She took my bloody co-op card

[HollowedOut]

I’ve had a friend staying with me for the last few days, she due to go home tomorrow. As a thank you for letting her stay she offered to cook us a meal this evening which I gratefully accepted. She needed to go up to Co-Op to get the ingredients so I said to her to take my membership card if she hasn’t got one.

She went up and bought all the ingredients and cooked a really lovely meal. We had a bottle of wine with the meal but fancied another so I popped up to Co-Op again to buy another. I scan my member card like always and she’s spent all my points! There was about £30 on there that I have saved up for months. I like to know that I’ve always got a bit on there in case I’m short one month, it’s just a bit of reassurance.

If someone asked you to take their loyalty card to a shop when you had offered to cook them a meal would you assume that meant the person was offering to pay for the meal with their points? Or would you think they just wanted you to scan their card at checkout so you have a few more points?

Apologies if I’m rambling but it’s 1am, I’ve drunk a bottle of wine and I’m disproportionately pissed off that she’s spent my points!

@BlaBlaSmthSmth

The relationship is different of course but it doesn't change the fact that you can like someone but not like something they do, it's perfectly natural 🤷🏽‍♀️ Life isn't always black and white and also your feelings can change about someone a a result of their behaviour, so the comments about OP not liking her friend were pretty pointless, I'm sure she did like her friend when she invited her to stay but maybe her actions changed OPs view of her.

Agreed But given such limited time together over past decade… this represents a huge chunk of their relationship experience. And by the sounds of it… it was bloody negative. To the extent the OP says she’s going to wind it down.

Whereas with family… negative behaviour if often with a much much wider context and represents a drop in the ocean

Rather than half the ocean!

What a disappointing visit it turned out to be. You're not gonna get the £30 by the sounds of it. And she left your kitchen in a right mess which is disrespectful imo, I'd call it a day on the friendship if it were me.

[quote MadMadaMim]@HollowedOut
"Well, she’s headed off now anyway and I'm not planning on putting much effort into maintaining the friendship from now on. It’s a bit sad as we’ve known each other for years and would regularly send long emails/ WhatsApp messages while she lived abroad. Talking about stuff that you don’t with people when it’s face to face so I felt this friendship was possibly much deeper than she did. Ah, well."

She didn't take your bloody loyalty card - she didn't even ask for it. You gave it to her without explaining what you wanted her to do with it. When asked, she explained it was a misunderstanding. You've chosen not to believe that. If you hadn't given her that'd, she would have paid for the shopping so clearly had every intention to pay for the meal - or do you believe she was going to ask you for the money she spent?

Losea friendship over loyalty points? £30 on a loyalty card?!? Maybe it's you who doesn't think the friendship is very deep

Maybe it's better for everyone that you're not going to put the effort in.[/quote]
It was not a misunderstanding. She didn’t claim she didn’t understand what the card was for. She claimed she somehow accidentally used the points and didn’t realise. She didn’t then offer to make up the £30. The amount doesn’t matter much, although it would buy a lot of groceries, it’s the dishonesty.

@MadMadaMim as I’ve already explained multiple times £30 is a log of money to me. I’m a single parent with a job working in an insecure industry where if I lost my job I’d be very unlikely to find anything else similar without having to relocate. Having a few days worth of shopping on a card is a bit of reassurance for me. As I’ve also explained I told her that she’d spent my points and she didn’t offer to repay them.

I don’t necessarily think she was lying about it being a misunderstanding but to not offer to repay it when she realised it was, having stayed at my house for 4 days with me feeding her and apparently making me a meal as a way to say thank you is shitty behaviour IMO.

I love my Co-Op card, OP.

I'm with you on that- they do add up to quote a bit quite quickly.

If you scan them at self checkouts, it does say how much money you have, and asks if you want to pay for shopping with them.

It's quite clear so I think she definitely would have known.

I think you should have asked for the money back outright rather than hinting.

Losea friendship over loyalty points? £30 on a loyalty card?!? Maybe it's you who doesn't think the friendship is very deep

Maybe it's better for everyone that you're not going to put the effort in.

I am one of the posters who don't have a loyalty card, would have been perplexed by being handed a loyalty card w/o explanation, and don't feel asking other people to put my points against their shopping would be something I would do.

However, I don't think this is fair. OP has explained the £30 is not an insignificant figure for her and she has already done her friend the kindness of hosting for her for a few days.

Regardless of whether this is a genuine misunderstanding due to poor communication between the pair, why wouldn't you offer to reimburse OP in this scenario when the mistake has been pointed out to you?? Friend was obviously intending to pay for and cook OP a meal, so paying for the ingredients before or after the fact should make no difference to her at all.

It sounds like OP that this friendship is over from what you say.

wow the most i ever get on my co op card is about 50p, before i spend it!

OP would it be cheaper to get a supermarket delivery instead of going to coop everyday? It's so expensive

[quote HollowedOut]@MadMadaMim as I’ve already explained multiple times £30 is a log of money to me. I’m a single parent with a job working in an insecure industry where if I lost my job I’d be very unlikely to find anything else similar without having to relocate. Having a few days worth of shopping on a card is a bit of reassurance for me. As I’ve also explained I told her that she’d spent my points and she didn’t offer to repay them.

I don’t necessarily think she was lying about it being a misunderstanding but to not offer to repay it when she realised it was, having stayed at my house for 4 days with me feeding her and apparently making me a meal as a way to say thank you is shitty behaviour IMO.[/quote]
Are you going to be straight with her and actually ask her to repay the money? Just explain what you have in your posts, the points are your back-up shopping and you didn't expect her to spend them. It sounds like the friendship is done for anyway so you've nothing to lose.

@Takeawaytonight I love rurally and both Sainsbury’s and Tesco deliver here the times/ dates they offer are incredibly limited. It wasn’t too much of an issue during lockdown but now I’m back in the office I can’t wait in for a delivery on a Tuesday afternoon and it’s not practical.

@TheWeeDonkeyFella when she was here I explained that it was my back up money, told her how it gives me a feeling of having a safety net and said that I thought she was treating me to a meal. I didn’t ask her directly for the £30 but I couldn’t have made it clearer that I expected it back. She just kept giggling and saying how embarrassing/ awkward it was and that it was a mistake. Money is absolutely not an issue for her so it wouldn’t be that.

She's behaved really badly, OP.

I'm not surprised you don't feel very warm towards her.

If money is not an issue for her you should spell it out. Say that you realise she doesn't understand how this money is actually important to you, and point out that her using your house as a hotel saved her an absolute minimum of £150, so it's appalling to not only not thank you for the stay, but to charge you extra while pretending to thank you. She seems a proper piece of work to me..

[quote HollowedOut]@Takeawaytonight I love rurally and both Sainsbury’s and Tesco deliver here the times/ dates they offer are incredibly limited. It wasn’t too much of an issue during lockdown but now I’m back in the office I can’t wait in for a delivery on a Tuesday afternoon and it’s not practical.[/quote]
Single mum of 3 children and live rurally

How do you “ferry them around” and get to work?

I’m a single parent. live rurally. Life without my car would be…. Difficult to say the least

@implantreplace They do most of their after school activities at the village hall which is only about a 15 minute walk from school. I work in a business park that is about 200m from their school, luckily, which is why I’m so keen to hang onto my job. If I didn’t work there, unless I could find a remote position we’d have to relocate which I really don’t want to have to do until they are secondary school age.

I’m hoping to be able to get a car again by the end of the year but with petrol prices going the way they are whether I can afford to run it or not will be a different matter!

I’m a single mum of 2, not 3

WOW! I can't beleive the mentality of some forum users. Th OP never asked for budgeting advice or which shops are the best or cheapest, never asked for an opinion on her lifestyle.
Simple question : was the friend in the wrong and should she have paid it back.?
Yes and yes .
Should the friend have assumed she was offering her the card to pay for the shopping?
No
Could she have spent the points by accident?
No
So back to start , should OP be pissed off?
Yes
Incidentally , if you have never used a Coop loyalty card then don't feel qualified to answer just because you have used a supermarket. The loyalty card collects points as you shop but only on own brands, so £30 is a lot plus "scabby " for asking someone to collect points on your card if they don't have one? Think you need a reality check....... And what about all the money the points also give to local charity? Is it "scabby" to collect for those good causes as well
She is not a friend, she's a freeloader, bin her off

I don't use the Co-op because I find them far too expensive but I've been saving my Sainsbury's and Tesco points without using them for about 5yrs and I've got a grand total of £16.23 and £17.79 respectively. I've also been collecting at Asda since just before xmas and have £2.20.
Basically, if you live alone and/or spend very little on your groceries, as I do, it can take an awfully long time to accrue £30, so for someone to come along and use it without permission is definitely not on!

We dont have the Co Op here [im in Ireland].
But even i know if someone hands you a clubcard its obviously to get the points.Not spend whats on it.

Like how dopey would you have to be.
She offered to buy the ingredients which didnt happen.
She never reimbursed the op,which means it was intentional.

And then the op had to come down and clean up after her,

@Kristof

WOW! I can't beleive the mentality of some forum users. Th OP never asked for budgeting advice or which shops are the best or cheapest, never asked for an opinion on her lifestyle. Simple question : was the friend in the wrong and should she have paid it back.? Yes and yes . Should the friend have assumed she was offering her the card to pay for the shopping? No Could she have spent the points by accident? No So back to start , should OP be pissed off? Yes Incidentally , if you have never used a Coop loyalty card then don't feel qualified to answer just because you have used a supermarket. The loyalty card collects points as you shop but only on own brands, so £30 is a lot plus "scabby " for asking someone to collect points on your card if they don't have one? Think you need a reality check....... And what about all the money the points also give to local charity? Is it "scabby" to collect for those good causes as well She is not a friend, she's a freeloader, bin her off

Well said 👏 spot on @Kristof

Side note though..did someone on here really use the word "scabby"??
OMG I missed that 🤭 😂

I haven't heard scab/scabby as an insult since primary school and I had no idea people still say it!

With your added updates OP, she sounds more and more cheeky and bloody rude! I would be fuming that she was just giggling and making light when you brought it up with her, when she knows that buffer of points is important to you.

I understand the discomfort of not wanting to explicitly ask for it back, because you shouldn't need to, and we're so conditioned not to come across as "unreasonable" or make others uncomfortable. This would totally sour my feelings about a friend, as it shows a really selfish, thoughtless side to them.

None of your actions were grabby, and your expectation of a relaxing evening are perfectly reasonable too. I would have thought the same, maybe some washing up etc but I wouldn't expect to come down to an absolute bombsite, which I think had to clean up.

send her your bank details and ask for the money op
what have you got to lose?

Just saw your recent update op. So she knows what she's done and that you're on a tight budget. She's been hugely disrespectful and turned what should have been a kind gesture into an unpleasant situation which is really sad. Seems like she's willing to let this friendship go so I would do the same if I were you.

[quote HollowedOut]@TheWeeDonkeyFella when she was here I explained that it was my back up money, told her how it gives me a feeling of having a safety net and said that I thought she was treating me to a meal. I didn’t ask her directly for the £30 but I couldn’t have made it clearer that I expected it back. She just kept giggling and saying how embarrassing/ awkward it was and that it was a mistake. Money is absolutely not an issue for her so it wouldn’t be that.[/quote]
That update is absolutely shocking OP.

So sorry.

You sound so decent.

She is a disgusting person.

I too would throw caution to the wind an text her for the return of the money she took from you.