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Original poster

I'm going out with a really rich man and he wants me to take out a loan to lend him money

162 replies

HollowTalk · 06/02/2022 16:46

Well, not really, but that's what happened to the women in Tinder Swindler on Netflix.

If only they'd posted their dilemma on here.

How long would you have to be going out with someone before you lent him money?

OP posts:
SSADGM · 06/02/2022 18:18

I can’t believe these estimated he’d swindled over $10 million from people! Who ARE these people. She seemed really switched on but was obviously blinded by the private jet etc. I mean even the first date was bizarre, not only did he whizz her off to Bulgaria on their FIRST DATE!!! She was sharing the car and the private jet with his ex and their kid?!?!?!?!? Surely you’d run a mile at that point. Absolutely bizarre

Supersimkin2 · 06/02/2022 18:21

No, but what’s staggering is how many men have tried to move in with me free/never paid/refused to fork out for a present.

On a smaller scale, this sort of romantic fraud happens nonstop. My Prince Charmings didn’t last long but I do feel male user behaviour is unnervingly commonplace.

We all think we’re savvy and financially competent women - and most of us are - but large scale or small, what’s truly horrifying is how likely you are to be targeted.

M0RVEN · 06/02/2022 18:26

@MintJulia

Never, ever. Loans come from a bank.

If a man would rather risk my hard-earned savings than pay reasonable commercial interest, he's not worth keeping.

This
iklboo · 06/02/2022 18:39

I think I lent DH £50 once when we were first going out. He paid it back the following week and got us a takeaway and drinks for the night. I decided to keep him 😄

MrsBerthaRochester · 06/02/2022 18:46

I have been out with a couple of charmers who asked for money. One claimed it was to pay his sick dads hospital bills.
I have only ever given a small amount to one. Ex footballer who had genuine mental health issues. But he turned out to be a using twat to.
Now if Im chatting to anyone and they mention money I make sure I tell them Im a skint single mum on benefits. They soon scarper.

Roundeartheratchriatmas · 06/02/2022 18:48

Also who goes to another country with a man you don’t even know ?

Several sandwiches short of a picnic that one.

hivemindneeded · 06/02/2022 18:51

@Fuuuuuckit

I DID go out with a man who never asked me for cash (I was skint!) but always had flashy cars, we went to posh restaurants, he wore amazing clothes.

Turned out I was the lucky one - he went silent on me after a few months, turns out he'd been arrested for romance scams like in the OP and did 7 years in prison.

I've never leant any man more than a few quid (like £50 until they next went to the atm), if they need money that badly they're not the man for me!

Did you ever wonder why he went out with you if he knew you had no money to steal?
Holskey · 06/02/2022 19:19

I think it was more sophisticated than many here are giving the women credit for. He was able to successfully forge passports and create new identities. He wasn't your typical love-bombing scrounger. He "hired" the first woman and gave her a payslip that fooled the bank into increasing her credit limit. His victims all felt they had witnessed first-hand his incredible wealth. It must seem more unbelievable in those circumstances to imagine that he was actually poor.

@hivemindneeded
Did you ever wonder why he went out with you if he knew you had no money to steal?
Maybe this guy was like the man in the documentary and was relying on her taking out credit cards and loans.

Cocolapew · 06/02/2022 19:31

I just watched this the other day, it was pure greed on the part of the women. It was a very sophisticated looking scam, but he wasn't that much to look at and had no personality. The women were plonkers.

jay55 · 06/02/2022 19:32

In general I'm generous when it comes to buying meals/drinks with friends and family. But other than that I'm ridiculously tight and very debt adverse so I'd never lend money.

Fuuuuuckit · 06/02/2022 19:36

Did you ever wonder why he went out with you if he knew you had no money to steal?

Turns out I had the same name as 2 of his other 'benefactors'. My mum was critically ill at the time, maybe he thought I was in for a few quid?

notprincehamlet · 06/02/2022 19:46

If you're on the outside looking in it's so obviously a scam - but he's selling them a fantasy they want to believe in, it overrides all reason.
For a man who feared for his life he certainly had a very healthy and expensive appetite!

thecatsthecats · 06/02/2022 20:01

@Holskey

I think it was more sophisticated than many here are giving the women credit for. He was able to successfully forge passports and create new identities. He wasn't your typical love-bombing scrounger. He "hired" the first woman and gave her a payslip that fooled the bank into increasing her credit limit. His victims all felt they had witnessed first-hand his incredible wealth. It must seem more unbelievable in those circumstances to imagine that he was actually poor.

@hivemindneeded
Did you ever wonder why he went out with you if he knew you had no money to steal?
Maybe this guy was like the man in the documentary and was relying on her taking out credit cards and loans.

On a factual level, sure, but as PP said, his voice just sounded dead. I always wonder when you see these shows (watching Catfish right now), whether the couple have real-sounding conversations.

All you see are messages saying things like "I love you", "I see a big future for us", "Have my babies" etc... That doesn't feel real to me. Maybe they have more messages that are more normal - "Ugh, shit day at work" etc. Maybe those messages are too personal. They just always read... Blah. Unreal. They don't show real intimacy, just greetings card statements.

cherrysthename · 06/02/2022 20:04

I thought his voice sounded monotone at best; unfriendly, detached and demanding actually. No warmth or affection. Just horrible. The only thing the women could possibly have seen in him was ££££
It made me laugh out loud when he asked his ex for money for a lottery ticket! Money mad.

Therealrealitystar · 06/02/2022 20:06

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Crimeismymiddlename · 06/02/2022 20:15

I read somewhere that romance scammers are most successful with people who have a high self confidence, but very low emotional intelligence. They cast a wide net and most people, like me would be very sceptical that a super good looking rich man with a jet set lifestyle would be desperate to go out with a middle aged, chubby, ok looking and very not jet set person. It is obvious what they are doing, what gets me is the women who lent them money they borrowed-fucking madness.

iklboo · 06/02/2022 21:26

One of my friends from work got scammed. She's an intelligent woman but very soft-hearted and wants to think the best of people. He told her he was ex-army and one of his army pals had been in a crash in Cyprus & needed money for treatment. She sent £3500. It's awful because she's so lovely.

TheUnquestionedAnswer · 06/02/2022 21:34

I know someone who ended up giving her partner 40k. He was jailed for being a conman. Can't remember how long he got. She was a divorcee, working professional, met him online.

ChicCroissant · 06/02/2022 21:38

A friend of mine used to fall for these shits scams via online dating all.the.time. She did say that when they started asking for money she refused but I'm not sure she did tbh.

The stories have massive holes in them which are immediately obvious, but no matter how many times we warned her she would fall for the same crap all the time. I will say that she didn't even meet them the majority of the time, yet still seemed to think she was moving to be with them Hmm International travel featured heavily in their stories, it's a reason they are not around to meet up.

Either they pick their targets very carefully, or just keep going until they find someone who falls for it. I do have sympathy for anyone who loses money to these shits scammers, but honestly, the stories are really not credible.

Original poster
HollowTalk · 06/02/2022 21:46

I had a friend at work who was very mercenary. She went on to the Sugar Daddy website and was quite popular until she realised that they thought she was the rich one! She was 53 years old and attractive and slim but she really was mistaken when she thought she would be preferred over a 23 year old. She got most indignant. I was thinking of her last night with the big lottery win. I would love her to think I had won it to see how quickly she got in touch.

OP posts:
Biscuitandacuppa · 06/02/2022 21:55

I was talking recently with a lovely lady who told me she had inherited money and invested it well. She is mortgage free and runs a hobby business. She is head over heels in love with a man she has never met from a Middle Eastern country who is significantly younger than her.
She seemed completely unconcerned that he may be a con artist and was busy chatting about their future, weddings and houses etc.
I was a bit gob smacked that she could be so vulnerable and naive!

Original poster
HollowTalk · 06/02/2022 22:09

@Biscuitandacuppa

I was talking recently with a lovely lady who told me she had inherited money and invested it well. She is mortgage free and runs a hobby business. She is head over heels in love with a man she has never met from a Middle Eastern country who is significantly younger than her. She seemed completely unconcerned that he may be a con artist and was busy chatting about their future, weddings and houses etc. I was a bit gob smacked that she could be so vulnerable and naive!
If you are still in touch, tell her to watch this program!
OP posts:
hivemindneeded · 06/02/2022 22:15

@Biscuitandacuppa

I was talking recently with a lovely lady who told me she had inherited money and invested it well. She is mortgage free and runs a hobby business. She is head over heels in love with a man she has never met from a Middle Eastern country who is significantly younger than her. She seemed completely unconcerned that he may be a con artist and was busy chatting about their future, weddings and houses etc. I was a bit gob smacked that she could be so vulnerable and naive!
I know a woman like that too. I tried to reason with her but she saw no reason why a young very handsome Middle Eastern man who stacks shelves wouldn't fall passionately i love with a very overweight middle-aged woman old enough to be his mother. They want to belive it so they do, all critical faculties just vanish. It's so weird to witness.
hivemindneeded · 06/02/2022 22:47

@Fuuuuuckit

Did you ever wonder why he went out with you if he knew you had no money to steal?

Turns out I had the same name as 2 of his other 'benefactors'. My mum was critically ill at the time, maybe he thought I was in for a few quid?

Wow. Sounds like you had a very lucky escape.
ProudThrilledHappy · 06/02/2022 22:56

I’m too skint and tight to lend a penny to anyone Grin have to say Ayleen is my hero though