Excruciating situation that I had DEFINITELY NOT thought through. What am I going to do?!

[Diditopknot]

Absolutely delighted to have landed myself a dream job that is just amazing and life changing.
Before I tell you my issue I need to tell you that I suffer from a degree of social anxiety.

I never EVER go to works do’s, party’s, weddings, leaving do’s birthday parties, pubs…ever. I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t own any “going out clothing”.
I’m considerably overweight, old and very introvert.

I have been invited by my new employer to a “company meeting “ which takes place in a hotel over 2 days. Very keen to attend, can’t wait to get started with this amazing opportunity.

The info about the “meeting “ arrived, all good until I get to the bottom… You are invited to dinner at said hotel, meet at 7pm for cocktails, Meal at 8pm, dress code ….1920’s Gatsby “
The whole thing, hotel & train tickets all paid for by the company.

What the fuck am I going to do?
It is so far removed from what I feel comfortable with,
There’s no way I would ever agree to going to something like this!!!!

@immersivereader

I'll go instead! Please op, let me!

After WFH and not seeing anyone but DH for nearly a month I feel the same way!

I think you will be great! Not everyone is a party animal. You are important to the company.

I would wear a black trouser suit as trouser wearing women were very forward thinking then!

Hopefully you can find something that you're comfortable in & add accessories rather than a whole new thing that makes you feel uncomfortable/self conscious.

Wide leg trousers, kimono style jacket, plain t shirt under and a couple of ropes of long pearls….job done!

Some of those dresses are fab! MN is great!

I went away for a 20s weekend (for a special occasion birthday, so I did actually want to go), and as well as the cocktail dresses, I also had a pair of flowing black trousers and a velvet chinese-style top, worn with velvet beaded slippers. Very 20s, but also a bit like wearing pyjamas.

We have a lot in common. Good luck anyway.

Nope. Wouldn’t go.

OP, I sympathise, I am shy and introverted but worked in PR since my early 20's as it was my dream job. I spent my 20's and 30's being a drunk basically to get me through the many social events (which everyone else loved) -boozing not recommended but I work in music so it's accepted to a degree and came with the job. Now I don't drink anymore, even Zoom meetings are too social for me. I think you've just got to take a deep breath and get through it - just think, it's only 2-3 hours than you can go home and be alone and feel at peace again.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria

A quick google - there are 1920 accessory sets online. Plain black, cotton, comfortable dress or top-and-trousers and something like this or a feather boa over the top?www. amazon.co.uk/EORUBE-Sequin-Beaded-Evening-Flapper/dp/B0924RKT62/ref=sr_1_15?keywords=1920s+Plus+Size+Flapper+Costume&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1641492940&sr=8-15

This advice and the fake cigarette holder and you are sorted. Congratulations ❤

Sounds scary but no one knows you. Accessorise up, lippy up, get hair-done, big smile and away you go.

I had a similar predicament. As a more fuller figure woman I found Palazzo trousers were perfect. High waisted, silk shell type sleeveless top, flat man like brogues, lots ans lots of beads and a fairly simple headband. Long mock cigarette&holder. Worked perfectly and when I was done with the party the trousers and top were great for wearing again (separately) so didn’t waste a ton of money.

Try EFT - tapping before you go. I social anxiety too and I find it incredibly helpful
Brad Yates is a fantastic EFT practitioner and has lots of helpful videos.
It might seem weird at first but it really works especially if you focus at the start about the thing you are dreading ie the event.

Hey @Diditopknot having not RTFT but indeed having read all of your posts underneath it, I can confidently say that with your sense of humour you will be just fine. I have 4 children - some of whom are autistic - with varying degrees of social anxiety and whilst I myself enjoy a good party I’m also a bit of a hermit… so I get it. I’m our family we have sort of made a muddled commitment in 2022 to building our confidence by facing what we fear. It sounds horrendous but I think it will be good for us all so I hope you can find the same in attending this out-of-your-comfort-zone ‘do’.
Hope you have a ball!

And… hello House of Elliott!! Lush!

@Diditopknot

You lot are belting!

(Apart from the sparkly top that over £100!! Wowzers!!)

Great links..especially love the bras for dangly knee boobs thank you for that.
I still shall not be sporting a bra on work days but shall make an effort on special occasions.

Oh there’s no doubt that they are going to bloody love me, I’m hilarious!
Just not amongst large groups of new people, in settings that are posh and fancy where I can’t wear my pyjamas.

Im looking forward to meeting them all.
I can’t wait to experience this new life.
I’m so excited to be able to do my job fully, brilliantly and without the muddy waters of the broken shit cake that is the NHS.

Exciting times ahead!!

pyjamas are very 1920s if you translate the look into men's smoking jacket or kimono... www.amazon.co.uk/Adult-20s-Smoking-Jacket-Costume/dp/B073ZGX3C5?tag=mumsnetforu03-21... with black trousers/top underneath and maybe the fake cigarette holder you could use it as a fidget thing to avoid blurting out anything you don't want to... Try and find a position near the door with back to wall where you can people watch, could be interesting.

We had a murder mystery evening and one friend wasn't comfortable with dressing up to the same degree. She was a little overweight too. She wore black trousers and a long black tunic top. Long beads and a feather headband. Captured the spirit perfectly and blended in. We could see that she'd made an effort for us and appreciated it. Congratulations on the job!

Black trousers, sparkly top (Yours and Evans have them), a feather boa (as others have said), a pair of ballet pumps with a niw or a bit of sparkle and slap if you want it (but don't feel pressureized to wear make up if you don't want to - although it can be a great disguise). I used to be overweight, a big girl! And didn't have a, lot of confidence in a corporate setting. I used make up as a prop.
Loads of people don't drink alcohol... for health reasons, religion, don't like it. And there will be other people just like you.

Go and enjoy the experience... You will be a better woman for it. The old saying is feel the fear and do it anyway. It will set you free.

Could you pull a last minute +ve LFT? Terribly sorry and all that and after Id worked so hard on my outfit...

A lot of work is acting a part, playing a role and wearing a costume. This is more of the same, but in 1920s clothes. Treat it as a more than usually insane meeting. You can definitely do it, and if you dip out you will feel bad about yourself. If it's any consolation I soon have to go on a 10 day work trip abroad with a number of my male bosses involving multiple dinners etc. I am honoured to be asked and terrified at the same time, and I'm not an introvert. It's perfectly natural for anyone to feel daunted by the occasion you describe, even if they are normally a confident extravert. In fact, it would be a bit weird if they weren't a little nervous. Incidentally, I don't drink either. My trick is to accept alcohol if offered, so as not to make a fuss, I just don't actually drink it. As far as I can tell, no-one has ever noticed. Certainly no-one has ever said anything. Frankly, it is an advantage not to drink on occasions like these. Someone is going to make an idiot of themselves through booze, but it won't be you! As for being 'old' and 'overweight', I am late 50s but so what, I just got promoted, no-one cares. And overweight - well if you are, again, so what. At least half of British adults are. Congratulations on your achievements and go for it.

My CBT therapist taught me to treat such outings as an experiment. See what works and what doesn't.

My social awkwardness means people leave me alone anyway!

Just wanted to say that I completely understand your anxiety. My advice to myself in similar situations is 'remember that it won't last forever and will be over soon'. You've got this! It may be hard, but the evening WILL come to an end. I second the idea of counselling. Good luck!

Ooo 1920's fabulous, maybe pop to a 2nd hand store, grab a loose short sleeved dress and add some tassels around the sleeve area ribbon belt and short healed shoes. Red Lipstick and can rouge your cheeks too. Little trick of mine as l also get very anxious at large gatherings, bring yourself down late for the drinks and then you'd only have the meal which is always easier to handle as you can speak to whomevers by your side. Hope you find this helpful. Well done on getting your new job x

Good luck in the new job!

If it was me, I’d invest in a dress that could be used on every work ‘occasion’ (black with sequins is what I’ve bought) and then buy a couple of cheap accessories from Amazon or eBay eg feather hairband, cigarette holder. After you’ve said hello to everyone, you can discard the accessories but grab if needed to pretend you’re having fun! Or lend to others at the table when they get pissed. And you don’t need to turn up at 7 for drinks. I mean it takes time to get tiara ready

I haven't read the full thread but I'm sure it must have been said that if you aren't comfortable in a dress just wear the 'mens' clothes, smart trousers, a waitcoast or black shirt and braces and an appropriate hat would do the job, maybe a blow up machine gun for something fun.