 10/03/2022 06:22

Sounds like a plausible misunderstanding. I who ld have expected her to collect points, not use them. I would also just explain that and she can repay you, if she was cooking as a treat its no problem for her to repay the cash value if what she spent. You have kindly hosted her and she was trying to show her thanks. Just mention it.

QuebecBagnet · 10/03/2022 06:24

£30 for ingredients for one meal is a lot. Do you think the ingredients cost that much or did she stock up on her own shopping as well?

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 10/03/2022 06:30

It sounds like miscommunication to me.

To me, if someone says "take my card" that means "use this to pay" though in your situation I'd probably clarify that it's what you meant (or just take the card and not use it).

I think you should have clarified that you just wanted her to collect the points.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General shopping
Shoxfordian · 10/03/2022 06:31

I’m not sure you were clear but she would have realised and should have told you or offered to reimburse you

INeedNewShoes · 10/03/2022 06:31

I’d guess it’s a misunderstanding and she thought that was what you intended.

Having said that, if I was cooking a meal to thank a host even if they offered to pay for it I’d refuse!

MadForBurpees · 10/03/2022 06:32

@needingpeace

I’m sorry but it’s not 100% clear what you meant. In this case I’d let it go but know not to do it again.
This. The title of your post (to me) makes it sound like she took your card without asking but in the body of the post you say you offered it to her. If you'd have offered her your contactless debut card what do you think would have happened then?
konasana · 10/03/2022 06:33

No, if offered a points card I'd think you meant to get the points, not spend them

TheMagpie · 10/03/2022 06:37

I've done this with my own points card in (I think) Starbucks back when I used rewards cards. All it takes is one cashier to not ask and swipe to spend the points, or a misunderstanding about how that one card works. Different places have different systems. The default at Tesco for example is to get the Clubcard discounts when you swipe, it could be as simple as this person just didn't realise Co-op rewards cards worked a certain way.

I know I wouldn't know as I've never used or had one, I don't go there enough to warrant it.

Why are so many here assuming outright malice?

TheMagpie · 10/03/2022 06:42

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

It sounds like miscommunication to me.

To me, if someone says "take my card" that means "use this to pay" though in your situation I'd probably clarify that it's what you meant (or just take the card and not use it).

I think you should have clarified that you just wanted her to collect the points.

This. I go out with a few friends every week (the same people, trusted friends). Different situation, but I can't stand for long so when it comes for everyone to go up to pay the bill, I just hand my contactless card to one of my pals and they know to tap my card for my bill. We all know the system, have been doing this for years.

However.

Had this been the first time and I gave no context but said 'here, take my card' I don't think they'd be faulted for assuming I'm offering to pay.

Jvg33 · 10/03/2022 06:43

I would have asked her to leave

WutheringHeights66 · 10/03/2022 06:45

“Take my loyalty are if you don’t have one” isn’t the same as “would you mind asking them to swipe my card and add the points”

I don’t think you’ve been clear, sorry.

PeterPomegranate · 10/03/2022 06:46

You need to have a conversation with her. She might have misunderstood what you meant. We can’t know that from here. If she’s a friend you owe her the chance to say what she thought the offer of the card meant.

AngelDelightUK · 10/03/2022 06:48

That’s so rude! I’d have to confront her

MrsLargeEmbodied · 10/03/2022 06:49

i think she thought you meant to take the money from your card, not collect the points

Sharrowgirl · 10/03/2022 06:56

@Undertheoldlindentree

Being so keen about point collecting that you'd go to the lengths of giving your card to someone just to do that seems a little excessive. If your friend doesn't share your frame of mind on that, it's more likely that she thought you gave her the card so she could use the points.
I agree with this. To be so keen on points that you give your card to someone else to collect for you is not a normal thing to do, so it’s not surprising she perhaps misunderstood what you were giving it to her for. What exactly did you say when you handed it to her?
Silvershroud · 10/03/2022 06:59

Reading this, I thought you were offering her your points to share the cost. Otherwise giving someone you loyalty card is an odd thing to do.

BlueFlavour · 10/03/2022 06:59

I’m always cheesed off when dh goes to the co op and doesn’t take my card. I think it’s fairly normal.
But then see my post above

ISpyCobraKai · 10/03/2022 07:00

@QuebecBagnet

£30 for ingredients for one meal is a lot. Do you think the ingredients cost that much or did she stock up on her own shopping as well?
It's not much at all for treat food and wine.
thedarkling · 10/03/2022 07:01

I must start using my co-op card, I'm in there every day and never do!

What everyone else said...

shewillhaveherway · 10/03/2022 07:02

I think you were very unclear to and to be honest it would never cross my mind that someone was asking me to use their card to collect points. But I would not have used your collected points either.

And because it was meant to be her ‘thank you’ I think she certainly should have thanked you you/said it was unnecessary and not used them or that she spent that same amount over and above the meal on an extra bottle of wine/flowers or something that was equivalent to the amount of yours that she used if it was a genuine mistake and she thought you were telling her to use the points.

Original poster
HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 07:04

I can’t remember exactly how I worded it but I definitely asked her if she had a Co-op card, she replied that she didn’t and so I asked her to take mine. It probably was an innocent misunderstanding but it’s still really pissed me off.

I know it’s only £30 but it’s £30 that I like to have as I’m terrible with money and I know if I’ve got a bit on my card I can always get a few days worth of food.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 10/03/2022 07:06

She knew what she was doing.

Original poster
HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 07:06

@thedarklingy my co-op card and my Superdrug card are pretty much the only cards I still use. Most of the others really aren’t worth it anymore.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/03/2022 07:07

I don't understand those of you who DON'T understand what being handed the rewards card would be most likely to mean - it's pretty obvious to most people that it would mean "swipe this to give me the points, since you don't have your own and there's no point in missing out on them"

I would automatically do that, not SPEND the bloody points!

And it's not "excessive" if you're counting costs for everyday expenses - those reward points can make a big difference!

Marmite27 · 10/03/2022 07:08

I can’t believe people think you meant for her to spend the points.

Clearly it was to add any she ‘earned’ on her shopping not spend what you’d saved up.

Swipe left for the next trending thread