Anonymous letter in the post today- thoughts?

[Janeandjohnny]

So today I get a card envelope which had been opened by local mail handling/ in error/ damaged. It was then re packed in a post plastic bag with an apology for damage and I got it.

My address had a quirk on it which is local, (my business is at my home address and that has the 'proper' address that I mostly use) so this letter I think is from someone local due to use of road name.

Inside was a sheet of paper with

FAGGOTT - time to leave the (drawing of a closet).

Kind of disturbing, odd and out of the blue.
Im happily married for 21 years and aged 48 if this makes any difference?
Should I ignore, throw away, tell police etc etc. Any thoughts?

Your whole back story is irrelevant to the here and now of receiving a homophobic slur in the post. I personally think it should be reported and recorded by the police. If it escalates or not.

@Bluebluemoon

Don't throw it away - you need to keep it in case this escalates (don't mean to scare you but someone clearly has a beef with you).

I don't mean this rudely but do you have an effeminate manner at all? I'm wondering if someone (possibly who is homophobic or threatened by effeminate men) knows you and suspects you are gay and wants to put you on edge. It could be someone you know who thinks you might be gay. There are some bloody weird people out there.
I don't think it's kids though or a joke - it's malicious - they've gone out of their way to find your address and pay for postage - someone wanting a cheap laugh would egg your house or post a dog turd through the letterbox!

But also don't let it keep you up at night - this person is a coward who probably won't do anything that could land them in big trouble and it sounds like you and your wife have a secure relationship.

Thank you! You are not rude at all. Im not a typical guy but not effeminate either. My business works mainly with females and I am good at what I do and seen as a good communicator and probably someone who is very good with people- dont really subscribe to hanging out in the pub or down watching the football but I dont think thats that unusual, loads of guys are more or less like me I think?

This sending of these poison pen letters is illegal. It could escalate into attempted blackmail. You should report it to the police.

Photograph it then have a word with the non-emergency Police for advice on hatemail. I think you have to have two unrequested contacts for them to consider investigating harassment.
Tell the Police you suspect it's from someone local because of the quirk in the address.

Is there a postmark still on the envelope?
Was it franked or stamped? (franked may identify the sender)
Is the envelope and message hand-written ?

Faggot is a very old-fashioned term. Hand-drawing an image of a closet is an old-fashioned thing to do, so it suggests whoever sent it isn't young.

Keep it in a ziplock bag, IF anything else turns up, let the Police know.

The main thing is, it's not bothering you or your wife, you're both comfortable and it's not an issue between you.

Mr. Anon hatemail sender will get no satisfaction, so he might up his game. That's the only reason I'd involve the Police at this stage.

Keep it in case you get any more and end up wanting to take them to the police

@rattlemehearties

Your whole back story is irrelevant to the here and now of receiving a homophobic slur in the post. I personally think it should be reported and recorded by the police. If it escalates or not.

Thank you. I didnt think of it like that. The giveaway for me is the use of the local road name- not a business customer I dont think as they would have my 'proper' address and as most of my customers are female I dont think they would use faggot as an insult if they were going to do this. If you were female and wanted to cause trouble would you not use a story of an affair or something? Not call me a faggot -addressed to me?

No, you don't sound unusual! Listen, all I can say is - you worrying about who it is and what their motives are is exactly what this person wants.

They are obviously a bit sad and don't have a happy life so just try to put it out of your mind - I know it's unsettling at first when stuff like this happens (I once had someone key my car). But try not to worry and if you receive anything else definitely contact the police.

You really should tell the police.

This is a hate crime and you don't know that this is the end of it. I'm not trying to scare you, but if something else happens you will wish you had reported this incident. The police will have more to go on if you keep them in the loop about everything.

I agree with PP's that it sounds like someone who knows you had sex with a man all those years ago has probably thought they've found some "dirt" on you and is trying to stir shit between you and your wife. It may be a previous lover or it may just be a random person you've pissed off recently who has decided to go digging around to see what they could find.

Definitely call the police.

Really strange. I would definitely contact the police, it could be that you aren’t the only person getting hate mail and it may be useful. Must be very disconcerting.

This happened to a female friend of mine recently. The sender clearly thought she was a lesbian, and the notes (there were about 6) were homophobic.

The police took it very seriously.

@BlankTimes

Photograph it then have a word with the non-emergency Police for advice on hatemail. I think you have to have two unrequested contacts for them to consider investigating harassment. Tell the Police you suspect it's from someone local because of the quirk in the address.

Is there a postmark still on the envelope?
Was it franked or stamped? (franked may identify the sender)
Is the envelope and message hand-written ?

Faggot is a very old-fashioned term. Hand-drawing an image of a closet is an old-fashioned thing to do, so it suggests whoever sent it isn't young.

Keep it in a ziplock bag, IF anything else turns up, let the Police know.

The main thing is, it's not bothering you or your wife, you're both comfortable and it's not an issue between you.

Mr. Anon hatemail sender will get no satisfaction, so he might up his game. That's the only reason I'd involve the Police at this stage.

All good advice. The envelope was addressed by hand in quite distinctive but older (script style) writing. The inside was a scrawl in red marker. Faggot is a male term of abuse and an older generation I think as you say. Younger generation would not think of it as a term of abuse as everybody is thankfully sex/gebder pisitve to the main extent. The odd thing is that it was opened in mail centre. Why was this? Something inside? If it was to annoy my wife it would have been sent to her? Tge suburb of the city we live in is small so everyone knows everyone. No frank mark.

@Bluebluemoon

No, you don't sound unusual! Listen, all I can say is - you worrying about who it is and what their motives are is exactly what this person wants.

They are obviously a bit sad and don't have a happy life so just try to put it out of your mind - I know it's unsettling at first when stuff like this happens (I once had someone key my car). But try not to worry and if you receive anything else definitely contact the police.

Thank you. I have kids so a little bit of me worries for them.

I knew a family who named their dogs after the in-laws and the in-laws dogs were named after them. Something like Myrtle and Ralph, Sam and Simon.

@LadyPropane

You really should tell the police.

This is a hate crime and you don't know that this is the end of it. I'm not trying to scare you, but if something else happens you will wish you had reported this incident. The police will have more to go on if you keep them in the loop about everything.

I agree with PP's that it sounds like someone who knows you had sex with a man all those years ago has probably thought they've found some "dirt" on you and is trying to stir shit between you and your wife. It may be a previous lover or it may just be a random person you've pissed off recently who has decided to go digging around to see what they could find.

Definitely call the police.

Thank you. But not really any way anyone could know me here from college. Im in another country plus it was hardly 24 hour sex party then! I still think local with the address quirk.

@xmaswiththeinlaws

I knew a family who named their dogs after the in-laws and the in-laws dogs were named after them. Something like Myrtle and Ralph, Sam and Simon.

@xmaswiththeinlaws I think you are on the wrong thread

Faggot is used often by offenders. Regardless of your past relationships, it’s the most offensive term a male would use against a male. We see it often with offenders.
I would contact the non emergency number for police just to log it. Hopefully this is it but you never know.
Sorry that you had to read such a shitty letter.

Faggot isn’t just used by the older generation. See my pp.

LOL at someone using a perceived insult they can’t even spell!

I would be upset and perturbed if this happened to me OP, but I hope you don’t lose too much sleep over it.

@TabithaTittlemouse

Faggot is used often by offenders. Regardless of your past relationships, it’s the most offensive term a male would use against a male. We see it often with offenders. I would contact the non emergency number for police just to log it. Hopefully this is it but you never know. Sorry that you had to read such a shitty letter.

Thank you. You mean jail offenders? Criminals? I think its an older guy who is pissed off about something? Local? and wants to insult me. Not sure about opening any mail in future unless official. Will go to police tmrw at least to log it.

@TabithaTittlemouse

Faggot isn’t just used by the older generation. See my pp.

Ok, but the writing on front was old style- not a younger persons scrawl. Very neat.

@TabithaTittlemouse

Faggot is used often by offenders. Regardless of your past relationships, it’s the most offensive term a male would use against a male. We see it often with offenders. I would contact the non emergency number for police just to log it. Hopefully this is it but you never know. Sorry that you had to read such a shitty letter.

Yeah I didnt like reading it either, not because of the insult but because of the intention behind it.

I would log this with the police.

Someone is clearly out to (try to) cause trouble or intimidate you.

Worse that it sounds to you like it is from someone with local knowledge.

Sorry you are having to deal with this. It is well nasty.

Good grief Mumsnet....

How very peculiar both what happened and the thread.

I suspect absolutely this has nothing to do with your sexuality and it is from an earlier gentleman.

Factor was used by men born in the 1940s and 1950s to refer abusively to men who were artsy, Liberal, stylish dressers, hippies, greens, or vegetarians or anti-Vietnam protesters.

If you've done anything in the community along these lines, I think that is likely to be the cause.

I personally wouldn't bother the police, but it's not unreasonable to do so.

I suspect your perceived Liberal political views have offended someone...does this seem possible?

It's odd that it has no frank mark and was opened at the mail centre. It's also odd that the letter inside is in red marker in a hand that differs from that on the envelope.

Is it possible there is some prankster (perhaps homophobic, perhaps not) at the mail center who opened an unfranked letter meant for you with genuine correspondence inside, removed the genuine letter, and inserted a prank letter in red marker instead?

@mathanxiety

It's odd that it has no frank mark and was opened at the mail centre. It's also odd that the letter inside is in red marker in a hand that differs from that on the envelope.

Is it possible there is some prankster (perhaps homophobic, perhaps not) at the mail center who opened an unfranked letter meant for you with genuine correspondence inside, removed the genuine letter, and inserted a prank letter in red marker instead?

I thought this exact thing. I have lots of customers send me xmas cards although using my business address. Its in a red xmas card envelope but writing is different inside. But surely if mail centre person added this insult in if original (maybe card) was lost then they open themselves up for disciplinary review? If someone went to trouble to hand write the envelope- and were ok with using their normal writing then surely the note inside would be in same writing?