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Original poster

I'm going out with a really rich man and he wants me to take out a loan to lend him money

162 replies

HollowTalk · 06/02/2022 16:46

Well, not really, but that's what happened to the women in Tinder Swindler on Netflix.

If only they'd posted their dilemma on here.

How long would you have to be going out with someone before you lent him money?

OP posts:
TokyoDreaming · 10/02/2022 17:30

When I watched it last week I did wonder why all three woman were so naive.

Lampzade · 10/02/2022 17:30

A colleague of mine got scammed by the pastor of her church. She gave him her life savings of 20k. It turns out that he had scammed several women. One of the women even remortgaged her house.
Apparently his wife was in on the whole scam but targeted the male members of the church, sending them text telling them that her husband was beating her up and she didn’t have any money. She would then ask for some money and swear them to secrecy.
Husband and wife ‘made ‘ at least £500k and haven’t been seen since

astroboy45 · 10/02/2022 17:33

@HollowTalk honestly!! I’m sure we would have had the same face and would have been asking the same questions when we watched this😂 I was looking at DP like ???? are you understanding this because this makes no sense to me.

I was genuinely so confused and I’m the same! If her dad wasn’t there to explain it I would have thought the show was some sort of prank. I really want to reach out to her and ask questions because I’m genuinely struggling to believe it’s real!

TatianaBis · 10/02/2022 17:36

Asking to borrow money on the basis that you're a billionaire and can't use credit cards is not financial abuse it's just a scam.

whatwasIgoingtosay · 10/02/2022 17:38

It happened to my cousin. She was scammed out of a lot of money by vile man who, weirdly, had quite a high-profile public persona and in his spare time attached himself to wealthy and vulnerable widows. He told her the money was being used to set up a charity which she wanted to support. The case hit the press and he was prosecuted, fortunately, but it took a hard toll on her. In fact, now I come to think of it, an acquaintance, another vulnerable widow (but not wealthy at all) was scammed by a different charming high profile man asking for a loan which she could ill afford to give. I wonder how many of these low-life creeps are out there, and get away with it because the women don't want to report it.

Mogwig · 10/02/2022 17:39

@HollowTalk

Well, not really, but that's what happened to the women in Tinder Swindler on Netflix.

If only they'd posted their dilemma on here.

How long would you have to be going out with someone before you lent him money?

How long? 10 years?
onlychildhamster · 10/02/2022 17:42

DH and I have lent his sister money by converting money into foreign currency, transferring it to her account and then waiting for her to pay us back. I don't really like the feeling tbh. Now we wait for her to transfer us the money.

Its not much, a few hundred pounds every month or so but we know she was paying us back from her savings and she isn't working, so really you can't be sure if she will be able to pay it back. I can't imagine what its like to actually take out loans for someone else.

AngelinaFibres · 10/02/2022 17:44

@MintJulia

Never, ever. Loans come from a bank.

If a man would rather risk my hard-earned savings than pay reasonable commercial interest, he's not worth keeping.

This. When I had been seeing my now second husband fir a few months he offered to pay for a new kitchen for me in the house I had just bought. He was very well off, I was a single mum of 2. I said no because I couldn't afford to pay him back if we split up and I also didn't want to feel obliged to carry on seeing him if I had gone off him. We got engaged after a year and married the year after. Then we had the kitchen done .
Original poster
HollowTalk · 10/02/2022 17:58

@SantaHat

Having watched The Tinder Swindler, I was more horrified that a seemingly intelligent young woman would get on a private jet and leave the country with someone who they’d only known for ONE HOUR!!! They’re lucky he “only” stole their money.
Well, it's like that Mrs Merton joke, isn't it? In that woman's mind, she'd left the country with a billionaire she'd only known for one hour.
OP posts:
AntAndDecking · 10/02/2022 18:02

@astroboy45 what’s the name of the programme with the MI5 man? I haven’t watched it but I read an article where this happened. Either it’s the same person or it’s happened a lot!

feelingdownandoutagain · 10/02/2022 18:10

[quote AntAndDecking]@astroboy45 what’s the name of the programme with the MI5 man? I haven’t watched it but I read an article where this happened. Either it’s the same person or it’s happened a lot![/quote]
Puppet Master - its horrible to watch

NurseButtercup · 10/02/2022 18:11

@Cailleach

A few years back I got to know a woman who had married her Morrocan toyboy that she'd met on holiday three years after she divorced her husband of over twenty years.

She was in her fifties and mortgage free. He was 26 and penniless, a waiter in a bar. She sold the house and moved to Morrocco.

The marriage lasted just over 18 months after which he kicked her out, and promptly drained their account of every last penny.

She returned to the UK and now lives in a rented flat - she now has no chance of regaining what she lost as at her age that is pretty much impossible.

She was a social worker, and before that had been a pub landlady for many years, so hardly someone who you'd think was naive.

Some people are just so desperate for attention from anyone that it overrides any common sense they may have, and at that point there is no chance of convincing them of what seems obvious to the rest of us. It's extremely sad.

Some people are just so desperate for attention from anyone that it overrides any common sense they may have

Why do people like to use the label desperate to describe women or men that have been deceived?

Wanting to be in a loving relationship isn't desperate? Putting faith & trust in someone and believing their words, hoping that they aren't out to deceive or hurt you isn't desperate. I think you're being unfair & overly harsh.

Saying that, this would never happen to me because I would never take out a loan, or be guarantor for anybody. The most I would do is give £20- £50 on the condition that you don't ask me again. I simply haven't got spare £££ to lend and I work too hard for my £££.

Echobelly · 10/02/2022 18:19

I don't think this would work on me simply because I never lend anyone money, period. The only time I ever loaned some money was to my parents, ironically, and I knew it was a temporary shortfall and something was coming up that would allow them to pay me back. If a friend wanted money, say, under £100, I'd probably just give it to them.

I wouldn't ever want to create the emotional burden of a loan with anyone I cared about because I know I'd find it impossible to ask for the money back if they didn't repay when they said.

astroboy45 · 10/02/2022 18:32

@AntAndDecking The Pupper Master on Netflix. It’s a 3 episode documentary and gets worse with every episode! Genuinely the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard

AntAndDecking · 10/02/2022 18:40

Thanks feeling and Astro.

HelloFrostyMorning · 10/02/2022 18:45

@Roundeartheratchriatmas

I find it very hard to believe. I think a lot of them deep down must know but convince themselves otherwise for whatever reason.

It horrifies me just how daft some people are. Makes me think even less of humanity tbh.

This. ^

I feel hard to have any sympathy with anyone who is scammed out of 100s of 1000s of pounds. For sooo many reasons.

There is no way in fucking HELL I would lend anyone any money. I may give someone some money if I could afford to lose it, but lend money out? Never.

@Biscuitandacuppa

I was talking recently with a lovely lady who told me she had inherited money and invested it well. She is mortgage free and runs a hobby business. She is head over heels in love with a man she has never met from a Middle Eastern country who is significantly younger than her.

She seemed completely unconcerned that he may be a con artist and was busy chatting about their future, weddings and houses etc. I was a bit gob smacked that she could be so vulnerable and naive!

I know right!

@hivemindneeded

I know a woman like that too. I tried to reason with her but she saw no reason why a young very handsome Middle Eastern man who stacks shelves wouldn't fall passionately i love with a very overweight middle-aged woman old enough to be his mother. They want to believe it so they do, all critical faculties just vanish. It's so weird to witness.

This. I have no idea why these women are deluded enough to believe these handsome young men fancy them. They just GIVE 100s of 1000s of £££ to some random man who they just met. The level of utter stupidity and ignorance from some of these women is just breathtaking. No matter how hard I try, I just simply CANNOT^ feel sorry for them. I just can't. Nope. Not a scrap of sympathy from me.

astroboy45 · 10/02/2022 19:46

All the comments about the men being Middle Eastern are irrelevant as hell btw

camperqueen54 · 10/02/2022 20:00

So many people on here blaming the victims and not the total scumbag! 😡

BoredZelda · 10/02/2022 21:32

Yes, yes, you are all so much smarter than these stupid women who were swindled.

Except, it is possible for most people to be socially engineered in some way and anyone who believes they are too smart to be swindled in any way are actually the kind of people more likely to be targeted. All these people have to do is find the right switch.

Gilead · 10/02/2022 21:51

Thing is, it’s no different to a lot of coercive marriages but on a grander scale. It took me a long time to realise what was going on and longer to leave. He had a hobby and I was going to help him make a great deal of money from it. I spent thousands on that project. I’m not by any means stupid, Phd and decent job before retiring.
It’s easy to fall for someone and to be conned by their lies. A lot easier than those who judge from a distance realise.

BoredZelda · 10/02/2022 23:21

Thing is, it’s no different to a lot of coercive marriages but on a grander scale. It took me a long time to realise what was going on and longer to leave. He had a hobby and I was going to help him make a great deal of money from it. I spent thousands on that project. I’m not by any means stupid, Phd and decent job before retiring.

It’s easy to fall for someone and to be conned by their lies. A lot easier than those who judge from a distance realise.

I totally agree. We understand domestic abuse, coercion etc and (largely) don’t blame the victims. We understand women find it hard to leave and will often do things which to those looking in seem unbelievable but we believe it nonetheless because we know how these guys operate. But when it comes to financial romance scams women are just so stupid and deserve everything they get. Why is that? We are also much kinder to male victims of those kind of scams. The whole thing is deeply misogynistic.

These guys don’t just send a couple of messages then say “give me money” Women are groomed over a period of time and taken to a point where they are deeply involved and to them, someone they love is in trouble, of course they will help. More so in similar cases to the tinder swindler, they’ve seen how wealth this guy is, why wouldn’t he be paying you back?

If people genuinely think there’s only a small number of people who are stupid enough to be scammed, they might want to wonder why MN feel the need to post the “never give more than you are able to” reminder on begging threads. People on here are willing to give help whether it impact on them emotionally or financially, to complete strangers on the basis of a cleverly crafted post by someone who knows what they are doing. Seemingly intelligent people have been duped on here quite often.

BoredZelda · 10/02/2022 23:31

They just GIVE 100s of 1000s of £££ to some random man who they just met.

They often haven’t “just met” the larger sums of money lost tend to be where it has taken months for someone to ask for money.

BoredZelda · 10/02/2022 23:35

When I watched it last week I did wonder why all three woman were so naive.

Weird because I wondered how a man who had scammed millions out of women was only sentenced to jail for 3 years and was out in 18 months.

Campervangirl · 10/02/2022 23:53

@Mumdiva99
Dsis didn't even believe the police that it was a scam.
She was so far into the whole fantasy it was like she'd been brainwashed.
After retelling the story I'm going to ask her if she still believes he was a real person or if she now realises that it was a scam

stevalnamechanger · 11/02/2022 00:16

Most of mumsnet is not naive twenty year olds desperate for love