Neighbours have reported us to social services

[Rosie1990x]

Heartbroken. No other words.

I’ve posted about our neighbours before on this account. Basically we moved here as we needed a cheaper house after my DH had to drop his full time job to work part time to care for me as I have a brain injury that is quite progressive. We have two DS. Our eldest is 2 and our youngest is 10 months almost.

As a brief background - we’ve had issues since we moved in, in September of 2021, with the children on this street targeting our home. Throwing things at our windows, going out of their way to shout racial slurs at my husband (he is mixed race, I am white) the kids have even gone as far as to following my Dh on his way to the shop whilst screaming at him.

We are the only ones on this road who don’t rent from the council so therefore you’d think it would be easier for us to leave but it hasn’t been at all. I’m still searching for a new property after posting to mumsnet months ago about it and now there are new developments :( I can barely even type this I’m devastated.

My neighbour next door (with one of the unruly children herself) took a parcel in for us yesterday. I was being nosey (god I wish I hadn’t been!!!) and decided to check her Facebook as I hadn’t previously known her name. I figured actually I could maybe message her about her child as we have grounds to believe he recently played a part in slashing my husbands tyres.
This woman is stupid enough to have her Facebook profile completely open to the public and has repeatedly written statuses about myself, DH and our children for weeks now. So now we know why the children on this street target us. Fellow neighbours were also commenting underneath blatantly slating our children (who are literal babies) even though their own children who are between the ages of 10-13 are borderline criminals.

Thursday the neighbour wrote a status saying that our baby had been ‘screaming all night’ and she was contacting social services. Someone (another neighbour) had commented underneath saying she agreed that they needed to be contacted as ‘that poor baby is always screaming it breaks my heart to hear it!’ (Meanwhile her own 5 year old roams the streets on his own all day; every day in winter)
Our youngest son is a screamer that’s for sure. He has issues with being clingy (what baby doesn’t??) and we recently moved him into his own bedroom. We’ve definitely had more than a few nights of him screaming and fussing. I always go straight to him but it doesn’t make any odds as usually he is so distraught that it takes a while to calm him down. He is 100% not abused. Neither of my children are. Both were conceived via IVF after years of trying and I’m truly broken to even have had this assumed of us. Ive done nothing but cry all night.

The neighbour updated them all to say she had made a referral and it would be left with SS now. Obviously it’s the weekend so I guess I have to expect a call on Monday from them. I feel sick to my stomach. Can’t sleep. Been crying all night.

The neighbour has also written statuses about how she wishes her friend had never moved out of our house because the neighbours (us) that have replaced the friend are ‘weird’ and ‘freaks’
We are an innocent family trying to live our lives. I had to fight everything in me not to message her but I didn’t.
She had also posted a few months ago about how me and DH were always loudly arguing in our living room - again not true. I have a brain injury. I’m most definitely never up for arguing these days and spend 98% of my time in bed. Our marriage is also fantastic and he’s the most wonderful husband and father.

So these women are literally slandering me and DH publicly via Facebook, reporting us to SS and whatever else - all whilst their children roam freely from 9am until 9pm in all weathers causing trouble and damaging our property and vehicles. One of the children is only around 5-6 years old and is always seen hanging around with 12-13 year olds. Surely social services should be contacted about THEM and not us?

I’ve had a good cry to DH tonight and he’s now going to really crack down and help me find another house for us, previously he was on the fence about moving and wasn’t really pulling his weight. He was hoping that it would all go away but clearly it’s just getting worse.

Has anyone got any advice? I’m so sad and so angry. I don’t know where to put myself tonight. I’m terrified my beautiful, innocent boys will now have social services involvement when we’ve only ever done the very best for them. Our eldest goes to nursery and is thriving, our youngest is ahead of all his milestones. I’ve never even once raised my voice at them and neither has DH. I can’t even put into words how sad I am tonight. What does social services do with reports like these?

Do you have a brain injury worker?
If so, they should be able to advocate for you with respects to the social media/neighbour/allegation nonsense, and the housing problem.

If you don’t have one, phone Headway, 08088002244, they may have someone in your area that can support you.

Good luck 💐

Thank you I will definitely contact headway as I don’t currently have a worker of any sort. I currently just see my consultant and GP for pain management. My condition isn’t considered terminal (as far as we know anyway) so people aren’t as keen to help in the health care sector especially due to covid.
My main issues are balance and vision aswell as mini seizures (where I am present and conscious but experience weird symptoms and smells during them). I can no longer drive and I’ve lost vision in one eye. My other eye is ok so far so fingers crossed it stays that way!

I just feel quite sad really. I’ve always been friendly to our neighbours and now I wish I hadn’t been :(

Forewarned is forearmed and all that. Get your Mary Poppins on, so that when/if they turn up she looks like a complete idiot. Also contact the Police about the harassment. Tell them, and tell them again, the harassment is racisism towards your husband. Back it up with some examples. It will be taken much more seriously than just a standard neighbour dispute.

@WorstXmasEver

You have 2 young kids & spend "98% of the time in bed"?...baffling to me.

Don't be a dick the OP is unwell.

I had a visit from SS because DD was a victim of grooming (the perpetrator was a relative and we were the ones who reported it as soon as we found out) and part of their safeguarding process was to check that we are keeping our DC safe. I was mortified by their untidy bedrooms etc but the social worker put me at ease and the report said she was completely satisfied we were doing everything we could to keep them safe. That’s the bottom line for them - whether the children are safe. The social worker really was lovely.

If social services had to investigate everyone with babies crying all night they'd never leave my road, there's about 6 under ones competing to out scream each other!

Save copies of the Facebook comments and create a logbook of the abuse and harassment your family are receiving from your horrible neighbours.
You can present this to SS and the police in the future.
SS might be able to get you more support and assist in moving from the area so it might be a positive thing. They should also liase with police regarding the racist abuse.

It does all seem very odd, but as you have nothing to hide and can show your children are cared for, even if they are in touch (unlikely) then use it as a chance to talk about your neighbours.

Sorry you're going through this. OP, sounds horrible.

If Children's Services do contact you, don't use that as an opportunity to share concerns about your neighbours' kids. It's a separate issue.

If you think their kids are inadequately safeguarded, make a referral via your LA website or the NSPCC. And do it regardless of what happens with your family. The safety of somebody's children shouldn't be ammunition for a neighbour dispute.

@WorstXmasEver

You have 2 young kids & spend "98% of the time in bed"?...baffling to me.

I wondered about this too. I actually think that you might benefit from some SS input, because it must be incredibly hard for your husband caring for the 3 of you. They can maybe help. Presumably you used savings for your second IVF. Do you have any left that would enable you to move somewhere nicer?

I hate how prolific idiots like your neighbours are in society. I know the type; they’re fucking everywhere. I feel for you OP. They’re such a waste of oxygen.

@WorstXmasEver

You have 2 young kids & spend "98% of the time in bed"?...baffling to me.

She is disabled...clearly states she has a brain injury. Baffling to me that you'd make a comment such as the one you've made.

@WorstXmasEver

You have 2 young kids & spend "98% of the time in bed"?...baffling to me.

You're baffled because you didn't read the op properly. It makes you look stupid, not clever.

OP I keep trying to comment then the page refreshes and it disappears 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’ve been through similar with my neighbour although I don’t think he’d be as stupid to use Facebook in that way (will he checking now though).

Your neighbour is a bully. You are vulnerable due to your health condition. That makes this even worse.

Please, please, please for your own mental health, try not to let it get to you. Keep posting on MN, we will help

You are in a tough situation but you have options

1. Call the police and council about these people and their harassment . Take photos and evidence of them roaming the street / egging you / slashing Tyres

1. See if you can get a couple of hours help from your health visitor or council or cancer nurse, so you can cope with all this extra stress and house hunting , and DH can work

1. Befriend Estate agents in the hope they put you forward more

1. Don’t worry about social services - your children are obviously fine . If they aren’t enjoying own room, maybe rethink strategies thoigh

Also
Good luck !
You will catch a break - you sound very strong ! And will find a way to make this a happier home environment, I am sure . The 4 of you have each other to love and hold

Screen shot everything and whatever you do don’t let her know that you know in case she blocks you. Or maybe get a friend or family member to monitor her page for you? That way you won’t have to read all that bullshit.

Don’t engage with her anymore. Don’t even talk to her, ignore, ignore, ignore. Don’t get caught up in her stupid drama. Grey rock.

Completely agree with the advice re building a relationship with local estate agents.

Good luck OP

It sounds like she is already known to SS and is trying to deflect negative attention onto yourselves.

They are used to dealing with malicious calls like this. If I were you I’d call them to briefly explain and then email them the screenshots. People with genuine safeguarding concerns do not post about it on social media. They will know this. Confide in your nice neighbour.

Speak to the police re. the harassment. The family are most likely known to them too. Get some cameras, nothing fancy. I have a cheap one pointing into my back garden.

Social services will contact you and let them know they’ve had a referral and then basically ask you what you think of it and why, they don’t pose blame, you will be given your chance to have your say, remain calm it may just be in a phone call or a short visit but I very much much doubt they will pick it up and need to be involved, if you mention your concerns about the other family’s it is highly likely they will need to speak with them also, they do have to follow this up though.
Don’t worry just tell them the truth professionals are trained to notice when there may be a problem, trust me me when I say I know…children scream!
They will see it for what it is I’m pretty sure they get it a lot, a lot of abusive people use services as a way to threaten and abuse people ironically! Social services are well aware of that.
Make sure you take screen shots of those posts to just cement your facts.
You will be fine x

I'm sorry about your neighbours.

Have you and DH had needs assessments from disability social care?
Do you get PIP and carers allowance?
Have you applied for social housing?

I just wanted to say I’m so sorry OP. In this circumstance I’d also be looking to move I’m sad to say. You shouldn’t have to but I still would.
In the mean time, you’ve had some good advice on here. I agree with poster who said they might not even have reported you - they’re looking for attention by posting on Fb and can’t be seen to not be doing anything if you know what I mean. I had a friend who was reported to SS six times because the neighbourhood loathed them - it was dismissed all six times and SS were honestly so so annoyed with all the reporting wasting their precious time.

Try not to worry. Hope you feel better soon!

Social services must be used to dealing with malicious fake reports as it's a go to weapon for people like your dickhead neighbours
I really hope you can get moved soon

Your neighbour is a racist bully.
Screenshot everything. Keep a diary of what they’re doing and report them to police and their landlord.
The Police will take racially aggravated harassment very seriously believe me.
I’d also get cctv if you can afford it.