Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Dp won't let kids leave the house because of Russian invasion

327 replies

Privateandconfidentialplease · 01/03/2022 08:28

We live in the UK and he won't let our secondary school age kids leave the house and go to school. It is 10 minutes away so pretty local. He is usually intelligent, aware of world events and history. He used to be in the marines and is very aware of military history and stuff. You get the picture. I think the kids can go in as normal but have discussed it with him and he wont budge. So they will have more time at home now. He wants them to have the whole week off. I have said they can stay home today and we will discuss it tomorrow. After all the lockdowns....self isolation due to covid twice.
Is he crazy?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 01/03/2022 08:46

He’s not the same DH who decided to build a bunker is he? This sounds like a serious MH crisis. The kids need to be in school and he needs help.

coffeeisthebest · 01/03/2022 08:46

But you can see that life is carrying on as normal here and we need to just continue on? I would firstly gently and then strongly insist they go in. If he won't budge you need outside help. Ring school and inform them of the situation and that you don't consent to this..

romdowa · 01/03/2022 08:48

I'd send the children to school and I'd be telling dh that he has to go somewhere else until his metal health is under control. No way would I expose my children to his irrational behaviour

RisingSunn · 01/03/2022 08:49

I don’t think he’s abusive. I think he has been severely triggered understandably; and needs help/GP.

Mollysocks · 01/03/2022 08:50

@EmpressCixi

I don’t agree he is being abusive. I think his reaction is probably driven by PTSD. I’d seek medical help for him and send the kids to school. His reaction isn’t normal and you should not be enabling the paranoia.
Agree
Babymamamama · 01/03/2022 08:50

PTSD. Poor man he must need some help.

MajorCarolDanvers · 01/03/2022 08:51

If he's military he knows how long it takes to mobilise. It would take weeks for Russian troops to get here. Long enough to get the kids home from school.

There's something really wrong with his behaviour. How is his mental health?

22022022MummaMEwarrior · 01/03/2022 08:55

Oh bless him. It sounds like PTSD to me, I know quite a few ex military and they are struggling. The footage is literally everywhere they cannot escape it so it is causing ptsd triggers. Add to that the additional threat of Putin actually following through on the nuke threat and no wonder he is being overly cautious. I would think that military personnel probably know a bit more about a) what would happen if a nuke was launched and b) they definitely know what the people on Ukraine are going through. He will obviously want to protect his family.

That said I would suggest getting in contact with an organisation that dealt with military ptsd to help him through this.

tara66 · 01/03/2022 08:56

He can't be serious. You have a problem.

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 01/03/2022 08:57

[quote Athrawes]Try calling SSAFA and see if one of their field support staff can pop round for a chat
www.ssafa.org.uk/about-us/how-we-help[/quote]
Seconding this or any similar service.

FindingMeno · 01/03/2022 09:00

He's scared and trying to protect his family the best way he knows how.
I don't know what the answer is.

Tynetime · 01/03/2022 09:01

Mi Hooe he can get the help abd support he needs .

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 01/03/2022 09:02

@MajorCarolDanvers

If he's military he knows how long it takes to mobilise. It would take weeks for Russian troops to get here. Long enough to get the kids home from school.

There's something really wrong with his behaviour. How is his mental health?

He isnt irrationally affairs of an invasion.

He is a little less irrationally afraid of being bombed. That takes minutes.

Putin knows if he does that, then the western world will bomb him back and it is game over for everyone. It is very very unlikely, but sadly, not impossible as he seems to have lost his mind.

It's a threat we need to live with though. We cant just stop. OP's husband may be unwell due to his experiences and he needs help, but the kids need to be sent to school.

Rosehugger · 01/03/2022 09:04

Just because it is driven by mental health issues and he needs help doesn't mean he isn't being abusive, nor does it give him a free pass to be abusive. It's still abusive.

What would he do if you told him he is being ridiculous and the kids are going to school?

Lady089 · 01/03/2022 09:05

This sounds like PTSD, I know someone who is similar. Things like this can trigger mental health problems, flashback backs.

ElvisPresleyHadABaby · 01/03/2022 09:07

I'd worry about his mental health, especially as a veteran. That's not a rational response.

Fridafever · 01/03/2022 09:08

I stand by the behaviour being abusive. I noted on my first post that it was likely to be driven by a mental health crisis, I hope the poor man gets the help he needs. That doesn’t change the fact that refusing to let his family members leave the house is abuse and you need to protect your children from this.

labyrinthlaziness · 01/03/2022 09:08

He needs help not name-calling.

One day off school is not the problem, so just let that go today - it is a priority to get help for your DH.

Flowers it is a scary time for many people and a few will have extreme reactions.

Sarahcoggles · 01/03/2022 09:09

@jytdtysrht

I don’t think he’s crazy. Putin threatened never before seen consequences for interfering. Easily construed as nukes. We’ve interfered. Putin has the means to send a nuke here. Very easily. So it is logical to consider that we could be nuked. However secondary kids need to go to school. At this stage, they should definitely go. But your h isn’t wrong or stupid. He’s knowledgeable and experienced and worrying over something that could easily happen. Putin has no decency or boundaries. He does things that are beyond the pale. He just novichooks or irradiated people who don’t agree with him. He has already trashed himself by invading like this and so why wouldn’t he start firing nukes? He personally has little to lose given his age and position.
You may not be aware be the British forces have been watching the Russians for decades, and if they prepare a nuclear weapon, we’ll know about it in advance. Plenty of time for OP to pick her kids up from school and bring them home. Not that it’ll make one scrap of difference a nuclear bomb lands!

OP you need to send your kids to school and speak to the GP about your husband. He’s not well.

girlmom21 · 01/03/2022 09:10

It's unfair to label him as crazy or abusive. He's a man of war. He's seen the worst sides of conflict.

Take the kids to school. Talk to him about calling the GP or a helpline.

labyrinthlaziness · 01/03/2022 09:11

@Fridafever

I stand by the behaviour being abusive. I noted on my first post that it was likely to be driven by a mental health crisis, I hope the poor man gets the help he needs. That doesn’t change the fact that refusing to let his family members leave the house is abuse and you need to protect your children from this.
It is not 'abuse' - you are misusing the term.

If someone in the throes of a psychosis threatens a person with a knife it is different to a person of sound mind doing so.

Clearly he is wrong but you can't call everything 'abuse'.

Original poster
Privateandconfidentialplease · 01/03/2022 09:11

I don't think I am enabling him. Usually what I say goes...regarding the kids. He really wont budge on this. I reckon if i insist they go in it won't go well. I will try to get them in tomorrow tho.
He said he isn't going into work this week. He said he doesn't want to spend the last hours of life at work.

OP posts:
EmpressCixi · 01/03/2022 09:11

@Fridafever

I stand by the behaviour being abusive. I noted on my first post that it was likely to be driven by a mental health crisis, I hope the poor man gets the help he needs. That doesn’t change the fact that refusing to let his family members leave the house is abuse and you need to protect your children from this.
So all the mums who kept their kids off school for weeks on end due to the Pandemic were being abusive too? There is nothing “abusive” about telling a kid to take one day off school...... Yes his reasoning is bat shit but the action itself, keeping them home a day is not an abusive action.
Spaciet · 01/03/2022 09:13

There are some charities that can help, as others have suggested I also agree it's likely to be related to his time in the marines. It's a hard situation for you all, seek support from your friends and family for yourself too OP.

combatstress.org.uk/

Totalwasteofpaper · 01/03/2022 09:14

@Privateandconfidentialplease

I don't think I am enabling him. Usually what I say goes...regarding the kids. He really wont budge on this. I reckon if i insist they go in it won't go well. I will try to get them in tomorrow tho. He said he isn't going into work this week. He said he doesn't want to spend the last hours of life at work.
Take the kids to school yourself. No discussion.

I would insist he see a GP and a mental health professional.

This is 100% crazy talk.

Swipe left for the next trending thread