Anonymous letter in the post today- thoughts?

[Janeandjohnny]

So today I get a card envelope which had been opened by local mail handling/ in error/ damaged. It was then re packed in a post plastic bag with an apology for damage and I got it.

My address had a quirk on it which is local, (my business is at my home address and that has the 'proper' address that I mostly use) so this letter I think is from someone local due to use of road name.

Inside was a sheet of paper with

FAGGOTT - time to leave the (drawing of a closet).

Kind of disturbing, odd and out of the blue.
Im happily married for 21 years and aged 48 if this makes any difference?
Should I ignore, throw away, tell police etc etc. Any thoughts?

Even if you were gay and using your wife as a 'beard' someone has no right to send a letter like that to you. Don't examine your own behaviour to see why sometime would commit a crime against you. Tell the police, file the letter somewhere, forget about it. Some small minded bigot somewhere got that off their chest - don't let it affect you any more.

I can see this is very disturbing, but it could just be a one-off or not meant for you.

What's great is that you've been really upfront with your wife about your previous relationships and so there's no 'outing' to be done, accidentally or otherwise, as you are an honest and lovely sounding person.

Save it, I might report it but definitely save it and note the date it arrived, and then if anything else happens, you have it there as evidence. I once had a horrible phone message threatening to kill me, on my answerphone, years ago, it was awful but it was just a one-off and eventually I concluded it was just a random stupid thing.

I’m guessing a clients husband.

Maybe she fancies you and he thinks you’re a little effeminate, which insults his opinion of women fancying macho men. Perhaps they’ve recently split up …

I disagree that it's a case of mistaken identity due to the quirk in the address.

It's a very specific vile slur so I would say the sender definitely knows about your past. I agree with what some others have suggested - perhaps your wife had confided in friends who are either secretly homophobic themselves, or have since spread it as gossip and it's known by many including business associates who dislike you.

You should report it.

Faggot is an unusual word for a british person to use. I haven’t heard anyone other than an American use faggot to mean gay.
I have heard all the insults shouted at gay men over the years, I used to have a group of gay male friends, and also had plenty of straight male friends who wore makeup (i was an eighties teenager). I have literally heard never heard faggot other than on US tv.
So that might give you a clue ?
What a horrible to thing to receive, it is the malicious intent that is so unsettling. I once had a poison pen letter from someone mentally ill, and although I could half laugh it off it was still upsetting. I agree with the advice above on logging the incident.

This is turning in to a strange 2022. There have been so many anonymous letter/note posts on MN lately.

As others have said, report it to the police. Not sure what other advice you’d be looking for here.

Report it to the police, it’s a hate crime.

I'd report it to the police just for the record and in case the sender is doing it to other people

If the envelope is damaged does the letter inside have corresponding damage to it. If not it must have been done by a sorting office employee.

You can whittle it down to those who know where you now live. Anyone from your college years wouldn't know where you are living. UNLESS you have a very unusual name and live in the area where you grew up. Then they might have looked on the electoral register or on Companies House website or 192 people finder or FB, Twitter etc. It's amazing how much info is out there and how a bit if easy digging can reap rewards for the oddballs in society.
I'd put the whole card/paper packaging in a sealed bag in a safe place. Notify police then just get on with your life but don't mention it locally as the oddball may live nearby.
If anything similar happens there may be fingerprints which can be examined, so the less you touch the better.

I'm just wondering in terms of a written letter what a drawing of a closet looks like.

I'm so dumb I'd probably have seen the picture and thought - time to leave the cupboard?? What the hell does that mean??

It's horrible to get negative anonymous mail like that, if they had any balls themselves they wouldn't hide behind anonymity and abuse people. It sounds like you are a lovely husband and have a great relationship, definitely report and hopefully that will be the end to it.

Very odd. Especially as the writing on the inside is different to the writing on the envelope.
I would guess that a local has sent you a Christmas card and for whatever reason, the mail office opened it and has either pranked you, or it's a misunderstanding and you've received this and someone else has received your Christmas card.

Sometimes, well, this is my theory, it's not that people dislike you per se, it's that they are competitive, and they are really badly triggered when the people they planned to "win over" with their excellent game connect with you easily and authentically.

The op is sensitive and i think that means feels pain because he doesnt deflect everything uncomfortable outwards to avoid uncomfortable feelings.

I've been on the receiving end of this rage. She is nuts. Im a low status person in her assessment, single parent, no impressive job, no connections, I sensed that the trigger for her was that other higher status people she did want to win over liked me for me.

These covert crazies have a hierarchy in their head and everybody is above or below. Their fear is that you're slightly above them despite tangible external evidence to prove their superiority such as wealth/qualificatiins. So what they need from you is that you take your rightful place beneath them and stop confusing the issue with your fucking "warmth" and your "authenticity". If you dont seem to understand that you're beneath them, and why would you, you're not in their head, then they will engage in levelling behaviours to take control and out you in your place. Silent treatments, smear campaigns, passive aggressive digs, anonymous letters!

Thank you all for posts.
I think, having read all posts that:
Its either:

1. A valid card from a client that was damaged and the new note popped in as a prank at the mail centre.
2. Its from someone local who may or may not know that I had male relationships in the past and has sent this to upset me pribably thinking my wife is unaware. Maybe a clients husband or other person.

1. I think its an older, male sender.

The inside note not matching the outside is odd.
The use of a christmas card envelope is odd if its real hate mail.
The use of local address is odd but its still possible that some clients would know that addresss as you have to drive through that road to get to my business.

Im secure in my relationship, not ashamed of sexual experimentation in the past and I have always been open with that from day 1- I said if it was a deal breaker I would fully understand. She has never cared about that and we have both been faithful and put a lot of work into making our relationship good.
I will report to police, ask mail centre about damage, keep it in case of further and put it out of my mind.
I still do have a suspicion of a local business person I deal with which sits in my mind. I will think about that.

I cant possibly know any of that but its how i made sense of something very upsetting.

Think you may have hit on it with a disgruntled customer. You’re creating a link to your past because, coincidentally, you had bi sexual experiences. Unless you’re part of a new BBC drama series, it’s quite unlikely that this is someone tailing you from your younger days! But worth hanging on to in case anything else happens.

@mathanxiety

It's odd that it has no frank mark and was opened at the mail centre. It's also odd that the letter inside is in red marker in a hand that differs from that on the envelope.

Is it possible there is some prankster (perhaps homophobic, perhaps not) at the mail center who opened an unfranked letter meant for you with genuine correspondence inside, removed the genuine letter, and inserted a prank letter in red marker instead?

Yeah me too. I think it's odd that someone would go to that much trouble. Would have thought the words alone convey the message but then again the sender must be a bit strange anyway. Any an.

Most of the comments assume that the sender was targeting the OP specifically, and speculate as to the reason. Another possibility is that there is someone out there sending similar stuff to lots of men - OP may not be the only recipient.

So that’s another argument in favour of reporting, because although the police would likely not do anything about one card sent to one person, they probably would investigate similar abusive cards sent to multiple people.

Yes but the mail centre put in a letter saying it was damaged on 6th Jan and re packaged with a staff signature initals so surely the staff member will get caught- I have the form and the note...

The first thing I would do is call the post office and explain that it was hate mail which you’re reporting to the police so you want to know if there was anything else with it or if someone could have ‘accidentally’ swapped the contents with someone else.

I would be extremely surprised if it was someone from your past.
The only way I can see this happening is if someone held onto strong feelings for you for all of these years and they’ve recently found out you’ve got a wife and kids and are jealous.

It may be a misunderstanding but if not I agree with you that it wasn’t aimed to make your wife jealous.
It was aimed at you - like they are attracted to you and are annoyed for some reason.

The timing is a good indicator.
Think about anyone new is your life or anyone who’s only recently found out about your wife.
Is there anyone who is friends with an ex.

I’m sorry this is happening to you, it must be quite frightening to receive something like that.

I would report it just in case it escalates and then keep the card in a ziploc bag somewhere safe.

Just a thought - it seems really odd that it was damaged at the sorting office. That doesn’t happen often. Not to be massively speculative and fantastical, but… is the sender maybe someone who works at the post office? If the person knows they are committing a crime (hate mail) and the police might get involved, then wrapping it like damaged or opened mail would ensure that dusting it for prints would be pointless, so ensuring that it is 100% anonymous and untraceable. If that’s the case and they are thinking like that, then you need to get some security cameras. Pronto.

I listened to a true crime podcast where lots of people were targeted over a number of years. The first victim was an elderly lady and the motive was that the sender wanted to get her to move so he could buy her house. He also sent porn mags to a teenage girl and nasty letters to others in the village.

He was caught and sent to prison.

So it might be OP that you are not the only recipient.

I really don’t think it was done by a Royal Mail employee. It’s a sackable offence and you will be prosecuted for mail tampering.

@WonderfulYou

Yes but the mail centre put in a letter saying it was damaged on 6th Jan and re packaged with a staff signature initals so surely the staff member will get caught- I have the form and the note...

The first thing I would do is call the post office and explain that it was hate mail which you’re reporting to the police so you want to know if there was anything else with it or if someone could have ‘accidentally’ swapped the contents with someone else.

I would be extremely surprised if it was someone from your past.
The only way I can see this happening is if someone held onto strong feelings for you for all of these years and they’ve recently found out you’ve got a wife and kids and are jealous.

It may be a misunderstanding but if not I agree with you that it wasn’t aimed to make your wife jealous.
It was aimed at you - like they are attracted to you and are annoyed for some reason.

The timing is a good indicator.
Think about anyone new is your life or anyone who’s only recently found out about your wife.
Is there anyone who is friends with an ex.

I’m sorry this is happening to you, it must be quite frightening to receive something like that.

Ok. So. Here are my thoughts on The timing is a good indicator. Think about anyone new is your life or anyone who’s only recently found out about your wife. Is there anyone who is friends with an ex

There is a business associate who I visit for work related reasons who has a business locally. He is older, often will make homophobic/ misogynistic jokes etc.
I have not seen him in ages but did see him just before christmas oddly. He has a running joke about how I resemble a local guy who is gay and well known, that local guy is a friend of my wifes for years. It always comes up- the resemblence thing. I just kind of brush it off as I dont see the point of the banter. Maybe this is where its from?
He would know my road name as its next to his business.
Odd tho that the letter got destroyed/opened- never had that before.
Maybe its mail centre prank?

I run an online business and I can assure you that mail gets damaged quite regularly.

I really don’t think a Royal Mail employee is going to risk their job over something like this.