Neighbours have reported us to social services

[Rosie1990x]

Heartbroken. No other words.

I’ve posted about our neighbours before on this account. Basically we moved here as we needed a cheaper house after my DH had to drop his full time job to work part time to care for me as I have a brain injury that is quite progressive. We have two DS. Our eldest is 2 and our youngest is 10 months almost.

As a brief background - we’ve had issues since we moved in, in September of 2021, with the children on this street targeting our home. Throwing things at our windows, going out of their way to shout racial slurs at my husband (he is mixed race, I am white) the kids have even gone as far as to following my Dh on his way to the shop whilst screaming at him.

We are the only ones on this road who don’t rent from the council so therefore you’d think it would be easier for us to leave but it hasn’t been at all. I’m still searching for a new property after posting to mumsnet months ago about it and now there are new developments :( I can barely even type this I’m devastated.

My neighbour next door (with one of the unruly children herself) took a parcel in for us yesterday. I was being nosey (god I wish I hadn’t been!!!) and decided to check her Facebook as I hadn’t previously known her name. I figured actually I could maybe message her about her child as we have grounds to believe he recently played a part in slashing my husbands tyres.
This woman is stupid enough to have her Facebook profile completely open to the public and has repeatedly written statuses about myself, DH and our children for weeks now. So now we know why the children on this street target us. Fellow neighbours were also commenting underneath blatantly slating our children (who are literal babies) even though their own children who are between the ages of 10-13 are borderline criminals.

Thursday the neighbour wrote a status saying that our baby had been ‘screaming all night’ and she was contacting social services. Someone (another neighbour) had commented underneath saying she agreed that they needed to be contacted as ‘that poor baby is always screaming it breaks my heart to hear it!’ (Meanwhile her own 5 year old roams the streets on his own all day; every day in winter)
Our youngest son is a screamer that’s for sure. He has issues with being clingy (what baby doesn’t??) and we recently moved him into his own bedroom. We’ve definitely had more than a few nights of him screaming and fussing. I always go straight to him but it doesn’t make any odds as usually he is so distraught that it takes a while to calm him down. He is 100% not abused. Neither of my children are. Both were conceived via IVF after years of trying and I’m truly broken to even have had this assumed of us. Ive done nothing but cry all night.

The neighbour updated them all to say she had made a referral and it would be left with SS now. Obviously it’s the weekend so I guess I have to expect a call on Monday from them. I feel sick to my stomach. Can’t sleep. Been crying all night.

The neighbour has also written statuses about how she wishes her friend had never moved out of our house because the neighbours (us) that have replaced the friend are ‘weird’ and ‘freaks’
We are an innocent family trying to live our lives. I had to fight everything in me not to message her but I didn’t.
She had also posted a few months ago about how me and DH were always loudly arguing in our living room - again not true. I have a brain injury. I’m most definitely never up for arguing these days and spend 98% of my time in bed. Our marriage is also fantastic and he’s the most wonderful husband and father.

So these women are literally slandering me and DH publicly via Facebook, reporting us to SS and whatever else - all whilst their children roam freely from 9am until 9pm in all weathers causing trouble and damaging our property and vehicles. One of the children is only around 5-6 years old and is always seen hanging around with 12-13 year olds. Surely social services should be contacted about THEM and not us?

I’ve had a good cry to DH tonight and he’s now going to really crack down and help me find another house for us, previously he was on the fence about moving and wasn’t really pulling his weight. He was hoping that it would all go away but clearly it’s just getting worse.

Has anyone got any advice? I’m so sad and so angry. I don’t know where to put myself tonight. I’m terrified my beautiful, innocent boys will now have social services involvement when we’ve only ever done the very best for them. Our eldest goes to nursery and is thriving, our youngest is ahead of all his milestones. I’ve never even once raised my voice at them and neither has DH. I can’t even put into words how sad I am tonight. What does social services do with reports like these?

[GrannytoaUnicorn]

@OnlyJoking1

I understand you fears, SS may call nursery or doctors/ health visitors if they all report no concerns, they may close the case, or ring or visit.
They will ask to look in kitchen cupboards and fridge to check you have suitable food, then they will ask to look at the Childrens bedrooms, this is to ensure they have a bed or cot.
You have no need to worry, they will add a note to the file for NFA so if the neighbours report again it will be seen as malicious harassment.

Do you get a support package for yourself from NHS or the physical disability team? Because if them visiting you means you can get some hours support that maybe a good thing.
I have a support package due to my health and disabilities.
I was a SW until an assault on the job.
In in-laws also reported me for, leaving my kids who have autism home alone every night whilst I went to the pub and I regularly shouted and swore at them.
Notes were put on file about them, SS said they would only communicate with them by letter.
Feel free to message me if you think it would help.

Physical Disability team? Support package? I'm severely disabled and get nothing of the sort? In fact I've never even heard of either?! Please can you signpost me in the right direction as I am in desperate need of support. I'm really struggling

[MarshmallowSwede]

If they are racially harassing your husband then shouldn’t you report this all to the police? The Facebook, the comments, rhe children’s behaviour… all of it seems racially motivated because of your husband so call the police and report it. If it’s not racially motivated they can investigate and prove that false.

But it’s a huge coincidence that your mixed race husband has racial slurs thrown at him, your tires are slashed, they are calling social services etc… you don’t think this warrants police action?

[GrannytoaUnicorn]

@Rosie1990x

Hi thanks for your super long response!

Basically the reason I’ve been struggling to find anywhere new is because we keep getting put on waiting lists to even view properties - letting agents claim due to covid, so by the time our viewing slot comes around they tell us the house is let agreed.
Another thing we have found is that even if we do secure a viewing (sometimes I literally call up within minutes of an advertisement popping up) we view the house and are told by the letting agent that they are accepting applications from everyone who wants to put one in and the landlord will ‘choose’ whose application he/she goes along with. We are never selected due to the fact my DH is only working part time at the moment as he helps to care for me, and I am disabled due to my brain tumour. There are always other prospective tenants that earn more than us :-( we have tried offering 6 months rent upfront and such but it’s still usually no advantage.

When we first began renting, letting agencies operated on a ‘first come first serve’ basis where they would allow you to place a holding deposit and would let agree the house whilst you undertook credit checks. They all seem to have stopped doing that and now landlords have the opportunity to choose from around 20-30 prospective tenants. It’s so so hard.

If anyone has any tips I’d be so grateful x

I totally know what you mean about the letting agents! This practice needs to be outlawed! I had this for FIVE YEARS! I was viewing 2-8 properties per week, applying for all of them and then of course, as a widowed parent, wasn't being chosen as I was considered a 'single mum' As OP, I'd always offered 6 months (& even 12 months) rent in advance but unfortunately so did most others! Roughly 3-5 times per week I would be getting the phone call from the agents saying "Sorry, the Landlord chose a couple" "Sorry it went to a couple" - There's always a couple....
I would still be searching now if I hadn't been allocated a housing association property in 2019.

Landlords - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't agree to doing this 'choosing from X number of applicants' nonsense. It's just not fair and a higher income doesn't guarantee anything! Some people are terrible with money, inc people on a high income. Couples can split up. Widowed/single parents can't!

Personally, despite being on my own, I've never missed a rent payment (or been less than 2 months in ADVANCE) in 22 years of renting.

[greypot]

Really sorry to hear this OP. What nasty people to have to live near. You've had lots of good advice, but I just wanted to suggest (if you haven't already done this) also looking at renting privately either through direct ads or agents like OpenRent and Mashroom. The advantage for you might be more flexibility as you'd be dealing with a landlord, not just an agent applying the same rules to everyone regardless of circumstances.

[Rosie1990x]

Hi thank you everyone for your amazing posts. I’m going to read through them all in detail as soon as I get chance!

Just as a side note - my post actually meant to say I spend 98% of the EVENING in bed. By evening I mean from around 8pm until the morning. The nasty neighbour was saying that me and DH argue in the living room ‘all night’ - impossible when I head to bed so early!
I can’t spend 98% of my DAY in bed with two toddlers, that just wouldn’t be possible; even with a brain injury

[rainbowstardrops]

Actually, I've just re-read your OP and realised the children said racist slurs about your DH so it definitely IS race crimes!

[rainbowstardrops]

Bloody hell, your neighbour sounds vicious and vile!
I agree with pp to screenshot all of the FB posts and messages. I'd also call the police as it's quite probably a hate crime.
I'm sorry you're so upset and having such a tough time and I hope you can move very soon

[TansySorrel]

@UniversalAunt

First, screen shot all their comments about you on FB & other social media, likewise if they refer to other people as it shows a pattern of harassment.

If SS do call, welcome them in, answer their questions & engage so that they may see for themselves how well your children are cared for. Once this stage of their assessment is complete, show the screen shots & tell them how awful the harassment is.

Tell the housing dept about the harassment by their tenants. If the are bullying you with impunity, they will have done to same to your neighbours. Share the screen shots.

Move house. Don’t wait where you are for some improvement. Get out of there & chalk it up to experience.

You can move on, others cannot so easily which is why they have put up with the bastard neighbours.

The fault lies with the bastard neighbours, not with you or your family.

Agree with all of this

[Watchamocauli]

@DishwashDogsDickens

You are in a tough situation but you have options

1. Call the police and council about these people and their harassment . Take photos and evidence of them roaming the street / egging you / slashing Tyres

1. See if you can get a couple of hours help from your health visitor or council or cancer nurse, so you can cope with all this extra stress and house hunting , and DH can work

1. Befriend Estate agents in the hope they put you forward more

1. Don’t worry about social services - your children are obviously fine . If they aren’t enjoying own room, maybe rethink strategies thoigh

Perfect advice.

I would also find out who the Housing Association is and call them. Start a ASB complaint against the neighbor. Send them screenshots of FB and also videos you take. I did that with one of our neighbors that wre two doors down. We are in new built development . HA got on their case and problems were nipped in bud. But they do advice police complaint. We fitted cctv now to record their moves. No problem since then.

Good luck and hope you’re able to move away as soon as you can from this unwanted stress to your health.

[Beowulfthethird]

This is absolutely nothing to worry about. As upsetting as it is, you have got into a state about a non event. If SS contacts you they will know in a trice that your kids are well cared for.

You're entitled to an assessment of your parenting needs by adult (not children's) social services. You may be awarded a package that would allow you to have a helper assist you caring for your children for a certain length of time each week. I benefitted from this at one stage (but had to fight for it tooth and nail and ignore children's services inquiring politely if I'd also like my children on an in need register-they know all the tricks to get you to go away but your rights are your rights).

[StorminaBcup]

I haven’t RTFT (cardinal mumsnet sin I know!), but I’d agree with previous advice about keeping a log of all disturbances / harassment behaviour. You can self refer to adult social care for support (I appreciate your experience with social services hasn’t always been positive), but if you present the facts of the case (with the evidence you have), they may be able to support as you will be classed as a vulnerable adult.

What a horrible situation for you all, I really hope you find a resolution soon

[TooManyChocolateBiscuits]

I’m so so sorry you are going through this op. I know exactly how you feel as me & my family were hounded out of our home by a similar family! We moved in to what we thought was a quiet pathway on an estate. Immediate neighbours either side were nice but a family a couple of doors down took a dislike to us. We were a normal working family, husband worked full time, I worked part time & my eldest was just a baby. We kept ourselves to ourselves went to work, saw family & friends at the weekend etc. nothing out of the ordinary.

After about 18months - 2 years of us living there the low level things started.. dog mess in the front garden, rubbish bins being filled up by others on bin day or bins being taken roads away. Tyres being let down, window wipers pulled up, things written in the ice on the cars etc. All really childish stuff that we couldn’t really report. After a few months it stepped up & wing mirrors/windows were being smashed/broken, tyres slashed, banging on our door in the middle of the night, shouted at in the street etc. Individually it was all quite minor but altogether 2/3 times a week it was beginning to take a toll. I ended up in hospital due to severe stomach pains (ended up being stress induced) & we were then reported to social services. They were told I wasn’t living at the address (I had been in hospital less than 2 days) & there was a strange man with my son (my husband).

I was really dreading social services attending as like you we thought we were good parents, gave our son all the opportunities we could & he was doing really well at school. Our house was clean & tidy etc just felt it was a real waste of their time. They visited, basically said that they were happy with our family home etc & believed it was malicious.. did we know of anyone that we had upset.
So we mentioned everything that had happened to us & who we thought was responsible. The woman unsurprisingly was ‘known’ to SS although that was ‘off the record’. The social worker ended up helping us to get everything reported, worked with us & the local council & we eventually managed to swap houses with another tenant & get out of that hell hole!
This wasn’t before she was investigated as a result of some of the things we had reported. (parties in the street, 3 yr old wondering around alone at night. One of her children (8/9yrs) didn’t come home before she went to bed so she locked up & he ended up sleeping on an old bed that had been thrown in her front garden!!!) Honestly I could write a book on the goings-on in that street. But basically she assumed we had reported her & I came out to my car completely written off. Every window smashed, every tyre slashed, slurs scratched in to the paintwork. Every panel on my car had damage. The insurance company came to see it & asked what I had done for someone to do that to my car! Honestly it was horrendous.

We managed to move 2 months later. I walked/rode everywhere for 2 months because I didn’t want them to damage another car.

We are a white British family, me & my husband both grew up in the area. We worked normal jobs & had normal cars-nothing really fancy. We had no interaction good or bad with them before all of this started, there really was no reason for them to treat us the way they did. The social worker described her as a sad trouble maker with nothing better to do. And this is what we have gone with. Perhaps she was jealous of our family unit, our home, our jobs I don’t know but she made our lives hell. To the point I was finishing work, eating at my mums house & going home at 8pm & going straight to bed so nobody believed we were in. We had arson letter boxes fitted & emergency police alarms, it was awful.
We moved & have now lived happily in our new home for the last 10 years.

Please please record everything that you can, no matter how small or insignificant it is.
Print everything from Facebook, keep dates & times, as much information as you can.
Speak to your health visitor & see if they can offer you any help. If there is someone that you trust at your sons nursery, let them know what is happening. It is always good to have people in your corner.
Speak to the social worker, they will see you are a good family & should be able to help put in a report for you. Tell them that you don’t feel safe in your own home. There are lots of options out there & they will help you if you don’t feel safe. Weirdly having the police alarm installed made me feel allot safer. Knowing they would be there in 5 mins if anything was to happen.
Don’t engage with these people, don’t send Facebook messages or anything.. I know how tempting it is but always keep the higher ground.

I was really embarrassed by what was happening to us & didn’t want to tell anyone because I thought they would think badly of us, but if they know you are nice good people these organisations will do all they can to help.

I’m sorry for such a long reply, I don’t really tend to write much on here but this caught my eye & I just know how hard this can be.

I really hope that you are able to find somewhere new so you can move
on & enjoy life xx

[Booboobibles]

I was reported to social services by a ‘friend’ because I was struggling with DS’s behaviour. They just phoned me and asked a few questions and that was that.

Social services won’t be at all concerned (they’re used to dealing with drug addicts, alcoholics, people like your neighbours) but as previous posters have said, use them for advice.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you and I hope you can move very soon x

[Tabitha005]

Regarding the defamatory and damaging statements on social media, I would consider reporting those to the police.

My parents dealt with neighbours like yours for several years. You must report, report, report - at every turn - at keep evidence of criminal damage, anti-social behaviour and defamatory activity (on social media). I'm sorry to say, my parents had to treat their experience with their neighbours as a sort of ongoing project before the housing association (who owned the neighbours property) or social services did very much at all.

In the end, the neighbours simply vanished one day and never came back - by which point, my parents had their house on the market (and have since moved).

I remember your previous posts about this, OP, and I'm furious on your behalf (not that that helps at all!). People like your neighbours ruin lives and rarely see any consequence of it. They're raising their children in their own image, by the sounds of it, and don't give a shit about you, your husband or the welfare of your family.

[CornishTiger]

Take the emotion out of what they have done and start your own action

Screenshot all Facebook stuff.

Contact police and Housing association about the damage to property and cars and the racial harassment.

You can report online to police if easier than calling 101.

Make your own safeguarding to social care if required.

[dentydown]

Screen shots. Hard copies for social services to take away.

This may be a blessing in disguise. They need to refer you to a service that can reallocate you. They need to refer you to adult social services to see if they can help you with anything. They need to get you help for harassment. They need to get you nursery funding. They should allocate you someone, even a family support worker to get you this.

[Blinky21]

Report them to the police for harassment abd take photos of the posts

[ifeelabitsad]

This could act in your favour. You need to move for your own mental health and she has played into SS hands. I'd ring them Monday, make them aware and ask them to visit and see what help they can be.

[DrGoogleSaysSo]

I hope you find another house soon with good neighbours OP.

[Embracelife]

Laugh it off.
Show ss your dc and home

You have nothing to fear.
If dc are well cared for.
Invite them in.

Tho if you have brain Injury you can see about extra support.

Mean time report neighbours to police.

[Workinghardeveryday]

Awful op!! Move away anywhere, get out of that awful place x

[Gumbomambo]

What an awful situation. As PPs have said, get a diary/notebook, log every incident against you or you husband including the racism. If there are concerns about these children roaming the streets, damaging your property, record those as well. We invested in a ring door bell, so my property was secure and we caught quite a lot of criminal activity on. We reported her to HA, police, SS school, NSPCC and In the end I moved, it broke my heart and I’ve never gotten over it. She had manipulated the system for years, the rest of the neighbours didn’t want to get involved. It felt like there was no help for us. Basically it takes something cataclysmic to happen as authorities can’t just steam in. So every report we made was another piece in the jigsaw. A year after moving out my nasty neighbour had her children removed, they were lucky to be alive when the police found them. I just want you to know SS will try really hard to support you, (they did her and she was an abusive drug addict, you sound like a loving family being mercilessly bullied), they can’t just steam in and take kids. Living next door to that woman was the worst three years of my life, I ended up with CPTSD, I didn’t leave my new house for months because it had traumatised me so much. I still have to plan my week around the days I know I might see her or one of her friends 3 years on. Good luck with everything, stay strong try to keep your calm.

[Cherrysoup]

Please contact your neighbourhood police team (not a pcso) and tell them you’re being harassed. Screenshot the Facebook posts for evidence. Your neighbours are tossers.

[IVbumble]

@Realitea

You’re going through ‘aggravated harassment’ not just harassment, due to the racial element. You and your family need support from the police and victim support under the protection of harassment act. Quote that. Send them as much evidence as you have and keep a diary of events with dates and times. For past events, list them with approximate dates and times. Then report the same to the council for antisocial behaviour and harassment. Get your Dh to do exactly the same.
Then screenshot all the Facebook posts as they also fall under harassment. Anything written and published, spoken or physical harassment counts.
Social services will put the report down to a malicious report and it will also go against the neighbours in the harassment claim. Act now and get this stopped. You can do it!

This is important @Rosie1990x

Remember people can only make you feel heartbroken if you allow them to.

Don't give anyone the power to blow out your candle which we can all see shining bright. You have the power to change this situation & maybe this struggle will turn out to be the best thing that happened because it leads to you finding a home that's perfect for you.

Check out your local authority housing application process to see if an adapted property might be available.

[chooseyourusername]

How horrible for you OP. Sending you love and hugs and hoping you can move soon. Although you shouldn't have to but it does sound like you need to. You deserve to be happy and have lovely neighbours x