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Original poster

I'm going out with a really rich man and he wants me to take out a loan to lend him money

162 replies

HollowTalk · 06/02/2022 16:46

Well, not really, but that's what happened to the women in Tinder Swindler on Netflix.

If only they'd posted their dilemma on here.

How long would you have to be going out with someone before you lent him money?

OP posts:
RantyAunty · 10/02/2022 15:43

There are plenty of posts on here about women ending up paying some cocklodger's way. There's always some excuse why they can't pay or work.

A woman I worked with was scammed out of thousands by someone overseas. He had all these horror stories of being strane and about to be arrested.
One someone is stuck in, it is very difficult to break the spell. I tried to warn her but it didn't help.

Another guy I knew from an online forum, ended up married to a scammer. These people are experts. She had fake passport, birth certificate, etc. He ended up losing his home.

CocoPancakes · 10/02/2022 15:44

To be honest I'd probably fall for that scam. It's not like he said he had a rich uncle in Nigeria who left all his inheritance and just needed to borrow money for the "release fee", while he's walking around in a hoody from Sports Direct and driving a Ford Focus.
The guy took her on a private jet with whole team of people including his daughter, he spent fortunes travelling to see them, treating them to things, letting them meet people in their lives (these women weren't to know they were in on it), making a big deal about sharing all his wealth on social media, then gradually upping the anti on the scare tactics. I think a lot of smart women would still fall for that type of con. Well, clearly they did - to the tune of about £7m.

feelingdownandoutagain · 10/02/2022 15:45

@RantyAunty

There are plenty of posts on here about women ending up paying some cocklodger's way. There's always some excuse why they can't pay or work.

A woman I worked with was scammed out of thousands by someone overseas. He had all these horror stories of being strane and about to be arrested.
One someone is stuck in, it is very difficult to break the spell. I tried to warn her but it didn't help.

Another guy I knew from an online forum, ended up married to a scammer. These people are experts. She had fake passport, birth certificate, etc. He ended up losing his home.

cocklodger - love it :-)
RosesforTea · 10/02/2022 15:47

This reply has been deleted

This post has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 10/02/2022 15:48

I don't lend anyone money.

StrawberryLollipops · 10/02/2022 15:48

Dh took my first bonus to pay for a swish camera. We were just about dating then.
He never paid me back - married 20 years now.
On the other hand, he claims he is still paying the interest Wink

Moral of the story - never borrow/never lend - whichever way you look at it.

MimiDaisy11 · 10/02/2022 15:54

When conning someone they get them to do little steps and then they get more and more invested. And if they’ve done this little thing then why not do this extra thing. I imagine a lot of the lending starts off small and grows. It’s a shame people fall for it.

catscatscatseverywhere · 10/02/2022 15:57

Dating rich man and lending him money? Nope. Red flags everywhere.

LightDrizzle · 10/02/2022 15:58

Things like this make me relieved rather than annoyed that my own dear late mum was a technophobe. She'd have been totally fleeced. it happened a couple of times even without the internet; not romance based but trust based. She would totally have believed a man half her age had fallen for her though. Nightmare.

Gonnagetgoing · 10/02/2022 15:58

Not quite the same but a few years ago (I was approx 38) I met a man online, exchanged a few messages then agreed to meet. Had a wonderful evening of drinks and snogging and had to stay at his as we stayed out late and the tubes had just shut down and there were no cabs around. He agreed I could stay over and we eventually got a cab to his place. Nice enough man.

Then a few days later he rang me asking if I'd be guarantor on his new rent or loan - can't recall which. I was the only person he could ask - he had parents still alive, brother, friends etc. I said no and my friends said it was a red flag. I liked him a lot though and saw him on and off for next 2 years but didn't move in with him. It turned out he wasn't a romance scammer but just very very bad with money, took out lots of loans, had a very well paying job at one point, and eventually moved to Eastern Europe where he still lives probably to get away from chasing creditors and maybe violent people wanting their money.

I gave him £50 a few years back via bank transfer as we still 'mates'. Funnily enough when I asked him a few years on as friends, he could see nothing wrong in asking me to be a guarantor - nothing dodgy from his POV at all. No matter that if he defaulted on his loan the finance people would be after me as the named person! Hmm

grlwhowrites · 10/02/2022 16:00

I felt really sorry for the women and don't want to encourage any victim blaming at all, but I don't think I'd have ever fallen for it. I'm from a working class background and have had to work very hard and save sensibly to be able to afford anything. I've got a "good job" now but I know all too well what being skint is like and I wouldn't risk my financial security for anyone.
He seemed to go for women who were maybe more middle class, where money wasn't as much of a struggle bc they didn't seem to have intense fears about loans/credit cards straight away whereas I, and a lot of my working class friends, would have had instant anxiety and red flags over it. I also think he knew many of the women were after a fairytale romance. I really felt sorry for them, he's utter scum.

Cailleach · 10/02/2022 16:01

A few years back I got to know a woman who had married her Morrocan toyboy that she'd met on holiday three years after she divorced her husband of over twenty years.

She was in her fifties and mortgage free. He was 26 and penniless, a waiter in a bar. She sold the house and moved to Morrocco.

The marriage lasted just over 18 months after which he kicked her out, and promptly drained their account of every last penny.

She returned to the UK and now lives in a rented flat - she now has no chance of regaining what she lost as at her age that is pretty much impossible.

She was a social worker, and before that had been a pub landlady for many years, so hardly someone who you'd think was naive.

Some people are just so desperate for attention from anyone that it overrides any common sense they may have, and at that point there is no chance of convincing them of what seems obvious to the rest of us. It's extremely sad.

Zilla1 · 10/02/2022 16:02

As the esteemed PM might say, all these Captain Hindsights on MN, using 20:20 hindsight to criticise people who made perfectly reasonable decisions at the time. Hope none of you are on the juries when some of the PPE, track and trace and other COVID contract cases might (or might not, shouldn't be too pessimistic) go to court.

Gonnagetgoing · 10/02/2022 16:06

I actually have been taken in by one or two romance scammers as have a few friends of mine.

However, the most they've done is email us and ask for money and of course we don't send it to them.

When I reverse searched the images of the ones I recall they were of some other bloke!

A friend from school appears to be taken in by someone in the German army who's probably late 20s/early to mid 30s at most and very good looking. She's my age (50), not bad looking but not stunning with an 8 year old son and two grown up daughters and a grandchild. She does have a job but part time. Either they are really in love or he's scamming her, can't quite work out. It got a bit much when I saw loads of the same selfies of her and almost semi porno videos on her instagram and her wanting me to be in touch with her so I removed her from it. She's sadly not the brightest woman out there and just wants a nice man in her life.

TheDogsMother · 10/02/2022 16:07

@feelingdownandoutagain

so, after reading this and watching tinder swindler, and the Puppet Master, I would say this. NEVER lend anyone money. My ex conned me out of nearly £80,000. He worked for the first 6 months of the relationship, and once he was firmly on my mortgage become violent and abusive in EVERY WAY.

4 years later, i threw his backside out, and i am left with £55,000 worth of debt that will likely take me until i retire to pay off, and a credit file that is completely worthless.

however, I count my lucky stars, because he could have killed me.

NEVER EVER LEND ANYONE MONEY - IT LEADS TO TROUBLE

Oh wow Downandout that is awful !! I'm very pleased you are safe though.
Rosehugger · 10/02/2022 16:07

I've been with DH for nearly 23 years, married for 17, and we've never needed to borrow money from one another.

Gonnagetgoing · 10/02/2022 16:10

Oh I did know someone who got to know a man from North Africa - no idea how they met. She was all set to marry him then there were warning bells about him wanting a visa to come here and not interested in her otherwise and next thing you know wedding was off! I'd lost contact with her as she'd moved up North from London but heard she was upset he was just after a visa to live here.

I also knew a friend of my DM's years ago, counsellor/teacher who went to Peru as she loved that culture. She returned with a Peruvian boyfriend and got pregnant but sadly miscarried, maybe more than once. After that their relationship broke down. I never knew if he was after a nicer life than in Peru as he seemed really nice, think he was genuine.

TheDogsMother · 10/02/2022 16:11

I knew a very gullible guy who was talking online to a lovely Russian 'lady'. She had houses in Mayfair, Bahamas and Switzerland apparently but she was a little short of cash and could he tide her over. I did suggest that if she owned all that property I'm sure her bank would lend her something, not some poor lonely sap in the UK Confused The only thing that stopped him is that he didn't actually have any money !!

IncompleteSenten · 10/02/2022 16:14

Yes, people need to use common sense.

To answer your question about how long, well, about a week after I met my now husband I loaned him 150 to fix his car.

It's been 23 years and we still joke that he married me to avoid having to pay me back. 😂

Friend of mine married a very young man - about 20+years her junior she met on holiday.

Shortly after he got his British citizenship he left her. He's now married to a woman his own age and they have children together.

I've never said it but when she's talked about it all I can think is really? You're surprised? This gorgeous young waiter falling madly in love with you on your expensive holiday to a poor country didn't seem in any way suspicious to you? Really?

userxx · 10/02/2022 16:18

@feelingdownandoutagain

so, after reading this and watching tinder swindler, and the Puppet Master, I would say this. NEVER lend anyone money. My ex conned me out of nearly £80,000. He worked for the first 6 months of the relationship, and once he was firmly on my mortgage become violent and abusive in EVERY WAY.

4 years later, i threw his backside out, and i am left with £55,000 worth of debt that will likely take me until i retire to pay off, and a credit file that is completely worthless.

however, I count my lucky stars, because he could have killed me.

NEVER EVER LEND ANYONE MONEY - IT LEADS TO TROUBLE

Wow!!! There are some horrible fuckers out there - I hope he gets what he deserves.
BigSandyBalls2015 · 10/02/2022 16:23

I remember buying a boyfriend a car stereo from my mum's Freemans catalogue and he buggered off without paying.

Zilla1 · 10/02/2022 16:24

Perhaps you need to be wealthy to understand the cash flow difficulties someone who owns lots of houses might have. The fake heiress managed to convince some apparently wealthy friends and institutions so perhaps gullibility isn't rare.

AntAndDecking · 10/02/2022 16:25

Hope none of you are on the juries when some of the PPE, track and trace and other COVID contract cases might (or might not, shouldn't be too pessimistic) go to court.

What do you mean here, like the cases where contracts went to friends or relatives of the Cabinet?

Snoozer11 · 10/02/2022 16:25

If you're stupid enough to do this, you deserve to be scammed.

AntAndDecking · 10/02/2022 16:26

I haven’t watched the prog yet but I can understand it more if he took them on private jets etc. It’s the ones where they say the man told them they worked for MI5 on the first date and they moved in after a week and then they seem shocked he was a conman that I am Hmm