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Original poster

I’m going to look horrible on my own wedding day

271 replies

Caramelvanillafudge · 28/01/2022 07:24

Arghhh, I’m an idiot.

I am getting married next month. I’ve put on a bit of weight and thought I could lose it in time but it hasn’t happened. I do look fat: there’s no way I can avoid that.

I’ve never been brilliant at putting on makeup and I only wear foundation and mascara. I just don’t suit lipstick or eye shadow or blusher. Stupidly, I thought I’d get someone to do my hair and makeup. And I had a trial run yesterday and it looked RIDICULOUS! The hair style made me look even fatter and I looked like JK Rowling’s description of Dolores Umbridge. The makeup just made me look stupid. There was nothing wrong with how she did it, it just looked silly on me.

I know I could just do my own hair and makeup but then I’ve messed everyone around and spent money I don’t have.

I just want to get married in jeans and a cardigan in a registry office Sad

OP posts:
LostMyLastHatfulOfWords · 28/01/2022 10:16

If you are worried about looking silly- make it a themed or fancy dress wedding 😁- everyone else can look silly too and there will be plenty of distractions around you.

TheVolturi · 28/01/2022 10:17

I bet you don't look horrible, and I bet you're not as fat as you think you are! The makeup artist made me look like a drag queen when I got married!

Original poster
Caramelvanillafudge · 28/01/2022 10:19

I’m not horrendously fat but fat enough, unfortunately most is around my face and neck so I can’t ‘hide’ it with clothing. Anyway - it is just one day.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Clothing General style & beauty
steppemum · 28/01/2022 10:22

Oh sorry, I missed some of your posts, ignore my last one.

I do understand what you mean. I look at every photo of myself from the last 2 years and I think I look ugly. Even in nice places, on a date, in a nice dress etc. It is because I am overweight and I look fat. Nothing can make me look nice other than loosing 3 stone and then having loose skin surgery.
It has made me start loosing weight. And I saw a photo from this Christmas that was OK. But that doesn't help you.

All I can say is that the outside, the photos are not the wedding. Ths wedding is you and dh tying the knot.

Enjoy your day, as your wedding day. Sod the photos. I guarantee that your friends and family are not thinking you look ugly, they are thinking OH Caramevanillafudge is getting MARRIED how lovely.

They will not be judging they will be celebrating.
Try and celebrate with them.

Afterwards you don;t need to have a wedding photo up. Maybe have some other memento of the day up.

x x

Herja · 28/01/2022 10:25

OP, I know you asked for a natural look, but if you are unhappy with your natural features, enhancing them isn't likely to end in a look you particularly like. Have you considered a (skilled) heavier look? It can dramatically alter your face, sculpting and smoothing and changing your entire appearance. I used to work alongside several women who were both overwight and (unmade up), a bit plain. They were make up artists and bloody good ones though, and they genuinely transformed themselves each day. Incredible to watch them doing it and genuine artistry.

I would recomend trying some more make up artists and explaining that you don't like your face, want to look beautiful for your wedding and ask what they suggest. Look at their pictures and reviews and be prepared to try a few.

Alternatively, fuck off the whole 'wedding look'. Ditch the big dress, buy a nicer than than normal dress and look like yourself, but well dressed. Big dresses and a 'done' look aren't always eight for everyone and can make one feel very self concious. I didn't wear a wedding dress for exactly this reason.

MamaTutu2 · 28/01/2022 10:26

@Caramelvanillafudge if you Keto you can easily be 2 stone down in a month. It’s horribly boring but doable if you’re strict.

duvetdayforeveryone · 28/01/2022 10:28

I think honestly no matter what we say you are still going to think you are ugly.

@Caramelvanillafudge You have 2 choices.

  1. Continue to believe you are ugly.
  2. Post a photo and we can tell you the truth. There is a possibility we might agree with you, but there is equally a possibility we will disagree.
noeyeidea · 28/01/2022 10:31

OP i am sorry you feel this way, especially on your wedding day. It's not about how you look, it's about how you feel about how you look and there are lots of us who have felt the same.

Everything is heightened when it comes to weddings as we are told our whole lives that this is our chance to be a fairy princess and when that doesn't happen its only natural that we would be left feeling hugely disappointed. I wish i knew the answer (as i'd make millions!)

I am tall and slim (yes i know, what a bitch) however, on the inside, i feel like a troll most of the time. I avoid mirrors and hate looking at pictures of myself. I know now that its not because of what i look like, but some self worth issues from a not very nice childhood. Could there be something deeper in how you feel about yourself that you could work on in the next month? I have had some counselling and hypnotherapy regarding anxiety in the past and feel much more confident than i did. You have time for that.

The only other practical advice i can give you is to fake it till you make it. Put on the beautiful dress, hold your head up and marry the man you love. Focus on what you can control instead of how you feel and try to make the best of it.

Original poster
Caramelvanillafudge · 28/01/2022 10:33

i think honestly no matter what we say you are still going to think you are ugly.

Well, yes Confused

Try substituting the word ‘ugly’ for ‘short’, ‘tall’, brown eyed’.

i think honestly no matter what we say you are still going to think you have brown eyes

That’s because I do have brown eyes! Desperately insisting they are green is not really helpful to anybody.

@MamaTutu2 like I say I’d really prefer no diet advice. I promise that is not me being snippy but it does get me a bit stressed.

It is a bit like when hairdressers have tried to layer my hair saying in delight it will frame my face. No, no, no. My face does not need framing!

OP posts:
Sartre · 28/01/2022 10:35

You don’t need to trowel on make up you know. If you don’t feel it suits you, minimal make up is absolutely fine. There’s little you can do with regards to your weight aside from put maximum effort into losing weight, you can shed a stone in a month if you’re very overweight (I lost a stone in 2 weeks when I was at my heaviest). Google hairstyles you’d like and ask them to style it like that or just get a decent hair cut the day before? Again, you don’t need a fancy hair style.

I don’t wear much make up so I didn’t wear much on my wedding day and I just had a blunt bob hairstyle, nothing fancy. Looked pretty nice tbh because I looked authentic, not like some weird fake version of me.

KateMcCallister · 28/01/2022 10:36

@Caramelvanillafudge

No, I really don’t need therapy

My dress is absolutely beautiful. But I am the one wearing it!

That’s horrible @Sloughsabigplace. I at least know everyone will lie through their teeth to me Grin

But why did you buy a beautiful dress that you don't feel comfortable wearing?

Ugly is a really strong word, I don't think I've ever met an ugly person that wasn't horrible. Nice, kind people just aren't ugly. Not conventionally attractive, maybe. Plain looking, definitely (aren't most of us plain looking?) but never ugly.

So if you view yourself with such disdain that you think you're ugly then yes, you do need therapy.

Somersetlady · 28/01/2022 10:37

I don’t wear a lot of makeup either and I did my own make up on the wedding day!

Do what your are comfortable with forget money already spent and professionals are professionals you do not have to take their services.

Enjoy every moment.

Bravoecholima · 28/01/2022 10:40

MAC do online consultations-I did one and it was great-she taught me how to do subtle things that made a difference and no hard sell at all-just product suggestions and an email with the links

Original poster
Caramelvanillafudge · 28/01/2022 10:40

What should I wear then @KateMcCallister?

Because whatever I wear I will still look like a toad with hair!

OP posts:
Peanutbuttercupisyum · 28/01/2022 10:44

Defo go on a diet, you can lose half a stone or more in a month tbh. Just do your hair how you normally have it.. loose or whatever . Ditto make up. Get some nice lingerie. You’ll look totally fine. Everyone feels a bit weird in a flouncy dress and make up when they normally wear jeans!

ReadySteadyTwins · 28/01/2022 10:51

i think honestly no matter what we say you are still going to think you have brown eyes

That’s because I do have brown eyes! Desperately insisting they are green is not really helpful to anybody.

That's not what anyone is doing. What you're doing OP, is complaining how awful your brown eyes are, then when PP say, "well, you could wear coloured contact lenses?" is then coming up with excuses that you can't possibly do that. It would assist your issue, but you don't want to do it.

People are trying to help you, and you just want to moan. Which is fine. We all need to moan sometimes. But you clearly don't want to help yourself, when there are many things you could do, which makes it a little hard to sympathise.

Even if you don't think things will help, what's the worst that can happen if you just try?

steppemum · 28/01/2022 10:55

ReadySteadyTwins

you are being unfair.

Op has clearly said, she is upset and wants to moan. Yes we do all need that and everyone constantly telling her how to solve it isn't actually veyr helpful, once OP made clear that wasn't what she wanted.

'fixing it' is not actually helpful when someone is just expressing hurt and disappointment about something.

Original poster
Caramelvanillafudge · 28/01/2022 10:55

No, I’m not ‘complaining’ at all. I am telling you how things are but people keep insisting that if I do this diet, or wear this, or do this, or have confidence, or smile, or go to therapy, all will be well.

All will be well but I will still look how I look. I don’t believe it is self pitying to acknowledge that I am not an attractive woman.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 28/01/2022 10:56

I very much doubt you're ugly. I never see anyone ugly. People have varying levels of attractiveness but actual ugliness? Not really.

Original poster
Caramelvanillafudge · 28/01/2022 10:58

Of course there are unattractive and attractive people.

OP posts:
KateMcCallister · 28/01/2022 11:01

@Caramelvanillafudge is there anything you wear that makes you feel less toadish? I know you said about jeans and a cardi and I know that if you're having this big formal wedding then you can't really wear jeans and a cardi but is there something you'd feel more comfortable in?

I'd rather feel like a comfortable toad with hair than an uncomfortable one.

Also, have you told your fiancé how you feel? If my OH was that uncomfortable with the whole thing and was feeling how you are I'd cancel the lot and have a relaxed register office "ceremony" in casual gear and then a dinner for family and friends to celebrate. I know you've said about money but is that at all an option?

HPLikecraft · 28/01/2022 11:01

@Caramelvanillafudge

Of course there are unattractive and attractive people.
Yes, but that's purely subjective. And we are our own worst critics. I bet you're far more attractive than you give yourself credit for!
Echobelly · 28/01/2022 11:02

I think you need to find a different hair and makeup person, but also, go easier on yourself. If you're not a lots of makeup and updo person, don't be one on your wedding - it'll probably always look and feel wrong.

trumpisagit · 28/01/2022 11:02

@Caramelvanillafudge

Of course there are unattractive and attractive people.
Yes, to some extent, but being clean and well presented makes everyone more attractive.
Clarefromwork · 28/01/2022 11:03

Did your take a photo with your make up and hair done? I find I expect myself to not look that nice if I have ever had my hair etc done so straight away when I see it I think bah it looks awful!
Then when I look back after a few days I sometimes think - ahh it didn’t look thaaaaat bad