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AIBU: tired of nagging my partner about the engagement ring

150 replies

MiamiBeach104 · 29/01/2022 23:04

We've been together over 5 years now. I've proposed, before the weekend trip that I have organized and paid for (nothing too fancy but spent money on nice places to eat, drinks, bit of sightseeing). That was in July last year. I was expecting he will get me a ring before Christmas but it didn't happen. We decided to make a wedding just for the two of us (didn't want to spend money on the party, family isdues and looking to ttc as well). I found the place, paid the deposit, booked photographer, bought my dress. Again no expense and very little effort from him so far. Just before Christmas he said let's buy ring in the New Year which makes sense for better discounts. Again I had to nag him to go to the shops and see the ring with me. All this time I knew he had a full set of wedding rings (engagement and 2 bands). I don't particularly care they were not bought for me but I told him that I'm aware you have them so why we don't just use that for ourselves. He said if only I'm happy with it. After seeing and trying rings on I wanted what he has already so I just thought it would be a waste of nice and expensive jewelry he has already.

However, I'm pissed off in all this process he made very little effort. I told him how important the ring is to me and still have to nag him. He did send the local jewelry shop link but I have to book appointment with them to get the ring sizes adjusted. He's making no effort into making anything about this nice to me. I told him today that I really would like him to do something nice to me in the whole of this process as I feel I'm the only one putting effort into this. And the wedding is not going to be just some mini trip where he just needs to show up.

I'm just really pissed off with him and afraid that even after all this chat etc. He'll again do f**k all and I will be the only one trying to get things sorted and special and will be nagging him even to get a nice box for the rings etc.

OP posts:
Ionlydomassiveones · 29/01/2022 23:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

FinallyFluid · 29/01/2022 23:07

Run Forrest run.

MiamiBeach104 · 29/01/2022 23:07

Just so angry with him!!!! The fact he can't get the rings sorted and puts no effort into the wedding just makes my blood boil

OP posts:

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CheesusWept · 29/01/2022 23:07

Did I miss how he has a full set of wedding rings?

Interrobanger · 29/01/2022 23:08

It doesn’t really sound like he’s into it tbh.

Arbeity · 29/01/2022 23:08

I would look at his attitude to this and assume that this is what my life was to be like if I was married to him. Is that what you want?

He seems to be disengaged and disrespectful of the things you find important. That would be a deal breaker for me

StillCounting123 · 29/01/2022 23:10

Does he treat you well generally and put effort into gifts for birthdays, Christmas etc? He sounds like a lazy bugger from your OP description.

DiddyHeck · 29/01/2022 23:12

I told him today that I really would like him to do something nice to me in the whole of this process as I feel I'm the only one putting effort into this. And the wedding is not going to be just some mini trip where he just needs to show up.

Except that's exactly what it will be. He's not fussed about marrying you at all, he's made that perfectly clear. You deserve better. Marry someone else who really wants you to be their wife.

MiamiBeach104 · 29/01/2022 23:13

He does put lots of thought into gifts when we get it for each other. More than me usually

However, all this wedding things seems to have been one way traffic. He said he will do something nice for me when the rings get sorted. But given the facts he's done f**ck all on this so far, I'll be sure when I actually see it

OP posts:
gamerchick · 29/01/2022 23:13

He's not into it OP.

Next you'll be posting that he can't be arsed with scans or antinatal and you're running around with a newborn because he doesn't care.

Why are you looking at frivolities instead of the bigger picture?

daretodenim · 29/01/2022 23:14

Is this just how he is OP? Does he have a hobby/friends? Does he ever get excited about something connected to them? Because it really sounds strange behaviour for a man who wants to get married.

And if he is always like this, YANBU to be pissed off, but how will it be in 10 more years when he's still like this? As I'm sure you know, you can't change a person.

He's behaving badly and you're accepting it outwardly because you really want to get married. Nothing wrong with that, but if this is how he behaves at the most exciting and supposedly caring part of your relationship, you'll be broken by him in 5yrs.

Cam2020 · 29/01/2022 23:14

If he can't be bothered now, what sort of dad do you think he'd be? If you're running around now, imagine what it'll be like with children. He won't get better.

candycane222 · 29/01/2022 23:15

Well you need to separate the wedding - just the occasion , plus accessories , from the marriage- your commited lives together, in your mind.

Then you need to find out if his lack of interest in the wedding is just that- a lack of interest in a day that he sees as mainly your "thing" and for him is just a job to do on the way to your marriage. Which is insensitive of him but not necessarily a deal breaker if he generally hates fuss.

Or, is he meh about the wedding because he's meh about the marriage, and perhaps, meh about you. That would be quite different.

WorriedGiraffe · 29/01/2022 23:15

Sounds like he doesn’t want to marry you. Although I’m surprised you are demanding a ring after proposing to him, surely if anyone gets a ring it should be him? If you want one so much why not buy your own.

User2638483 · 29/01/2022 23:15

Ooh
Yes - why does he have a full set of wedding rings? 🤔

PlanetNormal · 29/01/2022 23:16

You’re focusing on the wrong thing. The ring is irrelevant.

The fact that he clearly doesn’t want to marry you and that his behaviour indicates that he feels he is being dragged to the registry office under duress is the issue.

Time for some straight talking, OP. And you may not like the answers you get.

boringcreation · 29/01/2022 23:17

Sorry did I mis-read? You proposed to him and you want him to buy you a ring? You sound like you're making him do something you want to do and you want him to be enthusiastic about it, not going to happen.

TracyMosby · 29/01/2022 23:18

He's making no effort into making anything about this nice to me…I'm just really pissed off with him and afraid that even after all this chat etc. He'll again do fk all and I will be the only one trying to get things sorted

Do you want to be on here every few months writing that about his attitude towards you / children / housework / mental load / cooking and on and on and on.

He isnt interested in putting in any effort for you.

What makes him someone you want to marry?

JuneWind · 29/01/2022 23:19

Not to sound too harsh….but if he already has a set of rings because he proposed to someone before, and presumably took the time and expense to choose rings for her and actually propose to her…..are you not seriously questioning why he hasn’t done the same for you?

Wnkingawalrus · 29/01/2022 23:19

WHY DOES HE HAVE A FULL SET OF WEDDING RINGS?!

Clymene · 29/01/2022 23:22

You might be engaged but he isn't Sad

MiamiBeach104 · 29/01/2022 23:22

@candycane222 - you are asking good questions, thank you. He does want us to get married, he's serious about that. I think for him the day itself that matters the same way it matters to me. Eg when we have holiday approaching he wouldn't get excited about it /care about it much till the actual day when we are at the airport. And I would start talkiy about it, planning my dresses, things to do at least a month in advance.

He said he doesn't care about the rings as long as I'm happy. He apologized me he delayed it so long and I had to nag him. But it doesn't change the fact it pisses me off though.

I think I'll tell him to sort out the honeymoon, transport etc. as i really can't be asked anymore

OP posts:
OnaBegonia · 29/01/2022 23:23

➡️⛰ run!!

felulageller · 29/01/2022 23:24

I wouldn't want to marry a man who treated me like this.

Pegasussnail · 29/01/2022 23:25
Sad

I would think carefully is this really what you want? A little bit of romance or even a small bit of effort would be nice