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Original poster

Why is it socially acceptable to bully quiet people?

141 replies

Sweetchocolatecandy · 26/01/2022 20:51

As a generally quiet person I’ve had to suffer this all throughout my life. Even today in a training group with people I hardly know someone said ‘god you’re so quiet, can you even talk lol’ and another person agreed saying ‘you’ve said like 3 words all week’. The truth is, I really can’t stand these people so although I’m curteous and polite I’ll only talk to them about work-related matters and I can’t bring myself to join in their shit conversations that I don’t care about.

Why is it socially acceptable to bully and belittle quiet people (and it is, because this sort of thing has happened loads in front of managers and teachers in the past) but if if replied ‘why are you such a gobshite that never shuts up?’ I would probably have been taken off the floor and given a disciplinary.

How do other people respond when they get accused of being too quiet?

OP posts:
ElftonWednesday · 27/01/2022 03:06

I wouldn't keep quiet, I'd pick them up on their ridiculous views.

Timeyime · 27/01/2022 04:09

This all sounds v extreme OP. Where do you work? In an unregistered abattoir in Zante?

AlDanvers · 27/01/2022 05:01

Where do people work that people openly talk about drink driving and abusing animals? That seems hugely unlikely. I have never worked anywhere, where that would acceptable at all.

I would guess you are taking things to extreme. Its not acceptable to bully anyone.

But you clearly aren't giving off quiet vibes. You are giving off 'I fucking hate you vibes'

Looking at it a different way, why do you get to sit training all week and not have to participate?

wishfuldogowner · 27/01/2022 05:31

Quiet people make other people uncomfortable as they feel pressured to make/lead conversation and quiet people don't give them the feedback gratification they need.

SarahJessicaParker3 · 27/01/2022 05:45

They don't sound great, but that isn't bullying. And it isn't socially acceptable. They are just loud mouths and making crap jokes about you not talking are hardly the worst thing they've done according to you. You don't like them and I don't think many people would like drink drivers or perpetrators of animal cruelty. It isn't personal to you and your quietness at all.

Sloughsabigplace · 27/01/2022 05:50

@AlDanvers

Where do people work that people openly talk about drink driving and abusing animals? That seems hugely unlikely. I have never worked anywhere, where that would acceptable at all.

I would guess you are taking things to extreme. Its not acceptable to bully anyone.

But you clearly aren't giving off quiet vibes. You are giving off 'I fucking hate you vibes'

Looking at it a different way, why do you get to sit training all week and not have to participate?

I’ve worked with some absolute shots in my time, mostly (and worryingly), in healthcare settings, so I fully believe this.

OP, you sound a lot like me.

stayathomer · 27/01/2022 05:50

Op it sounds like you work with some awful people but no matter how horrible they are you sound very angry and bitter. I would assume that comes across in daily life. Maybe you need a break or a new job or something

Sloughsabigplace · 27/01/2022 05:50

*absolute shits, even

stayathomer · 27/01/2022 05:51

Ps I'm a very very quiet person but have been lucky in life

Bogeyes · 27/01/2022 07:07

Tell them that you only speak to people you like!

IBloodyLoveMichaelJackson · 27/01/2022 07:19

You are definitely my cup of tea OP! What baffles me is that introverts accept extroverts, but extroverts just can't accept introverts and get so touchy over it. Usually because they are so bloody needy and full on. I think once opening up to the right people you are probably very interesting.

Quiet people have the loudest minds x

NerrSnerr · 27/01/2022 07:27

What course are you on? I can't think of any course/ group where those views would be acceptable and not shut down by the course leader. Is it work?

It's not a case that extrovert's are bad and introverts are good. People are just different and twats are twats regardless.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 27/01/2022 07:37

It sounds like you don’t like them and it’s obvious. Not that they are bullying you.
You don’t need to interact with people, especially as these would sound like wankers, but you can’t complain if they point out it’s rude.

drpet49 · 27/01/2022 07:39

* I'm not an extrovert but in your OP you mention being on a training course with them, and is annoying when one person isn't joining in or interacting. But with your massive drip feed about how they are lazy drink driving animal abusers of course no one can say you are now being unreasonable Hmm*

I noticed that too. Funny how OPs story changed to suit her agenda

Stravaig · 27/01/2022 07:44

Here's the thing. Extroverts are rarely silent and still long enough to create the space in which introverts can step forward. And, for all their complaints about our quietness, extroverts don't much like it when we do speak.

Extroverts are those who force themselves on others, all the time, in a thousand large and small ways. They never stop to ask themselves 'Is what I'm saying or doing necessary? Is it beneficial? Is it welcome?'

To an introvert, it's unrelenting noise and bustle, which we did not choose, and from which we cannot escape. It's an overload of low quality enviromental stimuli which have to be filtered out for a healthy life.

Of course, it's not so clear-cut, more of a continuum. I'm exaggerating and caricaturing here, because that's another thing about extroverts - you need a sledgehammer to penetrate their obliviousness to others!

TheChemicalMother · 27/01/2022 07:45

I agree, it isn’t ok to belittle people for being shy or private, but You don’t think they might have been wanting to get to know you?

You don’t find it rude to spend a week working with people and not talk with them?

Marianne1234 · 27/01/2022 07:48

Self-proclaimed introverts just look down on and think they are so superior to people who are not like them. I float somewhere in the middle but the people I know who call themselves introverts are judgemental arseholes.

Cheekypeach · 27/01/2022 07:49

The thing is, social interaction is the lube which makes life pleasant & less awkward for everyone. If everyone was quiet, the world would be a pretty boring and flat place to be.

With quiet people, you feel like you’re making all the effort with them, while they just sit back & don’t return it. It’s very much a one way relationship, and being quiet can also come across as being a bit superior, disinterested or shrewd.

That said I wouldn’t bother poking fun at them, not a very nice thing to do.

Marianne1234 · 27/01/2022 07:50

They also like to post a lot of shite on Facebook/Instagram about their self-proclaimed introvertedness 🙄

Cheekypeach · 27/01/2022 07:50

@Marianne1234

Self-proclaimed introverts just look down on and think they are so superior to people who are not like them. I float somewhere in the middle but the people I know who call themselves introverts are judgemental arseholes.
I think some of them think it makes them more intelligent, more astute & more mysterious than everyone else.
Fetchthevet · 27/01/2022 07:55

Some people don't seem to understand how hard it us for some quiet people to speak in group situations. I don't think OP is necessarily being rude by not talking. It depends on the kind of course it is really. If it's one of those where you have to sit in groups and come up with ideas, then you really should be at least trying to contribute. But if OP is just talking about not joining in with the general chit chat, I don't think that matters at all.

Marianne1234 · 27/01/2022 07:55

I’m on a Zoom training course just now and whenever we go into the breakout rooms with some poor sod trying to facilitate some discussion no speaks or responds.

It is excruciating.

PlasticPlantsDontDie · 27/01/2022 07:56

Why all this division between extroverts and introverts? They complement each other.

I would say I’m quite extroverted (at least on the outside) but my best friends are mostly introverts. We read each other well, support each other by knowing when the other is uncomfortable and appreciate each other’s strengths.

I also don’t get the desire to be seen as an introvert, almost as if introverts represent some quiet deep truth in opposition to the supposed vapidity of extroverts. Everyone brings something to the table and most people are on a spectrum.

OP, there’s a difference between introversion and a simple disdain for people.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/01/2022 07:57

@Sweetchocolatecandy

You can tell I’ve offended a load of extroverts on this thread Hmm

No, I don’t feel the need to join in stupid conversations with people who think it’s ok to drink-drive, be cruel to animals and who turn up late every day moaning about work and bragging about doing the bare minimum, so I don’t feel the need to associate with these sort of people just to fill in ‘awkward silences’, and if they feel the need to do all the work with me then so fuck.

I don’t mind the fact that they might think I’m weird or unsociable, just don’t call me out on it! I’m there to work and learn, not to fulfil my social life.

Have you considered telling them you're a vegan? Grin
Marianne1234 · 27/01/2022 08:03

OP, there’s a difference between introversion and a simple disdain for people

This is it in a nutshell.

The “introverts” I know aren’t really introverts they just think they’re better and cleverer and superior to everyone else.