(Wrong) English etiquette guides for Europeans.

[GaiusHelenMohiam]

I was chatting to a customer yesterday at work. She’s lived in the UK for a few years but has yet to make any meaningful female friendships, works with a load of blokes who she gets on fine with but is looking for real friendship.

Anyway, one of the first things she said to me was ‘you have beautiful eyes’ which was lovely if a bit out of nowhere (and I did wonder if she was chatting me up).

A little bit later we ended up chatting at the bar and she told me about the friends thing and that she was reading a book (in her language) about English etiquette and that apparently the done thing is to find something to compliment your new acquaintance on.

I think this is great, if slightly bonkers advice, and I wish it really was an English thing to do. I always make a point of sincerely complimenting people on a particular dress, shoes, etc but it’s not routine.

I did say to her I’d probably steer clear of commenting on hair, eyes or anything physical, because it can come across a bit intense, and that it’s not particularly a very British thing to do but I think it should be.

I just love the idea that there are books floating around Europe with completely off base ways of behaving more like the locals when you move to the UK.

I’m really curious what else her book tells her but alas I didn’t get a chance to ask before closing time. If she comes back I’ll find out.

That’s quite funny,OP, as it think it was traditionally British (or possibly English) never to compliment anything.

So if you’re really posh you wouldn’t compliment anyone’s clothes, house, a meal they’d cooked etc. For some unknown reason!

Thinking about it, English complements include "not bad", and "I've seen worse".

I sometimes wonder how some nationalities cope with Cornish people calling random strangers "me loverrr".

@Hoppinggreen

I’m in Yorkshire and it’s not uncommon to say “cheers” instead of a Thank You. That has caused some confusion for some Indian Clients

It's a standard sign-off between friendly colleagues in my company, of many nationalities inc German and American as well as brits.

@Snorkmaidenn

A German friend of mine was very confused when she first moved to UK by the "How funny" exclamation, when in fact what she said wasn't funny at all. She couldn't work out why we didn't just say "how strange or peculiar".

A French friend told me when she first moved to England she laughed to her family that it was true that we apologised for everything. It took her a while to realise that: "I'm sorry but you can't do that" is close to a declaration of war.

He couldn't get his head round everyone saying 'see you later' as a goodbye when no-one has any intention of seeing anybody later

I don't like that either and never have done. I may take certain things too literally

Also if in Scotland and exiting a bus you should thank the driver, not sure what for but we do it that's not a uniquely Scottish thing, it's widespread in the UK (and the Channel Islands) and I've seen bus drivers being thanked in other countries too even Germany and Finland (although maybe they were Brits :) )

See you later is used for goodbye in lots of languages though... In fact in Spanish hasta luego is used the same way. I don't think that's actually an internal cultural difference but that specific individual who happens to be Spanish.

He couldn't get his head round everyone saying 'see you later' as a goodbye when no-one has any intention of seeing anybody later

In Italian they say "A piu tarde" (till more later)which is pretty much the same thing.

Also if in Scotland and exiting a bus you should thank the driver, not sure what for but we do it

Learned this in London, and do it (with most people) in Birmingham

"Cheers drive !" as you get off. Why not ? Costs nothing.

Around here the Germans say "Enjoy your meal" as a translation of guten appetit or mahlzeit. Really the closest British version is just the French bon appetit.

Weirdly on the funny topic, I find French and German people use the word funny to mean amusing as in fun, diverting, although not necessarily humorous, which is frequently jarring.

Likewise in American English, fun (adjective) has a subtly different meaning - to me something being fun means that it is fun to do - a game, activity, sport etc. But they also use it as a descriptor for physical objects that are cheerful rather than bland, ordinary or boring, so they might say "Oh your earrings are so fun!" In British English earrings are not fun. Making earrings, choosing earrings, playing with a set of earrings that you can arrange to make different patterns etc might be fun, but just being colourful or having the shape of a doughnut does not make them fun.

Around here the Germans say "Enjoy your meal" as a translation of guten appetit or mahlzeit. Really the closest British version is just the French bon appetit.

Or simply ...

"Enjoy your meal" ?

(Can't help but feel I've missed a point)

My DM had a Canadian work colleague. Her parents were coming over to London for a visit to see their DD and have a holiday. Arrangements were being made - calls back and forth and so on.

Colleague tells my DM that she had an interesting conversation the day before. Her parents were getting to the point of packing and they assured her that they would be bringing coffee and peanut butter with them. She asked why and they said that their travel agent had told them that instant coffee and peanut butter simply wasn't available in the UK. DM's colleague was nonplussed and asked what they thought she ate/drank since she got here - You might want your fave Canadian brand as a treat, but....

Then they asked whether it was acceptable to wear jeans in public in London, because the travel agent had told them that it was bad form to be seen in jeans in public in Britain. Clearly the travel agent saw Brief Encounter a few years ago and didn't think to update his cultural perceptions.

Colleagues parents came, had a wonderful time and stood in front of Buckingham Palace in jeans.

mahlzeit doesn't really mean anything like enjoy your meal or bon appetit though (although its sometimes used that way) - at least where I live its just a greeting used around meal time even when nobody's eating! Its more like "good meal time" along the same lines as good morning 🤣

Nobody where I live says guten Appetit - they say lass es (dir) schmecken if there's actually food about to be eaten.

The funny instead of fun is just a mistake I think - or almost Denglish, like Baby Shooting...

Friend from Germany moved here and couldn't understand why when he got a taxi, taxi drivers would ask where he was from, and when he said he was German they'd always say "Don't mention the war! " he was truly baffled.... "but I didn't mention the war?!"

On the flipside, Germans watch an old British TV sketch called "Dinner for one" every New Year's Eve, so my friend couldn't understand why we weren't familiar with it as it's very famous all over Europe but not really here.

I don't think enjoy your meal is used in the same way as guten appetit/mahlzeit is used in Germany. There is no English equivalent. A waiter or takeaway server might say enjoy your meal, but a random person passing by somebody who is eating would say nothing, or make a comment unrelated to the food such as good morning, or maybe oooh that looks nice, I'm starving, or a jokey comment on the boss letting you rest.

In Germany (at least this part) if you pass by somebody who is eating or about to eat it is polite to say guten appetit, whether you know them or not. If you pass somebody vaguely at lunchtime or who is on their work break you greet them by saying mahlzeit (mealtime/breaktime, short for enjoy your break) and to say goodbye to somebody who is leaving work you say feierabend, which is another word that has no equivalent in English but means the free time you have when the working day has finished. (So again - enjoy your evening)

I just remembered that German FIL was deeply disappointed by our garden the one time he visited us when we lived in the UK as he thought all English laws were tightly mown with stripes and maintained like the grass in an Oxbridge quad.

In Dutch it’s eet smakelijk. We say it before every meal.

@Boood that's hilarious!

InvalidCrumb dinner for one was actually filmed in the Netherlands I believe. Yes most Germans do think "same procedure as last year?" is a joke all British people will instantly recognise!

I would say that it is important to understand small talk, and respect it for what it is.

For example, when we talk about the weather, just agree. Don't argue with the statement or get competitive about it.

This might be more targeted at Americans, who will make you feel bad by comparing "it's a bit breezy" to "you've obviously never experienced a tornado". Or "it's not cold until your eyeballs freeze".

These are fantastic.

At university I was on a very multicultural course and we had a lot of international Chinese students. A girl in one of my classes ALWAYS carried a foldable umbrella in her hand - all year around.

In the height of summer someone asked why she had an umbrella and very factually she informed us that her granddad had said all Englishmen carry umbrellas because it rains suddenly at least once a day no matter how hot.

I mean she wasn’t wrong but it always makes me smile to think about and she was never caught out in the rain.

I love the word feierabend because its the same as Feiertag so it makes every post work day/ hour a bank holiday (even though I work bank holidays and get wished a lovely Feierabend at 10am some days - Feierabend is Feierabend even when its not Abend...

@Snoken

I'm not British and now live in the north-west of England. Here the word "hi" seems to have been replaced by "you alright?". Apparently it doesn't mean how are you doing, you are not meant to say how you feel, you just say "you alright" back and carry on with your day. I still can't do it though, I always say how I am, and then ask them back. It puzzles people.

I am English and this confuses me! I don't know why but it makes me go all awkward and I become unable to interact in a normal way with people (not that I'm shit hot at this at the best of times )

Years and years ago, I told an Englishman that his eyes were most interesting.

I still cringe occasionally at his look of alarm and how much he obviously thought I fancied him (the twerp). He never spoke to me again.

@BertieBotts

Around here the Germans say "Enjoy your meal" as a translation of guten appetit or mahlzeit. Really the closest British version is just the French bon appetit.

Weirdly on the funny topic, I find French and German people use the word funny to mean amusing as in fun, diverting, although not necessarily humorous, which is frequently jarring.

Likewise in American English, fun (adjective) has a subtly different meaning - to me something being fun means that it is fun to do - a game, activity, sport etc. But they also use it as a descriptor for physical objects that are cheerful rather than bland, ordinary or boring, so they might say "Oh your earrings are so fun!" In British English earrings are not fun. Making earrings, choosing earrings, playing with a set of earrings that you can arrange to make different patterns etc might be fun, but just being colourful or having the shape of a doughnut does not make them fun.

An English person might say “your earrings are so fun!” but it probably wouldn’t be a compliment

Also if in Scotland and exiting a bus you should thank the driver, not sure what for but we do it

I remember going on coach trips and having a 'whip round for t'driver'. Essentially a collection where everyone / couple / family chucks some money in to thank the driver for taking them around. Which they'd already paid for -but people were given dirty looks if they didn't chip in.

Also loudly clapping & cheering when the plane landed.