Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

She took my bloody co-op card

627 replies

HollowedOut · 10/03/2022 01:18

I’ve had a friend staying with me for the last few days, she due to go home tomorrow. As a thank you for letting her stay she offered to cook us a meal this evening which I gratefully accepted. She needed to go up to Co-Op to get the ingredients so I said to her to take my membership card if she hasn’t got one.

She went up and bought all the ingredients and cooked a really lovely meal. We had a bottle of wine with the meal but fancied another so I popped up to Co-Op again to buy another. I scan my member card like always and she’s spent all my points! There was about £30 on there that I have saved up for months. I like to know that I’ve always got a bit on there in case I’m short one month, it’s just a bit of reassurance.

If someone asked you to take their loyalty card to a shop when you had offered to cook them a meal would you assume that meant the person was offering to pay for the meal with their points? Or would you think they just wanted you to scan their card at checkout so you have a few more points?

Apologies if I’m rambling but it’s 1am, I’ve drunk a bottle of wine and I’m disproportionately pissed off that she’s spent my points!

OP posts:
HAF1119 · 12/03/2022 08:09

I would say 'urgh I'm having a nightmare with co op at the moment, they've wiped my balance and I had spent ages saving points on my card! Getting IT to look into it as they're saying I used them but I know I didn't, it's a pain in the neck!'

But I'm a bit indirect in asking someone what they did and letting them know my view most the time!

chaosmaker · 12/03/2022 08:15

@TheRealityCheque

Hmmm.

"Here, take my loyalty card" is not clear, imo.

It's £30. Suck it up.

£30 is a week's shopping!
PerseverancePays · 12/03/2022 08:20

She blatantly used your money saved up on your points AND knew it as she wasn't in the slightest bit inclined to pay you back AND she's a common thief paying £7 for a £37 shop! Total CF in the first degree.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General shopping
CrustyCrackers · 12/03/2022 08:26

Are you going to confront her or not? No point in whinging about it if you're not
All these posters saying it's cheeky to give her your card 🙄 dear God I'm trying to save the pennies anyway I can at the moment

GameofPhones · 12/03/2022 08:28

I have a Coop card, but never took the points seriously. Like all such schemes, I tend to think they don't offer much in reality and are a waste of time. I took the card out at a time when they seemed to be having a campaign and made it very easy to apply. Plus I like the ethical policies of the Coop. As a result of reading this thread, I decided to check my points. To my amazement, I have about £24 worth.

Maybe like me your friend didn't value Coop points and thought it would be just a small amount off the total she had to pay. She then attributed the massive discount to an error by the Coop.

beenaroundtheblox · 12/03/2022 08:32

@CrustyCrackers

Are you going to confront her or not? No point in whinging about it if you're not All these posters saying it's cheeky to give her your card 🙄 dear God I'm trying to save the pennies anyway I can at the moment
Can't you read?
CrustyCrackers · 12/03/2022 08:42

@beenaroundtheblox yep, but you either say you want them back and be blunt or leave it.
No use in pussy footing around with someone like that
Hope your day gets better btw

PainterMummy · 12/03/2022 09:31

What was the end result with talking to your friend about the article/post? She’ll have seen the various comments/thoughts, etc many agreeing she owed you the £30.

Is the friendship now over

Gonnagetgoing · 12/03/2022 09:43

Flogging a dead horse a bit here but it seems like. Friend comes to stay, been living abroad for a few years so not au fait with loyalty cards. Offers to go to shop to get food. Finds out OP has points worth x amount of money. Thinks “that’s a result” and uses them. Maybe as there’s a lot of points there thinks her friend isn’t that bothered if they’re used on this food shop.

Friend is wrong for not checking, OP should’ve been clearer.

Friend made it worse by being messy. Again, friend needs to say, please can you clear up after yourself, though friend prob thought OP should wash up etc.

CrankyFrankie · 12/03/2022 09:44

Before you cut her loose I would be explicit re the meal costing you £30 as she sounds scatty and probably hasn’t put 2+2 together. It’d be a shame to lose the friendship over it - just bear in mind she’s a rubbish house guest and do other stuff in future.

ResurrectionInfinity · 12/03/2022 10:00

@PainterMummy

What was the end result with talking to your friend about the article/post? She’ll have seen the various comments/thoughts, etc many agreeing she owed you the £30.

Is the friendship now over

I thought she meant she’d talked to her friend about the missing points, not the actual thread.
MrsLargeEmbodied · 12/03/2022 10:22

personally i feel as she cooked of course you clean up after her, taking the Who paid for this, out of the equation.

BlaBlaSmthSmth · 12/03/2022 10:34

@MrsLargeEmbodied

personally i feel as she cooked of course you clean up after her, taking the Who paid for this, out of the equation.
We'll, yeah maybe if it's an average amount of clearing up and washing the dishes it's ok to suggest that but if you can't cook without making an excessive amount of mess, to the point your host needs to get the mop out, then the polite thing to do is to clean up after yourself.
implantreplace · 12/03/2022 10:36

@MrsLargeEmbodied

personally i feel as she cooked of course you clean up after her, taking the Who paid for this, out of the equation.
True friends

You cook together
You clean up together

Becuae it’s your last night and you want to spend time together

In fact… probably both take a stroll to coop together

And you talk. And communicate.

But…. Not it would seem in this scenario

ResurrectionInfinity · 12/03/2022 10:37

@MrsLargeEmbodied

personally i feel as she cooked of course you clean up after her, taking the Who paid for this, out of the equation.
Yes, but curry sauce all over the floor is a bit much, isn’t it?
ResurrectionInfinity · 12/03/2022 10:41

“ True friends

You cook together
You clean up together

Becuae it’s your last night and you want to spend time together

In fact… probably both take a stroll to coop together

And you talk. And communicate.

But…. Not it would seem in this scenario”

Interesting point! Guests and fish stink after three days! It was too long a visit for someone the host actually doesn’t know very well.

YupNameChangeAgain · 12/03/2022 11:54

Unless one of you has kids and is a single parent

These scenarios are so specific to lifestyles , so can’t be generalised

Original poster
HollowedOut · 12/03/2022 12:32

@implantreplace in this case she was cooking while I was at work and then ferrying my dc to their after school activities. I’ve been working while she’s been staying here. She had a couple of friends in the area that she’s visited while I’ve been at work and also went to a local landmark she was interested in.

She’d sold it as an evening relaxing once dc were in bed but once I’d got them to bed I came down and my kitchen was an absolute state - sauce all over the floor, empty packets of chicken, cream, half cut up herbs on the side rather than the bin, pans not even put in the sink (or the empty dishwasher), she hadn’t made any rice or put the naan breads in so I had to do that. If I was a guest I’d be tidying as I went along so that when my friend came down from putting dc to bed I could present them with a plate of food and a glass of wine. That’s what I used to do for dh and him for me when we were doing a “date night” so I safely assumed it would be similar.

OP posts:
Original poster
HollowedOut · 12/03/2022 12:32

*daftly assumed, not safely

OP posts:
ResurrectionInfinity · 12/03/2022 14:20

It gets worse. It sounds as though she invited herself and used the place like a hotel!
Have you counted the spoons?

implantreplace · 12/03/2022 14:40

As I say upthread

It really doesn’t seem you’re that keen on her, irrespective of the card issue

So no big loss to phase her out

And given you’ve seen each other once in a decade, I don’t suppose it will keep her up at night

BlaBlaSmthSmth · 12/03/2022 14:57

@implantreplace

As I say upthread

It really doesn’t seem you’re that keen on her, irrespective of the card issue

So no big loss to phase her out

And given you’ve seen each other once in a decade, I don’t suppose it will keep her up at night

OP has already addressed remarks made about how she seemingly didn't like her friend, she doesn't like the behaviour, that's normal TBH I love my mum/sister/friend etc but I don't like everything they do. And by the sound of this "friend" behaviour she doesn't respect OP very much at all.

@HollowedOut I think you're better off without friends like that 😳 although I do think you should message her and let her know you'd like to be compensated for her "mistake"

implantreplace · 12/03/2022 15:22

But if you’ve only seen your friend twice in a decade
And to have this view with the card, the leaving the kitchen in a mess and then leaving OP to clean up - when you so very rarely see one another

Well, it’s a bit different from a mother or sister annoyance really isn’t it?

BlaBlaSmthSmth · 12/03/2022 15:35

The relationship is different of course but it doesn't change the fact that you can like someone but not like something they do, it's perfectly natural 🤷🏽‍♀️
Life isn't always black and white and also your feelings can change about someone a a result of their behaviour, so the comments about OP not liking her friend were pretty pointless, I'm sure she did like her friend when she invited her to stay but maybe her actions changed OPs view of her.

MadMadaMim · 12/03/2022 15:45

@HollowedOut
"Well, she’s headed off now anyway and I'm not planning on putting much effort into maintaining the friendship from now on. It’s a bit sad as we’ve known each other for years and would regularly send long emails/ WhatsApp messages while she lived abroad. Talking about stuff that you don’t with people when it’s face to face so I felt this friendship was possibly much deeper than she did. Ah, well."

She didn't take your bloody loyalty card - she didn't even ask for it. You gave it to her without explaining what you wanted her to do with it. When asked, she explained it was a misunderstanding. You've chosen not to believe that. If you hadn't given her that'd, she would have paid for the shopping so clearly had every intention to pay for the meal - or do you believe she was going to ask you for the money she spent?

Losea friendship over loyalty points? £30 on a loyalty card?!? Maybe it's you who doesn't think the friendship is very deep

Maybe it's better for everyone that you're not going to put the effort in.

Swipe left for the next trending thread