How old would you guess this child was?

[Ohdoleavemealone]

Some of her behaviours include...

Stripping off as soon as she gets home

Being more interested in boxes of polystyrene than her toys

Having a tantrum every time she is told she cannot have something

Repeatedly asking for something she know she cannot have, and not giving up even when told no 4 times until shouted at and then goes and cries.

Hits out at people rather than using her words

Takes 30 minutes to eat a small bowl of cereal (won't have milk and eats cheerios one at a time)

Calls parents "mama and dada"

Likes to be held like a baby

Breaks most toys she owns

Thinking about the behaviour perhaps of your own child, I am wondering what age these behaviours are typical of - I know it is difficult as children develop at different rates but I am concerned about my child.

Sounds like my 4 year old

She doesn’t sound that odd given her start in life. I was adopted & bloody odd as a young child, according to my adopted mother. Turned out ok
In my teens

[quote Ohdoleavemealone]@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry
Example of what I mean
"mama can I have buiscuits?"
No, tea is nearly ready
"please mama"
No, wait until after tea
"Pleaseeee"
No
"Just one?"
Not until after tea
"please just one mama"
No
Pleaseeeeeeee
NO![/quote]
My 6 year old does this. Perfectly normal. Not sure on the other stuff

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry
Example of what I mean
"mama can I have buiscuits?"
No, tea is nearly ready
"please mama"
No, wait until after tea
"Pleaseeee"
No
"Just one?"
Not until after tea
"please just one mama"
No
Pleaseeeeeeee
NO!

Try dealing with this in a different way.

You have said no 6 times in the example- and it is still not working.

Try saying yes instead.

" Yes, you can have a biscuit after tea".
or

" Yes I hear you are hungry, lets all have a biscuit after our meal"

or "Yes biscuits are yummy, we can have one as desert after dinner"

No sometimes have to be said to children- but saying it 6 times in a short conversation renders the word NO meaningless.

Depends. My kid has SEND and does a lot of these (8).

@TheHoptimist, because she asks right before tea. She never goes an extended time between snacking so it isn't like she was starving and couldn't wait 10 minutes.
Also not really the point, this is just an example of how she won't take no for an answer and it usually ends in me raising my voice. Also happens when we go shopping and she wants a new toy, or wants sweets every single day etc.

[quote Ohdoleavemealone]@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry
Example of what I mean
"mama can I have buiscuits?"
No, tea is nearly ready
"please mama"
No, wait until after tea
"Pleaseeee"
No
"Just one?"
Not until after tea
"please just one mama"
No
Pleaseeeeeeee
NO![/quote]
Right, but if you know that results in her running away and crying, why continue?

You describe her behaviour as "odd" twice. Not a very helpful filter to see her behaviour through.
Is she your adopted daughter or birth daughter?
My daughters experienced trauma in the first 3 years of their life, including 9 months in foster care, and this has significantly affected the younger one's emotional, social and behavioural development.
Have you read much about trauma, attachment, ACEs etc? Sounds like you'd benefit from doing so.

No matter how often she asks, a request for biscuits shouldn't really end in shouting. You sound at the end of your tether, do you not have any support? Because stripping off; asking for the same thing repeatedly, taking ages to eat cereal, etc, aren't unusual behaviours. It sounds as though it's escalating where her behaviours are hitting up against your expectations. And the problem is your expectations - not your child.

Example of what I mean
"mama can I have buiscuits?"
No, tea is nearly ready
"please mama"
No, wait until after tea
"Pleaseeee"
No
Just one?"
Not until after tea
"please just one mama"
No
Pleaseeeeeeee
NO!

In answer to your question I was going to say my son with autism would have been up to 10 - coincidentally he was adopted, had a terrible time in foster care before coming to us, and we were told global delay. However, seeing your example above I think this shows great intelligence by trying to persuade you in slightly different ways, and I know in his 30s my son would not be as clever!! Good luck.

Up to 6 seems fairly normal. My 22 year old calls me mama (and her dad papa, her choice)

As she's been fostered I wouldn't be concerned in the delays

An awful lot of those traits describe DS 9, he has ASD. He asks for presents daily, constantly, its very tiring.

My autistic 7yo does most of this

Starts at 3, continues at 40…

Once a baby always a baby.

[quote Ohdoleavemealone]@TheHoptimist, because she asks right before tea. She never goes an extended time between snacking so it isn't like she was starving and couldn't wait 10 minutes.
Also not really the point, this is just an example of how she won't take no for an answer and it usually ends in me raising my voice. Also happens when we go shopping and she wants a new toy, or wants sweets every single day etc.[/quote]
Why the hell are you raising your voice to a child with very clear and obvious developmental delays?!

My completely NT almost 6 year old will beg and plead like that for treats, I’d say that’s a completely normal behaviour - as a pp I treat it more as ‘ok get some out of the cupboard and we will put them on the table ready for after dinner’

Don’t get me wrong, he’s also told no a lot and will strop, but it turns into a battle that way and so I have to consciously try to change my approach

Surely you knew with the start she has had there would be some challenging behaviour?

she won't take no for an answer and it usually ends in me raising my voice.

This is something you need to change- not her.

The point about you shouting at her when she repeatedly asks for items is that you're creating an expectation that the exchange isn't finished until you're shouting. You have slipped into bad habits with her and you need to re-evaluate and communicate differently. She's learning from you and you're not teaching her what you think you're teaching her.

Could be traits of ASD, or attachment disorder? Or she might just be immature for her age. I have seen many of those behaviours in various ages. She sounds very similar to friends dd who is a similar age and is suspected ASD but also had trauma when she was less than 2 years old. Please don’t shout at her, as frustrating as it maybe, I’m sure she can’t help the way she is, she just needs you to understand her.

@esloquehay I have yes but I am trying to see if this is a bit more than a slight delay. Everyone just says "oh she will be okay" and I don't think that is helpful.
She is delayed in every area. Socially, emotionally, academically.
The school aren't doing much other than extra group work so I am trying to gauge whether her behaviours are typical of a 5 year old (where I would be comfortable that it is a bit of a delay) or of a much younger child at which point I would be going to ask for some help for her.
My eldest was labelled as "just fine" for years and it turned out he has ADHD after some pushing. DD is adopted and I don't want her to fall further behind if early intervention can help.

The red flags here are all to do with parenting and parental attitude, not the child.

Sounds fairly within the bounds of normal, OP. But I wonder if a better question is whether you think your DD is happy?

Have you tried: www.ahaparenting.com/read/How-To-Special-Time

Sounds exactly like my nearly 4 year old.

Could be anything up to 7/8 I guess.