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Original poster

Dp won't let kids leave the house because of Russian invasion

327 replies

Privateandconfidentialplease · 01/03/2022 08:28

We live in the UK and he won't let our secondary school age kids leave the house and go to school. It is 10 minutes away so pretty local. He is usually intelligent, aware of world events and history. He used to be in the marines and is very aware of military history and stuff. You get the picture. I think the kids can go in as normal but have discussed it with him and he wont budge. So they will have more time at home now. He wants them to have the whole week off. I have said they can stay home today and we will discuss it tomorrow. After all the lockdowns....self isolation due to covid twice.
Is he crazy?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 01/03/2022 13:29

Ok so he didn't see conflict. That doesn't mean he wasn't trained in war. That doesn't mean he doesn't know what threats are out there and what could happen.

OP has he seen a doctor? It needs to happen today.

Cocycola · 01/03/2022 13:30

@herehere22

What an idiot. Imagine if he was an Ukrainian man being asked to fight. He'd hide under his mummy's skirt
This comment is vile and totally uncalled for.
Wolfiefan · 01/03/2022 13:41

@Rosesandblossoms a GP can definitely intervene and signpost people like you and the husband of the OP to the right help. Speaking from experience.

CushionSpiral · 01/03/2022 13:41

Tell someone in real life. Like a friend/sister etc why your kids aren’t going to school, just incase this is a breakdown and he escalates. Someone knows to check on you.
Although sadly there is a teeny tiny chance he is right and putin will nuke us, he has said it the UKs fault he armed his nukes, names us specifically. But we can’t stay at home hiding.
I’d worry about PTSD, and if you can the doctors and explain to the receptionist that he’s not letting your children leave the house, I promise a doctor will ring you back today,
But let a friend or someone in real life know first,

CushionSpiral · 01/03/2022 13:43

@Cornettoninja

It is not unheard of for men who are in this sort of mental state to annihilate their families, so there is a genuine risk to the OP and her children here

I’ve been dancing around this but it’s right that it’s spelled out clearly.

This is a particularly tense time which the OP and her husband have no control over. The mind automatically looks for things we can control.

This is what I also wanted to say. People kill their families if they think they can kill them gentler than a nuclear bomb/the devil/whatever is causing them to have a breakdown. They do it out of genuine love. And psychosis.
Thewindwhispers · 01/03/2022 13:43

That is not normal, he’s obviously gone a bit weird. Yes the situation in Ukraine is awful. Yes there is a small but real possibility it could escalate into a wider war.

But what on earth is keeping them off school going to achieve?

Thewindwhispers · 01/03/2022 13:46

Personally I would take the children to school. These children have two parents: one is currently rational and the other is not. It is very important that the rational person gets the final say in the family. Taking your lead from someone who’s having some kind of mental breakdown doesn’t seem like a wise path to go down.

Cornettoninja · 01/03/2022 13:48

Exactly @CushionSpiral. PTSD, experiencing active service or not the OP’s husband served as a marine. He has many fewer mental hurdles to get over to get to reach that as a viable option. That’s not his fault, that’s partly how he will have been trained to be but it’s also not entirely in his control if his grip is slipping mentally and his perspective is skewed.

AlternativePerspective · 01/03/2022 13:48

people need to stop justifying abusive behaviour in the name of mental illness.

So maybe he’s mentally ill, we don’t actually know, but even if he is that doesn’t mean his children should be victims of it. OP’s responsibility needs to be to her children not this man. If he’s so mentally ill that he’s refusing to allow his family to leave the house then he needs removing from the situation or the n
OP needs to remove herself.

Allowing herself to be controlled like this is one thing, allowing him to control her children and potentially contributing towards their poor mental health as they grow up is absolutely not acceptable, it doesn’t matter why it happens, all that matters is that it has.

I would absolutely be saying to this man that he either seek medical advice now or I would take the children and leave.

Coyoacan · 01/03/2022 13:49

This blanket news coverage of a war in another country has a lot to answer for.

I don't live in the UK but was shocked by the BBC's coverage of the pandemic during the first few weeks (I stopped listening). Instead of reassuring people while encouraging you to take sensible precautions, it went into graphic of the agony of dying from covid. So cruel.

Foolsrule · 01/03/2022 14:08

You’re not safeguarding your children effectively, OP. It will raise questions when one of your children tells their teacher they weren’t unwell and they had a day off as their dad wouldn’t let them out of the house 🙄

crispsarny · 01/03/2022 14:13

FFS some of these comments Shock Op I’d make a note of the helpful comments/contacts & then get the thread deleted as it’s not going to be helpful for you to read some of the nasty shite that’s being spewed by the fuckwits on here.

TheMarmaladeYears · 01/03/2022 14:17

I remember a colleague, back in 1979, calmly saying that he intended to kill his wife and children followed by himself as soon as he learned that Russian soldiers had invaded the UK. This guy was in a very senior role and was quiet and undramatic by nature. He'd already stashed away the drugs to kill them all and this from a man whose knowledge of drugs had previously gone no further than Lem-Sip. Nothing would dissuade him from his certainty that the Russians would land on the Kent beaches. Not long afterwards he had a serious breakdown.

From that time onwards I've tended to take these comments seriously and I really feel for the OP because I suspect there's little she can say to dissuage her DH of the certainty that a nuclear strike on the UK is imminent. She needs to keep herself safe and get MH help for her husband but certainly be very cautious about how she tackles her DH right now. He may well have a gentler form of annihilation planned for the family.

Given what was learned in those Cold War years, I think today's world leaders know just how counterproductive it would be to destroy the earth by pressing the nuclear buttons. Someone will take Putin out before he gets the chance. Of that I am sure.

Bunnyfuller · 01/03/2022 14:23

Unless since the marines he now does something to do with British military/Intel, in which case I would probably let the kids stay home.

I used to be in that line of work and always wondered how I would REALLY cope if I knew something that horrific. My mum used to ask ‘would you tell us?’ And was most miffed when I said o, but I wasn’t a mum then. Not sure I would be able to let the family go off as normal if I did know about a genuine and credible threat. You can be sure the govt would not tell us until a few minutes before, to avoid panic etc.

Original poster
Privateandconfidentialplease · 01/03/2022 14:29

Herehere22

What an utterly useless response from you. If we lived in the Ukraine he would be the first to fight. He wouldn't hide under his mum's skirt...she is dead for a start but had she been alive he would have fought to protect us all

OP posts:
FatherBuzzCagney · 01/03/2022 14:33

Hi OP,

I'm an analyst of Russian foreign/security policy. Your DP is overreacting.

Despite the very vague threatening statements made by the Russians over the last few days, the US government was reporting a few hours ago that no change to Russian nuclear force posture had been detected. There's no evidence - so far - that this was more than a desperate attempt to retrieve some credibility in the face of Russia's weakness in Ukraine and inability to stop Western states coordinating diplomatic and economic responses.

Even if Putin is mentally unstable - and there's no consensus on that - the people around him, including the senior military leadership, aren't.

1forAll74 · 01/03/2022 14:36

Can't you just overide his crazy views on this issue., you can't just keep chldren off school when you feel like it.. It's more fearful for the children,if you instill worrying ideas into their heads instead of being logical about certain things.

CaveMum · 01/03/2022 14:37

This article might help you and maybe your DH @Privateandconfidentialplease
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-60557186

gogohm · 01/03/2022 14:38

Has it triggered ptsd? Perhaps one of the forces mental health charities can talk to him or the legion.

This is a complete over reaction to so many magnitudes, it's concerning that he could do something, get him help

DuchessofAnkh1 · 01/03/2022 14:39

@Privateandconfidentialplease

I told the school the kids were ill.

I may give the dr a ring but they are so hard to get hold of and dp has this unshakable belief that there is very real possibility we will be nuked by Russia. I will have a think and approach it later on.

Really really - you need to tell the school. This is a safeguarding issue. Even if you can do anything about it or go against him, send an email to the school and tell them why they are at home.
ClemFandangoo · 01/03/2022 14:39

@FatherBuzzCagney

Hi OP,

I'm an analyst of Russian foreign/security policy. Your DP is overreacting.

Despite the very vague threatening statements made by the Russians over the last few days, the US government was reporting a few hours ago that no change to Russian nuclear force posture had been detected. There's no evidence - so far - that this was more than a desperate attempt to retrieve some credibility in the face of Russia's weakness in Ukraine and inability to stop Western states coordinating diplomatic and economic responses.

Even if Putin is mentally unstable - and there's no consensus on that - the people around him, including the senior military leadership, aren't.

Thank you for this.
gogohm · 01/03/2022 14:42

@Privateandconfidentialplease

He may not have been to war but he's been trained in warfare and taught the consequences, events in the news could have triggered something from his training causing ptsd

StScholastica · 01/03/2022 14:42

I think the marines is pretty hard-core. We have 2 ex marines in the family and they both carry the scars in their heads. One of them threw his pregnant girlfriend over a wall when a car backfired, just reacted instantly without thinking.
I'm not even sure that they have to see active service to suffer PTSD, the constant training and acting of scenarios would surely be enough to trigger paranoia in some people.

2bazookas · 01/03/2022 14:43

Yes he is, and by going along with his delusional belief you will only confirm and entrench the fantasy.

Send the kids to school; if DH kicks off, call your GP and ask for an urgent psych assessment.

Mariposista · 01/03/2022 14:48

@2bazookas

Yes he is, and by going along with his delusional belief you will only confirm and entrench the fantasy.

Send the kids to school; if DH kicks off, call your GP and ask for an urgent psych assessment.

Agree with this. He is seriously mentally ill, and needs treatment NOW. But the kids can't get dragged down with it. They need to be in school.