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Original poster

Friend telling me to not to join night out because I'm a close contact

376 replies

feelingannoyed1 · 26/02/2022 14:01

Had a night out planned with friends tonight, one I've been really looking forward to for ages as, for one reason or another, we haven't met up since summer last year. Was looking forward to getting dressed up and having a few drinks, this isn't something I get to do very often as I have young kids. For context, the other members of the group don't have kids and get out much more than me.

But of course we now have a positive Covid case in our household. I'm negative and have no symptoms, but thought it was just courtesy to let the group know. Was expecting them just to say oh that's fine, we're looking forward to seeing you, but the organiser wrote back saying what a shame, they'll all miss me and hopefully I can join another time!

I'm actually really upset. There's no reason I can't go, and we have to start living our lives again. The impact on everyone's mental health is too great, and that includes me missing out on some much needed social interaction (and yes I know there are much worse things going on in the world right now).

I spoke to one of the other girls in the group, she was happy for me to come, but didn't really want to get caught up in a bit of an argument, and either do I. I just think if the organiser isn't comfortable sitting on a table with a close contact who is negative (despite herself working quite closely with COVID positive patients!) then it should be her that should stay at home, not me!

Just need a rant, this has actually really upset me ☹️

OP posts:
Abraxan · 26/02/2022 21:07

but would you be happy to meet up with a friend who didn't have flu but someone in their household did?

I've posted about my experience of other viruses such as flu and colds on MN.

Flu isn't anywhere near as prevalent at present. It's often less transmissible. I've knowingly had flu once (I know it can be asymptomatic) and was quite poorly but manageable.

Colds make me feel rubbish for a day ir two but again - they appear less transmissible at present.

I've had covid twice in less than two years. The first time I was admitted to hospital. I was also left with a life long health condition requiring two tablets taken daily. I've had ongoing issues ever since. The second time more recently, post vaccines, I wasn't hospitalised but I was quite poorly. I managed to access an antiviral infusion on day 5 which helped. Issues are ongoing.

I teach so I'm regularly in contact. It's where I've caught it both times. However I am generally a little further away than when sat in a bar/restaurant shoulder to shoulder with friends. And my work is not optional, socialising with a known close contact or a positive case I can avoid.

Fwiw if I was positive now I wouldn't be expected to be in work at school. We are still advised to stay home. Besides my covid experience has been that I've not been well enough to work anyway.

I'd go into work if Dh was positive but I'd keep my distance as much as possible abd let people know, so they were aware if they or their family weee vulnerable.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 26/02/2022 21:11

DH still went out and about as normal when DS and I had COVID. He tested daily and had no hint of a symptom. He had to for work and shopping anyways and we were trying to keep away from him in the house so he was more or less trapped in one room anyways...for his own mental health he needed to go out.

Out of respect he did tell people so people had the option to refuse to meet with him or whatever but no one did.

I don't think I know anyone who wouldnt see someone because someone else in their household had COVID.

Lilifer · 26/02/2022 21:13

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

DH still went out and about as normal when DS and I had COVID. He tested daily and had no hint of a symptom. He had to for work and shopping anyways and we were trying to keep away from him in the house so he was more or less trapped in one room anyways...for his own mental health he needed to go out.

Out of respect he did tell people so people had the option to refuse to meet with him or whatever but no one did.

I don't think I know anyone who wouldnt see someone because someone else in their household had COVID.

Ahh but this is the Mumsnetaverse...they do things differently here 🙃
Blossom64265 · 26/02/2022 21:15

@Lilifer

My DH is immune compromised. If he catches Covid he dies. The people going out for non essential reasons when they may have Covid are selfish.

Disease vector is the kindest term I could use.

JustLyra · 26/02/2022 21:15

@BluebellsGreenbells

What will you all do when LFT are withdrawn and people no longer test? I know a lot of people who don’t test when they’re free!

OP wouldn’t know her child had Covid and nor would you and you still need to go to work or school or anything else.

That’s not really relevant when the OP does know her child has covid.

However, many people have said on the thread that it will just become like any other illness. If you know someone in your house has a contagious illness you don’t mix unnecessarily with other people.
If you don’t know you don’t know. We all take risks every time we step out our door, but minimising contact with people who have been in close contact with Covid, flu, Noro, chicken pox if you’re pregnant, etc is just common sense. And basic manners on the part of the person who has been the contact.

Blossom64265 · 26/02/2022 21:19

We also don’t meet up with friends and family who have flu or other illness in their homes. This has always been our life. Thankfully the people who care about us understand and bow out if someone is ill.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 26/02/2022 21:19

@000oooh

It's been 2 years and most people are now triple jabbed. Life has to go on ffs. Tell them you're still coming
With a pronouncement like that, nobody would want OP around !!
Lilifer · 26/02/2022 21:19

[quote Blossom64265]@Lilifer

My DH is immune compromised. If he catches Covid he dies. The people going out for non essential reasons when they may have Covid are selfish.

Disease vector is the kindest term I could use.[/quote]

Well then I pity you and your husband, that's no way to see other people.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 26/02/2022 21:26

ODFOD with your "disease vector" language, you should be ashamed of yourself to call a fellow human being a disease vector.

@Lilifer - ‘disease vector’ is an established epidemiological term 😂

Lennybenny · 26/02/2022 21:39

You can go to work with a positive case....so why wouldn't you go out? You were negative on a test.
Rules have changed and as of this week you don't even need to isolate. Time to move on and get back to normal. I'll be going to work if I'm positive because I'm no longer testing because I cba.

RockinHorseShit · 26/02/2022 21:53

Rules have changed and as of this week you don't even need to isolate

Yes, because we have a crap government that are happy to throw the country, especially poorer people to the covid wolves.

NOT because the scientific advice has changed. It hasn't yet.

BluebellsGreenbells · 26/02/2022 22:03

My DH is immune compromised. If he catches Covid he dies. The people going out for non essential reasons when they may have Covid are selfish

So that’s every venue, pub, club, theaters, hotels, sports, music festivals, all are non essential, where do you draw the line.

People want to enjoy themselves, people need work, you can’t pick one over the other.

000oooh · 26/02/2022 22:03

Sorry but nobody can say with certainty that somebody will die if they get COVID

User1367349 · 26/02/2022 22:06

YA definitely BU.

Lennybenny · 26/02/2022 22:06

And if you have flu you may feel a bit pants and stay home for a bit, with covid you may feel a bit pants and stay home for a day or 2, with a cold you may think its only a cold I'll go to work, my ds can have a cold and I'll send him to school, you may have norovirus and stay at home but your dp/dh may not be sick so they go to work etc etc etc...you may have flu and be flat for a week, you may have covid and be flat for a week, you may have flu and end up in hospital and guess what... Honestly get over it. People have been passing on bugs for a lot of years and you wouldn't know who or when...how many times have you caught a cold off someone? If 3 vaccines aren't enough to convince you, nothing will so stay home and let those who have bills to pay and dc with exams get on with it.

Blossom64265 · 26/02/2022 22:12

Yes, going anywhere other than work, to buy essentials, or to attend a medical appointment when you know you may be a carrier for a serious illness makes you selfish. That was true before Covid and it will be true long after.

For a while it looked like Covid was going to be the great wake up call and people were finally going to recognize that going out when you know you might make others sick is wrong. There was talk about a shift in society to recognize how ridiculous it was that people went out with colds or still went out when they had been exposed to the flu. I thought it had stuck at first because my workplace adopted new policies to reflect this new awakening. We are clearly a little bubble though because the rest of the world has just decided that the vulnerable aren’t worth any consideration and don’t deserve to ever be able to leave their own homes or have any sort of social life.

Blossom64265 · 26/02/2022 22:16

As for if my husband will die for certain, well, I suppose it’s 99%. He was part of a study that proves people like him have no resistance to Covid even after multiple vaccinations. We also know the survival rate for people with his particular condition.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 26/02/2022 22:17

You can’t stay off work or not go out with a cold!

AngelinaFibres · 26/02/2022 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Lilifer · 26/02/2022 22:54

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle

ODFOD with your "disease vector" language, you should be ashamed of yourself to call a fellow human being a disease vector.

@Lilifer - ‘disease vector’ is an established epidemiological term 😂

Not according to the world health organisation which has this to say about what a Vector is

"Vectors are living organisms that can transmit infectious pathogens between humans, or from animals to humans. Many of these vectors are bloodsucking insects, which ingest disease-producing microorganisms during a blood meal from an infected host (human or animal) and later transmit it into a new host, after the pathogen has replicated. Often, once a vector becomes infectious, they are capable of transmitting the pathogen for the rest of their life during each subsequent bite/blood meal. "

Pipsqueakpopsqueak · 26/02/2022 23:53

I hate the phrase ‘we have to learn to live with it’ - having a positive household member and choosing to stay in so as not to chance making someone else unwell, is doing just that. It sucks, but there-in lies the ‘learning’ bit, the compromise. Otherwise it’s not learning to live with it, it’s just straight up ignoring it which isn’t responsible.

LilacPaisley · 26/02/2022 23:58

Sorry to be pedantic but that isn't actually true. Shingles occurs when someone had previously had chickenpox and is a reactivation of the virus. You can't get shingles if you have never had chickenpox

I think that falls short of being pedantic. It's a scientific fact of which the poster is blissfully unaware.

LilacPaisley · 27/02/2022 00:00

What a way to keep your friends friendly

The spectre at the feast.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 27/02/2022 00:18

I'm not too worried about covid, we have all had it and been fine and I want to crack on with life. I'd personally prefer though to not go out socialising inside with someone who was a household contact, would prefer blissful ignorance!

LilacPaisley · 27/02/2022 02:51

I don't know if making a thread on here was the best thing (I've learned the hard way) as several posters have severe health anxiety and so you will only get that viewpoint

Oh bless the little children. It's not health anxiety that forms our chosen behaviour. I'm cracking on in years and it might very well kill me, yet I go out and about to supermarkets and restaurants and cafes, and sometimes, even pubs and the like, with scant care for my own health.

Where I would draw the line though, is if a member of my household has Covid, or flu, or the galloping trots. There's a fair to high chance that I will get it too - so in consideration to my fellow human beings I would stay home and not risk passing it on to them. They will not thank me for infecting them with something that could have been easily avoided if I'd had a scintilla of common sense and stayed at home.

I rather wish there was a secondary pandemic about to take off. A pandemic of common sense and decency and consideration for others. It's not going to happen though, is it? Not while the nightclubs
and superspreader events are calling.