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Original poster

Dp won't let kids leave the house because of Russian invasion

327 replies

Privateandconfidentialplease · 01/03/2022 08:28

We live in the UK and he won't let our secondary school age kids leave the house and go to school. It is 10 minutes away so pretty local. He is usually intelligent, aware of world events and history. He used to be in the marines and is very aware of military history and stuff. You get the picture. I think the kids can go in as normal but have discussed it with him and he wont budge. So they will have more time at home now. He wants them to have the whole week off. I have said they can stay home today and we will discuss it tomorrow. After all the lockdowns....self isolation due to covid twice.
Is he crazy?

OP posts:
Rosehugger · 01/03/2022 09:15

What do you mean "He won't budge?" He'd have to bloody budge if the kids ignored him, got ready and got on the bus. What would he do then?

Sally872 · 01/03/2022 09:15

Very extreme reaction. It is scary but there is good chance we in the UK will be ok, surely he can sew being OK as a possibility?

I agree with others he is having some sort of mental health issue.

Talk to him, the kids are going to school and he needs to get to work or signed off while he seeks help. More chance of bankruptcy and poor education than war for your household at this point.

Freshoutofideas21 · 01/03/2022 09:16

His PTSD is kicking in, I suggest you get some form of help xxx

Comedycook · 01/03/2022 09:17

He's either abusive or he's having a mental health crisis. Pack your kids off to school and call the gp or ltb depending on which it is.

DSGR · 01/03/2022 09:17

You have to make him budge. He will terrify them.
This isn’t a normal reaction at all, your children need to go to school.
If we are hit by Russia, nobody will survive anyway so best just to carry on as normal

Rosehugger · 01/03/2022 09:17

It's unfair to label him as crazy or abusive. He's a man of war. He's seen the worst sides of conflict

Cut out the "our brave boys" nonsense. Presumably he wasn't trafficked or conscripted into the forces?

labyrinthlaziness · 01/03/2022 09:17

@Rosehugger

What do you mean "He won't budge?" He'd have to bloody budge if the kids ignored him, got ready and got on the bus. What would he do then?
If you were married to someone military having a PTSD episode, would you want to escalate things involving your children??

This is a man and a family. Be careful.

girlmom21 · 01/03/2022 09:18

@Rosehugger

It's unfair to label him as crazy or abusive. He's a man of war. He's seen the worst sides of conflict

Cut out the "our brave boys" nonsense. Presumably he wasn't trafficked or conscripted into the forces?

Being there through choice doesn't mean it won't fuck you up watching your friends die.
Bellyups · 01/03/2022 09:18

Utterly ridiculous

labyrinthlaziness · 01/03/2022 09:18

@Rosehugger

It's unfair to label him as crazy or abusive. He's a man of war. He's seen the worst sides of conflict

Cut out the "our brave boys" nonsense. Presumably he wasn't trafficked or conscripted into the forces?

This is an awful post.

The military is not easy on those who serve.

ThanksItHasPockets · 01/03/2022 09:19

This sounds like a trauma response. If he won't see a GP perhaps there are veterans' associations or the British Legion who might be able to point you in the right direction for the help he clearly needs.

labyrinthlaziness · 01/03/2022 09:20

OP I don't think you should post here - you need specialist advice.

The advice on here is ignorant IMO.

BoodleBug51 · 01/03/2022 09:21

Can your DC stay with family members for a bit? They shouldn't be around this - it's likely to really scare them, OP.

He needs help, and quickly. But please don't expose your DC to this.

Rosehugger · 01/03/2022 09:21

If you were married to someone military having a PTSD episode, would you want to escalate things involving your children??

This is a man and a family. Be careful

That is exactly what I'm trying to get at, though! If the OP and her kids are in fear they need to get help and get out, and it definitely IS abusive if by fear or actual physical threat someone's behaviour is being controlled. I am NEVER afraid of my DH, no-one should be.

AlexaShutUp · 01/03/2022 09:22

I would try to speak to your GP, OP. He sounds seriously unwell.

What would he do if you just sent the kids to school anyway. Are you afraid for your safety?

Lady089 · 01/03/2022 09:22

www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/ptsd-in-military-veterans.htm

@Privateandconfidentialplease

He needs support, most Mumsnetters will be completely unaware of just how much this impacts veterans and calling him ‘abusive’ is not helpful.

Rosehugger · 01/03/2022 09:23

The advice on here is ignorant IMO

It certainly is. People are minimising and excusing his actions.

Prescottdanni123 · 01/03/2022 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread.

Prescottdanni123 · 01/03/2022 09:23

Ask him that.

TravellingFrom · 01/03/2022 09:23

I reckon if i insist they go in it won't go well.

What do you mean by that? What do you think would happen if you insist?

augustusglupe · 01/03/2022 09:25

I'd be ignoring him and getting the children to school.
How ridiculous, he clearly needs help.

TravellingFrom · 01/03/2022 09:26

Apart from the fact that, just from what you said, he sounds he has MH issues, id also encourage you to remember that his reactions are nit your responsibility.
You cannot control how he reacts. The only thing you can do is be kind and take the decisions that look like the most suitable/realistic/logical/kind.
And in this case, it’s ensuring your dcs are going to school. They cannot be held hostage by their father MH issues.

If ‘it doesnt go down well’ well so be it. He can look after himself. Your dcs still need you to stand up for them.

Wavypurple · 01/03/2022 09:27

Ignore all of the internet doctors diagnosing him with PTSD without even knowing him or anything about your family Confused

This sounds really horrible for you I’m sorry you’re going through it. But no it’s not a rational response. What would happen if you just took them to school tomorrow?

TYbakedpotato · 01/03/2022 09:27

@Privateandconfidentialplease

I don't think I am enabling him. Usually what I say goes...regarding the kids. He really wont budge on this. I reckon if i insist they go in it won't go well. I will try to get them in tomorrow tho. He said he isn't going into work this week. He said he doesn't want to spend the last hours of life at work.
Puts a different spin on it.

Sounds like he believes the UK is going to be nuked any moment now, and he wants to spend his last moments with his loved ones, which is a normal reaction.

The question is, is he reasonable to believe we're at imminent risk of death? You know what - really hard to say right now. I'm blocking out everything that's happening. If I thought about the war with Russia too much, I'd probably lock myself away at home too.

Does he have any army mates you can contact to have a word? I don't think he's going to be talked into living life as normally as possible by a civilian.

Howmanysleepsnow · 01/03/2022 09:27

I can see his point of view: if the worst happens he doesn’t want to spend the last time before it in work.
But this doesn’t translate to the kids. If the worst happens, would he want them to spend the last time before it stuck at home, scared? He needs to see they deserve the week to be normal and without fear, and that means leaving the house.
In practical terms, they’d have 20 minutes warning to get home before a bomb hit, which your DH will know.