The title of your memoir is the last text you sent

[IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece]

Inspired by the ridiculousness of mine.

“There’s a pube on my bloody donut”

I'm sorry about your arse

Thanks for your hard work today. LY x

A mini roast (beef)

In case you can’t find it, this is the freedom programme

‘I have such a headache’

Story of my life to be fair

Plus it was kinda funny

"Honestly, the hairs on the back of my neck were standing up. So good!"

"Don't think they have many swimming pools at Heathrow"

Milk

129/80

I'll get some sheep skin rugs for them

I took the opportunity to sleep

@FourTeaFallOut

"Fine"

I don't think it really draws the reader in.

🤣 this thread is really amusing me

Eight viewings on Wednesday.

Get on with your work, I’ll play later x

It's lovely.

"I'll probably thaw out when the sun comes round". Actually a fair reflection of my life for the last two years...still waiting for the sun.

Can you please check my house doesn't burn down

Are you waiting at the corner?

So sweet

Could You Put The Oven On?

A monotonous and painful daily tale of the working woman and the husband who refuses to look in the fridge and use his imagination.

Are you inside or out?

Seven inches to the right is sensible

All we talk about is peri menopause symptoms

Ooh a lie in tomorrow till 8 🙌🏻