She took my bloody co-op card

[HollowedOut]

I’ve had a friend staying with me for the last few days, she due to go home tomorrow. As a thank you for letting her stay she offered to cook us a meal this evening which I gratefully accepted. She needed to go up to Co-Op to get the ingredients so I said to her to take my membership card if she hasn’t got one.

She went up and bought all the ingredients and cooked a really lovely meal. We had a bottle of wine with the meal but fancied another so I popped up to Co-Op again to buy another. I scan my member card like always and she’s spent all my points! There was about £30 on there that I have saved up for months. I like to know that I’ve always got a bit on there in case I’m short one month, it’s just a bit of reassurance.

If someone asked you to take their loyalty card to a shop when you had offered to cook them a meal would you assume that meant the person was offering to pay for the meal with their points? Or would you think they just wanted you to scan their card at checkout so you have a few more points?

Apologies if I’m rambling but it’s 1am, I’ve drunk a bottle of wine and I’m disproportionately pissed off that she’s spent my points!

She must have misunderstood why you gave her the card. She must have assumed you meant to take your card in order to use the points. I mean, obviously you were going to find out.

It’s not an honest mistake she is as cheeky as f*ck. so you have paid for the meal she was going to treat you to. Do yourself a real favour and remove here from your life. You were saving this money for an emergency. Who even checks the balance on someone else’s loyalty card.

Who even checks the balance on someone else’s loyalty card.

I don't know about Coop but cashiers in our local supermarkets sometimes ask you if you want to use your points and tell you how much they're worth. (People often say, "No. I'm saving them for Christmas/whatever.")

It's plausible she interpreted it differently or that she thought she might as well if the cashier offered but I'm surprised that OP 's friend didn't mention this had happened.

OP would it be too awkward for you to ask her, "Did you use my points?" And, depending on the response, "I was saving those for a rainy day."

Even if you were told the balance it doesn’t mean you should use it towards the meal you were cooking as a thank you for a friend.

It sounds like a misunderstanding. She might not have a co op near her or use loyalty cards or the cashier may have asked her if she wanted to use the points and she said yes not realising exactly what was meant by it.
I don't think I'd confront her and just assume she misunderstood me when I said "here's my card". I appreciate it's £30, and I know what it's like to have money saved up on it for just in case, but I'm not sure it's worth losing a friend over.

She’s a CF.

Sorry but unless she’s entirely clueless she knew full well what “ would you like to spend your points” means.
I would say something otherwise it would sour my friendship” I thought you were buying the meal last night” if she’s a nice mate.
Or more directly ‘ I was saving my loyalty points for when I’m short, I’d have cooked if I knew it was costing me £30”

Perhaps she thought the points would be added. I don't use cards like this but I also can't/don't shop alone so when I'm in Tesco, my friend scans her Clubcard on my shopping too - extra points for her and I save on certain items too.
I can see this happening very easily, next time just don't give over the card. (She didn't take the card, you said you allowed her to use it.)

Personally I'd take the L and consider it payment for her time spent going shopping and cooking.

@Malibuismysecrethome

It’s not an honest mistake she is as cheeky as f*ck. so you have paid for the meal she was going to treat you to. Do yourself a real favour and remove here from your life. You were saving this money for an emergency. Who even checks the balance on someone else’s loyalty card.

Now how would you know that?

I think I’d give her the benefit of the doubt too.

I’d be pissed off. I’d also be asking for it back.

It does sound like you meant her to use your card,

@Hollywolly1

It does sound like you meant her to use your card,

It does but surely if you are a guest and offer to cook a meal by way of thanks, you don’t just mean “ cook” using food your host had paid for.

Buying and cooking is a thank you.
Whipping up something from the hosts ingredients is just using the kitchen.
Going out and spending the hosts money is being a CF’er.

@Yerroblemom1923

It sounds like a misunderstanding. She might not have a co op near her or use loyalty cards or the cashier may have asked her if she wanted to use the points and she said yes not realising exactly what was meant by it. I don't think I'd confront her and just assume she misunderstood me when I said "here's my card". I appreciate it's £30, and I know what it's like to have money saved up on it for just in case, but I'm not sure it's worth losing a friend over.

Someone would have to be living a VERY sheltered life to not understand rewards points!

Thirty pounds is a lot of money to many people. I don't know what I'd do in this situation but I would also be very upset. She must be thick as mince!

If I were cooking a thank you meal, I'd expect to buy the ingredients as well as cook them but it is entirely possible your friend misinterpreted that you wanted her to put the points from her shopping on your card.

I'd ask her. If it was a mistake, she'll want to give you the £30.

Being so keen about point collecting that you'd go to the lengths of giving your card to someone just to do that seems a little excessive. If your friend doesn't share your frame of mind on that, it's more likely that she thought you gave her the card so she could use the points.

You said she offered to make you a meal. She must have assumed you were happy to pay.

Maybe she wasn't sure what you meant or what the card was for but it's a shame that she thought you were offering to pay and was happy to go along with this despite your hospitality.

She should have cooked and paid.

Yeah, I'd be bloody pissed off about it.

I’m sorry but it’s not 100% clear what you meant. In this case I’d let it go but know not to do it again.

Wow, that's really fecking rude of her!! How dare she spend what is, in effect, your money?!

I'm sure you only offered the card so you could pick up the points to add to your stash - and instead you've ended up with none!

I'd be so angry.

😮

I would be absolutely furious. Maybe I am a very small person with a very small life, but co op points are points of joy
@HollowedOut I think you should say something, you could give her the benefit of the doubt ‘Oh I don’t know if you realised but you actually spent my points the other day’

Of course give her the benefit of the doubt, her response will tell you what you need to know without causing any unpleasantness if it's a genuine misunderstanding.
Accusing her of pretty much stealing will lose you a friend, possibly over what amounts to a minute or two for her to transfer the money back to you.

I would have assumed that you wanted me to scan it at the tills for more points.

If me, I would have taken the card to gain/collect the points.

However, your OP doesn't specify this - 'take my card' could mean 'use my points' if she's going to the trouble of cooking for you? Def cheeky behaviour on her part, I'd be peeved too.

In my Coop they do say do you want to use your points. I always say yes and it knocks say 29p off so could be that BUT the £30 will have wiped such a chunk off the bill that she must have realised she'd used a stash of points you had acquired. I think just ask her outright if the £30 is significant to you but put it down to miscommunication if you can't bear to raise it. Very annoying though.