The title of your memoir is the last text you sent

[IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece]

Inspired by the ridiculousness of mine.

“There’s a pube on my bloody donut”

Nooo!

The only thing I forgot was hummus

I’d read ‘Checking for squirrels’…sounds intriguing 🤨

"What a naughty washing machine !"

‘Do NOT make that your status’

(A hideous screenshot of all my chins DD took on FaceTime)

I fucking love lamb shank

She should be home now

"Dreadful isn't it"

Thursday

Of course, as your agent, I'll take a percentage of your percentage

"I've got it stuck in my head now"
Yep, this would be perfect for me 😆

"A simple, yet delicious choice"

😂

"I have no plans tomorrow at all"

I did tell you I would be having a nap

--------

This seems about right - naps are a very important part of my life!

"I'm ready to ebay him"

"I apologised to the delivery lady - she’s been here 3 times this week"

Have you taken the chicken out the freezer

Now then CUNT what happened?

That was to "D" H

I’m in the pasta aisle - come and get me

"How many parts are there to this?"

You eaten yeah?

He has got bloody covid, hasn't he!

Utter Bollocks! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ You're talking out of your arse!