Neighbours have reported us to social services

[Rosie1990x]

Heartbroken. No other words.

I’ve posted about our neighbours before on this account. Basically we moved here as we needed a cheaper house after my DH had to drop his full time job to work part time to care for me as I have a brain injury that is quite progressive. We have two DS. Our eldest is 2 and our youngest is 10 months almost.

As a brief background - we’ve had issues since we moved in, in September of 2021, with the children on this street targeting our home. Throwing things at our windows, going out of their way to shout racial slurs at my husband (he is mixed race, I am white) the kids have even gone as far as to following my Dh on his way to the shop whilst screaming at him.

We are the only ones on this road who don’t rent from the council so therefore you’d think it would be easier for us to leave but it hasn’t been at all. I’m still searching for a new property after posting to mumsnet months ago about it and now there are new developments :( I can barely even type this I’m devastated.

My neighbour next door (with one of the unruly children herself) took a parcel in for us yesterday. I was being nosey (god I wish I hadn’t been!!!) and decided to check her Facebook as I hadn’t previously known her name. I figured actually I could maybe message her about her child as we have grounds to believe he recently played a part in slashing my husbands tyres.
This woman is stupid enough to have her Facebook profile completely open to the public and has repeatedly written statuses about myself, DH and our children for weeks now. So now we know why the children on this street target us. Fellow neighbours were also commenting underneath blatantly slating our children (who are literal babies) even though their own children who are between the ages of 10-13 are borderline criminals.

Thursday the neighbour wrote a status saying that our baby had been ‘screaming all night’ and she was contacting social services. Someone (another neighbour) had commented underneath saying she agreed that they needed to be contacted as ‘that poor baby is always screaming it breaks my heart to hear it!’ (Meanwhile her own 5 year old roams the streets on his own all day; every day in winter)
Our youngest son is a screamer that’s for sure. He has issues with being clingy (what baby doesn’t??) and we recently moved him into his own bedroom. We’ve definitely had more than a few nights of him screaming and fussing. I always go straight to him but it doesn’t make any odds as usually he is so distraught that it takes a while to calm him down. He is 100% not abused. Neither of my children are. Both were conceived via IVF after years of trying and I’m truly broken to even have had this assumed of us. Ive done nothing but cry all night.

The neighbour updated them all to say she had made a referral and it would be left with SS now. Obviously it’s the weekend so I guess I have to expect a call on Monday from them. I feel sick to my stomach. Can’t sleep. Been crying all night.

The neighbour has also written statuses about how she wishes her friend had never moved out of our house because the neighbours (us) that have replaced the friend are ‘weird’ and ‘freaks’
We are an innocent family trying to live our lives. I had to fight everything in me not to message her but I didn’t.
She had also posted a few months ago about how me and DH were always loudly arguing in our living room - again not true. I have a brain injury. I’m most definitely never up for arguing these days and spend 98% of my time in bed. Our marriage is also fantastic and he’s the most wonderful husband and father.

So these women are literally slandering me and DH publicly via Facebook, reporting us to SS and whatever else - all whilst their children roam freely from 9am until 9pm in all weathers causing trouble and damaging our property and vehicles. One of the children is only around 5-6 years old and is always seen hanging around with 12-13 year olds. Surely social services should be contacted about THEM and not us?

I’ve had a good cry to DH tonight and he’s now going to really crack down and help me find another house for us, previously he was on the fence about moving and wasn’t really pulling his weight. He was hoping that it would all go away but clearly it’s just getting worse.

Has anyone got any advice? I’m so sad and so angry. I don’t know where to put myself tonight. I’m terrified my beautiful, innocent boys will now have social services involvement when we’ve only ever done the very best for them. Our eldest goes to nursery and is thriving, our youngest is ahead of all his milestones. I’ve never even once raised my voice at them and neither has DH. I can’t even put into words how sad I am tonight. What does social services do with reports like these?

[felulageller]

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Do everything you can to move asap.

Contact SS yourself and say your neighbour has posted she's reported you. Also tell your health visitor and nursery.

Then report to the police. This seems to be a race hate crime and they will take that seriously. Keep all records and report everything as it happens. Eg if a young child is out late unsupervised report it to out of hours services there and then. They can't do anything if they can't catch them out.

[wishuponastar1988]

I would be shocked if you got a visit from SS. I work as a SW myself - a baby crying through the night isn't really a safeguarding issue that would warrant assessment (without other risk factors). If your neighbour was concerned about your child's immediate safety if they are crying uncontrollably then surely their first option would be to ring the police? SW will consider this and will probably ask if they called the police.

They might ring you to ask if you need any support or ask the health visitor to ring you but I can't imagine it would go any further based on that alone. Lots of babies cry in the night! I would definitely let them know if they do call that it is malicious and you are having ASB issues with your neighbours who sound vile by the way x

[Cissyandflora]

Really do not worry about the ss report. I understand your fear and anxiety but truly you will not have much involvement from ss. If they do visit I think you should tell them about the neighbours and that you are trying to move away.
I think the best thing to do is move. I say this after being on this site for some years and seeing posts such as yours and reading about the distress caused by neighbours. I would have said try to repair relationships etc but I now think I’ve been naive. Some things won’t change and you will feel much happier away from this house. Good luck. Do not worry for a moment about ss!

[Cam2020]

That sounds awful and unfortunately, I know those types and how they can dominate and dictate the mood of a whole street.

Are you entitled to care that could allow your husband to work more hours and increase your budget to move? It's something that adult social services could help with, although I'm not sure what help is available for the care of your children but I'm sure you'd qualify for free childcare hours.

[Figgygal]

@saleorbouy

Save copies of the Facebook comments and create a logbook of the abuse and harassment your family are receiving from your horrible neighbours.
You can present this to SS and the police in the future.
SS might be able to get you more support and assist in moving from the area so it might be a positive thing. They should also liase with police regarding the racist abuse.

Absolutely this

Sorry this is happening but in a way you now have the upper hand.

[Cissyandflora]

@wishuponastar1988

I would be shocked if you got a visit from SS. I work as a SW myself - a baby crying through the night isn't really a safeguarding issue that would warrant assessment (without other risk factors). If your neighbour was concerned about your child's immediate safety if they are crying uncontrollably then surely their first option would be to ring the police? SW will consider this and will probably ask if they called the police.

They might ring you to ask if you need any support or ask the health visitor to ring you but I can't imagine it would go any further based on that alone. Lots of babies cry in the night! I would definitely let them know if they do call that it is malicious and you are having ASB issues with your neighbours who sound vile by the way x

Good to hear from a social worker’s perspective too.

I often think about the social workers role- they have chosen to do something that enhances lives and provides support in the community. And then they are feared and people use them as a threat over others. This needs to be changed. I don’t know how!

[3Daddy31982]

Screenshot and print date it. Type date accessed. I'd argue its harassment via social media. Hate crime if mixes race family.

[Couchbettato]

@MissHavershamReturns

There’s also a possibility they are just talking rubbish on FB and they haven’t actually reported you. They might not want to risk attention of that kind on the street if they live in chaos themselves

This. I imagine they're using you as a distraction from their own mad lives.

Still. Move. You're no one's performing monkey.

Your kids deserve a place to feel safe, you and your DH deserve a place free of slander.

[OverByYer]

I would also look into housing association properties in your area. Are you rgistered as disabled? This should help make you a priority.
Agree with others, do not engage with your neighbours, don't stoop to their level.
When they go low, you go high.

[NewYearNewMinty]

I've only speed read the thread so don't know if anyone else has suggested it, but try giving Shelter a call. They are great at advising people in all kinds of housing situations and may be able to help you as far as finding a new rental is concerned.

Also wanted to wish you the best of luck with your health. A dear friend has surgery for a brain tumour last year so I have a little insight into how life changing it can be. PPs suggestion of contacting Headway is a great idea. Take care of yourself.

[Clareyck]

Hi opbim a social worker firstly...sadly we get quite a lot of malicious referrals so younwont be the first or last. It varies but if you lived where I work firstly the referral wouldn't looked at by the referrals team who would decide who to give it to social services or we also have a family support team that aren't social workers who sit below us. If otbsid come to us we would arrange a visit and then probably do a short assessment dand close if we had no concerns. Dependent on the team they might not even do any assessment before closing. Is definitely screen shot whatbthe neighbor wrote though. Social workers aren't daft and most of us are nice people who want to help despite what you read in the papers.

[Clareyck]

Also just to add ss might be ablen help with housing. We often talk to housing associations on people's behalf

[GaiaWise]

Hi OP,
This sounds really tough, I’m sorry.
As a child protection social worker who previously managed a CP intake team - depending on the nature of the call, we would have either closed the referral immediately or phoned you and asked your permission to call your HV and nursery, received positive reports and then closed it.

With regard to the harassment from your neighbours, I would:
Take screenshots
Start keeping a diary
Contact council
Contact police to lodge a harassment complaint
Consider contacting the brain injury charity for support if YOU feel that it would be helpful for you - not because you are not meeting the childrens needs because it is obvious that you are.

And yes, start looking for other places to live - I know this may be challenging in the current climate.

Good luck!

[dapsnotplimsolls]

They might not have actually reported you. As others have said, screenshot the comments and make sure you're getting as much support as you can. Are there FB groups for people with your type of brain injury?

[Pipsqueakpopsqueak]

We lived next door to an alcoholic social worker who was like this, before we had children she bitched to us about every family on the street and was always threatening to ‘call it in’ referring to some misdemeanour she deemed unacceptable (example: neighbour letting child play with hose in the garden and getting muddy). When we had our own baby she started on us, we heard her on a few occasions in the garden on her phone saying she was going to report us. I never found out what her reason was. This was the same woman who drank red wine in the morning in her garden before driving to work, and who often screamed “c**t” at her 18 year old son (which we heard very clearly through the walls). We had to move, it broke my heart as I loved that house but my mental health couldn’t take it and I felt sick every time one of our baby cried or made a noise. She was a horrible, horrible person. I know exactly how you feel OP and I hope you and your DH find a new home soon, so sorry you are going through this x

[CA0932017]

Firstly, take screen shots or print outs of everything on Facebook, now! Just in case it ever gets deleted or her profile made private.

Secondly, do not panic. Sounds like you have nothing to hide so if social services contact you, so be it! They will discover the report was malicious and sign you off.

Also, keep a diary of everything that's happening with the neighbours and sounds like they need reporting to various sources - police for criminal damage, social services for letting their 5 year old roam the street and the council!

[TheGoldenWolfFleece]

I've reported the disablist comment on the thread.

Keep a diary of events, screenshot everything and report to the police for the racist harassment.

[Chiochan]

I dont think you will have anything to worry about with social services, they get malicious call all the time. You might get a letter or phone call at absolte most and then just explain what is going on.
The neighbours sound horrendous. I have been through similar and its schocking how much people can get away with.
Its the price we pay for living in a free and easy society, nutters can get away with bad behaviour.
Though as you are disabled you are entitled to more protection under hate crime laws so you should try to check that out.
Im so sorry this is happening to you.

[Carolinev233]

I’m one of the safeguarding leads in a charity and lead a team specialising in disability benefits. First of all, try not to worry, even if a report has been made to ss. Use it as an opportunity to get more support for your family. Even if they don’t get in touch, it’s worth you calling them, not for the kids but for you and your husband. You’re entitled to a care assessment and your husband to a carer’s assessment. The child social care and adult social care departments are separate but obviously can and do liaise. Also, it’s worth getting a benefit check to ensure you’re getting everything you’re entitled to. You can do it yourself on a website such as Entitled To, or if you speak to Headway they are likely to be able to do it with you. Finally, please let the police and the housing authority know about the racial harassment. That and the criminal damage are hate crimes and will be taken very seriously. Keep a diary of whatever happens and when so you have evidence and, as so many others have said, screenshot the FB posts. Best of luck x

[Lindsaycreate]

I have very unpleasant neighbours also who have made not only mine, but other neighbours lives a misery for many years. I know how much stress it can bring to your everyday life through anxiety and worry.
I have learnt that I need to record everything that happens with times/dates and report to the police. It’s called a log and it means that there is some record over time of what has been going on. Please do this as you have mentioned examples. The police cannot do much but their having a record means that if something extreme happens they have background. It also takes some of the anxiety away to know you have told someone.
You need to follow the advice of other posts and take screen grabs of the Facebook posts - these are bullying. If your neighbour was genuinely worried about your children she doesn’t need to smear it over the internet. It sounds, to me, that what she is doing is threatening you.
If you are worried about social services getting in touch (which is unlikely), you could make a list of the things you do with your children (classes you take them to, places you visit, things you do together) to make you feel prepared for any conversations that might happen. Also list your routines for bedtime etc, how many times your child wakes up, how you settle them again etc. Anyone with a child knows they have bad nights.
I’m really sorry this is happening to you and I hope you find a new place to live soon and can put this behind you.

[feelsobadfeltsogood]

Get social services on board and contact your local police and get this logged it sounds horrendous

Do you privately rent if so just move and if you own out it up for sale

[KO81]

@WorstXmasEver

You have 2 young kids & spend "98% of the time in bed"?...baffling to me.

What a thing to say to someone with a brain injury. No wonder you don’t have any friends (not baseless libel, I recognised the name from the 40th birthday thread…)

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

These people are vile
You have been incredibly unlucky
This is not normal behaviour
You need to move ASAP and know that most places and neighbours arnt like this

I’m ever so sorry
I have no words x

[debwong]

Wishing you all the best, OP. Hope you can find a way out of this situation soon.

[Russell19]

Everyone didn't like the poster who queried the '98%' of the time in bed remark...however from a SS point of view of a referral had been made and they heard that,alarm bells would be dining about what the children are doing during that time and if they are safe. I very much feel like the OP was exaggerating slightly with this comment because i f her husband works part time she mustn't be in bed then surely? You just have to be very careful what you say and in the kindest way possible I think SS involvement could be really beneficial for this family regarding the brain illness and supporting your husband to care for 3 individuals as well as working part time, it must be difficult. They could signpost you to housing, carers, any additional benefits. They are there for support not just judgement.