Excruciating situation that I had DEFINITELY NOT thought through. What am I going to do?!

[Diditopknot]

Absolutely delighted to have landed myself a dream job that is just amazing and life changing.
Before I tell you my issue I need to tell you that I suffer from a degree of social anxiety.

I never EVER go to works do’s, party’s, weddings, leaving do’s birthday parties, pubs…ever. I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t own any “going out clothing”.
I’m considerably overweight, old and very introvert.

I have been invited by my new employer to a “company meeting “ which takes place in a hotel over 2 days. Very keen to attend, can’t wait to get started with this amazing opportunity.

The info about the “meeting “ arrived, all good until I get to the bottom… You are invited to dinner at said hotel, meet at 7pm for cocktails, Meal at 8pm, dress code ….1920’s Gatsby “
The whole thing, hotel & train tickets all paid for by the company.

What the fuck am I going to do?
It is so far removed from what I feel comfortable with,
There’s no way I would ever agree to going to something like this!!!!

Black dress
Feather Boa
Headband

Fake it till you make it.

I would feel the same and for all the same reasons as you.

I love the top from amazon, it would look nice over a plain back dress. That is the outfit I would go for. (I too am overweight and painfully shy)

And yes, as someone commented, it might be a first world problem, but it sounds excruciating for all sorts of reasons.

I am sure you will be amazing. After all you would not have got the job if you were not more than a bit special!

I love everything about life in the UK (am an immigrant to these parts) except for Fancy Fucking Dress. I hate it so much.

Good luck, you've had some good advice here.

op I agree - sounds scary - not my kind of thing, either.
But

1. People are people, mostly OK, and many of them - surely - will have similar professional interests to you; always a good thing to talk about. If in doubt, as the old mantra goes, ask someone about themselves or about their job or about their hobbies. That way, THEY have to do the talking. You can just listen and look sympathetic.

2. Remember, not everyone in the 1920s was skinny (as films etc might have us believe) and none of them had the benefit of modern elasticated undergarments.
   This is a pic of real-life fashionable non-skinny 1920s women:
   www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/456552480979030185/?d=t&mt=login
   and here:
   www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/1125968633751392/?d=t&mt=login
   and here:
   www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/798544577656638017/

and
www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/250442429266344658/

Something /anything! loose and low-waisted with a feather boa/fake fur stole and long pearls would be fine. Add a mock-jewelled low-slung belt if you like. Long gloves with sparkly bracelets on top = very typical and easy to do. Am not suggesting that you buy a cloche hat, but, if you can borrow one, they are really great for hiding inside.

@PragmaticWench

Can you fake a migraine at the end of day one, requiring you to retire to your room and 'sadly' miss the evening??

Absolutely DO NOT do this, it will look so bad! I have been in a very similar situation and I really want to reassure you that many of your colleagues will feel the same. You can do it! Dress up, show up, stick on a smile, it won’t be as hard as you’re imagining.

Darling you have the right mindset to grit your teeth and chuck a feather bowa on as you see the end goal. Congratulations on the new role see this as just a little part of your induction. Floaty black frock, a smile and you Will get through it. If it helps I have put on 2 stone during the past 2 years and most folks I know have gained weight so I am pretty sure you won't be the only woman in the company dreading this. Good luck x

I would really hate this sort of thing myself. It sounds like a plain black dress just accessoried up is the way forward.
Very much like presentations, which are my weakness, how about you just practice and rehearse how you will go into this. Have a confident, self assured response for not drinking. No need to lie, apologise, or feel embarrassed for that. Just own it without offering explanations unless asked. Ten keep that minimal and confident.
Think about conversation starters. As you probably know, people just love to talk about themselves. Make it all about everyone else, be interested and smile and radiate confidence and positivity in your posture, your time and general demeanor. You'll do great. If you're feeling shy and unconfident or awkward at times, just fake it, shoulders back, breathe deeply and sit back and observe. Let them do all the talking. x

If there's only 10-15 of them, and they've picked a themed party evening then hopefully there's a lot of extroverts there anyway. I'd go with the previous suggestions of a dress you're comfortable with, and accessories, then you can ditch or keep the accessories depending on how fabulous the rest have gone. Wrt the meal etc. just keep asking them questions, you'll find the couple who can talk for England and then you just need to nod at intervals, ask them another question when they start to dry up. Based on your responses here, I think you're going to rock it, congrats on the new job!

I found this, I think it will look good on larger ladies.

@SmolCat

Am I the only one thinking the dress code is not fancy dress? I think it’s 1920s cocktail glamour but without the funny props?

Maybe get yourself an outfit you can dress up with props and then leave them in your hotel room if no one is going ‘funny’.

Just what I was thinking.

I don’t really get the “dress up as a man and stick on a fake moustache” suggestions for someone with social anxiety. Surely this is going to draw a lot more attention than a nice dress, string of pearls and evening bag (holding headband and fake cig with holder just in case they’re needed).

Go but don't stay long. Important they see your face but to be honest if a new joiner only stayed for a little bit then quietly disappeared it wouldn't be surprising or unusual. One hour - say hello to people (maybe take a break and sit in the loo for a bit - I have done this many times) and then go back to your room and relax.

I would be the same however you def have to go and you def have to embrace the theme. You'll feel more awkward if everyone is dressed up and you're in normal clothes.
There's some fab suggestions on her (the seasalt dress is great and you could use it for other things).
Have an amazing time and please let us know what you wore and how it went!!
Congrats on new job!

I’d forget the boa, by the way. In my experience it’ll shed feathers everywhere, get in your way and leave dye on your neck.

See your GP, they may be able to prescribe something for the anxiety and as you don't drink, it will be fine.
You can find something to wear online but a simple long skirt and shirt would be great (peaky blinders style) and long pearl beads.

Congratulations on the job. I also have massive anxiety at social events but you can do this and you deserve this.

Many congrats on your new job. I think fancy dress is an advantage as you won’t get criticised for having a bad dress sense or being over or under dressed. 1920s gatsby is also pretty easy - look in charity shops to get a necklace and if you feel conscious about your weight you could always try to put on a shawl. Hope you manage to enjoy
www.amazon.com/1920s-Shawl/s?k=1920s+Shawl&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

just them that you are looking forward to the training immensely but will not be attending the dinner, but thank you for the generous offer. no need to explain or justify.

@justbegoodforme

What absolutely ridiculous advice.
Guess you don’t or haven’t had social anxiety before?

‘A few sessions’ doesn’t just fix you magically

This is reminding me of when I started a job whilst at university somewhere I was really considering trying to work at after graduating.

I am incredibly clumsy and hate team sports. I thought I’d left PE long behind. They’d signed me up to play in the team Netball team on the company wide sports day. I had to play half the bloody day against all the other teams in some kind of knock out tournament. I honestly don’t think I touched the ball once, just stood around uselessly on the court trying to chase after the ball and failing to catch it anytime it was thrown at me. It definitely sounds stupid but I hated that day so much. I was so far out of my comfort zone and doing something I thought I wouldn’t have to do post the age of 16.

Don’t buy anything until you have checked out theatrical hire - give them the brief, your measurements & see how you get on. I have taken you at your word that you are a well made woman.

www.largeandlovelyfancydress.co.uk/1920s-costumes-24-c.asp

Blow your new colleagues out of the water by turning up looking ace.

Afterwards , return the costume - after all, it is a performance - & settle back after a job well done.

Great start to your new job!

No hastily bought stuff cluttering up your wardrobe.

@threatmatrix love that costume.
good catch!

I'm also old, fat, with knee boobs and aversion to such gatherings (unless celebrating with close friends). And I have the added bonus of being short

I would wear a pair of wide leg trousers (elasticated or tie waist) with a short collared shirt and thin tie, or a shiny/shimmery top and start from there. Add a jacket or long flowy silky type coat-not-coat or shawl. A big OTT flower on the jacket/coat/shawl, a 1920s style hat or trilby, all dressed up with costume jewellery/accessories - pearl necklace, bangles, cigarette holder, bag, Mary Jane shoes etc. Before the weird world we now live in, my jobs always had quarterly away days and annual away weeks. I have had to find ways of dressing up for so many themes. After a few years I realised - it's all doable with a bit of dressing things up.

You'll have a excellent time! Enjoy

Might help to remind yourself that most people there will be finding it excruciating too! Fake it till you make it 😅

I would wear a black dress and get a headband with a feather on from somewhere like Claire’s my daughter had one. Google some ideas. Congrats on the job, I’m not a drinker so I would be looking at virgin mojitos. Come back and tell us how it went.

Add long beads (tied in the middle) to a plain dress. Add a head band. That's it. Done! A fur coat over the top would be a super addition if you can find one. I'm sure no one will be expecting a performance from you. Just attend. Say hi and leave early. It is courteous that way, and remains professional. Don't overthink it.
Well done on landing a great job!