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Original poster

I'm going out with a really rich man and he wants me to take out a loan to lend him money

162 replies

HollowTalk · 06/02/2022 16:46

Well, not really, but that's what happened to the women in Tinder Swindler on Netflix.

If only they'd posted their dilemma on here.

How long would you have to be going out with someone before you lent him money?

OP posts:
UniversalAunt · 10/02/2022 16:31

Rich people do not borrow from everyday people, they have their people manage their wealth & cash flow.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 10/02/2022 16:32

@HollowTalk

I think all of them must have kept it quiet with their own friends and family. The thread title shows that if you say it out loud everyone would think you were crazy.
Same with ‘lottery’ scams (You’ve won a million from a lottery you didn’t even enter!) which scammed a huge amount from an elderly neighbour of ours. Apparently they tell victims not to tell any friends or family ‘because they’ll just be jealous and try to stop you getting the money’. Evil bastards!
UniversalAunt · 10/02/2022 16:34

I watched Tinder Swindler.
Promptly drew up a list of friends who I know need to watch it as they believe the love bomb bollox that some people come out with.

Yes, we all want to be loved, but get your mittens out of my purse.

diddl · 10/02/2022 16:39

"but couldn't use his own cards just at that point (or at any point onwards) because his enemies would find out where he was as a result."

And that wasn't a great big get the fuck out of here red flag?

And of course the only way to get money from a bank is a card??

Plumface · 10/02/2022 16:43

This is one of those things that everyone says they'd never do and yet there are many many successful scammers the world over. So plenty of people do fall for it.

whataboutbob · 10/02/2022 16:46

I lent money once in my life, to a friend who was 1) very poor 2) orphaned and 3) from a Bangladeshi background and she was organising her own wedding. She asked me outright, i was so stunned I said yes. She repaid me within a week. It was only £200 mind, in the 90s.

Pumperthepumper · 10/02/2022 16:47

That’s really unfair, you saw months of grooming summed up in an hour knowing the context behind it. Conmen are really clever, you’ve absolutely no idea what you’d believe in the same circumstance.

Zilla1 · 10/02/2022 16:48

I understand that the reason the email and online scams like the Nigerian Prince/Section 419 scams have obvious spelling mistakes and errors written in the text is to select-out critical readers who might otherwise take time person to person later without any financial gain. The vulnerable who are susceptible don't notice what seems obvious to others.

Ribenery · 10/02/2022 16:57

I think it's so easy to watch and think you wouldn't fall for it. These women were v young too. I felt awful for them!

I know someone (a man) who has been abandoned by his family. He married a v wealthy woman and took money from everyone in her family without her realising. I am a friend of that woman. He would go out with say her cousin and then tell some huge sob story about falling on hard times and how he was too ashamed to let his wife know and could he borrow X. It was only after the bank called her one day to ask about the remortgage of the house and she said 'what remortgage' and found out he had forged her signature on the documentation, remortgaged the house and spent the money. She went to her mum and dad who went ashen and they revealed they had lent him money too. As had her cousin, as had her brother and on and on....

when they added it all up it was hundreds of thousands of pounds. Hundreds and hundreds.

because of the shame though, he was never reported to the police. They all felt such fools for giving him the money willingly. I know he's now with another woman and I wonder whether he's doing the same to her.

Weird thing is, he was the most lovely, kind person you could ever meet. Everyone loved him. Would pay attention to you, listen to you, happy, friendly, welcoming. It was all a charade to pull you in. Quite extraordinary. These people are so manipulative.

Phrowzunn · 10/02/2022 16:58

When I was 18 I lent my now DH money for his accommodation deposit within a week of meeting him as his loan hadn’t come through yet. That was pretty silly although he did obviously pay me back. I paid for a lot of things back then as he only had the basic loan and I was a lot ‘better off’. I’m a SAHM now though and he pays for everything so it has sort of balanced out over time 😂

Cantleave · 10/02/2022 16:58

@crosstalk

I know two women who have done this. They were very vulnerable and loving - one a widow who had never really coped or worked but was rich - and another a divorcee who was highly competent and worked all her life but wanted someone to love. That's what the rubbish people prey on. It's not new, but SM has made it easier. Look at apparently intelligent people who have fallen for other scams. There are stories every week. Considering we have are considered the money laundering capital of the world, I'm surprised banks allow major withdrawals at eg cash points and transfers.
Technically the bank can’t stop someone from taking money out of their account, as it is their money, not the banks.

My bank has a limit of £20k that can be transferred daily online. It warns and asks why you are making the payment/transfer. When you put in the account number and sort code of where your money is going, the bank does a check to see if this is a legitimate company and again warns about sending the money if they cannot verify that.

I think that cash points have a limit on how much you can take out in a day, normally about £500. If you go inside and use one of the tellers to take out a large sum of money, they will flag it up to the manager who will speak to the customer and ask why they want so much money and unless there is a very good reason, the police are called and asked to intervene.

Unfortunately these fraudsters are getting cleverer at how they get large sums of money from their victims and it isn’t just the wee old ladies who are getting tricked. One of the Consultants at my local hospital lost £100k in a scam!!

SisterRuth · 10/02/2022 17:05

@jay55

In general I'm generous when it comes to buying meals/drinks with friends and family. But other than that I'm ridiculously tight and very debt adverse so I'd never lend money.
Me too. I love to be generous with people I love but people I don't know... well, they don't get a shilling out of me!
Fluffycloudland77 · 10/02/2022 17:07

@Ribenery

I think it's so easy to watch and think you wouldn't fall for it. These women were v young too. I felt awful for them!

I know someone (a man) who has been abandoned by his family. He married a v wealthy woman and took money from everyone in her family without her realising. I am a friend of that woman. He would go out with say her cousin and then tell some huge sob story about falling on hard times and how he was too ashamed to let his wife know and could he borrow X. It was only after the bank called her one day to ask about the remortgage of the house and she said 'what remortgage' and found out he had forged her signature on the documentation, remortgaged the house and spent the money. She went to her mum and dad who went ashen and they revealed they had lent him money too. As had her cousin, as had her brother and on and on....

when they added it all up it was hundreds of thousands of pounds. Hundreds and hundreds.

because of the shame though, he was never reported to the police. They all felt such fools for giving him the money willingly. I know he's now with another woman and I wonder whether he's doing the same to her.

Weird thing is, he was the most lovely, kind person you could ever meet. Everyone loved him. Would pay attention to you, listen to you, happy, friendly, welcoming. It was all a charade to pull you in. Quite extraordinary. These people are so manipulative.

Dhs ex forged his signature on a re-mortgage and it was only stopped because the bank wanted him to visit the branch to complete. It wasn’t even a close match either.

She admitted it under caution and the cps still dropped the case as they couldn’t afford a trial. She was forging his cheques too.

His mother is now FB friends with her.

VanGoghsDog · 10/02/2022 17:09

@HollowTalk

Well, not really, but that's what happened to the women in Tinder Swindler on Netflix.

If only they'd posted their dilemma on here.

How long would you have to be going out with someone before you lent him money?

No idea, I don't lend money!

I saw it, it was astonishing!

bananabuddy3 · 10/02/2022 17:15

I watched this. Programs like this are why I just can’t face doing online dating again. I never got asked for money but it was just a very tiring game that led me to feeling very bad about myself and I worry, as someone who isn’t cash rich at all however does own 95% of her home, would fall for charms.

Season one of Dirty John would also put people off online dating.

I have two friends who have lost money to exes. One lent £2000 to start his own business, he dropped the odd £20 note through her door for a few months then they broke up and she was so annoyed at herself.

Another was more a colleague then close friend, her partner asked her for her £3k savings to buy equipment and tools to get more work (he was a tradesman of some sort) as he has taken on a job that required it. She asked all of us at work and every single one of us said no, it was a staggering amount and he shouldn’t have taken the job if he didn’t have the equipment. She wasn’t having any of it, saying that surely it’s an investment because then he can get better jobs and improve in his trade and get more money and pay her back easily? This wasn’t a long term married couple, this was a couple who were always up and down and only 20 years old. She gave it. He dumped her a month later quite spectacularly. She tried so hard to find ways to get it back but ultimately there was no proof of loan or con.

Love can make you blind. Being on your own for a long time can also make you completely incapable of reading people. Or in reverse, trusting people.

Smallkeys · 10/02/2022 17:20

It seems strange they didn’t suggest going to his dad for the money if he could r use his own cards.

HelloFrostyMorning · 10/02/2022 17:21

I haven't watched this. Will do soon!

astroboy45 · 10/02/2022 17:21

@AntAndDecking

I haven’t watched the prog yet but I can understand it more if he took them on private jets etc. It’s the ones where they say the man told them they worked for MI5 on the first date and they moved in after a week and then they seem shocked he was a conman that I am Hmm
@AntAndDecking this!!! The MI5 one was so ridiculous, I can’t feel sorry for them at all. Why would you just trust someone worked for MI5 and go on the run for 10 years. The run from what?? Where was the evidence that anyone was following them😭 so so bizzare!
Pumperthepumper · 10/02/2022 17:22

You’re also only seeing his success stories, not the hundreds of women who he tried it with and said no.

ShagMeRiggins · 10/02/2022 17:23

@Snoozer11

If you're stupid enough to do this, you deserve to be scammed.
Stupidity (either lack of intelligence or education or naïveté, depending on how you define it) is a vulnerability.

Vulnerable people don’t deserve to be scammed. Frankly, no one does.

Original poster
HollowTalk · 10/02/2022 17:25

@astroboy45 That programme about MI5 was almost unbelievable. If it wasn't for her dad talking about what happened, I'm not sure I would have believed it. Why on earth did they think they were on the run, especially for so long? They hadn't done anything or witnessed anything at all.

OP posts:
TatianaBis · 10/02/2022 17:26

Before I joined MN I really didn't understand how this kind of thing happened.

Now I know why it's as common as it is - some women will believe anything.

feelingdownandoutagain · 10/02/2022 17:26

@Snoozer11

If you're stupid enough to do this, you deserve to be scammed.
Meaning?
SantaHat · 10/02/2022 17:28

Having watched The Tinder Swindler, I was more horrified that a seemingly intelligent young woman would get on a private jet and leave the country with someone who they’d only known for ONE HOUR!!! They’re lucky he “only” stole their money.

feelingdownandoutagain · 10/02/2022 17:29

@TatianaBis

Before I joined MN I really didn't understand how this kind of thing happened.

Now I know why it's as common as it is - some women will believe anything.

its not about believing in anything.... domestic abuse and financial abuse go hand in hand for women and men. some people might think they are doing the right thing, don't judge what you don't know. you dont know the half of it, because if you did, you would not have made that comment. being dismissive about real life events is hurtful.