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Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy, I am so scared to tell my partner

353 replies

emmaa1990 · 21/02/2022 10:13

Hello,

I am on a pill which I have been taking, I was on 3 lots of antibiotics- could this be how I have fallen pregnant?
Anyway I am late for my period, so yesterday I did a test off my own back, and to my shock it was positive. I am so so scared as this is totally unplanned- I still haven’t told my boyfriend of two years, I am so scared of how he will react. What if he says absolutely not, or is angry at me?

Please can someone give me advice or calm me down! Thank you

OP posts:
Ttcfinalbub · 23/02/2022 18:25

Get rid of him in a heartbeat easy peasy... not because he doesn't want the child but because he acts like nothing more then a spoilt child himself with red flags. Take time to decide what you want to do and base it on nothing to do with him.

ImprobablePuffin · 23/02/2022 18:36

Well now you've seen his true colours you can dump him and make your own decision re the baby. I doubt you'd want to stay with someone like that anyway now.

Loki01 · 23/02/2022 18:38

You deserve better OP. Lose him.

Does he realize that the pill isn't 100% even if taken correctly? Doubt it. Typical ignorant male.

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FairWindClearSailing · 23/02/2022 18:44

I wouldnt make a decision based on him, op. He's shown his true colours and how he's reacting means the relationship is likely over regardless. I could never forgive my partner for treating me like that.

I know it's difficult when you're hurting but you need to make a decision based on what you want, what's right for you and and your future. And I'd be dropping your so-called partner. He's horrible and seeing his reaction, I think you knew deep down he was an asshole and hence so worried to tell him.
All the best, op. Take a few days, don't rush into anything.

Whatdramain2022 · 23/02/2022 18:48

You must have seen some red flags as you were scared to tell him. I was in a similar situation, not living together either. He was horrified and demanded I had an abortion. I decided to have the baby even though my situation was far from ideal. I later met a wonderful man who decided to be her dad and it worked out really well. Only you know your situation and if you decide you really want the baby, stop being a people pleaser and do what you want.

stopthepain · 23/02/2022 19:43

If you want to terminate the pregnancy then do it for you. Don’t let this vile man weasel his way back into your life. You were worried before you even told him - red flag!

Okeydoky · 23/02/2022 19:46

He's a complete arse and you'd clearly be better off without him and his controlling ways. So ditch him and then take a few weeks to think about what you want to do about the pregnancy rather than rush into anything.

newbiename · 23/02/2022 19:47

Block him. Then decide what you want to do.

Nelliephant1 · 23/02/2022 19:54

I would suggest that if you keep the baby or not, your relationship is not going to be great after this anyway. Although his attitude to you and the situation stinks, you have to try to come to terms with him and the way he's reacted/treated you first and then separately to the baby. Don't let his idiocy and nastiness push you into doing something you may well regret.

CaMePlaitPas · 23/02/2022 20:01

You need time and you have time, think about what is best for you and your older child.

Forget about this ratbag.

Gagagardener · 23/02/2022 20:13

Just one more thing to think about: do you want this particular man's baby? Good luck - if he's a nice man, he will be pleased in the end. But cut him a bit of slack: surprise can make people say the wrong thing.
My husband was really cross: 'I was going to let you start a baby next year!', but he got over it. We stayed married for over 30 years, until his death.

buttercrinkle · 23/02/2022 20:19

I'm so sorry, OP. What a twat he is.

Please do what you want and what is best for you. I agree with others that the relationship seems over either way. You deserve better.

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 20:31

Do you all think it’s because it’s me he doesn’t see any of this with?

I don’t feel like I personally want to go ahead with this now anyway. I have another daughter and I’d hate to have another failed relationship with another baby.

I just think it’s not the right time clearly for me. Thank you so much tho everyone xx

OP posts:
Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 20:33

Also he called me saying he’s not ready and apologetic for lashing out he was just panicking, he said it’s totally up to me what I do but he was just saying he isn’t ready, as he wants to be living together and let it happen when we are settled, he told me it’s not anything about being with me or like that. He loves me he said but just isn’t the right time and said he would no way be with me if he didn’t see a future with me

Part of me thinks he’s just being nice as worried about what I will do. I’m so confused about him now but I think we both need a few days to calm down and process what’s happened x

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 23/02/2022 20:42

emma you knew he was going to blame you and be horrible and he was. You know who he is, you're just desperate to pretend it's not like that.

You really need to work out why you accept shitty behaviour and how to not accept it in future.

dogmandu · 23/02/2022 20:44

quite honestly Emmaa, the fact that he thinks you deliberately 'forgot' to take the pill indicates to me a lack of trust in your integrity. This alone will destroy any serious relationship going forward.

RalphLaurenG · 23/02/2022 20:44

I am more shocked with every update.
You really do not need to be making this decision right now. He's being awful and unsupportive and you don't deserve that.

Please just let this settle in for a couple of days. You don't need him to be a great mum, but whether you want to do that is a personal choice.

I'm sure I'm not the only mn on here who wants to give you a hug.

Roundeartheratchriatmas · 23/02/2022 20:58

From your recent posts it seems you were right to be worried as hes has been quite nasty and it sounds like he gives you the silent treatment to “punish” you over other things too ?

hairymorag · 23/02/2022 21:00

I had a slightly different situation but my now DH and I got pregnant...he went nuts and acted like a DC, we had a very intense relationship where things moved fast in the first few months and I moved in quickly with my DS and rented my flat out. When he freaked out I told him to FO, if he wasnt ready for DC and i was 34 at the time I wasnt bothering with him as I couldnt trust him going forward. He freaked fumbled around and we are still together now and have 3 DC. I told him i had previous abortions, i wasnt having any when i was in what i thought was a stable relationship where we had agreed we had a future....this is a decider for your future .....so do what is right for you.

SameToo · 23/02/2022 21:19

I think whatever you decide, this relationship is and should be over.

TedMullins · 23/02/2022 21:23

Ok, I take back giving him the benefit of the doubt earlier. Whether he wants a baby or not he should be supporting you. He sounds immature and controlling and whatever you decide, you’re better off without him. Please don’t let him influence your decision as to whether to keep the baby. There is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing abortion but it has to be solely YOUR decision.

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 21:39

I know, he really has shown his true colours and it’s massively made me doubt our relationship- I’m literally crying into my pillow, I just feel so rejected in a way of not being supported by the person I thought cared for me. He’s such a selfish person, like where is he now? He told me he’s busy for next two days and will see my Friday, surely that should be a priority.

In a way I’m glad I’ve seen this side of him. I don’t think I even want him anywhere near me anymore, I deserve someone who will be there for me.

Thank you all for being here through this crap time I really appreciate it xx

OP posts:
Bailey48 · 23/02/2022 21:41

You poor thing he needs to grow up ... sorry I dint have much more to say x

cdba88 · 23/02/2022 21:47

You and this baby deserve so much better.

Please do not stay with this man.

I'm so sorry x

picklemewalnuts · 23/02/2022 21:56

Honestly, you've dodged a bullet. You could so easily have planned this baby and felt trapped with a man who controls you by coldness, silence and nastiness.

At least you know now who he is.