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Original poster

AIBU: tired of nagging my partner about the engagement ring

150 replies

MiamiBeach104 · 29/01/2022 23:04

We've been together over 5 years now. I've proposed, before the weekend trip that I have organized and paid for (nothing too fancy but spent money on nice places to eat, drinks, bit of sightseeing). That was in July last year. I was expecting he will get me a ring before Christmas but it didn't happen. We decided to make a wedding just for the two of us (didn't want to spend money on the party, family isdues and looking to ttc as well). I found the place, paid the deposit, booked photographer, bought my dress. Again no expense and very little effort from him so far. Just before Christmas he said let's buy ring in the New Year which makes sense for better discounts. Again I had to nag him to go to the shops and see the ring with me. All this time I knew he had a full set of wedding rings (engagement and 2 bands). I don't particularly care they were not bought for me but I told him that I'm aware you have them so why we don't just use that for ourselves. He said if only I'm happy with it. After seeing and trying rings on I wanted what he has already so I just thought it would be a waste of nice and expensive jewelry he has already.

However, I'm pissed off in all this process he made very little effort. I told him how important the ring is to me and still have to nag him. He did send the local jewelry shop link but I have to book appointment with them to get the ring sizes adjusted. He's making no effort into making anything about this nice to me. I told him today that I really would like him to do something nice to me in the whole of this process as I feel I'm the only one putting effort into this. And the wedding is not going to be just some mini trip where he just needs to show up.

I'm just really pissed off with him and afraid that even after all this chat etc. He'll again do f**k all and I will be the only one trying to get things sorted and special and will be nagging him even to get a nice box for the rings etc.

OP posts:
Staryflight445 · 30/01/2022 10:44

When you become so desperate for something you want to wear rings he bought for someone else, it’s probably time to evaluate your life op.

Without being horrible, your attitude to all of this is quite frankly embarrassing. Please, find your self respect.

roastingmichael · 30/01/2022 10:45

@Staryflight445

When you become so desperate for something you want to wear rings he bought for someone else, it’s probably time to evaluate your life op.

Without being horrible, your attitude to all of this is quite frankly embarrassing. Please, find your self respect.

That definitely wasn't 'without being horrible'
thereisonlyoneofme · 30/01/2022 10:47

You sound incredibly controlling OP perhaps thats why he is taking his time.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Clothing
lapasion · 30/01/2022 11:04

Go ahead and marry him, but you should realise his current attitude will carry on throughout your married life. You’ll always have the nagging feeling that you browbeat him into it. You’ll no doubt spend years going through the same thing every anniversary and special occasion, ending up disappointed. And if you decide to have kids, don’t expect him to be hands on.

It’s OK to care about having a nice engagement ring. You don’t have to be the cool girl about this. You can be like us silly, shallow women who wouldn’t want to look down at our finger every day and be reminded that we got a used ring chosen for another woman who, in his mind, was worth the schlep to the high street.

PoshWatchShitShoes · 30/01/2022 11:10

Sounds like you're dragging him into something he doesn't want to do!!

Leave him and find someone who cherishes you.

LittleBearPad · 30/01/2022 11:35

There’s quite a lot of people who haven’t RTFT aren’t there.

Guiltypleasures001 · 30/01/2022 11:41

He spent all that money on another woman before you which showed he cared

He didn't for you
You don't value yourself enough
All this I'm laid back drive second hand cars etc

Youve told him how to treat you so he is

Make demands and don't settle

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 30/01/2022 11:44

He must have really loved his ex if he was so thoughtful and considerate to save up and buy her an expensive and beautiful ring. He bought the ring for her and proposed to her, not you. I'm sorry, he doesn't love you like he loved her. That's what stands out to me from all of your posts so far.

You deserve better. He's being so cruel with his can't be arsed attitude. Don't marry him and certainly do not have children with him. You'll find a man who truly loves you and wants to make an effort for you.

MissNothing1991 · 30/01/2022 11:46

You sound more excited about having a bit of bling to put on your hand and a show off wedding than a marriage. He sounds like he couldn't give a flying fuck either way.

MamaNeedsTea · 30/01/2022 11:49

A dear friend had this issue years ago.

Was very much ready to get married, mentioned it alot but her partner just kept putting it off. She wasted a good few years with him then realised it just wasn't going anywhere & they wanted different things.

Low & behold within a year of the split proposed to his new partner, bought a house & is now married.

Moral of the story is if they want it they will do it.

Dear friend met a wonderful man who whisked her on a romantic city break & propsed. She never asked, had no idea it was coming.

They're now both settled & I'm happy marriages.

Getting engaged shouldn't be like this....

Read back what you've written.

Clymene · 30/01/2022 11:49

People really need to read the OP's other threads.

You need help OP. i am worried for you and for the baby you keep trying to conceive within this toxic abusive relationship

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/01/2022 12:23

It is beyond unfair to be planning a child with this man OP. Beyond unfair.

AIBU: tired of nagging my partner about the engagement ring
AIBU: tired of nagging my partner about the engagement ring
AIBU: tired of nagging my partner about the engagement ring
youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/01/2022 12:24

@youvegottenminuteslynn

It is beyond unfair to be planning a child with this man OP. Beyond unfair.
This was only in July 2020 and you've continued TTC with him since.

You need to end the relationship and urgently seek counselling.

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/01/2022 12:30

He is who he is. Huge mistake, marrying someone whose behaviour already irritates you and somehow expecting him to massively change. He won’t. You either accept who he is and don’t moan about it or you don’t marry him. He’ll get worse as he gets older.

PrincessNikla · 30/01/2022 12:37

why? are? you? with? him?

he sounds like an arse

Bananalanacake · 30/01/2022 12:41

But that other thread is from 2019, how do we know if this is the same bloke?

Fairylightsongs · 30/01/2022 12:42

@Bananalanacake

But that other thread is from 2019, how do we know if this is the same bloke?
Um it’s right there in the first line of her op, they’ve been together over five years,,Confused
AlDanvers · 30/01/2022 12:42

@Bananalanacake

But that other thread is from 2019, how do we know if this is the same bloke?
Because ops first line in her first post here says they have been together over 5 years.
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 30/01/2022 12:43

@Bananalanacake

But that other thread is from 2019, how do we know if this is the same bloke?

Because in the first line of the first post OP says she has been with her OH for over 5 years.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 30/01/2022 12:43

Cross post with everyone!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/01/2022 12:53

@Bananalanacake

But that other thread is from 2019, how do we know if this is the same bloke?
She says in her post. And the one I shared later in the thread is from July 2020. Same bloke abusing her again.

She's continued TTC and now proposed to him.

Bananalanacake · 30/01/2022 12:59

Ah, yeah, not that good at maths sorry. I was going to agree with a PP that an engagement ring is not a legal requirement, I told my DH I didn't want one as I'd rather spend the money on a new bathroom. We opted for the non ring ceremony at the registry office, so even more money saved towards home improvements, but I think that's not the point of the thread, better to walk away, or has he changed his ways since the first thread.

SmallPrawnEnergy · 30/01/2022 13:14

@MiamiBeach104

Just so angry with him!!!! The fact he can't get the rings sorted and puts no effort into the wedding just makes my blood boil
He doesn’t care. You’re an easy future, he knows he can put minima effort in and you’ll do the rest of the work. This won’t end how you want it to.
TurquoiseDragon · 30/01/2022 13:25

He doesn't want to marry you.

Time for a hard talk between the two of you. And you will need to be prepared for answers you don't want to hear.

Clymene · 30/01/2022 13:32

Why do you want to marry him OP?