I don't know how to do this; a hand hold please

[bloodywhitecat]

Just for tonight?

DH has cancer, it's terminal and it is spreading fast. He's also recently had a massive stroke so he can't tell me what's wrong but I do know that tonight he has had some break through pain so I have given him extra oramorph to help him. I also know he wants to die at home and I want him to be here but honestly, it is so so hard. He is settled and asleep at the moment but I can't switch off. If his pain comes back I will call our hospice for advice but tonight it has all got on top of me (and I realise he is the one going through this, not me so I shouldn't be sitting here crying). Talk to me for a while? Please? I do have people I could call but it is getting late and I don't want to cry down the phone at them.

Sending you love and strength

Here to hold your hand .

Happy to talk about anything you like?

Oh OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine how I'd cope. It must be a great comfort to DH to have you there, taking care of him and advocating for him. He must feel very loved

Oh I am so sorry.

If it’s any help when my mum was dying her hospice team were really good at keeping her pain free. Don’t hesitate to call them.

I wish you strength and your husband peace.

So sorry that you're in this horrible situation. Hope your DH stays pain free and you can get some rest.

Call someone @bloodywhitecat , I know if you were my friend I'd pick up any time, day or night.

PS you have every right to cry, be angry, whatever you need to do. This is a shit situation, no one can expect anything of you xx

Much love to you and your DH xx

Holding your hand lovely.

You’ve been so strong for him, you’ve loved him and looked out for him.

Let other people look out for you now in your hour of need. Call who you need to.

Sending love. You ARE going through it too though, be kind to yourself. You are doing one of the hardest things a person can experience.

Oh Whitecat, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

This isn’t just about your DH, it is about you too! Please don’t minimise what you’re going through, everyone is facing their own battles in every situation. Please do reach out to those closest to you, I’m sure they’d want you to whilst you’re struggling.

A huge hand hold winging its way to you.

You are not alone. Don't worry about the time of day, call someone.

And yes. Echoing others. Ring a friend x

I remember your other threads @bloodywhitecat and I'm so, so sorry.

Is there anything you can do that might take your mind of things? Ridiculous question, I know, it's impossible to get your brain to focus on the mundane when such a huge thing is happening.

Yes, it's happening to your DH, but it's also happening to you. You're the one dealing with things, holding it together. Be kind to yourself

You are not alone. Make the call

Sending big hugs. Call people they would want to be there for you

Holding your hand xx Do you feel like telling us about him? Or about something else completely? Do you have pets or DC or a place you love or favourite view you soak in? Tell us about them if it helps soothe your mind x

I have read some of your previous threads OP. I am so sorry for everything you are both experiencing. But wow, what love, what dedication. If I were ever to be so ill, I would want a partner as loving by my side. Your dear husband knows, he can feel it no matter his state of consciousness. You are helping him every second. I wish you both peace 💐

Sending best wishes OP.

Don’t be afraid to call your family or friends. Yes, it’s later in the evening, but I’m sure they’d rather support you, than think you are crying without support.

I hope your DH is comfortable tonight and you manage to get some rest xxx

A massive hand hold here too @bloodywhitecat

That is so incredibly sad. I'm sorry you're going through this. Your husband is lucky to have you by his side. Sending love and strength to you. Minute by minute, hour by hour, one step at a time. Remember to breathe

I’m so sorry. I went through something similar when my dad had cancer. Marie Curie nurses came and did the nighttimes for a few days - would that be possible at all?

Just because he's at home doesn't mean there aren't people that can come and support you. Are there community nurses who help with palliative care? Mammalian nurses etc I know you know all the things available but don't forget the options you have. You and he are doing amazingly.
Are there any easy watch box sets you can put on? Maybe make yourself a nice snuggly den, get comfy and have a warm drink. Then if you drop off you can stay where you are.

I only wish I knew what to say to you Whitecat, I've followed your threads and I simply can't imagine what things are like. But I do think of you.

You're allowed to sit and have a cry, you're human. All you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other, you've been strong for this long.

Having a terminally ill relative at home is so so hard, especially when communication isn’t possible.

Call the hospice if you need anything at all, even if it’s just a chat.

Your friends and family would want you to call them no matter the time of day. Lean on them and get as much support as possible.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I know you’ve had one setback after another and it must be so scary for you.

Mammalian nurses? What are they? Darn autocorrect.... Macmillan