The title of your memoir is the last text you sent

[IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece]

Inspired by the ridiculousness of mine.

“There’s a pube on my bloody donut”

Might be 1.40 or so by the time we get there.

Go fuck yourself.

Its all refurbed. Be after easter. Not exactly Shakespear lol

I'm here x

Yes , I like him in this too, more natural and likeable and less of a dick ! Lol

I was using the facilities xx

"Does that work for you?"

I think that had promise and it is something I say fairly often.

Name changed for mine, as it is too identifying.

I used to absolutely love Basil Brush. 😂. I'm sure it will be fun. X

"2 x quarter pounder meals with coke zero
1 x chicken nugget happy meal with milk
9 peice chicken nugget meal with diet coke LARGE"
😳

He’d left it in a corner of the living room.

More of an opening sentence than a title I think.

"I'm going for labradoodle tomorrow night"

I ended up being a bit behind there but I’ve watched it all now

Long, slow cook. Actually, good to make it one day and leave it in the fridge to let the flavours develop.

DS is at uni and was seeking recipe advice.

If you want a todger spot I'd say come about 450

I do my best, I mean right now she's trying to eat her toes... 😆

"No thank you"

In Ikea, sister away getting the meatballs and chips, message to ask if I wanted a cold drink as well as a coffee

'No. Do it!'

I quite like that one.

“It has grape lumps in, what a waste of grapes”

'What a cunt, he's a waste of space'

😂😂😂

I'm thrilled with it.

I'll take that.

Sorry about your donut by the way.

"I've fucking jinxed myself now 🙄" Actually that sounds about right for the story of my life

Yea and no

Basically sums me up

I think they’re all axe murderers!
I imagine readers would be very disappointed.

'Dunno what to do about it really.'

Rather fitting...😆

'Tough audience'