How old would you guess this child was?

[Ohdoleavemealone]

Some of her behaviours include...

Stripping off as soon as she gets home

Being more interested in boxes of polystyrene than her toys

Having a tantrum every time she is told she cannot have something

Repeatedly asking for something she know she cannot have, and not giving up even when told no 4 times until shouted at and then goes and cries.

Hits out at people rather than using her words

Takes 30 minutes to eat a small bowl of cereal (won't have milk and eats cheerios one at a time)

Calls parents "mama and dada"

Likes to be held like a baby

Breaks most toys she owns

Thinking about the behaviour perhaps of your own child, I am wondering what age these behaviours are typical of - I know it is difficult as children develop at different rates but I am concerned about my child.

[mathanxiety]

...be extremely wary of the fact many children are diagnosed with autism when it is in fact attachment disorder and the treatment is different.

YYY @MissM2912.

@Ohdoleavemealone, please focus on attachment. Seek professional help focusing on attachment. You might like to seek out play therapy and art therapy, and later on talk therapy can be very supportive of family relationships.

Treatment is very different from autism.

[UCLSugar]

@StopStartStop

My super-intelligent dgd calls her parents 'Mama' and 'Dada' because that's what they prefer.

using her words - you give yourself away. That's a 'autism parent' phrase.

Pretty much all of the examples you give could apply to me, with minor adaptations, and I'm 64. If you are worried about your child, see your gp or health visitor.

Try not to shout. If she is autistic, she'll remember every word and quote it back to you in thirty years time.

What is an "autism parent phrase"?

[Peppaismyrolemodel]

@jackieh1987

3 or 4.
Or if in a posh area of London, 28.

[minipie]

using her words - you give yourself away. That's a 'autism parent' phrase

Not necessarily, my DC’s nursery school teachers all used this phrase, for all children.

[Jellycatspyjamas]

I thought you were going to say she’s adopted - my DD is 10 and still has some of those behaviours. If you pop over to the adoption boards you’ll find some very experienced adopters who can help you with strategies to help her social and emotional development. Everything you describe could be due to early trauma but could also be signs of neurodiversity - it can be hard to separate them out but decent support will make a huge difference.

[RoseGoldEagle]

My 2 year old displays lots of these behaviours regularly. My 5 year old still does occasionally when she’s tired, but when she does it’s a flag to me just how tired she is as it’s not usual behaviour for her . So 2 year old asking for a biscuit and being told kindly ‘no, I’m just making lunch right now so you can eat x,y.z in a few minutes’ will often ask again and again and get upset when I keep saying no, and I think this is just completely age appropriate and normal. My 5 year old could easily ask for a biscuit 5 minutes before tea- 95% of the time when I say ‘no as it’s tea time in 5 minutes’ she might give a grumpy reply, or might say ‘oh ok’ a bit sadly but would then not mention it again. The other 5% we get an explosive ‘it’s not fair!!’ with tears. But I view that as still ‘normal’ as occasional behaviour from a just turned 5 year old- but also an indication she’s really tired or upset about something else (rather than the 2 year old where it’s just his default).

The stripping off her clothes she still does though!

Good luck OP, I think you’re right to follow your instincts that some of these behaviours at the frequency you’re speaking about might not be entirely as expected for her age (but I’m aware with a sample size of one 5 year old this is just one opinion!)

[mathanxiety]

I second the suggestion of Gabor Mate's book.

How long was DD in foster care, and how sure was the HV that the incident in her bio home was the one and only?

Attachment issues need very careful handling. What kind of support do you have?

[Kuachui]

2 - 4.. my nearly 3 year old is just like this

[Storminamu]

1?

[WorstXmasEver]

2 maybe

[VioletLemon]

Sounds like she has been trying to feel secure by repeatedly asking things of you that show her you will reliably meet her needs and she can trust you. It's not deliberate, try using intentional positive language to her, "I see you are trying hard to wait, I like the way you are keeping a gentle voice etc". Pick your battles and praise immediately when a positive move is made.

[Justyouwaitandseeagain]

Sounds like my DD (aged 6/7)

[BlackeyedSusan]

[quote Ohdoleavemealone]@TabithaTittlemouse Possibly but she doesn't appear to have issues socially (although she hugs strangers all the time which is odd and inappropriately). She is pretty good at being flexible with routines, doesn't play repetitively, she uses her imagination. I just don't know.[/quote]
Which are social difficulties.. social difficulties go over friendly as well as under...

Same with sensory issues...eg chewing or seeking strong tastes or leaning on things..

Imagination: mine use their imagination but not the same as NT child. Spotted in assessment.

[StopStartStop]

My super-intelligent dgd calls her parents 'Mama' and 'Dada' because that's what they prefer.

using her words - you give yourself away. That's a 'autism parent' phrase.

Pretty much all of the examples you give could apply to me, with minor adaptations, and I'm 64. If you are worried about your child, see your gp or health visitor.

Try not to shout. If she is autistic, she'll remember every word and quote it back to you in thirty years time.

[NewYearEveryYear]

DD is 5, and shows some of these behaviours. Not all the time (she can be very grown up and polite) but at least sometimes.

Occasionally we worry about it.

Then we see her peers and they're pretty much all doing similar.

DH and I have made a promise to not shout at her other unless it's REALLY necessary (e.g. actual danger). As per any 5yo she can be super annoying, but raised voices only make it worse, so just as we made the active decision not to smack her bum (as our parents smacked ours), we have made that same decision not to shout.

[Summerfun54321]

My 6YO sounds very similar. No additional needs but needs a lot of rules and structure to avoid tantrums and meltdowns. Is fine at school but sounds very similar to your DD at home (apart from the babyish words).

[MeAndHimAndHer]

I have a 7yo adopted dd. She sounds very much like your dd. Strips off to her pants as soon as she comes in and would take pants off too if allowed. Never accepts first answer and asks repeatedly.
Really struggles with any independent play but will amuse herself with cardboard boxes more than anything else. She cannot bear to see anything thrown out/ put in recycling and will rescue all manner of packaging to hoard and play with. She got a Hogwarts castle for Christmas but prefers to play with an Amazon box, pretending it is Hogwarts!
She is very babyish and wants cuddles and tickles all the time.
She has just reverted back to needing to sleep in our bed every night which we will work on. Again.
She is delayed and is behind her peers in every area at school. She shows anxiety at school and cries a lot while there and has extra support (Elsa).
I think that a lot of her behaviour is just immature/ underdeveloped and will improve and she will ‘catch up’, but I think she will struggle academically.
Like your dd, she was adopted aged 1 (14 months) from an unstable foster background.
Their similarities sound quite striking really.

[ScrollingLeaves]

OP I cannot recommend highly enough
Dr Gabor Mate
“Scattered Minds”, it so clearly explains the effects of trauma and helps put the parent/cater in a frame of mind where they can communicate with the child much better.

Also books by Dr Sami Timini

[Agathacrustie]

I think you are best following your instincts on this OP. You know your DD best. If you feel there's something more going on than has been suggested I'd press for a referral to a paediatrician or whoever is the most appropriate specialist . Maybe try videoing some of the behaviour you are most concerned about so you can show whoever you see what you are worried about .

[ScrollingLeaves]

4 -8?

[Pinkyxx]

Sounds within the spectrum for a 5 year old particularly in view of the history. Children who have experienced trauma particularly before the age of 2 can experience 'developmental trauma' and these kind of behaviours (among others) can continue well beyond the age you'd expect them to naturally be more regulated ( so 7-9 ish I'd say).

[germsandcoffee]

Sounds like a three year old but you could be talking about a child like mine who's got asd and is 7 !

[Atla]

For a 5 yo with the background you describe I think that doesn't sound out of the ordinary.

My ds could be like this up to about 7 - he has ADHD and definitely reverts to a more 'babyish' persona when anxious/stressed/over-tired.

We had some success with social stories and some play therapy... Along the lines of "after school I can change into my comfy clothes in my room. I can have a snack (of fruit or whatever) and a drink. We have our tea at X time...." And so on.

[TonksInPurple]

It sadly is very hard to get a FASD diagnosis but the with figures for the number of children in care being exposed to alcohol
Being so high it’s almost a given, but yes it’s so similar to other things & all interlinked. Try speaking to the FASD HUB at adoption UK. Sound like it might all come down to a combination of things as it often does with kids who’ve experienced what your wee one has.

[Bimblybomeyelash]

My 5.5 year old does some
Of this.