Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Dp won't let kids leave the house because of Russian invasion

327 replies

Privateandconfidentialplease · 01/03/2022 08:28

We live in the UK and he won't let our secondary school age kids leave the house and go to school. It is 10 minutes away so pretty local. He is usually intelligent, aware of world events and history. He used to be in the marines and is very aware of military history and stuff. You get the picture. I think the kids can go in as normal but have discussed it with him and he wont budge. So they will have more time at home now. He wants them to have the whole week off. I have said they can stay home today and we will discuss it tomorrow. After all the lockdowns....self isolation due to covid twice.
Is he crazy?

OP posts:
Comedycook · 01/03/2022 09:52

I can see his point of view: if the worst happens he doesn’t want to spend the last time before it in work

How on earth can you understand this point of view? It's absolute nonsense. Good job most people don't think like this or no shops would be open, buses running or doctors working! Just in case we're nuked and don't want to be at work when it happens Hmm

Zillamop · 01/03/2022 09:52

Encourage him to see the GP and offer to go with him. Or you could talk to the GP yourself for some advice. You could also speak to the school as I'm sure they would rather know why the children are absent.

Itsnotover · 01/03/2022 09:53

@mam0918

We have had 2 decades of 'the war on terror' which has seen nearly every continent and dozens of countries involved with both military action and terrorist bomb threats widespread and ongoing (including many orchestrated attacks on our country like 7/7 and manchester arena).

I really don't see why people are suddenly freaking out, we have literally been in a 'worldwide' war since 2001 (its litrally classed as a global level war) and its STILL ongoing ffs, it's the same shit just a different country in the spotlight.

Russia has been heavily involved in this two-decade war, Including many attacks on planes including civilian ones.

Feel bad for Ukraine but nothing has changed really - regardless of 'name' we have been in WW3 for fucking ages and now one cared a few months ago and nothing has changed for us here.

I couldn’t agree more with this. What’s going on is that people in the UK are less affected by black and brown people being killed in bombings but now it’s going on in our own continent and happening to white people it’s too close to home. And reminds them of their own mortality.
Misspacorabanne · 01/03/2022 09:53

I too have felt the same this morning, very anxious, and not wanting to be apart from my children Incase anything does happen. Ive continued as normal and taken them in, tried to remain upbeat, although my stomachs been in knots! I'm scared I won't have time to get to them in time, to be with them, it's bloody terrifying... I understand how your dh must feel, but I think we need to keep things as normal as possible for DC.

battenburgHatday · 01/03/2022 09:54

He must be so worried 😞 I can totally understand how he feels

battenburgHatday · 01/03/2022 09:54

@Misspacorabanne

I too have felt the same this morning, very anxious, and not wanting to be apart from my children Incase anything does happen. Ive continued as normal and taken them in, tried to remain upbeat, although my stomachs been in knots! I'm scared I won't have time to get to them in time, to be with them, it's bloody terrifying... I understand how your dh must feel, but I think we need to keep things as normal as possible for DC.
Yes I felt the same
CaveMum · 01/03/2022 09:54

Give Combat Stress a call and get advice 0800 1381619
They don’t offer emergency/crisis help but might be able to put you in touch with the right people.

Are you in contact with any of his fellow bootnecks? Maybe talking to one of his friends or his old officer might help bring down his anxiety levels?

The Royal Marines Charity is also a good place to look for support, but again they’re not a crisis team so if you think things are getting worse you may need to call your GP or the Samaritans.
rma-trmc.org/wellbeing/mental-health-and-wellbeing/

battenburgHatday · 01/03/2022 09:55

I know I can get to and from the school in about 15mins so although I fought the urge to keep them home I’m literally ready to go if I have to

Itsnotover · 01/03/2022 09:55

Also, the government has basically said that there is now a threat of Russian terrorist attacks in the UK. So are you also not going to go to any shopping centres?

Excited101 · 01/03/2022 09:55

You cannot let this continue op, it’s ridiculously unfair on your children

Shoxfordian · 01/03/2022 09:56

He needs some professional support

Cornettoninja · 01/03/2022 09:56

He sounds unwell. I think you’ve got a duty to your children to remove them from the situation tbh. I think seeking further help/support is your only option really but this needs to be done, ideally, with your children away from him.

If his beliefs are this paranoid I would be concerned about escalation to harming someone in the belief he is ‘saving’ them from a worse fate. Trying to keep you all at home is already extreme and given the situation is unlikely to change in the short term I wouldn’t be confident this is the peak of his anxiety. If his belief is that strong you have to consider what options he might believe are available to him and truthfully there aren’t many.

Longcovid21 · 01/03/2022 09:57

He must have pstd. The conflict is terrifying but its currently over 2000 miles away. This is traumatic for the children. I would seek advice from the school.

Longcovid21 · 01/03/2022 09:58

Ptsd

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 01/03/2022 09:58

I don't think he's being entirely irrational in that nobody knows what state of mind putin is in and he does have form for following through. I think it would be naive to totally dismiss the concerns surrounding this situation.

The OP's dh needs to find a way of dealing with his anxiety in a way that doesn't impact his family. There may come a time when children need to be kept off school, but I doubt it'll be this week.

I think he needs to see the GP and get some medication as this can quickly help.

Longcovid21 · 01/03/2022 10:00

I have been very upset watching the news but maintaining normality is important for the children I think.

NewYearEveryYear · 01/03/2022 10:00

I feel like your husband does, I just want my little family all in one place, I've read articles on how to survive nuclear fallout, and the key advice is to stay put in a solid building (like our house).

However, the difference is, although I FEEL like that, I'm not ACTING on it. DD is at school, DH is in the office - I am at home because I WFH. I feel anxious, I wish everyone was here.

I know the risk is small, I believe the UK and US have satellite visibility of nuclear weaponry around the world. So we'd get some level of warning. I know that Putin is likely posturing. I know all of these things. But it's still scary to me,

It's only my self-restraint that is stopping me from behaving like your husband. I wonder why he is unable to apply that same self-restraint, the anxiety isn't abnormal, it's acting on it that is.

Briony123 · 01/03/2022 10:01

Watch Threads. If you were to survive a nuclear attack, you would have plenty of time indoors together afterwards.

MagicFox · 01/03/2022 10:02

But what is the point of the warning?

Octomore · 01/03/2022 10:02

@Fridafever

He’s abusive. Possibly because of a mental health crisis but you need to remove the children if he’s not letting them leave the house.
I agree. Preventing your children from leaving the house is abuse, even if it may be due to mental health issues on his part.

Keeping them at home isn't protecting them from anything, it's just limiting their lives.

saraclara · 01/03/2022 10:06

I understand that PTSD or something similar is behind this. But I'm worried about the things he's said to you about 'living his last hours' etc. Are the DCs hearing these conversations? I would imagine it would be very damaging for them to hear their father saying things like this. I'd want to protect them from that, and keep life normal for them.

Please get some help for him, and reassure and protect your kids. I'm sorry it's all on you, but he clearly thinks he's being reasonable, so he's not going to do it for himself.

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 01/03/2022 10:06

But what is the point of the warning?

So people can get inside a building. Contrary to popular opinion, if the bomb drops, the entire population of the UK won't be instantly vaporised. The majority of people will survive and be left to deal with the aftermath.

Mollysocks · 01/03/2022 10:07

@Rosehugger

Just because it is driven by mental health issues and he needs help doesn't mean he isn't being abusive, nor does it give him a free pass to be abusive. It's still abusive.

What would he do if you told him he is being ridiculous and the kids are going to school?

Doesn’t abuse have to be intentional? If someone isn’t in the right mind and isn’t thinking about how their actions affect others (by nature of not being in their right mind) then I don’t think it can be abuse.

In fact I’ve just had a quick search and this definition popped up:

Abuse is defined as any action that intentionally harms or injures another person. In short, someone who purposefully harms another in any way is committing abuse

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 01/03/2022 10:07

I think he needs help. Yes, some people may worry more than others, but keeping secondary children home from school is ott.

Hesma · 01/03/2022 10:10

Are you of Russian ethnicity? If you are he may be worried about bullying and I’d suggest speaking to school. If not then I think he may need help with his mental health.

Swipe left for the next trending thread