Why is it socially acceptable to bully quiet people?

[Sweetchocolatecandy]

As a generally quiet person I’ve had to suffer this all throughout my life. Even today in a training group with people I hardly know someone said ‘god you’re so quiet, can you even talk lol’ and another person agreed saying ‘you’ve said like 3 words all week’. The truth is, I really can’t stand these people so although I’m curteous and polite I’ll only talk to them about work-related matters and I can’t bring myself to join in their shit conversations that I don’t care about.

Why is it socially acceptable to bully and belittle quiet people (and it is, because this sort of thing has happened loads in front of managers and teachers in the past) but if if replied ‘why are you such a gobshite that never shuts up?’ I would probably have been taken off the floor and given a disciplinary.

How do other people respond when they get accused of being too quiet?

It's an old fashioned idiom, but it is still applicable - an empty can makes the most noise, meaning, that vacuous, self opiniated, people with little or no self awareness that they are talking absolute bollocks will always speak the loudest and longest regardless of relevance.

I think it just comes down to the difference between introverts and extroverts. Introverts are comfortable with their own thoughts/company and maybe extroverts feel they need a greater stimuli (I'm generalising a lot)

Honestly just ignore the comments, we are all different: if you want a 'comeback' just smile enigmatically and remind them that still waters run deep.

Alternatively, you could just tell them that their conversation bores you......but I suspect that won't go down too well!!!

I hate this too, like why do people even make that comment it's not going to help is it, and what kind of answer do they expect? I wish I had a comeback too.

Sounds like they are picking up that you look down on them and are reacting to that.

I'm quiet too and find these situations difficult, but I'd argue if you've been in a group situation all week and have barely spoken because you don't like the people, you haven't really been "courteous and polite".

The truth is, I really can’t stand these people so although I’m curteous and polite I’ll only talk to them about work-related matters and I can’t bring myself to join in their shit conversations that I don’t care about.

It doesn't sound as if they were bullying you. You've sat there all week hating them and refusing to interact with them - do you think they owe you much?

You don't like their conversation but you CBA to make an effort yourself?

I’m not particularly an extrovert and the comments were not particularly polite but in my experience working with someone who NEVER speaks is draining and hard work. Especially training with a person you don’t know well who gives you nothing to work with.
Do you never even make small talk, give an opinion or suggestion. Ask or answer questions?? If not then I’d struggle to work with you and I’d probably end up talking a lot more than normal to fill in the awkward silences.
Quiet is not the same as silent.
Working together involves conversation and exchange of ideas it’s very hard when you’re the only one contributing to that.
I’d also be worried that you were ill/depressed/I’d offended you unwittingly.
I would never comment on it though and certainly not in a way that was unkind.

@TheYearOfSmallThings

The truth is, I really can’t stand these people so although I’m curteous and polite I’ll only talk to them about work-related matters and I can’t bring myself to join in their shit conversations that I don’t care about.

It doesn't sound as if they were bullying you. You've sat there all week hating them and refusing to interact with them - do you think they owe you much?

This.

They probably don't like you either but make the effort because some fucker has to.

As someone on the other end of the spectrum as an extrovert- I also get negative comments about contributing!

Some people just like to moan!

This!! If everyone was quiet and couldn't be arsed with chit chat then noone would make friends, get ideas, feel welcome.

I'm an extrovert.. guess what? I also can't be arsed with chit chat but equally someone needs to speak!

In this particular case, it is not because you are quiet but because you do not like them and you give those vibes out.

Most people find it hard work to make all the effort in a conversation. They are probably a bit fed up with having to put in all the work.

How is commenting on how quiet you are "bullying"? Genuine question because that doesn't fit into my idea of bullying, IE, "seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce (someone perceived as vulnerable)".

In general though if there are a few colleagues on a training thing and one person doesn't say anything it can be quite grating for everyone else who is joining in. Surely this training must be relevant to your work so you must have something to say. It doesn't really sound like bullying.

‘ in my experience working with someone who NEVER speaks is draining and hard work’

It’s draining NOT to talk to someone? I don’t understand that at all. There’s no difference between being on your own or being with someone who’s silent. And you wouldn’t say being on your own was draining would you?

OP some people are just nasty and don’t like quiet people who mind their own business and don’t chunter on about nonsense all the time. They get no self validation from someone who ignores them.

That isn't bullying.

I have a colleague who is very quiet, but smiles, makes eye contact, obviously listens and follows the conversation and will join in when she can. Her quietness isn't a problem.

I don't get the impression you're doing that, and it will make your professional life difficult.

‘ How is commenting on how quiet you are "bullying"?’

Because it’s criticising a fundamental aspect of someone’s personality and acting like there’s something wrong with being quiet. Saying ‘can you even talk’ is really offensive and rude. They know perfectly well that you can talk, they’re just being mean.

You can tell I’ve offended a load of extroverts on this thread

No, I don’t feel the need to join in stupid conversations with people who think it’s ok to drink-drive, be cruel to animals and who turn up late every day moaning about work and bragging about doing the bare minimum, so I don’t feel the need to associate with these sort of people just to fill in ‘awkward silences’, and if they feel the need to do all the work with me then so fuck.

I don’t mind the fact that they might think I’m weird or unsociable, just don’t call me out on it! I’m there to work and learn, not to fulfil my social life.

Its tough, you get people who just jump on the bandwagon with others once being rude. Especially bullies when they think someone is quiet, easy for them to get away with it.
Some people sadly are just wired that way.

My nan used to say "empty vessels makes the most noise" compensating for lack of actual knowledge on something or everything.

It is absolutely fine not to get involved in their conversations if its not your cup of tea but they shouldnt be rude and disrespectful to you for it.

Obviously if you are ignoring them, thats different to not getting involved.

OP, you sound like my kind of person. Unfortunately I tend to attract the type that love to tell me their life story within 5 minutes of meeting them. It's draining to say the least

Oh but that’s a totally different matter! You’re talking about not wanting to associate with twats. That’s different to being quiet.

I think Smartiepants79 has made some valid points.

I think you have the wrong end of the stick @Alayalaya. It can be quite draining to be with someone who never contributes, especially if it is a training session. I have friends and work colleagues who are quiet and introverted, but it is a comfortable and companionable silence.

However, if you are in a situation that feels completely one sided then the silence becomes strained and creates a bad atmosphere. This is when the chattier people feel that they need to fill the silence.

I get the impression from the OP that the chatterboxes find her aloof, and her dislike of them probably shows.

@Sweetchocolatecandy

You can tell I’ve offended a load of extroverts on this thread

No, I don’t feel the need to join in stupid conversations with people who think it’s ok to drink-drive, be cruel to animals and who turn up late every day moaning about work and bragging about doing the bare minimum, so I don’t feel the need to associate with these sort of people just to fill in ‘awkward silences’, and if they feel the need to do all the work with me then so fuck.

I don’t mind the fact that they might think I’m weird or unsociable, just don’t call me out on it! I’m there to work and learn, not to fulfil my social life.

I'm not an extrovert but in your OP you mention being on a training course with them, and is annoying when one person isn't joining in or interacting. But with your massive drip feed about how they are lazy drink driving animal abusers of course no one can say you are now being unreasonable

I spent so much time writing my previous post that I didn't see the OP's dripfeed update.

That does change things a bit. Your colleagues don't sound very nice, but I think you need to hide your dislike of them a little more if you have to rub along with them at work every day.

@Sweetchocolatecandy

You can tell I’ve offended a load of extroverts on this thread

No, I don’t feel the need to join in stupid conversations with people who think it’s ok to drink-drive, be cruel to animals and who turn up late every day moaning about work and bragging about doing the bare minimum, so I don’t feel the need to associate with these sort of people just to fill in ‘awkward silences’, and if they feel the need to do all the work with me then so fuck.

I don’t mind the fact that they might think I’m weird or unsociable, just don’t call me out on it! I’m there to work and learn, not to fulfil my social life.

'Bullies' 'extroverts'. Do you have to label everything and everyone?

From what you've written here it sounds as though you completely look down your nose at them, so I'm guessing their comments are irritation.