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Original poster

I don't know how to do this; a hand hold please

160 replies

bloodywhitecat · 28/01/2022 21:46

Just for tonight?

DH has cancer, it's terminal and it is spreading fast. He's also recently had a massive stroke so he can't tell me what's wrong but I do know that tonight he has had some break through pain so I have given him extra oramorph to help him. I also know he wants to die at home and I want him to be here but honestly, it is so so hard. He is settled and asleep at the moment but I can't switch off. If his pain comes back I will call our hospice for advice but tonight it has all got on top of me (and I realise he is the one going through this, not me so I shouldn't be sitting here crying). Talk to me for a while? Please? I do have people I could call but it is getting late and I don't want to cry down the phone at them.

OP posts:
TonyThreePies · 04/02/2022 22:52

I have nothing productive to say but I you have the courage of a lion OP. I wish you both strength and peace. Your love for each other comes through in your posts Flowers

bigdecisionstomake · 04/02/2022 23:08

Sending love and strength. You will get through this. Somehow. Coping with a very sick partner on your own at night when all is dark around you is a very lonely place to be so talk away on here if you need company.

Can anyone help you with additional pain relief for him?

Original poster
bloodywhitecat · 04/02/2022 23:14

@sueelleker That must've been so hard, I am dreading that bit Flowers

He's asleep. I think the pain was crampy so I gave him some buscopan and he's gone to sleep. I don't feel brave. I spend most of my days feeling like a rabbit in headlights. I am always glad when the weekend comes as my daughter puts her own life on hold to come and be here. When DH and I first met she really struggled with the fact that I was with someone new but she quickly came round and now she and her DH have been absolute rocks. On Mondays and Tuesdays DH's DD comes if she can but sometimes her workload doesn't allow her to. Just having them in the house helps. My wonderful friend has been a godsend too, she was the first person I called when DH had his stroke as she is ambulance staff, I wanted her to come and see him and tell me off for over-reacting and being daft but she didn't. She told what I already knew and she helped me get all his stuff together.

OP posts:
MrsPatrickDempsey · 04/02/2022 23:23

Hi
I just want to reach out to you. I remember that your DH was in Addenbrookes. I am not too far away in Essex. I know I am a stranger but if you would like me to bring meals or take your LOs for walk or anything please let me know.

FarmCat31 · 04/02/2022 23:31

Flowers I don’t have any useful advice but I’m thinking of you. Every post of yours I’ve read the love you have for DH shines through while still providing everything your fosterlings need. You’re amazing

UsernameFail · 05/02/2022 09:40

Hello Op, I think you're doing so well when what you're going through is so awful. I wonder if there is anyone who can help with the fosterlings and just give you a little breathing space whilst you focus on your lovely DH? Xx

sueelleker · 05/02/2022 09:46

[quote bloodywhitecat]@sueelleker That must've been so hard, I am dreading that bit Flowers

He's asleep. I think the pain was crampy so I gave him some buscopan and he's gone to sleep. I don't feel brave. I spend most of my days feeling like a rabbit in headlights. I am always glad when the weekend comes as my daughter puts her own life on hold to come and be here. When DH and I first met she really struggled with the fact that I was with someone new but she quickly came round and now she and her DH have been absolute rocks. On Mondays and Tuesdays DH's DD comes if she can but sometimes her workload doesn't allow her to. Just having them in the house helps. My wonderful friend has been a godsend too, she was the first person I called when DH had his stroke as she is ambulance staff, I wanted her to come and see him and tell me off for over-reacting and being daft but she didn't. She told what I already knew and she helped me get all his stuff together.[/quote]
When they told me he wouldn't pull through, I(at 11pm!) rang my SIL (his sister) ; she came down straight away by taxi (from Kent) and has been with me ever since. I couldn't have coped on my own. We have no children by choice, and although I have a sister and lots of nieces on her side they obviously have their own lives. Still thinking of you.Flowers

Original poster
bloodywhitecat · 05/02/2022 10:18

@sueelleker I am glad you are not alone, having someone to call on is invaluable isn't it.

This morning he is vomiting bile. I am waiting for a call back from the nurses at the hospice. I have told my DD she doesn't have to come, she is emetophobic and I don't want to scare her.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 05/02/2022 10:20

*he wants to die at home

he is the one going through this, not me so I shouldn't be sitting here crying*

{{{{{{{bloodywhitecat}}}}}}}

Hugs for you and the unfairness of life that has you going through this.

Please don't feel guilty about having a cry when you have so much on your plate. You absolutely should be doing whatever gets you through this time.

Original poster
bloodywhitecat · 05/02/2022 10:22

@MrsPatrickDempsey

Hi I just want to reach out to you. I remember that your DH was in Addenbrookes. I am not too far away in Essex. I know I am a stranger but if you would like me to bring meals or take your LOs for walk or anything please let me know.
Yes he did, he had his Whipple's there. Most recently he has been in Ipswich and the N&N, I think the only one he hasn't been in is West Suffolk!

Thank you for your kind offer Flowers

OP posts:
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