Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Friend telling me to not to join night out because I'm a close contact

376 replies

feelingannoyed1 · 26/02/2022 14:01

Had a night out planned with friends tonight, one I've been really looking forward to for ages as, for one reason or another, we haven't met up since summer last year. Was looking forward to getting dressed up and having a few drinks, this isn't something I get to do very often as I have young kids. For context, the other members of the group don't have kids and get out much more than me.

But of course we now have a positive Covid case in our household. I'm negative and have no symptoms, but thought it was just courtesy to let the group know. Was expecting them just to say oh that's fine, we're looking forward to seeing you, but the organiser wrote back saying what a shame, they'll all miss me and hopefully I can join another time!

I'm actually really upset. There's no reason I can't go, and we have to start living our lives again. The impact on everyone's mental health is too great, and that includes me missing out on some much needed social interaction (and yes I know there are much worse things going on in the world right now).

I spoke to one of the other girls in the group, she was happy for me to come, but didn't really want to get caught up in a bit of an argument, and either do I. I just think if the organiser isn't comfortable sitting on a table with a close contact who is negative (despite herself working quite closely with COVID positive patients!) then it should be her that should stay at home, not me!

Just need a rant, this has actually really upset me ☹️

OP posts:
LilacPaisley · 27/02/2022 03:25

But 'normal' is not static - it is normal for things to change and evolve @Derbee - it used to be normal to smoke in pubs, it used to be normal for men to wear a hat, it used to be normal for ladies to wear gloves. Some of the changes we have seen due to covid will stay, it would be abnormal for everything to just revert

I so agree and this is an insightful and refreshing post. Being an older person makes it easier to accept why change is sometimes a necessity for the good of everyone. This is not the first pandemic that I've lived through. The first was the Asian flu in the late 50s. That was more dangerous for infants and children. Which, at the time, I was.
This one seems to be more dangerous for older people, which I now am.

I remember having the Asian flu when I was 3. My family were totally laid helpless and my parents could barely look after us. I remember them feeding us three children water from the tap when they could.
Getting food and cooking it was beyond them. The whole street (back to back houses, mining village in the north east) came down with it.
When some street residents started to rally, they would bring soup and chips from the chip shop, anything to feed us. Not just us, anyone in our street who needed it. Sadly, some died. But my family were all OK.

That's why I'm pissed off with the careless attitude that some people have to this pandemic. Normal is definitely not static. It used to be normal to have consideration for your fellow human beings.

LilacPaisley · 27/02/2022 03:29

no I think that term is quite de humanising and just not a nice way to describe a human being - people use the phrase disease vectors to describe rats and other vermin, to apply that phrase to a human person is in my opinion vile

I disagree. It's scientific terminology. And it's factual.
You can't let squidgy feelings get in the way of science.

LilacPaisley · 27/02/2022 03:34

I don’t care what Boris says, if I’d had close contact I wouldn’t mix unless absolutely necessary, certainly not for a get together

I don't listen to Boris. I listen to Professor Christopher Whitty.
He's the expert.

LilacPaisley · 27/02/2022 03:39

I don't think I know anyone who wouldnt see someone because someone else in their household had COVID

Contrariwise, I don't know anyone who would.

LilacPaisley · 27/02/2022 03:45

‘disease vector’ is an established epidemiological term

It is, but, if you're happy to be a disease vector, you're deffo gunna take the hump innit.

labyrinthlaziness · 27/02/2022 05:44

@BigSandyBalls2015

You can’t stay off work or not go out with a cold!
We have just had new guidance asking us to stay awy from work if we have a cold.
Ivyonafence · 27/02/2022 06:03

She's the organiser so it's her call IMO.

If you're so desperate for a night out why don't you do the work of organising one?

I wouldn't contemplate a night out while living with a positive case. So irresponsible and selfish. You're not being asked to never have a night out, just not this particular one.

There is nothing stopping you from texting the group saying you'll organise the next night out and then you have it to look forward to.

lobsteroll · 27/02/2022 07:36

I do think a household contact is different to "close contact".

If someone you'd been with at work for a couple of hours was positive I think it's a bit different to someone you're living with.

I totally understand it's disappointing and that rules are changing and we are learning to live with the virus. But it will take time for people to find their own comfort zones.

You say you're staying away from your parents until you know you're clear. But what about the people you were going to spend time with? They might have plans to visit a vulnerable person tomorrow, or the next day.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/02/2022 08:52

@woody87

Suppose thats what you get for telling them. Next time keep your mouth shut and no one needs to be any wiser!
That's lovely. So anyone who is there who is CEV and relying on people having the common sense to stay away from this type of social gathering if there's a positive case in the household is fucked
Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/02/2022 09:00

@Blossom64265

As for if my husband will die for certain, well, I suppose it’s 99%. He was part of a study that proves people like him have no resistance to Covid even after multiple vaccinations. We also know the survival rate for people with his particular condition.
I'm the same as your husband. No antibodies despite 4 vaccinations and with a condition that has the worst possible outcome if we catch Covid. I realise and agree that the country has to open up again, but to go to a social event when you have Covid in your household is reckless and unnecessary
Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/02/2022 09:04

@000oooh

Sorry but nobody can say with certainty that somebody will die if they get COVID
Have you had a solid organ transplant, got blood cancer or going through chemotherapy and you haven't developed antibodies through vaccination? If this is you, your chances of Covid killing you is one in twenty at the moment.
Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/02/2022 09:08

@KeepingAnOpenMind

You were mad to even tell them. You never know who might be a covid cultist and take this kind of extremist position.
You also never know if someone is cev or going home to someone whom is cev
MissMaple82 · 27/02/2022 09:29

You should of kept your mouth shut as its obviouslygoing to create anxiety for those that still fear it. However she's no right to say you can't go out, your negative and no symptoms, go out and enjoy yourself, if she's so scared she can stay home

Ivyonafence · 27/02/2022 09:36

@MissMaple82

'However she's no right to say you can't go out, your negative and no symptoms, go out and enjoy yourself, if she's so scared she can stay home'

The organiser didn't say OP couldn't go out at all. HmmOP is able to organise her own night out if she wants. But the organiser set up this event and so she can say what kind of night it is. If it's a 'we're being cautious about household contacts' vibe then that's that.

If OP doesn't like it, she can set up her own night out and invite people to that.

I get sick of always being the organiser of group things, and then it always the people who never take a turn at the wheel who feel entitled to have the event cater to them.

COVID sucks for everyone, and this week OP's house is the unlucky one. Why should the organiser whose house has no Covid, miss an event that she planned instead of OP?

Belladonna12 · 27/02/2022 09:45

@MissMaple82

You should of kept your mouth shut as its obviouslygoing to create anxiety for those that still fear it. However she's no right to say you can't go out, your negative and no symptoms, go out and enjoy yourself, if she's so scared she can stay home
The organiser has an absolute right to say that OP cannot attend something she is organised. If OP wants to decide who can and can't go she can organise her own event.
Belladonna12 · 27/02/2022 09:49

You also never know if someone is cev or going home to someone whom is cev

Exactly. Unbelievable that OP is not going to see her own parents because they are vulnerable but expects other people to be happy to get infected and potentially infect their own vulnerable relatives.

Ivyonafence · 27/02/2022 09:52

Also OP, it's not fair to lay your lack of social interaction and mental health burden at this woman's feet. I'm not minimising your feelings, but you must see that this one woman, or one group aren't responsible for it. They aren't the only source of social activity and there's no moral obligation on them to ensure that you get out of the house and have your needs met. That's on you.

If you're lonely and bored and don't get out - then direct your energy towards doing something about that - yourself- instead of waiting by the phone for this group to invite you every six months or so.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 27/02/2022 10:45

So what's going to happen when tests are no longer free? Are people going to expect their friends to pay for tests just to go out?

I'm not saying the OP should go and I probably wouldn't, although if DH gets Covid I won't be fully isolating, I'll still go for a walk or to the shop if we need anything. That's at the moment though, there'll come a point when we won't know whether it's a cold or covid for a lot of people.

Belladonna12 · 27/02/2022 11:16

@PinkSparklyPussyCat

So what's going to happen when tests are no longer free? Are people going to expect their friends to pay for tests just to go out?

I'm not saying the OP should go and I probably wouldn't, although if DH gets Covid I won't be fully isolating, I'll still go for a walk or to the shop if we need anything. That's at the moment though, there'll come a point when we won't know whether it's a cold or covid for a lot of people.

I wouldn't expect people to do tests in the short term if people or in the household where others have symptoms that could be COVID I wouldn't want to meet up with them. In the long term it depends on the prevalence of Covid. If hardly anyone was being hospitalised or dying from it, I would assume that cases were probably low (and it was probably a cold rather than covid) or that is had become much less dangerous and I would probably be less careful.
BoredZelda · 27/02/2022 11:35

That’s very sad for you but not something other people want to emulate

And there we have it. Any hope we had that people after having experienced what it was like to have their lives restricted, would understand what it was like for vulnerable and disabled people and change their views on it, has clearly disappeared.

No, we don’t want people to emulate it, but equally, we don’t want people just to say “sucks to be you, I’m going back to normal, don’t you dare suggest I make some minor adjustments so you have a chance of doing stuff too”

Lilifer · 27/02/2022 11:44

@LilacPaisley

no I think that term is quite de humanising and just not a nice way to describe a human being - people use the phrase disease vectors to describe rats and other vermin, to apply that phrase to a human person is in my opinion vile

I disagree. It's scientific terminology. And it's factual.
You can't let squidgy feelings get in the way of science.

Sigh . Ok let's try this again

Is the term scientific ? Yes I am not debating that.
Has it been applied to humans before covid? No. In the world of epidemiology (therefore scientific) the term is used to refer to the parasites and insects that spread disease to humans so therefore refers to the likes of mosquitoes and tsetse flies and some parasites that cause river blindness - so that's the scientific fact - vectors transfer to humans, humans are not termed as vectors in epidemiology - but i suspect you dont really give a shit about that nuance of fact as you quite like referring to other people as disease vectors

LottyD32 · 27/02/2022 15:00

@feelingannoyed1

I told them because I just feel it's only courtesy. Everyone has their own situations and if they don't want to take the risk then that should be their decision. Although surely everyone is unknowingly coming into contact with close contacts who are negative all the time now as there is so much of it about!

Just feeling pretty crap that it's me who's affected when I really needed this night out to be honest. Organiser is out socialising loads!!

Wow.

You're the one that could be carrying it Confused

GreyCarpet · 27/02/2022 15:11

A negative lateral flow means you're not infectious. Can't see their issue tbh

MrsBerthaRochester · 27/02/2022 15:39

COVID IS OVER. Its time to party!!! Can the moaning minnies please stay at home so the rest of us can get on with living(with the illness that is no more than a cold to the VAST majority. Fact)

luckylavender · 27/02/2022 15:42

@nitsandwormsdodger

Not sure why you told everyone unless it was to give people option of not mixing with you ...You would be expected to go to work even if positive ... Up to you , I would take ( and post ) negative test just before you leave but keep away from person who didn’t want you there ( she may be pregnant ? ) ...
It is not advised that you go to work with COVID for goodness sake. And COVID remains a highly transmissible disease, so it's up to others if they don't want to mix.