and the answer is invariably "Because he wasnt like this then!".
Yep
Abusers and cocklodgers and commitment phobes etc aren't stupid they know they need to play nice at first to reel you in - that's why you need time to get to know someone because in that time life will throw in curve balls and that's when you see true nature
Also always good to observe how people treat their "inferiors" I'm rather skilled at sizing people up I meet in person (I have come to decide this is due to an abusive childhood there's a lot of research shows this teaches survivors to do so in order to survive!) I can spot a wrong un at 50 paces especially abusive men.
Some may call that paranoia but there is some research that shows that both abusers and victims have indicators in their micro expressions, body language, spoken language (but very subtle) and even in slight differences in body odour
That last one explained why when meeting a friends new boyfriend I tensed up as he approached from behind (we were meeting in a pub) before I could even see him, didn't like him from the start and he did indeed turn out a wrong un
Plus we ALL present the best of ourselves at the start of relationships, we work hard to avoid displaying our negative traits even silly minor ones like holding our farts in  
not letting them see us without make up on 

Human nature
and tries to make sure you cum first (a weird badge of honour but one that many men seem to think makes them a [literal] fucking hero).
So true 
Op my dad exactly how @PyongyangKipperbang describes
I didn't get it when I was younger and couldn't understand why mum had got with him and why she'd stayed once he revealed himself. I understand somewhat better now but it's still hard to totally forgive her or understand her not having been there myself
I had one boyfriend who slapped me once - I slapped him right back and dumped him! So that's partly why I find it hard to understand but then maybe I reacted that way BECAUSE I knew full well that they don't change!
But it’s happened at a wrong time but not as if he’s 20 - he’s 34 this year with no kids!
Op I'm 50 this year. I'm noticing a lot that younger people - under 40 - and I'm not sure why this is happening but the men are much more immature and commitment phobic into their 30's and even 40's and the women are accepting this!
I'm not an expert in psychology or sociology but I've certainly noticed a pattern. Personally if I were that age now I wouldn't be putting up with that crap!
When I met ex we were VERY young I got married at 22. I knew from a young age that :
I wouldn't have dc without marriage first - this was because I'd witnessed a relative go through hell due to her partner dying v unexpectedly at a young age, she was a sahm, name not on mortgage, 2 young Dc. Her "in laws" who she previously got along fine with totally screwed her and the dc over she had to move out of the family home, get a job, find practically non existent childcare (no tax credits let alone free hours at this point) the house move meant the eldest dc had to move school it was a mess
I knew there was something wrong gynae wise as I'd had problems since I started puberty and I'd already had one mc so I knew I wanted at least one dc by age 30
I knew I wasn't interested in anyone who wasn't sure what they wanted in life and could discuss and plan such things sensibly
I was very clear when I was first dating ex about these things though as we were so young I wasn't necessarily meaning it would be with him
I get the feeling a lot of the time these days women are afraid to be honest about what they want and need in relationships for fear these immature commitment phobic men will run for the hills!
There are good, decent, sensible men out there but they are rare in my experience
He's very likely saying whatever he thinks is going to be most effective when it comes to you ending the pregnancy.
Yes I'm afraid I've known this happen too "we'll try again next year when the moneys better" etc
Why do some people (not just men!) think like that?
Peak misogyny isn't it? Internalised in the case of women
I'm also - as someone who reached age of consent at the height of the aids crisis! And who then a few years later went on to be an hcp caring for aids patients - I am baffled at the lack of safer sex practised by younger people too!
Yes there are very effective treatments for hiv/aids and even hepatitis now but there still aren't any cures and the treatments themselves can make you sick! Not everyone can take the treatments and they don't work for everyone.
We seem (as a society) to have become VERY blasé about this!
I've used condoms with every partner at least until we've both had full screening and I'm as confident as I can be that they're being faithful
It's one of the reasons I went absolutely apeshit at my ex for not only having an affair but it turned out not using condoms with her! (She got pregnant - quelle surprise!)
He not only betrayed me emotionally he put my health at risk!
I would tell him not to come over this weekend not to text to give you some time and space to get your own head around things - this is not a big ask considering how he's behaved