Excruciating situation that I had DEFINITELY NOT thought through. What am I going to do?!

[Diditopknot]

Absolutely delighted to have landed myself a dream job that is just amazing and life changing.
Before I tell you my issue I need to tell you that I suffer from a degree of social anxiety.

I never EVER go to works do’s, party’s, weddings, leaving do’s birthday parties, pubs…ever. I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t own any “going out clothing”.
I’m considerably overweight, old and very introvert.

I have been invited by my new employer to a “company meeting “ which takes place in a hotel over 2 days. Very keen to attend, can’t wait to get started with this amazing opportunity.

The info about the “meeting “ arrived, all good until I get to the bottom… You are invited to dinner at said hotel, meet at 7pm for cocktails, Meal at 8pm, dress code ….1920’s Gatsby “
The whole thing, hotel & train tickets all paid for by the company.

What the fuck am I going to do?
It is so far removed from what I feel comfortable with,
There’s no way I would ever agree to going to something like this!!!!

You are not alone. I would cringe and Die. In my head the other attendees would all be perfect and I would feel like an intruder...a real chump!

Attend the daytime and then feel unwell for the evening if you really can't do the cocktail but you may feel more comfortable with the people you are working with to attend the evening event so take your costume either way x

Just wear a plain dress and get some beads or a boa, a headband and some gloves..Am sure you have plain black/court shoes they will do.

@MeredithGreyishblue

Congratulations! Black trousers and tucked in white shirt with braces. Simple and won't draw attention!

That's a brilliant idea. Always looks good.

Fake it to make it baby…long black dress string of pearls and feathered head band maybe even a cigarette holder 😉 done…enjoy best you can!

Maybe a quiet word with your new boss that you find work socials like this difficult, that you plan to come but would it be ok if you leave a bit early if you are tired out.

Please don’t do this. It’s part of the job and it won’t go down well. Be yourself. Wear something like that amazing velvet duster coat, lots of long strings of beads and a headband with a feather. You’ll be sober and they’ll be pissed, this puts you at an advantage.

OP you're fab. Come back and tell us how it went.

@Diditopknot I would feel exactly the same as you. I too hate social situations. I don’t drink much, can’t talk in a group, don’t dance, don’t like dressing up etc etc. I really feel for you.

I did an image search for costumes and this stood out as an option that I would feel most comfortable wearing if I had to do a 1920s theme. Not sure I’d like leggings being overweight but I think I’d look for narrow legged black trousers then I’d hide myself under the nice big poncho! Would anything like this be good for you?

[Photo removed by MNHQ as it contained identifying info]

I had something very similar the other week. Similar sized group. One of the women came down to dinner at the last minute, sipped on sparkling water, then left just after dessert. She clearly hated it, but we made conversation through dinner and she survived!

My point is that she was very subtle and I don't think anyone noticed any of this but me. Just respond with warmth and friendliness when people chat to you and you'll be great.

I am sorry the NHS has lost you but the new job sounds great. All the best.

I know exactly how you feel, I had to leave my work as I just couldn’t cope. But please don’t lock yourself in like I have. Get your out fit sorted see if you can meet up with some of your colleagues so you have someone to walk in with, do the same for meal times. Believe me you will not be the only one who finds these things really difficult. Good luck 🤞

It would be easy to sort out a costume. Long black dress and feathery headpiece. Voila!

Ah honey, you sound like such a kind thoughtful lovely person. Why don’t you throw a few basic low key items in the bag… if you physically freeze you could just have a headache OR have to take an urgent call or whatever and skip the party after the meal. No doubt you’ll encounter a similar person who hates all that fuss too and you might have a nice chat. Let us know how it goes

Am I the only one thinking the dress code is not fancy dress? I think it’s 1920s cocktail glamour but without the funny props?

Maybe get yourself an outfit you can dress up with props and then leave them in your hotel room if no one is going ‘funny’.

At least the theme will make conversation easier:

'Oh wow, you look amazing!'

'Where did you get that?'

'At least it wasn't The Tudors...'

Wear your pyjamas! With a cigarette in a holder, and you're done.

Ask your doctor for some Propranolol. It’s a beta blocker and great for social anxiety. I take it just before anything that involves social interaction.

wear smart black trousers / dress and a headband if you feel like making it more G Gatsby.
Congratulations on your new job too sweetie!! X

Totally missing the point of this thread but if it's not too outing could you tell us what type of job have you moved into from the NHS? I would very much like to work at a company that puts me up in a swanky hotel to attend a glamorous party and not one that treats me like some kind of machine that doesn't require water or toilet breaks but will continue to churn out efficiency savings until the end of time.

I have found with many things over the years, that the thought of something is often much worse than the actual thing. You could fake a positive test, a migraine, a family emergency, but that would be a short term solution to a long term situation. You can hide, and sometimes we all want to hide , no matter how socially at ease we are. However if you create an outfit, in whatever style you feel comfortable, and you face your fear and go you will have pushed through the fear and done something amazing .It will never be as hard again. You will not been seen as the one in the office who never goes to anything. You will be a friendly ,valuable part of the team.... who turns up. You don't have to dance, drink be the life and soul. Those people are probably just as nervous as you ;they disguise it with noise.You were brilliant at the interview. You will be brilliant at social events.

Congrats on the new job! ‘Social anxiety R Us’ here! Lol.
Completely understand your feelings. Just wondering, have you thought of solution focussed hypnotherapy? My friend is a fully qualified hypnotherapist and received lovely reviews from clients suffering from all sorts. Mostly anxiety though. (It’s not £100 and it cures all and neither is there a stage in sight).

God I feel anxious just reading that. I totally feel your pain. Lots of good advice on here.

Plain knee-length black dress and a feather boa?

Rather than buying a cheap fancy dress outfit. Checkout Vinted. There are several lovely dresses your kinda size which would be suitable for this type event. Good luck OP, please let us know how you get on xx

www.vinted.co.uk/women/clothes/dresses/special-occasion-dresses/evening-dresses/1422099172-crochet-overlay-champagne-and-black-dress

www.vinted.co.uk/women/clothes/dresses/special-occasion-dresses/evening-dresses/1421862288-party-dress

Don’t know if sorted outfit yet but they have some nice 1920 capes on Amazon. Then any black dress underneath would do, and would still look authentic.
Please post how it goes. I have a work “do” in a few weeks that dreading too, but am now realised should just be relieved it hasn’t got a theme, and is literally only for 3 hours😂.

I would be freaked out by this too mainly because I suffer with IBS which has caused anxiety about eating out, staying away from home etc