The title of your memoir is the last text you sent

[IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece]

Inspired by the ridiculousness of mine.

“There’s a pube on my bloody donut”

I would sack off a kids party for artisan burrata.

Awwwww 🥰😢

Assume football was awful, not the beers!

Drives ok but I miss my Audi.

He couldn't fix it but he was really helpful.

Great, thanks

Who’s Geoff?

I’m putting the pie in

I can hear some prat laying waste to the landscape with a disc cutter

'Fuck it ? That's so funny. You'd think we were booking a trip to Australia'

" I have never managed to get a fire going so successfully!"

( Memoirs of an arsonist?)

Rabbit pie for dinner?

‘Best way, uncle xxx, no point suffering’

(It’s about a filling that’s dropped out, he’s not on deaths door)

Lilly is at the vet

I want it but I'm a grown up

The traffic is dreadful but I'm on my way.

And as an adult a little bit of me would love to go to a restaurant and literally have it out of my system 3 hours later. (Accidentally glutened my 3 year coeliac son in a chain restaurant (he's fine!))

"Have a laugh on me!" ... (attached was a video of me doing really badly at Spanish line dancing

'Yes we combi fed the twins too and I’m combi feeding Annie but not very much. Could use the kitchen surface space 🤣 spoke to my husband and it’s yours! Will message separately to arrange pick up/drop off xx'

Catchy...

This is not Morven it is TheCanyon, you know your daughter in law?!

Your watch is on the table.

I'm sure it'll be a best seller...

I'm not that keen on Brighton

A hot curry will do you good. Take pics, be safe

I like it

Awesome, I'll get plates and stuff x

I dunno...surprise me