Neighbours have reported us to social services
Rosie1990x · 23/01/2022 01:23
Heartbroken. No other words.
I’ve posted about our neighbours before on this account. Basically we moved here as we needed a cheaper house after my DH had to drop his full time job to work part time to care for me as I have a brain injury that is quite progressive. We have two DS. Our eldest is 2 and our youngest is 10 months almost.
As a brief background - we’ve had issues since we moved in, in September of 2021, with the children on this street targeting our home. Throwing things at our windows, going out of their way to shout racial slurs at my husband (he is mixed race, I am white) the kids have even gone as far as to following my Dh on his way to the shop whilst screaming at him.
We are the only ones on this road who don’t rent from the council so therefore you’d think it would be easier for us to leave but it hasn’t been at all. I’m still searching for a new property after posting to mumsnet months ago about it and now there are new developments :( I can barely even type this I’m devastated.
My neighbour next door (with one of the unruly children herself) took a parcel in for us yesterday. I was being nosey (god I wish I hadn’t been!!!) and decided to check her Facebook as I hadn’t previously known her name. I figured actually I could maybe message her about her child as we have grounds to believe he recently played a part in slashing my husbands tyres.
This woman is stupid enough to have her Facebook profile completely open to the public and has repeatedly written statuses about myself, DH and our children for weeks now. So now we know why the children on this street target us. Fellow neighbours were also commenting underneath blatantly slating our children (who are literal babies) even though their own children who are between the ages of 10-13 are borderline criminals.
Thursday the neighbour wrote a status saying that our baby had been ‘screaming all night’ and she was contacting social services. Someone (another neighbour) had commented underneath saying she agreed that they needed to be contacted as ‘that poor baby is always screaming it breaks my heart to hear it!’ (Meanwhile her own 5 year old roams the streets on his own all day; every day in winter)
Our youngest son is a screamer that’s for sure. He has issues with being clingy (what baby doesn’t??) and we recently moved him into his own bedroom. We’ve definitely had more than a few nights of him screaming and fussing. I always go straight to him but it doesn’t make any odds as usually he is so distraught that it takes a while to calm him down. He is 100% not abused. Neither of my children are. Both were conceived via IVF after years of trying and I’m truly broken to even have had this assumed of us. Ive done nothing but cry all night.
The neighbour updated them all to say she had made a referral and it would be left with SS now. Obviously it’s the weekend so I guess I have to expect a call on Monday from them. I feel sick to my stomach. Can’t sleep. Been crying all night.
The neighbour has also written statuses about how she wishes her friend had never moved out of our house because the neighbours (us) that have replaced the friend are ‘weird’ and ‘freaks’
We are an innocent family trying to live our lives. I had to fight everything in me not to message her but I didn’t.
She had also posted a few months ago about how me and DH were always loudly arguing in our living room - again not true. I have a brain injury. I’m most definitely never up for arguing these days and spend 98% of my time in bed. Our marriage is also fantastic and he’s the most wonderful husband and father.
So these women are literally slandering me and DH publicly via Facebook, reporting us to SS and whatever else - all whilst their children roam freely from 9am until 9pm in all weathers causing trouble and damaging our property and vehicles. One of the children is only around 5-6 years old and is always seen hanging around with 12-13 year olds. Surely social services should be contacted about THEM and not us?
I’ve had a good cry to DH tonight and he’s now going to really crack down and help me find another house for us, previously he was on the fence about moving and wasn’t really pulling his weight. He was hoping that it would all go away but clearly it’s just getting worse.
Has anyone got any advice? I’m so sad and so angry. I don’t know where to put myself tonight. I’m terrified my beautiful, innocent boys will now have social services involvement when we’ve only ever done the very best for them. Our eldest goes to nursery and is thriving, our youngest is ahead of all his milestones. I’ve never even once raised my voice at them and neither has DH. I can’t even put into words how sad I am tonight. What does social services do with reports like these?
Justmuddlingalong · 23/01/2022 01:26
Take screen shots of all the Facebook posts. I'm so sorry you're trying to deal with all this shit. 💐
MissHavershamReturns · 23/01/2022 01:27
Op I’m so sorry you are going through this stress. I have no experience on the Social Services side, but my dp’s family experienced bullying in a road like this including windows being egged etc. I know from him how awful it can be. Hopefully you can move ASAP.
Rosie1990x · 23/01/2022 01:27
Thank you I definitely will. One of neighbours next to us is lovely and has said to both DH and I that she has had nothing but trouble from this set of neighbours over the years ranging from abusive Facebook messages from them (where she had to get the police involved) to noise complaints with them loudly playing music until 2am - but apparently my infant crying is upsetting to them and they felt it warranted an SS report AND a Facebook post seemingly too
Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 23/01/2022 01:28
Bloody hell. So sorry. Get out of there.
Rosie1990x · 23/01/2022 01:29
I’ve never had any social services involvement so I’ve no idea what to expect. I just hope and pray they don’t get involved with my boys. They’re so happy and well cared for. I cannot stand the thought. I feel so unwell thinking about it. My heart is breaking
MissHavershamReturns · 23/01/2022 01:29
There’s also a possibility they are just talking rubbish on FB and they haven’t actually reported you. They might not want to risk attention of that kind on the street if they live in chaos themselves
Sunshineandrainbow · 23/01/2022 01:33
Goodness I am so sad for you all.
Take evidence of the Facebook stuff.
I have no real advice but I hope you find a new home soon.
Doggydarling · 23/01/2022 01:41
Try thinking about it differently, if your ignorant neighbour has actually reported you to SS (take screenshot of fb asap) and if SS visit and check you will be able to show them that your children are lived and cared for but you will also be able to have a chat with them about your neighbours, about the false report as well as their own lack of parenting their unfortunate children. It may turn to your advantage, but you really need to move, sounds like you're being blamed by a dysfunctional family for their friends moving (who may have moved to get away from them), I hope things improve soon
Rainbowqueeen · 23/01/2022 01:42
SS are experienced in dealing with malicious reports. They will also not take the word of one person. They may speak to nursery and your HV to see if they have any concerns - but you can’t take it personally. Just stay calm and remember they are only doing their job which is to protect children.
Take screenshots of the Facebook page and be honest with them.
And focus on trying to find a new home. 💐
maryberryslayers · 23/01/2022 01:44
I know it sounds like a huge deal to you but in all honesty I doubt social services are going to involve themselves with you because your baby cries at night. They'd be involved with most babies I know if that was the case. In the nicest possible way, they've got more important things to do. They are also very good at spotting malicious reports. At best you'll hear nothing and at worst you'll get one phone call before they close the case.
crowsfeet57 · 23/01/2022 01:48
If they are renting from the council report them for harrassment, also report them to the police, again for harrassment. Both will take a very dim view indeed about the racist element which will be classed as a hate crime. Keep screenshots of the fb posts.
Looking for another property, try everywhere, newsagent's windows, facebook. Two of my children have found lovely rental properties on facebook - lovely areas and reasonable rents.
KloppsTeeth · 23/01/2022 01:55
A relative of mine had someone report them to SS as part of a targeted harassment campaign. SS were amazing. They deal with this sort of thing all the time. Take copies of the Facebook pages. Print copies if you can.
Do not live in fear of SS knocking, it will make you ill. Get out of there as soon as you can.
MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 23/01/2022 01:57
I don’t have any experience with social services but my friend had social services call on her because the hospital had reported that both of her children had head injuries (at separate times and different injuries, both accidents). She was horrified when they turned up but she said actually the social worker was lovely, was happy the kids were well cared for etc. I think if the social services speak to you and your awful sounding neighbours they’ll soon get the measure of the situation. The neighbours probably think you’re ‘freaks’ because you don’t behave like them. I would be surprised if anyone does turn up but if they do it sounds like you have nothing to worry x
Rosie1990x · 23/01/2022 02:00
Social services are more than welcome to pay us a visit whenever and see how well looked after our babies are. I would also definitely mention to them that we have our own concerns about the local streets children as I genuinely do. One of them doesn’t even go to school as apparently he was expelled. Yet his mother sits on Facebook claiming she feels sorry for our baby because he’s ‘always crying’
I’m so angry I could burst. It has also made me feel sick to my stomach that these people have taken to Facebook claiming our children are ‘poor babies’ and such (their own terminology) how dare they. Our boys are so lucky and looked after. We do our best to give them so many opportunities that I’m sure their children don’t get!!
KloppsTeeth · 23/01/2022 02:08
You must be raging op. But their opinions are worthless. Never take criticism from people you wouldn’t ask for advice.
KloppsTeeth · 23/01/2022 02:09
Ps I bet most of them are “known” to SS. I know it is hard but two fingers to them with their shitty ways. Get out as soon as you can, until then, don’t let them get to you.
Rosie1990x · 23/01/2022 02:11
Thank you for all of your lovely comments so far.
I think the reason I’m so worked up is because SS truly strikes fear into mine and DHs hearts as he was adopted as a child by my now MIL and FIL and he doesn’t describe social services in the best light or his time in care. This is why we’ve done our best to give our children a stable upbringing… only to be slandered on Facebook by people who let their children roam around abusing members of the public all day.
We have good morals and values in our family and would be disgusted if our children were doing the same.
I just wish I could click my fingers and we’d be somewhere new :(
Bogeyes · 23/01/2022 02:26
I hope you find somewhere else soon. Good luck.
Danja2010 · 23/01/2022 02:32
Report them to FB for harassment. You have valid reasons. With any luck they will shut her account down.
Lemonweightloss · 23/01/2022 02:40
@Rosie1990x, I do understand why you're worried and upset and angry, especially given your dh's experience of SS. Sometimes this is all we have but please listen to all these pps who are giving such brilliant advice and be reassured that nothing will happen to your family.
They may not have even reported you ( they sound like gobshites), and even if they have, have confidence in your parenting skills. Turn it around like a pp said. Reframe it. If they do turn up, show them how well your children are cared for, show them the fb posts ( is there anything you can do about these posts? Outrageous) and explain the housing situation like you've done here.
It's easy to get carried away with one's thinking; I should imagine you're thinking alsorts, I probably would but try to put it into perspective. Get your thoughts and the advice here written down and keep reading til you're calmer.
It will be ok.
StarryNightSparkles · 23/01/2022 02:44
Could you and your family rent your house out and stay with relatives/friends or private rent until you find a new house?
UniversalAunt · 23/01/2022 02:56
First, screen shot all their comments about you on FB & other social media, likewise if they refer to other people as it shows a pattern of harassment.
If SS do call, welcome them in, answer their questions & engage so that they may see for themselves how well your children are cared for. Once this stage of their assessment is complete, show the screen shots & tell them how awful the harassment is.
Tell the housing dept about the harassment by their tenants. If the are bullying you with impunity, they will have done to same to your neighbours. Share the screen shots.
Move house. Don’t wait where you are for some improvement. Get out of there & chalk it up to experience.
You can move on, others cannot so easily which is why they have put up with the bastard neighbours.
The fault lies with the bastard neighbours, not with you or your family.
Gingerkittykat · 23/01/2022 02:57
Have you reported them to the police and council for harassment?
WorstXmasEver · 23/01/2022 03:02
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Graphista · 23/01/2022 03:02
Malicious reports are made ALL the time as are well used to this.
They are however required to at least check all is ok and I am confident IF this nasty neighbour has done so that you will be found to be a perfectly fine parent and that will be the end of the matter.
What will be interesting is if you DON'T get contacted by ss as that would likely indicate she has done nothing of the sort!
If she has, then this could actually help you. Tell the sw what's been going on, show them the fb stuff, they might be able to help
You could also report her to the police for harassment though I'm not sure they'd be much use!
If it's something you could afford and wish to do you could potentially have a lawyer write to her some kind of "cease and desist" letter. Judgment call as could make matters worse.
What's making it difficult for you to find somewhere new? Maybe we can help with that?
I have had ss involvement due to me having serious mental illness and dd was little at the time. At first I was terrified! Didn't know what to expect, was afraid I'd lose dd etc - I couldn't have been more wrong! Our sw was fab and really helped a lot!
Then a few years after this ex made a series of malicious reports anonymously (but when I played a recording of his voice it was recognised) ss were required to investigate each time - tbh they started getting really pissed off with him as it was almost weekly at one point! But they could see he was talking shite and reassured me not to stress about it, that he would back down eventually. Which he did it was "revenge" because I was pushing for cm which I needed!
she has had nothing but trouble from this set of neighbours over the years ranging from abusive Facebook messages from them (where she had to get the police involved) to noise complaints with them loudly playing music until 2am
Chances are that they are already known to ss! You can also report them to their landlord for anti social behaviour but if you own you'd have to declare it when selling
You can also report the posts to Facebook (after screenshots)
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