Friend telling me to not to join night out because I'm a close contact

[feelingannoyed1]

Had a night out planned with friends tonight, one I've been really looking forward to for ages as, for one reason or another, we haven't met up since summer last year. Was looking forward to getting dressed up and having a few drinks, this isn't something I get to do very often as I have young kids. For context, the other members of the group don't have kids and get out much more than me.

But of course we now have a positive Covid case in our household. I'm negative and have no symptoms, but thought it was just courtesy to let the group know. Was expecting them just to say oh that's fine, we're looking forward to seeing you, but the organiser wrote back saying what a shame, they'll all miss me and hopefully I can join another time!

I'm actually really upset. There's no reason I can't go, and we have to start living our lives again. The impact on everyone's mental health is too great, and that includes me missing out on some much needed social interaction (and yes I know there are much worse things going on in the world right now).

I spoke to one of the other girls in the group, she was happy for me to come, but didn't really want to get caught up in a bit of an argument, and either do I. I just think if the organiser isn't comfortable sitting on a table with a close contact who is negative (despite herself working quite closely with COVID positive patients!) then it should be her that should stay at home, not me!

Just need a rant, this has actually really upset me ☹️

So people with health conditions should just stay home and do nothing while their mental and physical health decays. Or they can go out and let you play Russian roulette with their health.

^ I agree. Selfish beyond words.

@MrsBerthaRochester

the illness that is no more than a cold

Yes, try telling that to my friend who is now registered as disabled as a result of having COVID. She's having a whale of a time...

The difference between covid and a vomiting bug/the flu though is that we have ways of testing to see if someone is infectious with covid - the lateral flows.

My work place have said - too ill to work - stay home as you would anyway; positive lateral flow - stay home; negative lateral flow - no need to stay at home regardless of the status of your household; no requirement for anyone to do a pcr if the lateral flow is negative.

I'd probably avoid socialising in someone's house but a night out where you will be surrounded by 100s of people without knowing their status, I'd still go.

@WTF475878237NC

So people with health conditions should just stay home and do nothing while their mental and physical health decays. Or they can go out and let you play Russian roulette with their health.

^ I agree. Selfish beyond words.

Surely people with health conditions that mean they are still, at this stage in the pandemic, highly vulnerable, would be avoiding busy social settings on a Saturday night anyway. I'm not without empathy for people who are frightened, and realise some have cause, but there are some environments that are high risk by their very nature, bars, clubs etc, and surely its more sensible for those who are anxious to avoid them than for other people to take extra precautions, on the off chance vulnerable people are there.

@5128gap

Are we really into our third year of a pandemic and people still don't understand that the disease doesn't jump once, but from person to person to person.

A vulnerable person might not go to a nightclub, but the person who does go to the nightclub might serve them a coffee the next day, or drive them in a taxi, or visit them at home. If OP goes to a crowded nightclub and infects 5 people, they in turn will infect others in less seemingly dangerous places.

Also I take issue with people using words like 'anxious about Covid' or 'worried' to describe medically vulnerable people. As though their problem is a state of mind and not that Covid is medically proven to be life threatening to them.

Finally I am not a vulnerable person, but if I went on this night out only to discover OP passed Covid onto me, I would miss work, it would fuck up my week, I couldn't visit my parents who are vulnerable, I might give it to my children which will then fuck up another two weeks of our lives. And I promise you I wouldn't spend those two weeks thinking ' good for OP for going about her business as usual. Yippee for her', I'll be thinking what selfish pigheaded behaviour and not inviting her out ever again.

It's not just about protecting the vulnerable, as important as that is, it's basic consideration for others.

Again, if OP wants a night out she should organise one in a couple of weeks. It's not the end of the world.

@Ivyonafence

As a teacher I’m a close contact every single working day, probably ten times at least. Should I really avoid every going out?

[quote OnceuponaRainbow18]@Ivyonafence

As a teacher I’m a close contact every single working day, probably ten times at least. Should I really avoid every going out?[/quote]
Exactly.

[quote Ivyonafence]@5128gap

Are we really into our third year of a pandemic and people still don't understand that the disease doesn't jump once, but from person to person to person.

A vulnerable person might not go to a nightclub, but the person who does go to the nightclub might serve them a coffee the next day, or drive them in a taxi, or visit them at home. If OP goes to a crowded nightclub and infects 5 people, they in turn will infect others in less seemingly dangerous places.

Also I take issue with people using words like 'anxious about Covid' or 'worried' to describe medically vulnerable people. As though their problem is a state of mind and not that Covid is medically proven to be life threatening to them.

Finally I am not a vulnerable person, but if I went on this night out only to discover OP passed Covid onto me, I would miss work, it would fuck up my week, I couldn't visit my parents who are vulnerable, I might give it to my children which will then fuck up another two weeks of our lives. And I promise you I wouldn't spend those two weeks thinking ' good for OP for going about her business as usual. Yippee for her', I'll be thinking what selfish pigheaded behaviour and not inviting her out ever again.

It's not just about protecting the vulnerable, as important as that is, it's basic consideration for others.

Again, if OP wants a night out she should organise one in a couple of weeks. It's not the end of the world. [/quote]
But the OP doesn't have covid...

She just lives with someone who does. When my daughter had it, I still went to work (as required) and I still met friends. I didn't catch it. No one I saw caught it. Because I didn't have it.

[quote OnceuponaRainbow18]@Ivyonafence

As a teacher I’m a close contact every single working day, probably ten times at least. Should I really avoid every going out?[/quote]
You have close contact with people currently infected with covid 10 times a day every single working day? How do you know?

Surely people with health conditions that mean they are still, at this stage in the pandemic, highly vulnerable, would be avoiding busy social settings on a Saturday night anyway

But their close relatives are entitled not to be prevented from going out because someone in the group with which they will be in closest contact makes a deliberate decision to increase their risk.

[quote Ivyonafence]@5128gap

Are we really into our third year of a pandemic and people still don't understand that the disease doesn't jump once, but from person to person to person.

A vulnerable person might not go to a nightclub, but the person who does go to the nightclub might serve them a coffee the next day, or drive them in a taxi, or visit them at home. If OP goes to a crowded nightclub and infects 5 people, they in turn will infect others in less seemingly dangerous places.

Also I take issue with people using words like 'anxious about Covid' or 'worried' to describe medically vulnerable people. As though their problem is a state of mind and not that Covid is medically proven to be life threatening to them.

Finally I am not a vulnerable person, but if I went on this night out only to discover OP passed Covid onto me, I would miss work, it would fuck up my week, I couldn't visit my parents who are vulnerable, I might give it to my children which will then fuck up another two weeks of our lives. And I promise you I wouldn't spend those two weeks thinking ' good for OP for going about her business as usual. Yippee for her', I'll be thinking what selfish pigheaded behaviour and not inviting her out ever again.

It's not just about protecting the vulnerable, as important as that is, it's basic consideration for others.

Again, if OP wants a night out she should organise one in a couple of weeks. It's not the end of the world. [/quote]
I fully understand how covid spreads, and due to that, the sheer impossibility of avoiding it. There is always a risk that someone you come into contact with has been to a nightclub, and a very high risk that a number of people in there will have covid and spread it. Unless all high risk environments are closed, there's no way round that. The OP, who hasn't even got covid, not going out is a drop in the ocean. There is no way healthy, low risk, vaccinated people, who have probably had covid that looked like a cold, are going to restrict their lives forever, no matter how many times the word selfish is thrown about. People who are vulnerable, or anxious, cannot rely on other people to minimise their risk. Whether you think they should or not. It simply won't happen.

You have close contact with people currently infected with covid 10 times a day every single working day? How do you know?

But the OP isn't infected...

Anyone who comes into contact with her is coming into contact with a close contact.

Schools are full of close contacts. This thread itself is talking about how transmissible it is and how many people who have it. Lots of those people have children who are in school. And go to the supermarket. And for nights put. And all the other places where they might come into contact with people who are also.close contacts but are following the guidance and still carrying on as normal if they don't have symptoms and are vaccinated.

The refusal of some people to see the difference both between necessary contact (school, work, hospital appointments) and not necessary contact such as a night out is quite bizarre.

Same with the insistence of not seeing a difference between knowing someone is a close contact and not knowing.

It really is no wonder flu, noro and things like chicken pox do spread so easily when people just don’t give a shit about others.

@JustLyra

It’s not really as socialising for many of us is necessary especially at the moment when we are being thrown under the bus at work day in day out

I wouldn't want you to come and I'd be absolutely furious with any friends having covid in their household and not letting me know. I can't believe people on here would not say anything and still go. And im not even a big "covid" person I think it's mostly bollocks but at the end of the day if you know any illness is in your house it's selfish to spread it. I wouldn't want to come over for a coffee if your kids had chicken pox either.

OP I would have just gone in your position, and I would be happy to see friends who are negative but close contacts.

The refusal of some people to see the difference both between necessary contact (school, work, hospital appointments) and not necessary contact such as a night out is quite bizarre

So a teacher who has been in a class full of unvaccinated children where Covid is rife - is necessary and she can crack on as normal.
BUT of her husband has Covid and has avoided all contact with him, she shouldn’t socialize, even with negative lateral flow tests because that’s unnecessary?

Absolute rubbish!!

Most people have been in close contact - if you’re worried don’t socialize - but don’t get shorty with those who want to.

@OnceuponaRainbow18 then as an educated person surely you understand that there is a big difference between expecting that teachers and frontline workers 'never go out again' because of workplace contacts vs the OP missing one night out while living with an active Covid case.

They are not comparable in terms of the:

1. risk- we have global data showing us that household contact is more risky than workplace contact for many well documented reasons

2. the burden on the person. OP is missing one night out while her risk is temporarily high vs you 'never going out again' due to risk that is far more moderate but ongoing.

@OnceuponaRainbow18

'@JustLyra

It’s not really as socialising for many of us is necessary especially at the moment when we are being thrown under the bus at work day in day out'

How do you reconcile knowing that socialising is 'necessary' for you but not for medically vulnerable people?

If people carry on in group settings as though there is no Covid, it means all the burden falls on medically vulnerable people who will be further isolated and cut off.

[quote Ivyonafence]@OnceuponaRainbow18

'@JustLyra

It’s not really as socialising for many of us is necessary especially at the moment when we are being thrown under the bus at work day in day out'

How do you reconcile knowing that socialising is 'necessary' for you but not for medically vulnerable people?

If people carry on in group settings as though there is no Covid, it means all the burden falls on medically vulnerable people who will be further isolated and cut off.
[/quote]
@Ivyonafence what about the other (non medically) vulnerable?

It's not just about clinical vulnerability. There are other factors and conditions to consider too.

Also should add I wouldn't want to go out with someone who had covid in their home. But I would not attended I wouldn't expect them not to come because personal choice etc. I'd just be grateful they told me the way things are now.

@BluebellsGreenbells

The refusal of some people to see the difference both between necessary contact (school, work, hospital appointments) and not necessary contact such as a night out is quite bizarre

So a teacher who has been in a class full of unvaccinated children where Covid is rife - is necessary and she can crack on as normal.
BUT of her husband has Covid and has avoided all contact with him, she shouldn’t socialize, even with negative lateral flow tests because that’s unnecessary?

Absolute rubbish!!

Most people have been in close contact - if you’re worried don’t socialize - but don’t get shorty with those who want to.

Surely people are in closer contact with their husbands than with the children they teach though. People are infectious for a couple of days before symptoms so just avoiding them when they have symptoms won't work.

@britneyisfree that's interesting, could you please elaborate on that?

But the OP isn't infected

Did you go on to develop covid, OP?

@Ivyonafence

I feel like I’ve played by part of I am being honest. I’ve followed all the rules and made sure my kids have. I’ve spent 20 days of my school holidays totally isolating as I’ve had covid twice from
Work both times during my holidays.

So I will continue to see my friends if they are happy to see me, I even still Wear a mask In shops for the benefit of Townes.