Neighbours have reported us to social services

[Rosie1990x]

Heartbroken. No other words.

I’ve posted about our neighbours before on this account. Basically we moved here as we needed a cheaper house after my DH had to drop his full time job to work part time to care for me as I have a brain injury that is quite progressive. We have two DS. Our eldest is 2 and our youngest is 10 months almost.

As a brief background - we’ve had issues since we moved in, in September of 2021, with the children on this street targeting our home. Throwing things at our windows, going out of their way to shout racial slurs at my husband (he is mixed race, I am white) the kids have even gone as far as to following my Dh on his way to the shop whilst screaming at him.

We are the only ones on this road who don’t rent from the council so therefore you’d think it would be easier for us to leave but it hasn’t been at all. I’m still searching for a new property after posting to mumsnet months ago about it and now there are new developments :( I can barely even type this I’m devastated.

My neighbour next door (with one of the unruly children herself) took a parcel in for us yesterday. I was being nosey (god I wish I hadn’t been!!!) and decided to check her Facebook as I hadn’t previously known her name. I figured actually I could maybe message her about her child as we have grounds to believe he recently played a part in slashing my husbands tyres.
This woman is stupid enough to have her Facebook profile completely open to the public and has repeatedly written statuses about myself, DH and our children for weeks now. So now we know why the children on this street target us. Fellow neighbours were also commenting underneath blatantly slating our children (who are literal babies) even though their own children who are between the ages of 10-13 are borderline criminals.

Thursday the neighbour wrote a status saying that our baby had been ‘screaming all night’ and she was contacting social services. Someone (another neighbour) had commented underneath saying she agreed that they needed to be contacted as ‘that poor baby is always screaming it breaks my heart to hear it!’ (Meanwhile her own 5 year old roams the streets on his own all day; every day in winter)
Our youngest son is a screamer that’s for sure. He has issues with being clingy (what baby doesn’t??) and we recently moved him into his own bedroom. We’ve definitely had more than a few nights of him screaming and fussing. I always go straight to him but it doesn’t make any odds as usually he is so distraught that it takes a while to calm him down. He is 100% not abused. Neither of my children are. Both were conceived via IVF after years of trying and I’m truly broken to even have had this assumed of us. Ive done nothing but cry all night.

The neighbour updated them all to say she had made a referral and it would be left with SS now. Obviously it’s the weekend so I guess I have to expect a call on Monday from them. I feel sick to my stomach. Can’t sleep. Been crying all night.

The neighbour has also written statuses about how she wishes her friend had never moved out of our house because the neighbours (us) that have replaced the friend are ‘weird’ and ‘freaks’
We are an innocent family trying to live our lives. I had to fight everything in me not to message her but I didn’t.
She had also posted a few months ago about how me and DH were always loudly arguing in our living room - again not true. I have a brain injury. I’m most definitely never up for arguing these days and spend 98% of my time in bed. Our marriage is also fantastic and he’s the most wonderful husband and father.

So these women are literally slandering me and DH publicly via Facebook, reporting us to SS and whatever else - all whilst their children roam freely from 9am until 9pm in all weathers causing trouble and damaging our property and vehicles. One of the children is only around 5-6 years old and is always seen hanging around with 12-13 year olds. Surely social services should be contacted about THEM and not us?

I’ve had a good cry to DH tonight and he’s now going to really crack down and help me find another house for us, previously he was on the fence about moving and wasn’t really pulling his weight. He was hoping that it would all go away but clearly it’s just getting worse.

Has anyone got any advice? I’m so sad and so angry. I don’t know where to put myself tonight. I’m terrified my beautiful, innocent boys will now have social services involvement when we’ve only ever done the very best for them. Our eldest goes to nursery and is thriving, our youngest is ahead of all his milestones. I’ve never even once raised my voice at them and neither has DH. I can’t even put into words how sad I am tonight. What does social services do with reports like these?

I have a brain tumour which has lead to brain injury therefore yes, I do spend 98% of my evenings in bed whilst DH cares for the kids. Is that ok with you?

Screenshot them and if the racial and other abuse occurs contact the police and report it as harassment and a hate crime x

I know a lot of social workers OP, I trained myself though didn't do it for long. I promise, they're not child-snatching monsters and are used to malicious reports by people like your neighbour. Just be honest with them (show them the screenshots) and try not to worry - no one is going to remove your children because your baby cries!

I'd definitely report the racial slurs - disgusting people.

Hi thanks for your super long response!

Basically the reason I’ve been struggling to find anywhere new is because we keep getting put on waiting lists to even view properties - letting agents claim due to covid, so by the time our viewing slot comes around they tell us the house is let agreed.
Another thing we have found is that even if we do secure a viewing (sometimes I literally call up within minutes of an advertisement popping up) we view the house and are told by the letting agent that they are accepting applications from everyone who wants to put one in and the landlord will ‘choose’ whose application he/she goes along with. We are never selected due to the fact my DH is only working part time at the moment as he helps to care for me, and I am disabled due to my brain tumour. There are always other prospective tenants that earn more than us :-( we have tried offering 6 months rent upfront and such but it’s still usually no advantage.

When we first began renting, letting agencies operated on a ‘first come first serve’ basis where they would allow you to place a holding deposit and would let agree the house whilst you undertook credit checks. They all seem to have stopped doing that and now landlords have the opportunity to choose from around 20-30 prospective tenants. It’s so so hard.

If anyone has any tips I’d be so grateful x

My goodness, you've hit the demented-neighbour jackpot haven't you?

I agree with everyone else in that the only fix is to move. And not to worry about SS- you've been given great advice on how to handle that, IF it happens.

If my 5 y/o was found hanging out in the street with 12 y/olds, I'd need resuscitation. They still need A LOT of supervision at that age. Surely any SS worker would be looking into that, not a baby crying at night!

I’m also going to post over in another board and see if anyone has tips on how to find a rental property as I’m going insane looking here. I spend all day refreshing my iPad on Zoopla, Rightmove, Facebook marketplace and gum tree - in between caring for my screaming baby of course

Hi op.

You know why they don't like you? Because you aren't Riff Raff like them. It's true.
SS will close your case as quickly as its opened.

Keep your head high girl. You'll be fine. Good luck in your search for a new home. Xx

@WorstXmasEver absolutely gobsmacked at your comment. How nasty.

@WorstXmasEver

You have 2 young kids & spend "98% of the time in bed"?...baffling to me.

Why is it baffling? If you read that then surely you read the bit right before it when the OP says she has a brain injury.

@Rosie1990x with regard to finding a new home, don't relay on websites. I suggest you speak to several local letting agents and explain your needs, make friends with them,
and ask them to add you to their list of people looking for properties.

I understand you fears, SS may call nursery or doctors/ health visitors if they all report no concerns, they may close the case, or ring or visit.
They will ask to look in kitchen cupboards and fridge to check you have suitable food, then they will ask to look at the Childrens bedrooms, this is to ensure they have a bed or cot.
You have no need to worry, they will add a note to the file for NFA so if the neighbours report again it will be seen as malicious harassment.

 Do you get a support package for yourself from NHS or the physical  disability team? Because if them visiting you means you can get some hours support that maybe a good thing.

I have a support package due to my health and disabilities.
I was a SW until an assault on the job.
In in-laws also reported me for, leaving my kids who have autism home alone every night whilst I went to the pub and I regularly shouted and swore at them.
Notes were put on file about them, SS said they would only communicate with them by letter.
Feel free to message me if you think it would help.

Do you rent as well, just not from the council/ Housing Association? Can you talk to them about being put on their lists. Not all estates are like that. Social services involvement might actually be a good thing and they will almost certainly know some of the families involved.

@MissHavershamReturns

There’s also a possibility they are just talking rubbish on FB and they haven’t actually reported you. They might not want to risk attention of that kind on the street if they live in chaos themselves

I would think this is very likely, particularly if they have drawn the attention of SS on themselves in the past. OP, it is horrendously stressful for you when you have enough on your plate but it might amount to nothing

@WorstXmasEver

You have 2 young kids & spend "98% of the time in bed"?...baffling to me.

What a horrible post. I spend a lot of time in bed due to chronic illness. We aren’t all a picture of health. Op has a brain injury. She loves her children and cares for them to the best of her ability and her dh does the rest.

@Rosie1990x
It does sound perhaps as though your ds isn’t ready to be in a room alone. Can you bring him back in your room? I would also report the harassment the police and the landlord. As for the children, I would be informing SS about how the children, especially the 5 yo are being treated.

@KloppsTeeth

You must be raging op. But their opinions are worthless. Never take criticism from people you wouldn’t ask for advice.

That is brilliant advice and I am going use this liberally from now on

With regards to housing, can you see what the situation is for a bungalow or an adapted house?
I’m sure your GP, consultant, and Macmillan nurse could do you supporting letters.

Screenshot all the facebook post and print for SS.

Also contact the council, they will have a rental agreement with the council and 'unsocial behaviour' by anyone in their home (even a visitor) risks them being evicted, well it's a long process but most people get a shock when the council first tells them they can be evicted and as it is their behaviour then the council has no obligation to rehome them.

It's also worth getting yourself on the council list.

Keep your strength up OP. I know its really hard but please try and use your energy on finding another property rather than getting dragged down with reading their facebook posts. Ignore them and focus on you and your family and getting out of that area. You have a supportive husband and 2 lovely boys (adorable ages but a lot of work !). If SS come round, my advise would be just to be completely honest like you have in your post. They will soon realise that it was a wasted visit.

I'm so very sorry this is happening to you, I agree with past posters, these low lives have far too much time on their hands (as parenting and work don't seem to take up much of their time) and so are harassing and targeting you for something to do and to make themselves feel important.

I don't have experience of the neighbours however our local NHS has a policy of referring any babies that present at A and E with bumped heads. Our son was a bit of a roller (took me by surprise) so we ended up in a panicked rush to hospital twice with him. Both times our GP was contacted I believe by social services and both times they told them that they knew the family and there was nothing to worry about. We were never contacted by Social
Services but our GP called to check our son was feeling better and mentioned the contact.

Please don't worry, social services are experienced in knowing which cases to take seriously and when a report is malicious and children are clearly loved and cared for. I doubt they've even called them but if they have, please don't stress, it sounds like your boys are in wonderful hands with you and your husband.
Oh, and the crying at bedtimes... anyone would think our little one was being tortured. He was not, we just tried to put him in his own cot at 6 months. Even with us lying on the floor next to him he screamed.

Please, please make your focus getting away from there. It will not get any better and there are lots of places out there where your neighbours will enrich your lives with love and support.

Wishing you all the very best x

wonder if this poster is ress as l!

@Rosie1990x I’m so sorrry you & your husband are going through this your neighbours sound terrible, I haven’t read through the thread so apologise if this has been mentioned already - scroll as far down her fb page as possible & take screenshots of every status that has been written about you & your family & also screen shot the comments underneath it may even be easier to screen record it & save as a video (I know you can do this from an iPhone not so sure about Samsung etc though) & if social services do turn up be sure to show them all of the posts & comments & also tell them your concerns regarding their children outside running riot. Please try not to worry I’m sure all will be ok & really hope you’re able to find somewhere else to live soon xx

@CluckingFunts

wonder if this poster is ress as l!

What does this mean?

I contacted SS about my previous dreadful neighbour a couple of years ago. What goes on in that house needs investigating as it's truly worrying.
The person I spoke to actually laughed when I suggested they visit. He said they don't visit families unless they are told to do so by the police. He was incredibly dismissive.

I'd hazard a guess that your neighbour hasn't actually made a referral and is just being an arse on social media. If she has, SS likely won't bother to contact you anyway.

@WorstXmasEver

You have 2 young kids & spend "98% of the time in bed"?...baffling to me.

Ffs read the op.

It's 'baffling' to me how people can be so rude and insensitive without reading the op.

I hope you're ok.

Social services are used to malicious reports and will quickly realise that it is groundless.

The screenshots are an excellent idea, and I would report the racial abuse and harrassment to the police. If the neighbours are council tenants, I would report them to the council, too, they tend to take a dim view of harrassment.

I hope you find somewhere to move to soon. It might be worth putting your name down with the council for housing, too.

So sorry you're going through this. Some people really are arseholes.