I’m going to look horrible on my own wedding day

[Caramelvanillafudge]

Arghhh, I’m an idiot.

I am getting married next month. I’ve put on a bit of weight and thought I could lose it in time but it hasn’t happened. I do look fat: there’s no way I can avoid that.

I’ve never been brilliant at putting on makeup and I only wear foundation and mascara. I just don’t suit lipstick or eye shadow or blusher. Stupidly, I thought I’d get someone to do my hair and makeup. And I had a trial run yesterday and it looked RIDICULOUS! The hair style made me look even fatter and I looked like JK Rowling’s description of Dolores Umbridge. The makeup just made me look stupid. There was nothing wrong with how she did it, it just looked silly on me.

I know I could just do my own hair and makeup but then I’ve messed everyone around and spent money I don’t have.

I just want to get married in jeans and a cardigan in a registry office

[Caramelvanillafudge]

Yes.

[Rangoon]

I think you might have had a bad make up person. I am skinny with the face to match and I look very odd with blusher. I am prepared to plaster on anything that might make me look better so very few years I try a new blusher or technique and it always looks either bad or invisible. If the makeup or the hair doesn't suit you, it's not a good job.

I was trying on a dress in a shop once and the dress looked pretty hideous on me. I saw there was a young woman trying on the same dress style and she was a bit overweight but she looked absolutely fabulous in it. You may be your own worst critic.

[TwoBigNoisyBoys]

OP I definitely hear you. I have piled weight on over the last 3 months due to chemo and steroids and although there’s so many more important things to worry about in my life I’m really badly affected by how I look at the moment. I completely understand.

However…I also know I’m not doing myself any favours with thinking like that.

Last summer I did a month or so of workouts and healthy eating, cut out all the crap and lost 10lbs, not a massive amount but it reduced my face bloat and stomach size. I also drank loads of water. BUT the difference in how I felt was amazing, and I don’t think it was just due to losing the pounds, it was that I’d prioritised myself and was proud about what I had achieved. Realistically, I probably didn’t even look that different but I FELT different, and that was the key.

I know this probably won’t change your mindset overnight, but honestly, if you can stick at if for the few weeks you have left before your wedding you’ll feel better just because of the knowledge that you’re helping yourself, and a healthy diet and loads of water never hurt anyone, does that make sense?

As far as your hair and make up go, I’d stick with doing it yourself. I think you had great advice up-thread about wearing a little more each day prior to the wedding so it doesn’t feel so ‘alien’ to you on the day. A little mascara/eyeliner/nude shadow will make all the difference, but if you’ve worn it gradually over a few weeks, you’ll feel normal on the day, does that make sense too?

I really feel for you and understand it’s about how YOU feel about yourself but I think if you take these steps you’re giving yourself the best chance to feel the best version of yourself of such an important day. Sending love 🥰

[MrsSkylerWhite]

You’re being forced into the wedding you don’t want. That’s the real problem. You need a conversation with your fiancé.
I wouldn’t go along with it for other people.

[LookMoreCloselier]

I had a bad hair and makeup trial. I decided to do my own makeup. I did it exactly as I usually do but taking a bit more care than normal and I added individual false lashes. Could you do that? As for the hair, I found someone else and was very clear with what I wanted and she understood and I looked like me but it was better than I'd have done myself. Don't settle for hair and makeup you aren't happy with or you'll regret it. Re the weight, just eat healthily and get out walking/swimming before the day, you could lose a little but even if not you'll feel better in yourself which will translate into your look anyway.

[ThoseFestiveLights]

Honestly a happy smile will make you radiant.

Have you got a stylish friend that you could have this conversation with? They may be able to help you - if not they will boost your confidence!

[Beseen22]

I could have written this before my wedding. My dress didn't fit me all that nicely mostly because I was so self conscious of it and kept pulling it down. I laugh because I am a good 3 sizes bigger now but then I was horrified at how 'fat' I was. Went to the gym for a month before my wedding in some crazy crash diet attempt. Didn't smile properly in the photos because I hated my teeth. The whole day was for my parents, it was all their friends and their favourite hotel.

I had the exact same experience with make up, when you don't wear make up professional stuff looks ridiculous to you. So I bought expensive foundation and did it myself. I do regret it because I didn't think to take stuff to touch it up and my giant spot on my chin is definitely visible in the evening photos. If I was getting married now I would 100% get a lash lift and tint a few weeks before the wedding to make your lashes look longer but not the false eyelashes look that the MUA would maybe attempt but also not the inconvenience of falsies. Plus I'm a contact lense wearer and my mascara did get a bit smudgy.

You can't change the things which annoy yourself now, im not conventionally pretty but I do have things I like about myself. You said you have great hair so wear it the way you like it done regardless of if it is bridal. I bet you will look much better than you imagine but me telling you that won't make you feel that. Have a look at #midsizebride on insta for brides who are more curvy, you can see they all look amazing.

Anyway point of the story, 10 years on i still have the same lovely DH who loves everything about me, its literally one day of your life which goes incredibly quick. I don't have photos up of my wedding. I didn't feel like a lovely princess and if I was to do the whole thing again it would be a very casual brunch.

[delilahbucket]

Never mind the cost, do your own hair and make up how you would normally do it. There is nothing worse than a bride who doesn't look like herself. You have time to practice. Raid Pinterest for ideas you can do yourself.
Get some control underwear if you think it will make you feel better.

[Caramelvanillafudge]

I’m probably going to sound like a complete arse here but I need to address a few things before I leave this thread as to be totally honest it’s really unhelpful.

@FudgeSundae I am extremely sorry about your mum. However, this post really is purely about the aesthetics. Of course I realise other things are more important, which is why it is actually very unusual for me to give much, if indeed any, thought to how I look, but on your wedding day, you do. I’m not going to apologise for thinking about it.

The people endlessly insisting that it won’t matter because I love my husband to be - yes, it does matter. This is for me not him.

a happy smile yes, I don’t walk around glowering every day, you know fat, ugly folk smile as well, who’d have thought

There is absolutely no way I can back out now. It would cost thousands and it isn’t me who has paid for most of it.

I am purely expressing my sadness that despite having five star treatment with hair and makeup - I still look horrible. I think on some level there’s this belief that if I had a personal stylist I could look nice and I have been stripped of this belief!

I would really like the diet advice to stop, please, I’m actually finding it a bit overwhelming and a bit stressful.

[sillysmiles]

What would have been helpful to hear?

I am not objectively pretty by anyone's standard. I've been overweight all my life but I felt I looked good on my wedding day. I had spent the months before hand intending to lose weight but that didn't happen.

[LostMyLastHatfulOfWords]

Sorry you are not looking forward to your wedding day and being the centre of attention. (Even though it won't be a hostile crowd.)

I hope that you will find that being surrounded by people who are there just to see you both happy -and are full of love for the two of you - will feel amazing.

You are not obliged to be pretty for the day but beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.

Happiness is lovely to look upon. You will be lovely by default!

(A short neck - a round face - piggy eyes and plump body does not equal ugliness even if it is a look you yourself don't admire. Just look at The beauties of past times in the National Gallery some time. They would not be listed as attractive just now. It is a pity you feel this way about yourself though.)

[Caramelvanillafudge]

what would have been helpful to hear?

When people say things like this, my tendency is to ignore, because it is usually bluster at having been corrected.

People are free to reply as they wish but I reserve the right to point out that replies insisting that you will be beautiful are not helpful because they are untrue and anyway, how could anyone know that?

This is a safe space to vent some sadness, no more or less than that.

[PinkEll]

Hi OP.
I understand how you feel, really I do.
I got married last august and I just decided that I was going to try to enjoy my day and not focus on what I looked like but the friends and family I have around me. As I had gained weight and I couldn't help how I looked!

I had a brilliant day and I'd do it all over again.

Try to enjoy it OP. Life isn't all about looks, your wedding day is about you and your husband x

[Greyhare]

Book an appointment for some hypnotherapy to help boost your confidence and self worth

[MsAnnFrope]

Yeah that sucks! Hope you manage to get through the wedding and then enjoy being back to normal life.

[burnoutbabe]

i get you.

I can't see myself as looking any different from how i normally do (boring middle aged person) on my wedding day, apart from i'd be in a dress.

I can't think I'd suddently be beutiful with love! I'd just be me, with newer clothes on. And my finance will be him but with smarter clothes on.

I'll probably actually do it wearing a souped out version of what i am most comfy in (jeans and a nice top) as adding a dress won't make me feel magically different!

I really won't suddenly become beautiful for one day. I don't think most brides look "beautiful", most look same as normal but in a dress and maybe a bit sweatier at times.

[Caramelvanillafudge]

It’s more looking silly that I’m worried about. It’s one thing to be a plain, overweight women in black work trousers and a grey jumper, but a plain, overweight women in a fairy princess dress is making me cringe a bit.

[FabulouslyFab]

“Forgotthebins

If you could get out of having the big wedding without hurting anybody’s feelings, would you?
Bookmark

Today 09:30 Caramelvanillafudge

Yes.”

There’s your answer! Cancel the whole shebang, be you and book a register office just the two of you.
You’ll lose money on deposits but it will make you feel better. Don’t have a wedding day that you hate.

💐 for you xx

[Rainbowshit]

I honestly have never seen a bride who didn't look good and I include in that someone I know who literally got out of hospital the day before and was hugely puffy because of the medication she was on.

I sacked my makeup and hair people after the trial as I hated it. I was lucky in that the person who did my hair and makeup and my sister's at her wedding was free and I knew her work.

Have a trial with someone else, explain what you didn't like.

Get on a vlc diet, you can lose a stone in a month.

[Jacaranda75]

I had a make up and hair trial which I was happy with. However, on the day, my eyeshadow was blue and my hair was very dated. Both looked terrible. Added to that, it was an unusually freezing cold day and I had a thin dress on so was freezing. Also I didn’t actually know any of the guests at the wedding (a thread in itself).

But... out of all of the wedding photos, there is one of me and DH dancing around being a hit silly. It is gorgeous. Totally made it all worth while. If you can just get ONE photo you are happy with, that’s all that matters.

Oh, and we’re still happily married 14 years on.

[KateMcCallister]

Op there's a difference between "a bit plain" and and ugly (do you feel ugly when you weigh less?) Your wedding day should be one of the happiest of your life, Did you ever like your wedding dress? If not, why did you buy it? I completely get that you thought you'd have your make up done and you'd look "better" and instead just looked like you with make up on.

I think you need therapy, but that's not going to change anything right now. Having to be centre of attention when you're the sort of person that's quite happy to blend into the background is going to be difficult, I know, but it's one day. Try and enjoy it as best you can and then maybe look into seeing someone about how you view yourself. You can be really plain looking and still not think you're ugly.

[Thirtytimesround]

My aunt is really fat and she looked great on her wedding day, I think because she chose a dress with a lot of structure round the torso and a plunging v neck and not lots of sparkle / floaty bits. In a fairy princess thing she woulda looked ridiculous. Is it at all possible to change your dress for one that suits you better? Perhaps a halter neck? Or maybe have major alterations done to it? There is a dress to flatter every shape, if your dress doesn’t flatter you, change it.

For hair if you have a lot of curls / overdone hairnon a chubby face this does look ridiculous a la Umbridge, I’d suggest blow drying it straight instead.

Anyway I did my own hair and make up. When I saw the photos I realised I’d put way too much blusher on and th hair didn’t look great either 😬 It isn’t the end of the world if you get the look wrong, just try to have fun and not let the day be about how you look. We didn’t bother to print an album, you don’t have to…

If yoh rally want to look better on your wedsing day than you do no, go for a 15 minute slow jog 3 x a week. You won’t lose weight before the wedding but you WILL get glowing healthy looking skin very quickly.

[Sloughsabigplace]

@Rainbowshit

I honestly have never seen a bride who didn't look good and I include in that someone I know who literally got out of hospital the day before and was hugely puffy because of the medication she was on.

I sacked my makeup and hair people after the trial as I hated it. I was lucky in that the person who did my hair and makeup and my sister's at her wedding was free and I knew her work.

Have a trial with someone else, explain what you didn't like.

Get on a vlc diet, you can lose a stone in a month.

You didn’t see me. I looked like a cross between a clown and a newborn calf as I couldn’t walk in the heels that MIL had a meltdown over wanting me to wear.

I genuinely looked so bad that I was in two photos - the rest were all but dh and his family.

I’ve had people say it couldn’t have been that bad, but it really was. I looked awful and I knew it. Dh friends brought their partners and one was quite vile about me.

[Caramelvanillafudge]

No, I really don’t need therapy

My dress is absolutely beautiful. But I am the one wearing it!

That’s horrible @Sloughsabigplace. I at least know everyone will lie through their teeth to me

[steppemum]

I don't wear make up and whenever a profesisonal does it I feel like I'm wearing a mask and it feels really unatural.

So I went to a lovely lady who showed me how to do it myself.
I just wore my own foundation, which felt comfortable because I'm used to it.
I didn't wear eye shadow as it makes my eye lids droop and it feels horrible, she recommended a soft pencil which just gave a tiny bit of colour on the edge of my eye lids.
New mascara so it went on nicely
lips - I hate lipstick, so she showed me how to use a lip pencil in a natural colour to just give a hint of something and then a lip gloss on top (this was a while age )
and some powder to not look shiny.

Not 'natural' make up but really, really minimalist, but it was enough and it suited me. I didn't feel like I was wearing any.

Hair, can you just wera it loose? If that is how you normally wear it, just have it loose?